Teacher :- acha btaao, lock down ar loch-up me kya fark hai .
Pappu ;- madam ji, lock-up me andr le ja kr pytai hoti hai aur lock down me baahr nikalne pr pitai hoti hai. dono me smaantaa yeh hi ki pitai ek hi compani le log krte hain
Pappu ;- madam ji, lock-up me andr le ja kr pytai hoti hai aur lock down me baahr nikalne pr pitai hoti hai. dono me smaantaa yeh hi ki pitai ek hi compani le log krte hain
Jokes
Ma- papa- beta
Papa :- Bete, tailer se mera suit le aaye ?
Beta :- Mai gya to tha pita ji , pr usne diya nhin.
Papa :- Kyon ,tum ne kaha nhin ki Rs, maine is liye nhin bheje ki tum abhi bache ho .Kho doge.
Beta :- Ji kaha to tha. Papa :- To phir ?
Beta :- Us ne jwaab diya..................Kahin tum suit na kho do.
Papa :- Bete, tailer se mera suit le aaye ?
Beta :- Mai gya to tha pita ji , pr usne diya nhin.
Papa :- Kyon ,tum ne kaha nhin ki Rs, maine is liye nhin bheje ki tum abhi bache ho .Kho doge.
Beta :- Ji kaha to tha. Papa :- To phir ?
Beta :- Us ne jwaab diya..................Kahin tum suit na kho do.
Bholu :- Kele kis bhav diye hain ?
Dukandaar ;- 10 Rs. ke 10
Bholu :- Kuchh to km kro.
Dukaandaar :- 10 Rs. ke 8 le lo.
Ek aadmi ki maut ke baad us ka dost us ki ptni ke paas aaya aur bola ," Kya mai us ki jgh le skta hun ?"
Ptni dukhi swar me boli :- Mujhe koi atraaz nhinhai, kabristan walon se poochh lo.
Bhikhari
Ramesh Bhikhari se :- Kl tum langde bne hue the aaj andhe bne hue ho.
Bhikhari :- Babu ji mai tajurba kr raha tha ki kis bhes me bheekh jyadah milti hai.
Mahila bhikhari se :- Tum roz hmaare hi ghar khana mangne kyon aa jate ho ?
Bhikhari :- Ji, doctor ki slaah se .
Mahila :- Kya matlab ?
Bhikhari :- Ji doctor ne kaha hai ki ek jaisa hi khana roz khana hai.
Chalti hui taxi me peechhe baithe passanger ne kuchh kehne ke liye taxi driver ke kandhe pr haath rakha hi tha ki chalk jor se cheekha aur taxi ka balance kho baitha..Taxi footpath pr chad gyi.
Passenger ne kaha :- Mujhe nhin pta thke mere haath lgaane se tumharaa dhyaan bhatak jayega.' Taxi driver ne kaha :- Sahib , aap ki glti nhin hai. Taxi chlaane ka aaj mera pehla din hai. Pichhle 25 saal se mai murde dhone wali gadi chlaa rha tha.
Kanjoos seth naukar se :- Mujhe naukar to chahiye pr bahut kanjoos..
Naukarne kaha :- Sahib mai to kanjoosi me mahir hun. Mai isi kaaran pichhle ghar se baahr hua.
Seth ne poochha kaise ?
Naukar :- Sahib mai pdre kftne aur maile hone ke dr se pehntaa hi nhin tha.
Seth chaunka :- kya ?
Naukar :- Nhin - nhin , kpde to mai pehnta tha pr malik ke.
Mkaan malik :- Saal bhar tumhaari bahut behne aai hain ghar pr.......
Raju :-Ha to?
Mkaan malik :- Agar raksha bandhan pr nhin aai to room khali kr dena.
Hotel ke manager ne tourist se kaha :-Sir jraa is khidki se baahar inder dhanush ka njaara to dekhiye.
Tourist :- Veh to mai dekh loonga , pr tum ise khin bill me na jod lena
Shav yatra me shamil ek aadmi ne doosre ke kandhe pr haah rakh kr poochha ,'aun mraa hai ?"
Doosre aadmi ne gaur se us ke chehre ki trf dekh kr shanti se jwaab diya :- " shav yatra me sb se aage jo aadmi arthi pr letaa hai, veh mraa hai ?
Shrabi
Ek baba ji Deepawali pr updesh de rahe the . Baba Ji :- Achha btaao deepwali pr chlne wale pataakhon me se rocket se tum ne kya seekha ?
Ek sheaabi bola :- Unchaiyon ko chhune ke liye botal ka sahaara lena pdta hai.
100 saal ka ek bajurg daaru pi raha tha. Raju ne poochha :- Baba ji kya peete ho ? Is se liver khraab ho jata hai. Admi jldi mr jata hai.
Bajurg bola :- Kya karun beta , shraab piye bina chain nhin aataa.
Raji :- Aapko koi tokta nhin ?
Bajurg :- Beta, Kya btaaun , jo log toka- toki krte the ,veh sb uper chle gye. Aaj bahut dino baad tum ne toka hai. Apna dhyaan rakhnaa.
Shraabi :- Shraab se jyaada nuksaan to pani ne pahunchaya hai.
Ajay :- Voh kaise ?
Sraabi :- Kyon bhai sahib,kya pichhle saal baad me hjaaron log mre nhin the.
Dost
Ek dost doosre dost ko milne gya to dost ke ghar ki table pr dost aur us ki ptni ki photo rakhi hui thi. Veh bola yaar teri aur bhabhi ki jodi Ram aur Sita jaisi hai.
Dost :- Kahan yaar, aaj tk na to teri bhabhi ko Ravan uthakr le gya aur na hi veh khud dharti ne smaai.
kamal Raman se :-ya hai. Aap ne j madhu makhiyan pali hain, un se koi fyda hua ?
Raman :- Han hua na , mere yaha mehmano ka aana band ho g
Surjit :-Aaiye sir,kaise aana hua?
Sham :- Bache chidiya ghar jane ki jid kr rahe the .Hm ne socha aapke ghar chalte hain.
Sonu - Mujhe aaLsiyon se badi nafrat hai.
Monu :- Unhone tumhara kya bigaada hai. Veh to kuchh krte bhi nhin hain.
Banti tujhe pta hai duniya ka pehla hwaai jhaaj kahan udaa tha
Shanti :-Nhin, tu btaa .
Banti :-Are havaa me uda tha aur kahan.
Raja :- Kl maine ek rocket chhoda jo seedha ja kr chand se tkraaya.
Vinay :- Phir kya hua
Raja :- Phir kya ? Jm kr pitaai hui.
Vinay :- Pitai kyon ?
raja :- Chand mere dada ji ki thi.
Police - judge-chor
Police :- Kahan hai serial killer ?
Bacha :- Yeh rahe mere papa . Ek bhi serial nahi dekhne dete.
Thanedar :- Jb tumhaareyhaan chori hui the to kitne bje the ?
Ramesh :- hm pr 4 laathiya aur bhai pr 2 lathiyan padhi thi.
Thanedaar ;- Are Mai ghadi ka poochh raha hun . Us me kitne bje the ?
Ramesh :- Sahib , ghadi to ek laathi bjte hi toot gyi.
Raju ki gaadi ne 25 logon ko uda diya ,Judge ne poochha :- Tbrak
Raju :- Mai gaddi chlaa raha tha ,pr maine jb brake mari to pta chlaa ki brake to fail hai. Phie maine saamne dekha to 2 aadmi ja rhe theaur doosri or ek barat ja rhi thi,,.........to aap hi btaao mai gaadi kis aur modtaa ?
Judge :- Simple si baat hai jis trf 2 aadmi the . Nuksaan km hota..
Raju :- Bilkul sahi....Maine bhi vahi sochaa, pr veh do aadmi meri gaadi dekh kr barat me ghus gye.
Hawaldar :- Jnaab hm ne shraab se bharaa truck pakad liya hai.
Inspector :-Shabash, Bahut achhe,
Hawaldar :- Ab aage aage kya hukum hai jnaab ?
Inspector :- Ab ek truck soda aur namkeen ka bhi pakad lo.
Polic wala :- Tum ne chori waale maamle m pakdre jaane pr kya seekha ? Chor :- Yahi seehha ki chori vahan se ki jaaye jahan CCTV camera n lgaa ho.
Jailer ne ek kedi ki rihai ke samay us se kaha :- Mujhe umeed hai ki bhavishya me aap koi aisa kaam nhin kroge jis se tumhe dobaara yahan aana pade.
Kedi :- Mai aap ki asha pr khara utrunga. Bhavishya me jb bhi kahin chori krne jaaunga to dustane pehen kr hi jaunga.
Judge ne gvaah se kaha :-Kasam khane ka mtlab to tum samajhte honge ?
Chor :-Ji han, achi trh se smajhta hun. Is ka mtlab yeh hai ki mai jhooth kahun ya sach , ant tk muje usi pr date rehna hai.
Judge apraadhi se :- Tum ne din me chori kyon ki ?
Apraadhi :- Kya krun jnaab, raat m mujhe neend aa jati hai.
Preshan judge ne pappu se kaha :- Mai tumhe aaj isi waqt hwalat bhej rhaa hun.
Pappu :- Lekin charge kya hai ?
Judge sahib bole :- Ghabrao mt,Yahan koi charge nhin hai ,sb kuchh free hai.
Teacher-student
Teacher :- Na tumhe math aata hai, na science, na Hindi, to tumhe aata kya hai ?
Student :- In subjects ke naam sun kr mujhe pseena aata hai
Teacher :- Aisi kaun si sankhya hai jo badti hi jati hai ?
Pappu :- Sir, jansankhya.
Teacher :- Tumhe sb sr achi aawaz kis ki lgti hai ?
Students :- Chhutti ki ghanti ki .
Teacher :- Bacho , jb TV nhin tha tb tum kya krte the ?
Bche :- Sir, tb hm lga kr pdaai krte the.
Math ke teacher bachon se :- Kl ke liye mai tum sabhi ko ek saal dunga .Sb ke sb taiyari kr ke aana.
Doosre din teacher ne poochha :- Btaao, tumhaare sir pr kitne baal hain ?
Ek student :- 8 crore, 70 lacs, 4 hjaar 320.
Teacher :- Yeh tum ne kaise gine?
Student :- Yeh to doosra swaal ho gya sir. Aap ne to ek hi swaal ki taiyari kr ke aane ko kaha tha.
Teacher :- School me dakhile ke samay :- Beta,tumhare dady kya krte hain ?
Student :- Joai. mummy bolti h
Teacher :- Hmein hr kaam ko sambhav bnaane ki koshish krni chahiye.
Student :- Madam ji,to phir apne ek hath me do tarbooj utha kr dikao.
Teahcher :- Murgiyon ki taange chhoti kyon hoti hain ?
Pappu :- Madam, agar murgiyon ki taange lambi hoti to ande toot jate na.
Sarkaari school ke bache kisi ko school me ghaseet kr la rahe the .
Ek bajurg ne dekha to kaha , :- Bacho ise chhod do , padna hoga to khud hi school jayega.
Ladke :- Yeh student nhin ,teacher hai.School hi nhin aataa hai.
Master ji Sanjay se :- Itne din kahan the ?
Sanjay :- Sir, bird flu ho gya tha.
Master ji :- Pr yeh to birds me hota hai, Insaano me nhin.
Sanjay :- Insaan samjha hi kahan hai aap ne ? Roj to murga bnaa dete ho.
Class menaitik shiksha ke path ke dauraan bachon ko "Chori krna buribaat hai" . Yeh smjhane ke baad teacher ne poochha :- achha btaao, ydi mai kisi aadmi ki jeb me haath daal kr rupaye nikaal leti hun to mai kya kehlaaungi ?
Ek bache ne uth kr btaaya :- Us aadmi ki ptni.
Doctor patient
Doctor sahib aap ka parient teek ho rahaa hai , phir aap kyon preshaan hain ?
Doctor :- Mujhe yeh maalum nhin pd rahaa hai ki veh kis dwaai se theek ho rahaa hai.
Ptni :- Pta hai hmaare pdos me doctor rehne aaye hain. Hmein un se mel-jol bdaana chayiye. Na jaane kb kaam aa jayein.
Pti :- Pr tumhe pta nhin hai ki yeh doctor sirf postmortem hi krte hain.
Ptni :- Doctor sahib , mere pti neend me badbdaate hai. Doctor :- Is ka koi ilaaj nhin.
Ptni :- Km se km aisi dawaa to dijiyejis se un ka badbdaana mai saaf sun sakun.
Mahila :- Doctor sahib,kai dino se mere sir me bahut dard ho rhaa hai.
Doctor :- Madam.citi scan krna hoga .
Mahila :- Sirf meri bimari ke liye poore citi ka scan kis liye. doctor sahib.
Neta doctor se :- Meri report jraa meri bhasha me smjhaane ki koshish krein.
Doctor :- To suniye, meri report ke anusaar aap ka blood pressure ghotalon ki trh bd gya hai. Fefde jhutha aashwasn de rahe hain aur hriday tyagpatra dene wala hai.
Doctor :- Tum aaye to peeth dard btaa rahe the lakin asal me tumhare dil ki dhadan kaafi badi hui hai
Patint :- Ji veh to aap ki fees sunane ke baad badi hai.
Doctor ne mareej ko slaah di :- Aap cigarette peena , shraab peena, praai aurton ke peechhe bhagna band kr dijiye
Sanjeev :- Doctor sahib, kya mai aisa krne se theek ho jaunga ?
Doctor :- Nhin, lekin is sb se aap itni bachat kr lenge ke mera bill adaa krne me aap ko koi dikkat nhin hogi.
Doctor sahib aap ka parient teek ho rahaa hai , phir aap kyon preshaan hain ?
Doctor :- Mujhe yeh maalum nhin pd rahaa hai ki veh kis dwaai se theek ho rahaa hai.
Ptni :- Pta hai hmaare pdos me doctor rehne aaye hain. Hmein un se mel-jol bdaana chayiye. Na jaane kb kaam aa jayein.
Pti :- Pr tumhe pta nhin hai ki yeh doctor sirf postmortem hi krte hain.
Ptni :- Doctor sahib , mere pti neend me badbdaate hai. Doctor :- Is ka koi ilaaj nhin.
Ptni :- Km se km aisi dawaa to dijiyejis se un ka badbdaana mai saaf sun sakun.
Mahila :- Doctor sahib,kai dino se mere sir me bahut dard ho rhaa hai.
Doctor :- Madam.citi scan krna hoga .
Mahila :- Sirf meri bimari ke liye poore citi ka scan kis liye. doctor sahib.
Neta doctor se :- Meri report jraa meri bhasha me smjhaane ki koshish krein.
Doctor :- To suniye, meri report ke anusaar aap ka blood pressure ghotalon ki trh bd gya hai. Fefde jhutha aashwasn de rahe hain aur hriday tyagpatra dene wala hai.
Doctor :- Tum aaye to peeth dard btaa rahe the lakin asal me tumhare dil ki dhadan kaafi badi hui hai
Patint :- Ji veh to aap ki fees sunane ke baad badi hai.
Doctor ne mareej ko slaah di :- Aap cigarette peena , shraab peena, praai aurton ke peechhe bhagna band kr dijiye
Sanjeev :- Doctor sahib, kya mai aisa krne se theek ho jaunga ?
Doctor :- Nhin, lekin is sb se aap itni bachat kr lenge ke mera bill adaa krne me aap ko koi dikkat nhin hogi.
PTI_PTNI
Ptni :- Suno ji , doctor ne mujhe achhi sehat ke liye ek mahina baahr ja kr rehne ki slaah di hai. kahaa hai. Hm kahaan chal rahe hain ?
Pti ::- Doosre doctor ke paas.
Ptni :- Aap slim ki ptni ke jnaaje me nhin gye
Pti :- Kis muh se jaaun.Teesri baar ptni ke jnaaje me bula raha hai aur mai use ek baar bi nhin bula sakaa.
Surjeet ko awaraa kutte ne kaat liya . Us ki ptni use hospital le gyi. Doctor ne injection ke baad
Ptni :- Mai roj pooja krti hun.....Kash ek din mujhe Shri krishan kdarshan ho jaye.
Pti :- Ek baar meera bai bn kr jehr pi le .............phir dekh Shri Krishan to kya tujhe saare bhagwan najar aayeinge.
Praveen apne pti se :- Mask pehen lo .
Naveen :- Lekin mai to kahin baahr nhin ja rahaa hun.
Parveen :- Jaanti hun, pr mai ghar me hr samay tumhaari shakal dekh kr bore ho gayi hun.
Ptni :- Chal to rahe ho mayke. Ldna mt . Veh mere papa ka ghar hai.
Pti :- To mere baap ka ghar Kurukshetra hai, jo roz Mahabharat krti ho.
Ek sajjan btaa rahe the ki veh pichhle 20 saal se geeta ka updesh sunte aa rahehain. Ptaa krne pr ptaa chla ki Geeta un ki dharm- ptni ka naam hai.
Deepika apne pri anand se :- Shadi ke baad aap ne mujhe koi sukh nhin diya. Maine to tum se shadi kr ke apni joon ( jindagi ) hi khhraab kr li hai.
Anandgusse se :- Tmhaara to kewal june hi khraab hua hai, shadi ke baad mere to January se December tk sabhi khraab ho gye.
Pti :- Mujhe garm chaye chahiye.
Ptni :-Muh me hi chhan dun kya ?
Chanchal :- Suno ji, mai 2 ghnte ke liye bahr ja rahi hun, Aap ko kuchh chahiye to nhin ?
Pti :- Nhin, itna hi kafi hI.
lADKA-LADKI
Ldka :- I love you
Ladki :- Mai abhi tk is ke liye tayaar nhin hun .
Ldka :- Ab kya han bolne ke liye bhi makeup krna padega.
Ldki :- Abhi kl hi tujhe police se pitvaaya tha. Aaj tu phir aa gya.
Ldka :- Ek baar fail ho jaane pr exam ki taiyaari to nhin chhod dete.
Ptni :- Suno ji , doctor ne mujhe achhi sehat ke liye ek mahina baahr ja kr rehne ki slaah di hai. kahaa hai. Hm kahaan chal rahe hain ?
Pti ::- Doosre doctor ke paas.
Ptni :- Aap slim ki ptni ke jnaaje me nhin gye
Pti :- Kis muh se jaaun.Teesri baar ptni ke jnaaje me bula raha hai aur mai use ek baar bi nhin bula sakaa.
Surjeet ko awaraa kutte ne kaat liya . Us ki ptni use hospital le gyi. Doctor ne injection ke baad
Ptni :- Mai roj pooja krti hun.....Kash ek din mujhe Shri krishan kdarshan ho jaye.
Pti :- Ek baar meera bai bn kr jehr pi le .............phir dekh Shri Krishan to kya tujhe saare bhagwan najar aayeinge.
Praveen apne pti se :- Mask pehen lo .
Naveen :- Lekin mai to kahin baahr nhin ja rahaa hun.
Parveen :- Jaanti hun, pr mai ghar me hr samay tumhaari shakal dekh kr bore ho gayi hun.
Ptni :- Chal to rahe ho mayke. Ldna mt . Veh mere papa ka ghar hai.
Pti :- To mere baap ka ghar Kurukshetra hai, jo roz Mahabharat krti ho.
Ek sajjan btaa rahe the ki veh pichhle 20 saal se geeta ka updesh sunte aa rahehain. Ptaa krne pr ptaa chla ki Geeta un ki dharm- ptni ka naam hai.
Deepika apne pri anand se :- Shadi ke baad aap ne mujhe koi sukh nhin diya. Maine to tum se shadi kr ke apni joon ( jindagi ) hi khhraab kr li hai.
Anandgusse se :- Tmhaara to kewal june hi khraab hua hai, shadi ke baad mere to January se December tk sabhi khraab ho gye.
Pti :- Mujhe garm chaye chahiye.
Ptni :-Muh me hi chhan dun kya ?
Chanchal :- Suno ji, mai 2 ghnte ke liye bahr ja rahi hun, Aap ko kuchh chahiye to nhin ?
Pti :- Nhin, itna hi kafi hI.
lADKA-LADKI
Ldka :- I love you
Ladki :- Mai abhi tk is ke liye tayaar nhin hun .
Ldka :- Ab kya han bolne ke liye bhi makeup krna padega.
Ldki :- Abhi kl hi tujhe police se pitvaaya tha. Aaj tu phir aa gya.
Ldka :- Ek baar fail ho jaane pr exam ki taiyaari to nhin chhod dete.
Bhagat baar-baar bhgwan ko phone kr ke shikayat kr rhaa tha," He bhagwan , bahut thand lg rahi hai, ktni garmi hai,, kaam nhin chal raha hai, umas bahut hai, barish bhayankar hai,bazar manda hai.
Yah sun kr Bhole : -Bhai tere ko duniya me nhin jm raha hai to upar bula lun ?
Bhagat :-Nhin-nhin prabhu. yahin theek hai aur phone cut kr diya.
Mehmaan bache se :- Beta, ghar me sb se chhota kaun hai ?
Bacha :- Mere papa.
Mehmaan :- Voh kaise ?
Bachha :- Kyonki veh abhi tk mummy ke saath sote hain.
Voter :- Yeh jo aap ki ungli pr syaahi lgaate hain , yeh kitne din me niklegi ?
Matdaata adhikaari :- Kareeb 4 mahine me.
Voter :- " Sir aage krte hue ", Kripya mere sir me lgaa dijiye. Dye sirf 15 din hi chlti hai.
America me jb koi bimaar padta hai to us ke shubh chintak kehte hain ," Get well soon". England me ..." Wishing for speedy recovery". Bhatat me :-- Isi bimaari se mera chacha maraa tha.
Ek mashoor lekhika aurton ki aajaadi ke baare me bhashan de rahi thee . Us nejosh me aa kr kahaa :- Mai poochhti hun," Agar aurtein na hoti to mard kahan hote ,"..........Peechhe se aavaaz aai :- Sawag me.
Darwaja kholte hipppu ki widhwa padosan nazar aai .........Padosan :- Bahut hua , ab mujhe bhi bahut jyaadah akelapan mehsoos hota hai.Mai bhi dinner pr jana chaahti hun. Kya aap aaj raat free ho ?
Pappu :-Han mai to aapke liye hamesha free hun
Padosan :- Theek hai , to aaj raat aap jraa mere bachon ka khyaal rakhiyega. Maine kisi ke saath dinner pr jaanaa hai.
Ek tota roz apne malik ko uthane ke liye kehta :- Hujoor, jaago. Aap ne kaam pr jana hai.. .................Malik ki badli punjab me ho gyi. Ek hfte me tote ne punjabi seekh li.
Tota :- Uth oye kanjra :- Km te azz tera pio jayega.
saal pehle hm sochte the ki jis raftaar se technology aage bad rahi hai 2020 aate-aate car daudne lagegi. Pr 2020 aate aate tote hi ud gye.
Shraabi
Shraabi -hai jraa btaana is sadak ka doosra kinaara kidhar hai ?
Rahgeer :- Veh rahaa saamne.
Shraabi :-Kmaal hai , abhi jb mai udhar tha to ek saahib ne btaaya ki doosraa kinaara idhar hai.
Ek shraabi ne doston ke saath party ka program bnaaya aur apne hi ghar se raat ko bkraa chori kiya aur khoob daawat udaai. Subhaa jb ghar pahunchaa to bkraa ghar pr hi khadaa mila . Shraabi ne apni ptni se poochha," Bkraa kahan se aaya"?
Ptni gusse se :- Bkre ko goli , raat se apna kutta gaayb hai.
Ek shrabi :- Pehle Ramayana dikha kr bhagat bnaao aur phir shrab ke theke khol kr ghar-ghar Mahabharat kraao..............Jai shree Ram.
Ek baar ek shrabi ne bahut adhik pi li . Ghar jate samayveh ek pair sadak pr aur ek footpath pr rkhte hue chal raha tha . Ek sipahi ki naza us pr padi. veh us shrabi ko jhakjhorte hue bola ," Tum shrab piye hue ho ".
Shrabi thithak kr khada ho gya aur sipaahi se bola :- Dhanyavaad , acha kiya jo mujhe yaad dila diya ki mai piye hue hun. Vrna mai to apne aap ko langda smjh raha tha.
Kabriastaan ka ek karmchari nashaa kr ke kabar khod raha tha. Veh kabar ko lgaataar khodta gya.. Sham ho gyi.. Kabar gehri ho jane ke karan veh bahr nhin nikal ska aur jor-jor se kehne lgaa:- Khuda ke vaste koi mujhe bahar nikalo. Mai thand se mraa ja raha hun.. Tabhi udhar se guk\jar rahe ek adni ne jhank kr dekha aur bola :- Thand to lagegi hi bhai. Log tum pr mitti dalna jo bhul gye hain.
Baba --- sant
Mandi me pappu :- Pandit ji coronavirus se badaa dr lg raha hai .Kya krna chahiye?
Pandit ji :- Drne ki baat nhin hai. Haath aage kro.
Pappu :- Pandit ji, aaj chrnamrit thoda kadva nhin hai .
Pandit ji :- Are moorkh , veh sanitizer tha. Sfaai ke liye diya tha.
Bhagat :- Baba , padaa-likha hun pr naukri nhin mil rahi, kya karun ?
Baba :- Kahan tk pade ho ?
Bhagat :- Baba, maine BA kiya hai.
Baba :- Ek baar aur BA kr lo, do baar krne se Baba nb jaoge. Naukri ki jaroorat nhin padegi.
2 cockroach ICU me eh doosre ki bagal ke bed pr jakhmi halt me admit the. Ek ne doosre se poochha :- Hit ya chapal
Doosra :- Nahin yaar , yeh ladkiyan bhi dekh-dekh kr itna chillati hain ki heart attack aa gya.
Shopkeeper
Kuldeep dukan pr TV lene gya. us ne dukandaar se poochha :- Tv kitne ka hai.
Dukandaar :- 50,000 ka
Kuldeep :- Aisa bhi kya hai is me , jo itna menga hai .
Dukandaar ;- Yeh light jane pr apne aap band ho jata hai.
Kuldeep dukan pr TV lene gya. us ne dukandaar se poochha :- Tv kitne ka hai.
Dukandaar :- 50,000 ka
Kuldeep :- Aisa bhi kya hai is me , jo itna menga hai .
Dukandaar ;- Yeh light jane pr apne aap band ho jata hai.
Teacher -student
Teacher :- Kya tum logon ko ptaa hai ki puraane jmaane me logon ke paas haadui shakti hoti thi jis ka prayog kr ke ve kisi bhi insaan ko jaanwar bnaa dete the .
Pranav :- Sir, veh shakti to aap ke paas bhi hai ,tabhi to aap hamein murga bnaa dete hain.
Hindi ke adhyapak bachon ko vyaakaran padaa rahe the. Unhon ne bachon se poochha," Aap sb me koi btaaye ki swar aur vyanjan me kya antar hota hai ?
Sonu :- Sir, swar to muh se bahar nikalte hain aur vyanjan muh ke andar jate hain.
Pappu library ja ke puchhta hai ki atmahatya krne ke tareekin ki kitaab ha kya...?
Librarian ne useghoor kr puchha :- Vaaps krne kaun aayega.
Teacher :- Bhariya parivaar ke sadasya ek duusre se pywar krte hain aur ek doosre ki prvaah krte hain . is ka koi udaahran do ?
Ratan :- Bimaar ek hota hai aur khichdi poora ghar khata hai.
Teacher bachon ko group photo dikha kr boli :-Jb tum bade ho jaaoge to is photo ko dekh kr kahoge," yeh raha raju jo America chla gya, yeh raha Ravi, jo Landon chla gya . aur yeh raha Nandu jo yahin ka yahin reh gya.
Yeh sun kr Nandu Aur bola :- Yeh rahi hmaari madam jinka dehant ho gya.
Teacher :- Mr bhi gya to mai tujhe krta rahunga pyaar. Is pankti se kavi kya kehna chahta hai ?
Pappu :- Sir ,is ka matlab hai ki kavi apni premika ko bhoot bn kr draana chaahta hai.
Teacher :- Btaao,chanderma aur prithvi me kya samband hai ?
Radha :- Ji, bhai-behen ka .
Teacher :- Veh kaise ?
Radha :- Prithvi ko hm mata kehte hain aur chanderma ko mama.
Ek professor ne college ke ladkon ko rok kr poochha :- Kl tum log shraab pi kr kooda gadi kheenchte ghoom rahe the.Kya yeh sach hai ?
"Ji ha," ...Ladkon ne sir jhuka kr kaha.
Professor :- Aur mai us samay kahan tha?
Ladke :- Aap us samay kooda gadi me the, shree maan. Ladkon ne saadgi se jwaab diya.
Teacher :- Btaao, veh kaun si cheez hai jo kheenchne se chhotihoti hai?
Student :- Ji, sir,bidi.
Teacher :- Nashedi ki aulaad, tu nikal meri class se baahr.
Hajiri lene ke baad teacher ne poochha :- Hanme sir. , to btaao bachho, mai kl kahan padaa rhaa tha?
Students :- Isi class
Teacher :- Btaao lakdi pani me kyon nhin doobti ?
Kapil :- Kyonki veh terna janti hai.
Class me hindi ke teacher bole :- Greebon ki hmesha madad krte aur gle lgate rehna chahiye.
Sonu :- Ab smjha. ..........................Teacher :- Kya smjhe ?
Sonu :- Is liye papa hmesha naukrani ko gle lgaate hain.
Teacher :- Bacho, aaj school me aap ka pehla din hai. Kuchh poochhna ho to poochh skte ho.
Ek bacha :- Yahan chhutiyan kb se shuru hongi.
School ka headmaster :- Seth ji mujhe bahut afsos ke sath kehna pd raha hai ki mai aap ke bete ko school me dakhil nhin kr skta kyonki school me koi seat khaali nhin hai.
Seth ji :- Aap bache ko dakhil kr le. Is ke liye seat main ghar se bhej dounga.
Chanku ko late aane pr teacher dante hue boli :- School ka time 8 baje ka hai aur tum 9 baje aa rahe ho, kyon ?
Chanku :- Sir aap mera intzar n kiya kro, school shuru kr diya kro. Nhin to bachon ka bhavishya khraab ho jayega.
Science teacher :- Class me so rahe ho kya ?
Raju :- Nahi madam , gurutva aharshan se sir neeche gir raha hai.
Teacher :- Sona adhik kahan hota hai ?
Ramesh :- Ji, Jahan raarein adhik lambi hoti hain, vahan sona adhik hota hai.
Teacher :- Gali me goliyan chal rahi hain ? is ki English bnaao .
Pappu :- Tablets are running in the street.
Prakash priksha hall me preshan baitha tha. Teacher ne poochha :- Kya hua, swaal mushkil hai kya ?
Prakash :- Nhin sir , mai to yeh soch raha hun ki is swaal ka jwab kis jeb me hai.
Sonu teacher se :- Yeh aap ne meri home woerk wali kapy me ghaseet kr kya likha hai .
Teacher :- Itna bhi nhin pd sakte ? Yahi to likha hai ki saaf-saaf likha kro.
Teacher :- Kya tum logon ko ptaa hai ki puraane jmaane me logon ke paas haadui shakti hoti thi jis ka prayog kr ke ve kisi bhi insaan ko jaanwar bnaa dete the .
Pranav :- Sir, veh shakti to aap ke paas bhi hai ,tabhi to aap hamein murga bnaa dete hain.
Hindi ke adhyapak bachon ko vyaakaran padaa rahe the. Unhon ne bachon se poochha," Aap sb me koi btaaye ki swar aur vyanjan me kya antar hota hai ?
Sonu :- Sir, swar to muh se bahar nikalte hain aur vyanjan muh ke andar jate hain.
Pappu library ja ke puchhta hai ki atmahatya krne ke tareekin ki kitaab ha kya...?
Librarian ne useghoor kr puchha :- Vaaps krne kaun aayega.
Teacher :- Bhariya parivaar ke sadasya ek duusre se pywar krte hain aur ek doosre ki prvaah krte hain . is ka koi udaahran do ?
Ratan :- Bimaar ek hota hai aur khichdi poora ghar khata hai.
Teacher bachon ko group photo dikha kr boli :-Jb tum bade ho jaaoge to is photo ko dekh kr kahoge," yeh raha raju jo America chla gya, yeh raha Ravi, jo Landon chla gya . aur yeh raha Nandu jo yahin ka yahin reh gya.
Yeh sun kr Nandu Aur bola :- Yeh rahi hmaari madam jinka dehant ho gya.
Teacher :- Mr bhi gya to mai tujhe krta rahunga pyaar. Is pankti se kavi kya kehna chahta hai ?
Pappu :- Sir ,is ka matlab hai ki kavi apni premika ko bhoot bn kr draana chaahta hai.
Teacher :- Btaao,chanderma aur prithvi me kya samband hai ?
Radha :- Ji, bhai-behen ka .
Teacher :- Veh kaise ?
Radha :- Prithvi ko hm mata kehte hain aur chanderma ko mama.
Ek professor ne college ke ladkon ko rok kr poochha :- Kl tum log shraab pi kr kooda gadi kheenchte ghoom rahe the.Kya yeh sach hai ?
"Ji ha," ...Ladkon ne sir jhuka kr kaha.
Professor :- Aur mai us samay kahan tha?
Ladke :- Aap us samay kooda gadi me the, shree maan. Ladkon ne saadgi se jwaab diya.
Teacher :- Btaao, veh kaun si cheez hai jo kheenchne se chhotihoti hai?
Student :- Ji, sir,bidi.
Teacher :- Nashedi ki aulaad, tu nikal meri class se baahr.
Hajiri lene ke baad teacher ne poochha :- Hanme sir. , to btaao bachho, mai kl kahan padaa rhaa tha?
Students :- Isi class
Teacher :- Btaao lakdi pani me kyon nhin doobti ?
Kapil :- Kyonki veh terna janti hai.
Class me hindi ke teacher bole :- Greebon ki hmesha madad krte aur gle lgate rehna chahiye.
Sonu :- Ab smjha. ..........................Teacher :- Kya smjhe ?
Sonu :- Is liye papa hmesha naukrani ko gle lgaate hain.
Teacher :- Bacho, aaj school me aap ka pehla din hai. Kuchh poochhna ho to poochh skte ho.
Ek bacha :- Yahan chhutiyan kb se shuru hongi.
School ka headmaster :- Seth ji mujhe bahut afsos ke sath kehna pd raha hai ki mai aap ke bete ko school me dakhil nhin kr skta kyonki school me koi seat khaali nhin hai.
Seth ji :- Aap bache ko dakhil kr le. Is ke liye seat main ghar se bhej dounga.
Chanku ko late aane pr teacher dante hue boli :- School ka time 8 baje ka hai aur tum 9 baje aa rahe ho, kyon ?
Chanku :- Sir aap mera intzar n kiya kro, school shuru kr diya kro. Nhin to bachon ka bhavishya khraab ho jayega.
Science teacher :- Class me so rahe ho kya ?
Raju :- Nahi madam , gurutva aharshan se sir neeche gir raha hai.
Teacher :- Sona adhik kahan hota hai ?
Ramesh :- Ji, Jahan raarein adhik lambi hoti hain, vahan sona adhik hota hai.
Teacher :- Gali me goliyan chal rahi hain ? is ki English bnaao .
Pappu :- Tablets are running in the street.
Prakash priksha hall me preshan baitha tha. Teacher ne poochha :- Kya hua, swaal mushkil hai kya ?
Prakash :- Nhin sir , mai to yeh soch raha hun ki is swaal ka jwab kis jeb me hai.
Sonu teacher se :- Yeh aap ne meri home woerk wali kapy me ghaseet kr kya likha hai .
Teacher :- Itna bhi nhin pd sakte ? Yahi to likha hai ki saaf-saaf likha kro.
5 star hotel me ek admi waiter se bola :- Chay laao. ......................... waiter tray me garm pani, sugar cube, chay, tea bag , milk powder rakh gya. .............Admi ne jaise taise chay bnaa kr ki.
Thodi der baad waiter ne poochha :- Sir aur kuchh lenge ?
Admi :- Dekh bhai, mn to pakode khane ka ho raha hai lekin dar lg raha hai ki kahin tu mere samne kadaai, tel, besan, namak, mirch,aur angithi n la kr rakh de.
Raddi wala :- sahab, paper de dijiye.
Sahib ;- Meme sahb nhin hai. Mayke gyi hI, kl aa jana.
Raddi wala :- Achha, phir khali botle hi de dijiye jo aap ne pi kr chhupai hongi.
Thodi der baad waiter ne poochha :- Sir aur kuchh lenge ?
Admi :- Dekh bhai, mn to pakode khane ka ho raha hai lekin dar lg raha hai ki kahin tu mere samne kadaai, tel, besan, namak, mirch,aur angithi n la kr rakh de.
Raddi wala :- sahab, paper de dijiye.
Sahib ;- Meme sahb nhin hai. Mayke gyi hI, kl aa jana.
Raddi wala :- Achha, phir khali botle hi de dijiye jo aap ne pi kr chhupai hongi.
Doctor -nurse
Ek aadmi apni dadi ko doctor ke paas dikhane le gya.
Doctor :- Muh kholo daadi.
Dadi :- Tumhaari bivi roz sham ko tumhaare compounder ke saath ghumti hai.. Bus is se jyadah mera muh mt khulwana.
Doctor :- Tum gatar me kaise gir gye ?
Shraabi :-Badkismati hai. Kya btaaun ? Main hole khula tha. Mujhe lgaa social distancing wala gola hai.
Doctor :- Mai aap ko kaafi davaa de chuka hun. Magar kisi bhi davaa ka asar nhi ho raha hai. Ab mai davaa badal deta hun.
Mareez :- Nahin dotocr sahib . Aap kyon takleef krte hain. Main doctor hi badal leta hun.
Doctor :-Chashma kis ke liye banwana hai ?
Lucky :- Teacher ke liye.
Doctor :- Pr kyon?
Lucky :- Kyonki un ko mai hmesha gdha dikhai deta hun.
Ek baar ek Amarica ka doctor Bharat aaya,. Bus stand pr ek kitaab dekhte hi use dil ka daura pd gya. 20 Rs. ki us kitab ka naam tha," 30 dino me doctor kaise bne.
Mareej doctor se :- Mujhe ek gambhir problem ho gyi hai. Mai bhool jata hun ki ek minute pehle kya kaha tha.
Doctor :- Achha kb se hai yeh smsya ?
Mareej :- Kaun se problem ?
Doctor :- Tumhaara liver phool gya hai.
Mareej :- Is ka matlab ab is me aur jyaadah daaru aa skti hai.
Doctor ;- Aap ke ander iron ki kami hai.
Vinod :- To kya krun ? keelein khaun ya sariya.
Doctor ;- kaise ana hua ?
mahender :- Doctor sahib, tabeeyat theek nhin hai . Liver me dard ho raha hai.
Doctor :- Kya shraab peete ho ?
Mahender :- Han,pr chhota pag bnaana .
Ek aadmi apni dadi ko doctor ke paas dikhane le gya.
Doctor :- Muh kholo daadi.
Dadi :- Tumhaari bivi roz sham ko tumhaare compounder ke saath ghumti hai.. Bus is se jyadah mera muh mt khulwana.
Doctor :- Tum gatar me kaise gir gye ?
Shraabi :-Badkismati hai. Kya btaaun ? Main hole khula tha. Mujhe lgaa social distancing wala gola hai.
Doctor :- Mai aap ko kaafi davaa de chuka hun. Magar kisi bhi davaa ka asar nhi ho raha hai. Ab mai davaa badal deta hun.
Mareez :- Nahin dotocr sahib . Aap kyon takleef krte hain. Main doctor hi badal leta hun.
Doctor :-Chashma kis ke liye banwana hai ?
Lucky :- Teacher ke liye.
Doctor :- Pr kyon?
Lucky :- Kyonki un ko mai hmesha gdha dikhai deta hun.
Ek baar ek Amarica ka doctor Bharat aaya,. Bus stand pr ek kitaab dekhte hi use dil ka daura pd gya. 20 Rs. ki us kitab ka naam tha," 30 dino me doctor kaise bne.
Mareej doctor se :- Mujhe ek gambhir problem ho gyi hai. Mai bhool jata hun ki ek minute pehle kya kaha tha.
Doctor :- Achha kb se hai yeh smsya ?
Mareej :- Kaun se problem ?
Doctor :- Tumhaara liver phool gya hai.
Mareej :- Is ka matlab ab is me aur jyaadah daaru aa skti hai.
Doctor ;- Aap ke ander iron ki kami hai.
Vinod :- To kya krun ? keelein khaun ya sariya.
Doctor ;- kaise ana hua ?
mahender :- Doctor sahib, tabeeyat theek nhin hai . Liver me dard ho raha hai.
Doctor :- Kya shraab peete ho ?
Mahender :- Han,pr chhota pag bnaana .
Dost
Pappu :-Shaadi ke liye 36 gun milaane padte hain phir bhi prem nhin hota, lekin dosti me 3 gun mil gye to kuchh ghanton me hi atoot prem ho jaata hai.
Gappu :- Kaun se 3 gun ?
Pappu :- Murga, cigarette aur daaru.
Boyfriend :- Jaan tumhaara naam haath pr likhun ya dil pr.....?
Girlfriend :- Idhar-udhar kahan likhte ho,agar sacha pyar krte ho to seedhe apni property pr likho. Ladka behosh.
Dost ki shadi me pappu ne itna nagin dance kiya ki dost ka baap bhi poochh baitha," Beta , shadi hone dega ki nagmani le kr hi manega.
Pappu :- Tera Itihaas ka paper kaisa hua ?
Sonu :- Bahut bura. Un logon ne mere janam se bhi pehle ke questions poochh rakhe the.
Ek saheli doosri se :- Jb tu bore ho jati hai to kya krti hai ?
Doosri :- Mai to mall me ja kr ji bhar kr cheezein utha leti hun, phit trolley ko counter ke paas chood kr nikal jati hun.
Billa ne apne dost ravi se kaha :- Itna meetha-meetha bolti hai padosan . Kasam se sugar ho gyi hai. Ravi :- Phir kaise control krte ho ?
Billa Veh to shukar hai ki ptni ka. Kadva-kadva bol ke balance krti hai.
Ram apne dost mohan se :- Yar mujhe itne massage aa rahe hain ki aap ghar pr rheinge to desh surakshit rahega. ...................Mano sare fsaad ki jad main hi hun.
Saalon se bichhude 2 mitra / dost mile. Ek bola :- Dost tum ganje kaise ho gye ?
doosre ne kaha :- Is jeebh ke kaarn.
Veh kaise ? pehle ne poochha .
Doosra dost bola :- Yeh chalti rahi aur sir pr joote padte rahe.
Toni :- Bhai sahib, Is kile me koi bhoot hai kya ?
Guide :- Mai yahan brson se kaam kr raha hun , maine to nhin dekha.
Toni :- Kitne baras ho gye tumhe yahan kaam krte hue ?
Guide :- 300 baras.
Ek baar billu ladki dekhne gya. Use grmi lg rahi thi. Laddki ke pita ne poochha :- Beta , shraab peete ho ?
Billu :- Veh baad me piyunga, abhi cold drink mngva do.
Sunny :- Tum itne kamyab kaise ho ?
Ravi :- Mai hr kaam girl friend se poochh kr krta hun .
Sunny :- Tb to veh bahut samajhdaar hogi ?
Ravi :- Nhin, veh jo bolti hai mai us ka ulta krta hun.
Om gopi se :- Aurtein chalak hoti ja rahi hain
Gopi :- Kya hua ?
Om :- Kl maine mjaak me kaha ki saali adhi gharwali hoti hai.
Gopi :- To phir kya hua ?
Om :- Ab veh meri aadi tankhah ( Kmaai) mang rahi hai.
Banti :- Jaise - jaise umr badti hai aadmi din-pratidin ameer hota jata hai.
Bablu :- Veh kaise ?
Banti :- Budapaa hone pr balon me chandi, sona daanton me, moti aankhon me, sugar khoon me aur mehnge pathar kidney me paye jaan lgte hain.
Manoj :- Yaar , kahan ja rahe ho ?
Boby :- Kaarkhane ja raha hun .
Manoj :- Yaar, kyon ullu bnataa hai . itni badi car tu kaise kha sakta hai.
Single dost :- Yaar, shaadi me 7 phere lete hue chakkar nhin aate kya ?
Shaadi shuda :- Us vaqt to nhin aate , lekin us ke baad jindagi bhar aate hain.
Niraj :- Agr mai nariyal ke ped pr chad jaaun to engineering college ki ladkiyan dikh jayein gi kya ?
Ranjan :- Chad kr haath chhod dena . Engineering college ki to nhin , medical college ki ladkiyan to dikh hi jayein gi.
Veeru khet me bomb ke saath khel raha tha, Kamal ne kaha :- Oye, yeh phat jayega.
Veeru :- Koi baat nahin mere paas ek aur hai.
Shekhar :- Tum Hema se shadi krna chahte the n ?
Amit :- Chahta to tha , pr kya krta ?
Shekhar :- Kyon , tu ne apne taau ke baare me use nhin btaaya jin ki beshumaar daulat ke kewal tum hi vaaris ho ?
Amit :- Are vahi to btaaya tha
Shekhar :- Tb to use tum se shadi kr leni chahiye thi.
Amit :- Ab veh meri taai hai.
Rahul :- Shadi se pehle to ishk rehta hai .
Rohit :- Aur shadi ke baad ?
Rahul :- E nikal jata hai aur shak baki reh jata hai.
Sonu :- Jb ladki bhagne ki dhamki de to ma-baap ko kya krna chahiye ?
Monu :- Us ka mundan krva dena chahiye. 5-6 mhine bhagna to door, ghar se bahr kadam bhi nhin rakhegi ganji..
Rahul :- Yaar, aaj tum udaad kyon ho ?
Amar :- Kya btaaun yaar , hansti thi ,hansati thi, baalon ko lehrati thi. Kuchh soch kr muskrati thi, dekh kr sharmati thi. Aaj pta chla ,kambakht paagl thi aur mujhe paagl bnaati thi.
Rohit :- Yaar, tu apni ptni ko hamesha night club hi kyon le kr jata hai .
Mohit :- Kya karun yaar , jb tk veh tyaar hoti hai, night club ke alaava sb jgah band ho chuki hoti hain.
Surinder ne mahinder se kaha :- Mai mrneke baad apna dimag hospital ko research ke liye daan krna chahta hun
Mohinder :- Achhi baat hai. Tumhara dimag un ke bahut kaam aayega.
Surinder :- Voh kaise ? Mohinder :-Doctors ko bhi pta chal jayega ki jo dimag kabhi istemaal hi nhin hua hai ,veh kaisa hota hai.
Pappu :-Shaadi ke liye 36 gun milaane padte hain phir bhi prem nhin hota, lekin dosti me 3 gun mil gye to kuchh ghanton me hi atoot prem ho jaata hai.
Gappu :- Kaun se 3 gun ?
Pappu :- Murga, cigarette aur daaru.
Boyfriend :- Jaan tumhaara naam haath pr likhun ya dil pr.....?
Girlfriend :- Idhar-udhar kahan likhte ho,agar sacha pyar krte ho to seedhe apni property pr likho. Ladka behosh.
Dost ki shadi me pappu ne itna nagin dance kiya ki dost ka baap bhi poochh baitha," Beta , shadi hone dega ki nagmani le kr hi manega.
Pappu :- Tera Itihaas ka paper kaisa hua ?
Sonu :- Bahut bura. Un logon ne mere janam se bhi pehle ke questions poochh rakhe the.
Ek saheli doosri se :- Jb tu bore ho jati hai to kya krti hai ?
Doosri :- Mai to mall me ja kr ji bhar kr cheezein utha leti hun, phit trolley ko counter ke paas chood kr nikal jati hun.
Billa ne apne dost ravi se kaha :- Itna meetha-meetha bolti hai padosan . Kasam se sugar ho gyi hai. Ravi :- Phir kaise control krte ho ?
Billa Veh to shukar hai ki ptni ka. Kadva-kadva bol ke balance krti hai.
Ram apne dost mohan se :- Yar mujhe itne massage aa rahe hain ki aap ghar pr rheinge to desh surakshit rahega. ...................Mano sare fsaad ki jad main hi hun.
Saalon se bichhude 2 mitra / dost mile. Ek bola :- Dost tum ganje kaise ho gye ?
doosre ne kaha :- Is jeebh ke kaarn.
Veh kaise ? pehle ne poochha .
Doosra dost bola :- Yeh chalti rahi aur sir pr joote padte rahe.
Toni :- Bhai sahib, Is kile me koi bhoot hai kya ?
Guide :- Mai yahan brson se kaam kr raha hun , maine to nhin dekha.
Toni :- Kitne baras ho gye tumhe yahan kaam krte hue ?
Guide :- 300 baras.
Ek baar billu ladki dekhne gya. Use grmi lg rahi thi. Laddki ke pita ne poochha :- Beta , shraab peete ho ?
Billu :- Veh baad me piyunga, abhi cold drink mngva do.
Sunny :- Tum itne kamyab kaise ho ?
Ravi :- Mai hr kaam girl friend se poochh kr krta hun .
Sunny :- Tb to veh bahut samajhdaar hogi ?
Ravi :- Nhin, veh jo bolti hai mai us ka ulta krta hun.
Om gopi se :- Aurtein chalak hoti ja rahi hain
Gopi :- Kya hua ?
Om :- Kl maine mjaak me kaha ki saali adhi gharwali hoti hai.
Gopi :- To phir kya hua ?
Om :- Ab veh meri aadi tankhah ( Kmaai) mang rahi hai.
Banti :- Jaise - jaise umr badti hai aadmi din-pratidin ameer hota jata hai.
Bablu :- Veh kaise ?
Banti :- Budapaa hone pr balon me chandi, sona daanton me, moti aankhon me, sugar khoon me aur mehnge pathar kidney me paye jaan lgte hain.
Manoj :- Yaar , kahan ja rahe ho ?
Boby :- Kaarkhane ja raha hun .
Manoj :- Yaar, kyon ullu bnataa hai . itni badi car tu kaise kha sakta hai.
Single dost :- Yaar, shaadi me 7 phere lete hue chakkar nhin aate kya ?
Shaadi shuda :- Us vaqt to nhin aate , lekin us ke baad jindagi bhar aate hain.
Niraj :- Agr mai nariyal ke ped pr chad jaaun to engineering college ki ladkiyan dikh jayein gi kya ?
Ranjan :- Chad kr haath chhod dena . Engineering college ki to nhin , medical college ki ladkiyan to dikh hi jayein gi.
Veeru khet me bomb ke saath khel raha tha, Kamal ne kaha :- Oye, yeh phat jayega.
Veeru :- Koi baat nahin mere paas ek aur hai.
Shekhar :- Tum Hema se shadi krna chahte the n ?
Amit :- Chahta to tha , pr kya krta ?
Shekhar :- Kyon , tu ne apne taau ke baare me use nhin btaaya jin ki beshumaar daulat ke kewal tum hi vaaris ho ?
Amit :- Are vahi to btaaya tha
Shekhar :- Tb to use tum se shadi kr leni chahiye thi.
Amit :- Ab veh meri taai hai.
Rahul :- Shadi se pehle to ishk rehta hai .
Rohit :- Aur shadi ke baad ?
Rahul :- E nikal jata hai aur shak baki reh jata hai.
Sonu :- Jb ladki bhagne ki dhamki de to ma-baap ko kya krna chahiye ?
Monu :- Us ka mundan krva dena chahiye. 5-6 mhine bhagna to door, ghar se bahr kadam bhi nhin rakhegi ganji..
Rahul :- Yaar, aaj tum udaad kyon ho ?
Amar :- Kya btaaun yaar , hansti thi ,hansati thi, baalon ko lehrati thi. Kuchh soch kr muskrati thi, dekh kr sharmati thi. Aaj pta chla ,kambakht paagl thi aur mujhe paagl bnaati thi.
Rohit :- Yaar, tu apni ptni ko hamesha night club hi kyon le kr jata hai .
Mohit :- Kya karun yaar , jb tk veh tyaar hoti hai, night club ke alaava sb jgah band ho chuki hoti hain.
Surinder ne mahinder se kaha :- Mai mrneke baad apna dimag hospital ko research ke liye daan krna chahta hun
Mohinder :- Achhi baat hai. Tumhara dimag un ke bahut kaam aayega.
Surinder :- Voh kaise ? Mohinder :-Doctors ko bhi pta chal jayega ki jo dimag kabhi istemaal hi nhin hua hai ,veh kaisa hota hai.
Pti-ptni
Pti :- Jb tumhaare paas licence tha to phir tumhaara chalan kyon kta?
Ptni :- Usme meri photo achhi nhin thi. Is liye police walon ko dikhaya hi nhin.
ptni :- Inspector sahib , kb mileinge mere pti ? Aaj 4 din ho gye hain.
Inspector :- Mileige-mileinge. Jaldi hi mileinge . Dekhiye, kl hi hmein Highway pr un ke mauje mile hain,,voh hj shuru kr denge.m ne apne khoji kutton ko sunghaaye hain. Bs kutton ke hosh me aate hi hm kho
Ptni :- Hr Sunday jo tum machhli pkdne jaate ho na ......
Pti :- Han-han, to kya hua ?
Ptni :- Veh aaz ghar aai thi.
Ptni ne mote-mote aansu bhar kr kaha :- Iss mue lockdown ki vajah se to meri haisiyat ek naukraani jaisi ho gyi hai.
Pti ne kaha :- Bhagwan, bartan - bhande maine dhoye, kapde maine dhoye, jhadu-poche se le kr ghar ka hr kaam maine kiya to tu naukraani kaise ho gyi ?
Ptni boli :- Naukar ki bivi naukraani hi hui na.
Ptni pti se :- Dekho ji meri jeebh pr chhale ho gye hain.
Pti :- Tum ise Aakhir tum ise aaraam to krne nhin deti .Aakhir yahi hona tha.
. ...... .Koi la kero raha hai to koi laneke liye ro raha hai.
Ptni :- Lock down khatam ho jane ke baad bhi mai aap ko office nhin jane dungi.
Pti :- Kyon ?
ptni :- Mujhe kaamwali se jyaadah tumhara kaam achha lagaa.
Ptni :- aji, kya yeh sach hai ki paisa bolta hai ?
Pti :- Ha, kehte to aisa hi hain.
Ptni ;- To mujhe huchh paise de jana . Mai akeli ghar me baithi bore hoti rehti hun.
Ptniyon ko chahat :- Husband hmaara aisa ho,Pocket me jis ki paisa ho. Lambi jis ki hight ho, Gusse me veh light ho. Jb saas se meri fight ho,kahe --janu tum hi right ho.
Ptni :- Tumhe kuchh yaad bhi rehta hai, aaj hmaari shadi ki saal girh hai.
Pti :- Oh ! Mai to bhool hi gya tha. Aao, 2 minute ka maun rakhein.
Ptni :- Is narak me tumhaari gulami krte mai tang aa chuki hun.. Lgta hai maine pichhle janam me bahut bure karam kiye honge.
Pti :- To ab to ache kr lo. Mayke jaao aur mere ghar ko swarg bnaao.
Ptni - Achha btaao , hm pani kyon peete hain ?
Pti :- Kyonki hm pani ko chabba nhin skte.
Rohit :-Shadi- shuda jindagi ka mjaa hi alag hota hai.
Gagan :- Veh kaise ?
Rohit :- Khaane ko kuchh mile na mile, sunane ko bharpoor mil jata hai.
Ptni :- Shraab peene ke baad aap bahut handsome lgte hain.
apti :- Lekin aaj to maine nhin pi hai.
Ptni :- Aaj maine pi hai.
Pti bore ho raha tha, us ne ptni ko bandariya bol diya..........3 ghante kb nikal gye, pta hi nhin chla. Aur use 200-250 nye jaanvron ke naam bhi pta chle.
Manoj ne apni ptni se poochha :- Darling, yadi mujhe kuchh ho gya to kya tum doosri shadi kr logi ?
Ptni :- Nhin kabhi nhin. Mai apna baaki ka jiwan apni behen ke paas reh kr gujaar doongi lekin doosri shadi nhin krungi. Han, yeh to btaao yadi mujhe kuchh ho gya to kya tum doosri shaadi kr loge ?
Manoj :- Bilkul nhin . Mai bhi tumhaari behen ke saath hi baaki ka jiwan gujaar loonga.
Pti ptni se :- Aaz meine youtube se 3 operation krne seekh liye hain. Tere rishtedaaron ko heart , kideny ya phephdon ka operation krwana ho to kehna.
Ptni :- Yehtobahut hi khatarnaak prayog hai. Aise koi vedio dekh kr kuchh nhin aa jata.
Pti :- To phir tu cooking ke vedio dekh dekh kr aise behad khatarnaak prayog muh jpr kyon krti rehti hai.
Pti :- Jb tumhaare paas licence tha to phir tumhaara chalan kyon kta?
Ptni :- Usme meri photo achhi nhin thi. Is liye police walon ko dikhaya hi nhin.
ptni :- Inspector sahib , kb mileinge mere pti ? Aaj 4 din ho gye hain.
Inspector :- Mileige-mileinge. Jaldi hi mileinge . Dekhiye, kl hi hmein Highway pr un ke mauje mile hain,,voh hj shuru kr denge.m ne apne khoji kutton ko sunghaaye hain. Bs kutton ke hosh me aate hi hm kho
Ptni :- Hr Sunday jo tum machhli pkdne jaate ho na ......
Pti :- Han-han, to kya hua ?
Ptni :- Veh aaz ghar aai thi.
Ptni ne mote-mote aansu bhar kr kaha :- Iss mue lockdown ki vajah se to meri haisiyat ek naukraani jaisi ho gyi hai.
Pti ne kaha :- Bhagwan, bartan - bhande maine dhoye, kapde maine dhoye, jhadu-poche se le kr ghar ka hr kaam maine kiya to tu naukraani kaise ho gyi ?
Ptni boli :- Naukar ki bivi naukraani hi hui na.
Ptni pti se :- Dekho ji meri jeebh pr chhale ho gye hain.
Pti :- Tum ise Aakhir tum ise aaraam to krne nhin deti .Aakhir yahi hona tha.
. ...... .Koi la kero raha hai to koi laneke liye ro raha hai.
Ptni :- Lock down khatam ho jane ke baad bhi mai aap ko office nhin jane dungi.
Pti :- Kyon ?
ptni :- Mujhe kaamwali se jyaadah tumhara kaam achha lagaa.
Ptni :- aji, kya yeh sach hai ki paisa bolta hai ?
Pti :- Ha, kehte to aisa hi hain.
Ptni ;- To mujhe huchh paise de jana . Mai akeli ghar me baithi bore hoti rehti hun.
Ptniyon ko chahat :- Husband hmaara aisa ho,Pocket me jis ki paisa ho. Lambi jis ki hight ho, Gusse me veh light ho. Jb saas se meri fight ho,kahe --janu tum hi right ho.
Ptni :- Tumhe kuchh yaad bhi rehta hai, aaj hmaari shadi ki saal girh hai.
Pti :- Oh ! Mai to bhool hi gya tha. Aao, 2 minute ka maun rakhein.
Ptni :- Is narak me tumhaari gulami krte mai tang aa chuki hun.. Lgta hai maine pichhle janam me bahut bure karam kiye honge.
Pti :- To ab to ache kr lo. Mayke jaao aur mere ghar ko swarg bnaao.
Ptni - Achha btaao , hm pani kyon peete hain ?
Pti :- Kyonki hm pani ko chabba nhin skte.
Rohit :-Shadi- shuda jindagi ka mjaa hi alag hota hai.
Gagan :- Veh kaise ?
Rohit :- Khaane ko kuchh mile na mile, sunane ko bharpoor mil jata hai.
Ptni :- Shraab peene ke baad aap bahut handsome lgte hain.
apti :- Lekin aaj to maine nhin pi hai.
Ptni :- Aaj maine pi hai.
Pti bore ho raha tha, us ne ptni ko bandariya bol diya..........3 ghante kb nikal gye, pta hi nhin chla. Aur use 200-250 nye jaanvron ke naam bhi pta chle.
Manoj ne apni ptni se poochha :- Darling, yadi mujhe kuchh ho gya to kya tum doosri shadi kr logi ?
Ptni :- Nhin kabhi nhin. Mai apna baaki ka jiwan apni behen ke paas reh kr gujaar doongi lekin doosri shadi nhin krungi. Han, yeh to btaao yadi mujhe kuchh ho gya to kya tum doosri shaadi kr loge ?
Manoj :- Bilkul nhin . Mai bhi tumhaari behen ke saath hi baaki ka jiwan gujaar loonga.
Pti ptni se :- Aaz meine youtube se 3 operation krne seekh liye hain. Tere rishtedaaron ko heart , kideny ya phephdon ka operation krwana ho to kehna.
Ptni :- Yehtobahut hi khatarnaak prayog hai. Aise koi vedio dekh kr kuchh nhin aa jata.
Pti :- To phir tu cooking ke vedio dekh dekh kr aise behad khatarnaak prayog muh jpr kyon krti rehti hai.
Police chor
Ek ladki teji se scooty pr
Surjieet ghar me ghuse chor pr pistol tane hue ;- Chup-chaap sara maal almari me vaaps rakh do.
Chor :- Saara kaise rakh dun. Adha to aap ke padosi ka hai.
Chor chori krte pkdaa jane pr adaalat me magistrate ke saamne pesh kiya gya to magistrate ne kaha ," Tumaari jeb me jo kuchh bhi ho , veh sb mej pr rakh do".
Chor :- Veh to srasar anyaya hai hujoor, maal ka aadha - aadha kiya jana chahiye.
Police Tumhare saare kagzaat theek hain ,lekin fine lgrga 2000 ka.
Gaadi wala :- Sir, sb kaagz theek hain to hhir fine kis baat ka ?
Police :- Tum nesaare kagzaat sambhaal kr polithin me rakhe hain aur polithin pr ban hai.
Police :- Aap ko thodi der me faansi de di jayegi. Aap ki akhiri khvaish kya hai ?
Kaidi :- Kripya mera sir neeche aur pair uper kr ke faansi dijiye.
Jailer :- Ab jail se chhoot kr kya kroge ?
Kaidi :- Jewelry ki dukan kholunga.
Kailer : Paise to tumhare paas hain nhin. Jewelry ki dukan kholne ke liye paise kahan se laaoge ?
Kaidi :- Hujoot, jewelry ki dukan khole ke liye sirf ek hathode ki jaroorat hoti hai.
Malik- naukar ,dukaandar
Ranjan ne dukaandar se poochha:- Kya tum koyla black krte ho ?
Dukaandar :- Nhin bhai, mai koyla black nhin krta, yeh to kudarti black hota hai.
Naukar aalas me padaa raha .Thode der baad bhi machhar gunguna rahe the . Malik ne phir nauukar se kaha :-Machhar maare nhin kya ?
Naukar :- Machhar to kb ke maar diye the . Yeh to un ki ptniyon ke rone ki aavaaz hai.
Ek vayakti ne neta ji ke bete se poochha :- Bete, kya aap bta skte hai ki sb se bada daan kaun sa hota hai ?
Neta ji ka beta :- Mere pita ji kehte hai ki aaj ke yug me sb se bada daan mtdaan hota hai.
Ek ladki teji se scooty pr
Surjieet ghar me ghuse chor pr pistol tane hue ;- Chup-chaap sara maal almari me vaaps rakh do.
Chor :- Saara kaise rakh dun. Adha to aap ke padosi ka hai.
Chor chori krte pkdaa jane pr adaalat me magistrate ke saamne pesh kiya gya to magistrate ne kaha ," Tumaari jeb me jo kuchh bhi ho , veh sb mej pr rakh do".
Chor :- Veh to srasar anyaya hai hujoor, maal ka aadha - aadha kiya jana chahiye.
Police Tumhare saare kagzaat theek hain ,lekin fine lgrga 2000 ka.
Gaadi wala :- Sir, sb kaagz theek hain to hhir fine kis baat ka ?
Police :- Tum nesaare kagzaat sambhaal kr polithin me rakhe hain aur polithin pr ban hai.
Police :- Aap ko thodi der me faansi de di jayegi. Aap ki akhiri khvaish kya hai ?
Kaidi :- Kripya mera sir neeche aur pair uper kr ke faansi dijiye.
Jailer :- Ab jail se chhoot kr kya kroge ?
Kaidi :- Jewelry ki dukan kholunga.
Kailer : Paise to tumhare paas hain nhin. Jewelry ki dukan kholne ke liye paise kahan se laaoge ?
Kaidi :- Hujoot, jewelry ki dukan khole ke liye sirf ek hathode ki jaroorat hoti hai.
Malik- naukar ,dukaandar
Ranjan ne dukaandar se poochha:- Kya tum koyla black krte ho ?
Dukaandar :- Nhin bhai, mai koyla black nhin krta, yeh to kudarti black hota hai.
Naukar aalas me padaa raha .Thode der baad bhi machhar gunguna rahe the . Malik ne phir nauukar se kaha :-Machhar maare nhin kya ?
Naukar :- Machhar to kb ke maar diye the . Yeh to un ki ptniyon ke rone ki aavaaz hai.
Ek vayakti ne neta ji ke bete se poochha :- Bete, kya aap bta skte hai ki sb se bada daan kaun sa hota hai ?
Neta ji ka beta :- Mere pita ji kehte hai ki aaj ke yug me sb se bada daan mtdaan hota hai.
Ladka -ladki
Ek kanjoos baniya ladke ko baniya ladki se pyar ho gya. Baniya ladki :-Jb pita ji so jaayeinge to mai gali me sikka giraaungi. Aavaz sun kr turant andar aa jana. Lekin ladka sikka giraane ke ek ghante ke baad aayaa.
Ladki :- Itni der kyon lagaa di ?
Ladka :- Voh mai sikka dhoond rahtha tha....
Ladki :- Are paagal, voh to maine dhaga baandh kr giraaya tha, Vaaps kheench liya.
Ladki:-.Prson meri shadihAb kyon aayebho meri jindagi me vaaps?
Ladka :- Tent lgaane ka kaam hm ko hi mila hai. Ab tere chakkarme kaam dhandha bhi chhod dein kya ?
Premika premi se :- Meri jeebh me chhale nikal aaye hain.
Premi :- Kabhi use aaraam krne nhin deti, yahi to hoga.
Ek kanjoos baniya ladke ko baniya ladki se pyar ho gya. Baniya ladki :-Jb pita ji so jaayeinge to mai gali me sikka giraaungi. Aavaz sun kr turant andar aa jana. Lekin ladka sikka giraane ke ek ghante ke baad aayaa.
Ladki :- Itni der kyon lagaa di ?
Ladka :- Voh mai sikka dhoond rahtha tha....
Ladki :- Are paagal, voh to maine dhaga baandh kr giraaya tha, Vaaps kheench liya.
Ladki:-.Prson meri shadihAb kyon aayebho meri jindagi me vaaps?
Ladka :- Tent lgaane ka kaam hm ko hi mila hai. Ab tere chakkarme kaam dhandha bhi chhod dein kya ?
Premika premi se :- Meri jeebh me chhale nikal aaye hain.
Premi :- Kabhi use aaraam krne nhin deti, yahi to hoga.
Girl friend :- Yeh raar, yeh hvaayein, yeh chandni, yeh ghtaayein, yeh vaadiyan..............
Ladka :- Yeh romantik ho rahi hai ya mausam ka haal suna rahi hai.
Ladka ladki se poochhne lagaBache kaise hota hain ?
Ladki :- Chup
Ladka :- Bataa do na please .
Ladki :- Bola na , nhin pta ?
Ladka :- Vaise to sb jaanti ho . Itna bhi nhin pta ki bache shraarti hote hai.
Ma-Beta -Bahu - saas
Ma :- Btaao beta , agle janam me tun kya bananaa chahte ho ?
Beta :-Ma mai Giraffe bananna chahta hun.
Ma- Lekin tum giraffe kyon bananaa chahte ho ?
Beta :- Taaki aap mera kaan na madod skein.
Ma :- Beta sudhir, kya tum ne bijli ka bill dekha hai ?
Beta :- Kya keh rahi hain mat ji, bijli kb se bill me rehne lgi ?
Shaadi se pehle saas ki demand :- Ladki sunder ho, padi-likhi ho, ameer ho, km umar ki ho, ghar kekaam-kaaj jaanti ho.
Ladki ki bs ek demand :- saas naho.
Saas bahu se :- Jb mai pregnant thi tb maine jo kuchh bhi khaya , aaj bete ko hr voh cheez behad pasand hai.
Bahu :- Ma ji , jo bhi ho , lekin aap ko cigarette aur daaru se bachna chahiye tha.
Nai bahu sasural me jaldi uth gyi to saas boli :- So ja bea, abhi itni jaldi uthne ki kya jaldi hai.
Bahu :- Nahi mummi ji , abhi to mobile pr apna status change krna hai. Sb ko good morning ka massage send krna hai. Us ke baad bs so hi rahi hun.Jb aap utho tb meri bhi chaye bna kr aavaz lga dena , mai uth jaungi.
Ma :- Beta ,tu baal kyon nhin ktwaataa ?
Beta:- Oh ma. yeh fasion hai.
Ma :- Are Nalayk , Teri behen ko ladkewale aaye the , veh tujhe pasannd kr ke chle gye hain.
Mummy :- Le beta khana kha le .
Beta :- Mujh se nhin khaya jata us ke bgair.
Mummy:- Kaun hai voh dayan ?
Beta :- Rayta, mummy rayta.
Papap :- Beta, mai chahta hun tum shraarti bachon se hamesha door raho.
Beta :- Pita ji isiliye to mai school nahin jata.
DADA-POTA
Pota :- Dada ji aap ne kaun - kaun se desh ki yatra ki hai ?
Dada :- Beta maine Pakistan, kazakhstan, Afghanistan aur Turkmenistan ki yatra ki hai.
Pota :- Ab kaun se desh ki yatra krni hai ?
Peechhe se chhota pota bola :-Kbristan ki.
Ma :- Btaao beta , agle janam me tun kya bananaa chahte ho ?
Beta :-Ma mai Giraffe bananna chahta hun.
Ma- Lekin tum giraffe kyon bananaa chahte ho ?
Beta :- Taaki aap mera kaan na madod skein.
Ma :- Beta sudhir, kya tum ne bijli ka bill dekha hai ?
Beta :- Kya keh rahi hain mat ji, bijli kb se bill me rehne lgi ?
Shaadi se pehle saas ki demand :- Ladki sunder ho, padi-likhi ho, ameer ho, km umar ki ho, ghar kekaam-kaaj jaanti ho.
Ladki ki bs ek demand :- saas naho.
Saas bahu se :- Jb mai pregnant thi tb maine jo kuchh bhi khaya , aaj bete ko hr voh cheez behad pasand hai.
Bahu :- Ma ji , jo bhi ho , lekin aap ko cigarette aur daaru se bachna chahiye tha.
Nai bahu sasural me jaldi uth gyi to saas boli :- So ja bea, abhi itni jaldi uthne ki kya jaldi hai.
Bahu :- Nahi mummi ji , abhi to mobile pr apna status change krna hai. Sb ko good morning ka massage send krna hai. Us ke baad bs so hi rahi hun.Jb aap utho tb meri bhi chaye bna kr aavaz lga dena , mai uth jaungi.
Ma :- Beta ,tu baal kyon nhin ktwaataa ?
Beta:- Oh ma. yeh fasion hai.
Ma :- Are Nalayk , Teri behen ko ladkewale aaye the , veh tujhe pasannd kr ke chle gye hain.
Mummy :- Le beta khana kha le .
Beta :- Mujh se nhin khaya jata us ke bgair.
Mummy:- Kaun hai voh dayan ?
Beta :- Rayta, mummy rayta.
Papap :- Beta, mai chahta hun tum shraarti bachon se hamesha door raho.
Beta :- Pita ji isiliye to mai school nahin jata.
DADA-POTA
Pota :- Dada ji aap ne kaun - kaun se desh ki yatra ki hai ?
Dada :- Beta maine Pakistan, kazakhstan, Afghanistan aur Turkmenistan ki yatra ki hai.
Pota :- Ab kaun se desh ki yatra krni hai ?
Peechhe se chhota pota bola :-Kbristan ki.
Bunty airport se baahr nikal raha tha . Vahan bahut bheed thi. Security guard ne kaha :- Wait sir.
Bunty ne tpaak se kaha :- 65 kg.aur aage bd gya.
Ek aadmi ko khambe pr lge poster pdne ka bahut shauk tha. Ek raat andhera hone ke kaarn us se poster padaa na gya.Veh khambe pr chad gya. Paas ja kr dekha :- Vahan likha tha .......Khambe pr nya paint kiya hai , is ko haath na lgaana.
Bunty ne tpaak se kaha :- 65 kg.aur aage bd gya.
Ek aadmi ko khambe pr lge poster pdne ka bahut shauk tha. Ek raat andhera hone ke kaarn us se poster padaa na gya.Veh khambe pr chad gya. Paas ja kr dekha :- Vahan likha tha .......Khambe pr nya paint kiya hai , is ko haath na lgaana.
Jokes in written
Truck driver
bablu teji se truck chla raha tha . Chlate samay veh steering chhod kr moochhon ko taav dene lgta. 4-5 baar us ke aisa krne pr bagal me baitha niraj ghbra kr bola :- Ustad , aap steering sambhalo, moochhon pr taav dene ka kaamm mai sambhalta hun.
Mkaan malik :- Poora saal tumhaari bahut behne aayi hain................Agar rakhshs bandhan r nhin aayi to beta kmra khali kr dena.
Anvar ek shadi ki reception me gya. Vahan kuchh log ice cream lene walon ke maathe pr sunder tilak lga rahe the. Yeh dekh Anvar bola :- Aap ke parivaar me yeh bahut hi sunder aur achha rivaj hai.
Jwaab mila :- Yeh koi rivaaz nahin hai. ............Yeh is liye hai ki koi doosri baar ice cream lene aaye to turant pta chal jaye.
bablu teji se truck chla raha tha . Chlate samay veh steering chhod kr moochhon ko taav dene lgta. 4-5 baar us ke aisa krne pr bagal me baitha niraj ghbra kr bola :- Ustad , aap steering sambhalo, moochhon pr taav dene ka kaamm mai sambhalta hun.
Mkaan malik :- Poora saal tumhaari bahut behne aayi hain................Agar rakhshs bandhan r nhin aayi to beta kmra khali kr dena.
Anvar ek shadi ki reception me gya. Vahan kuchh log ice cream lene walon ke maathe pr sunder tilak lga rahe the. Yeh dekh Anvar bola :- Aap ke parivaar me yeh bahut hi sunder aur achha rivaj hai.
Jwaab mila :- Yeh koi rivaaz nahin hai. ............Yeh is liye hai ki koi doosri baar ice cream lene aaye to turant pta chal jaye.
Bhikhari :- Koi mujh se poochh raha tha,kitna kmaa lete ho ? Lekin mai chup raha.
oosra bhikhari :- Kyon ?
Pehla bhikhari :- Mujhe shak tha ki veh income tax wala hai.
Bhikhari:- Dede baba .
Pappu :- Nhinhai ,mere paas kuchh nhin hai.
Bhikhari :- 5 rupaye ka swaal hai baba.
Pappu :- Han poochho.Kya ptaa mujhe aataa ho.
Mkaan malik ne apne ghar ke aage board lga rakha tha ki hi diya jayega , jin ke baal-bache n hon. Ek bacha us ke paas aaya aur bola......Uncle, yeh mkaan mujhe de deejiye , merea koi bacha nahin hain, kewal ma-baap hi hain.
Bhikhari
Ek vyast dukandar ne jhalla kr bhikhari se kaha :- Kya -roj-roj kaam me vqt bheekh mangne chle aate ho.
Bhikhari :- To phir mahina bandh do na. Roj-roj nhin aaunga.
Pappu auto me safar kr raha tha. Auto wala bola 30/- huye sahib.
Pappu ne use 15/- diye..........Auto wala :- Yeh to aadhe hain sahib.
Pappu :- Han to, tu bhi to baith kr aaya hai, aadha tu de.
Ek shadi me D J wale ne dulhe se poochha :- DJ kitni der tk bjana hai ?
Dulha :- Sirf daaru chaadne tk. Baad me to apne dost generator ki avaaz pr bhi nach lenge..
Ek paagl apnehaath me cigarettee chhupate hue :- Btaao mere haath me kya hai ?
Doosra paagl : - Rail gaadi .
Pehla :- Tumhe kaise pta chlaa ?
Doosra :- Maine dhuna niklta dekh liyha tha.
Jo hansa , uska ghar bsa. Jis ka ghar bsa voh kb hansa.
Doctor
Ek doctor apne dost se :- Kya krun yaar,yahan aa ke mera dhandha hi chaupat ho gya ?
Dost :-Is ka karn hai tumhaare clinic pr aane wali seediyon pr lagi patti. Doctor ne ashchrya se poochha :- Voh kaise ?
Dost :- Patti pr likha hai ........." Upar jane ka rasta ".
Samir ne sugar ka dabba khola , sugar dekhi aur band kr diya . Aisa voh dun me das baar krta hai . Kyon ki doctor ne use niymit roop me sugar ka level check krme ke liye kaha hai
Banke lal :- Doctor sahib, kl aap hmaare ghar daavt pr nhin aaye ?
Doctor :- Nhin aaya to achha hi rahaa.
Banke lal :- Kyon ?
Doctor :- Daavt kha kr lautne wale mreejon ko kaun dekhta ?
Ek mareej dard se behaal tha ,Doctor sahib se bola :- Mujhe itni takleef hai ki dil krta hai ki abhi mr jaaun.
Kamal :-sahib, mere shareer me bahut khujli hoti hai .
Doctor :-Mai kuchh dwaaiyan likh raha hun. Lelena .
Kamal :- Doctor sahib, kya meri khujli theek ho jayegi ?
Doctor :-Nhin yeh dwaaiyan to nakhoon bdaane ki hain.
Operation ke baad patient bola :- Doctor sahib ,kya mai rog mukt hun ?
Samne se jwaab mila :- Beta, doctor sahib to neeche reh gye. Mai to chitragupt hun.
Subhash :- Doctor sahib , mere upar wale daant me keeda lagaa hai. Lekin aap ne neeche wala daant nikaal diya.
Doctor :- Abe, veh keed neeche wale daant pr khadaa ho kr upar wale daant ko kaatataa tha. Ab kahan khada huga.
Operation ke baad patient doctor se bola :- Doctor sahib , kya ab mai roog mukt hun.
Samne se jwaab mila :- Beta, doctor sahib to neeche dharti pr reh gye. Mai to chitra gupt hun.
Doctor ne mareej ko dwai dete hue hidayat di," Yeh pili goliyan ghutno ke dard ke liye, Yeh lal goliyan aap ke jigar ki
soojan ke liye hai, yeh sfed goliyan aap ke sir dard ke liye hain.. Samajh gye na."
"Mai to samajh gya doctor sahib,pr yeh btaaiye ki kya yeh goliyan bhi apna route smajhti hai ."mareej ne poochha.
Machhar
Mehman :- Tum to kehte the ki tumhare yhaan machhar preshan nhin krte. Pr tumhaara ghar to machhron se bhra pdaa hai.
Banke lal :- Ha, lekin veh hmein preshaan nhn krte..Hm un ke aadi ho chuke hain.
damaad--Sasur- - Bahu
Saas :- Bahu, chadrein aur prde khud dhoya kro, taki in ki umar bani rahe.
Bahu :- Ma ji mai saare kapde machin me hi dhoungi taki meri jindagi bani rahe.
Bahu jeans pehen kr ghar se baahrjane lagi........Saas ne kaha :- Kya jmaana hai ?
Bahu turant boli :- Dahi jmaa lena ma ji .
Sasur damaad se:- Meri beti ka khyal rkhna. Is ki aankh me aansu na aane dena.
Damaad :- Theek hai sasur ji. Pyaaz mai kaat dunga, bartan use hi dhone honge.
Saas :- Bahu, doodh ko sim pr ubaalna.
Digital bahu :- Saasu ji ,sim ek pr ya do pr.
Saas Haridwaar ke liye nikal gyi.
Damaad:- Aap ki ladki me dimaag to bilkul bhi nahi hai. Agar mujhe pehle pta hota to mai kabhi shadi nahi krta. a
Sasaur :- Jub tum ise shadi ke liye dekhne aaye the to tum ne kewal hath manga tha. Dimaag ki to baat hi nahin hui thi.
Ladka - ladki
Boy friend :- Kya tum meri salary se gujaara kr logi ?
Girl friend :- Mai to kr loongi lekin tumhaara kya hoga.
Bimar premi ka premika haal chaal poochhne aai. Aur poocche lagi :- Ab bukhar ka kya haalhai ?
Premi :- Bukhar to toot gyahai pr ab kamar me dard hai .
Premika :- Bhagwan ne chaahaa to veh bhi jaldi toot jayegi.
Premika ne premi se kaha :- Apni shadi ke liye tum meri ma se mil kr dekho .
Premi :- Nahi dear ! Ab tumhaare sivaaye koi doosri mere mn me nhin bs skti.
surat
Premi :-Tumhaari aankhein kitni sunder hai.
premika- Chhodo na.
Premi :-Tumhaare baal kitne khoobsurat hain.
Premika :- Chhodo na.
Premi :- Tumhaare gaal kitne gulabi hain.
Premika :- Chhodo na.
Premi :-Are,itni der se lambi-lambi chhod hi to raha hun.
Ek ladke ki shadi bahut khoobsurat ladki se ty hui. Us ne use faebook pr add kr liya. Din-rat dono me khoob chatn hoti thi. Ek din ladka us se milne gya. Ladki sach-much behad khoobsurat nikli.
Ladke ne kaha ," Tum to bahut khoobsurat ho, samajh me nhin aa raha tume kya uphaar dun.
Shrmaate hue ladki ne totli jubaan me kaha :- ap ta dil.
Park me baithe premi-premika baatein kr rhe the.....................premika ne kaha :- Mujh se shadi kr lo.
Premi :- Kya tumhe shadi ka mtlab pta hai ?
Premika :- Han , pta hai .
S :- Matlab-- shanti bhang.
H:- Matlsb- himmat hatam
A :- Matlab --Ajaadi khatm.
D :-Matlab -Dimag khraab.
I :- Matlab - Imthaan shuru.
Shadi ke ek din pehle hone wali ptni ka massage aaya ," Sorry , hmaari shadi nhin ho skti. Kahin aur ho rahi hai". Dulha sun kr bahut tension me aa gya.
Thodi der baad phir massage aaya ," Sorry, glti sa aap ko bheja gya ". Dulha ab aur bhi tension me hai.
Ladka :- Tum mere sapno aur jajbaat me rehti ho.
Ladki :- Aap ko kisi ne bevkoof bnaaya hai, mai to Dehli me rehti hun.
Premika - Intzaar ki ghadi bahut lambi hoti hai.
Premi :- To kisi aur company ki ghadi le lo.
Ladka :- Kahan ho ?
Ladki :- Aap ke dil me baby.
Ladka :- Theek hai. Vahan baki ladkiyon se jhgda mt karnaa.
Sanju apni girl friend ke pita se milne gya.
Ladki ke pita :- Mai nhin chahta ki meri beti apni poori jindagi ek murkh ke saath gujaare.
Sanju :- Bs uncle, mai isiliye to use le jaane aaya hun.
Premi :- Bevafa,tune mera dil jalke kaam aayegi.aa diya. Jala kr raakh kr diya.
Premika :- Yeh kurbaani bekaar nhin jayegi. Bheh de raakh , bartan manjhne
Dosti
Dost :- Kyon bhai , aaj-kl aap koi kavita nhin likh rahe ho, kya hua ?
Kavi :- Nhin bhai, jis ladki ke liye kavita likhta tha us ki shadi ho gyi.
Dost :- Phir to virha ras me kavita aur bhi achhi banegi na bhai.
Kavi :- Tu samajh nhin raha bhai, us ki shadi mujh se ho gyi hai.
Motu :- bhai, tumhaare haath-pair kaise toot gye ?
Ptlu :- Ladki ka phone recharge krwane ke chakkar me.
Motu :- Kyon bhai, recharge ke paise nhin diye kya ?
Ptlu :- Are bhai, jis dukaanpr rechage krwane gya tha veh dukandar ladki ka bhai nikla.
Ek baar ravi aur Naveen race dekhne gye. Ravi bola :- Tum bta skte ho ki inaam kise milega
Naveen :- Sb se aage wale ko . Aur kise.
Ravi :-To phir peechhe wale kyon bhag rahe hain ?
Sarla :- Babli , kya kr rhi ho ?
Babli :- Jhadu lga rhi hun.
Srla :- Yhan aa kr lga lo na, thodi der gap-shap bhi kr lenge.
-
Naresh chaman se :- Kya tum Raman ki nayi harkat jaante ho?
Chaman :- Han.................Naresh - taao kya ?
Chaman :- Pichhle hafte hi Naresh ek nurse ke prem me paagl ho gya.Kafi soch vichar ke baad us ne nurse ko prem ptra likha. Ptahai us me kya likha tha...................I love you sister.
Ajay :- Kuchh saal pehle mai bhi ek chand ke kreeb tha.
Rohan :- Achha , phir kya hua ?
Ajay :- Phir kya hua, us ke papa ko pta chal gya aur sampark toot gya.
Mohan :- Hmaare gaanv me ek aadmi ne Mumbai jaise maha-nagar me ja kr laakhon rupees kma liye , halanki veh kuchh khas pada-likha bhi nahin ha. Aur use English ke 2 shabad hi aate the.
Sohan :- Voh shabad kaun se hain.
Mohan :- Hands -up.
Sumit :- Internet ne hmaari jindagi me bahut ghuspaith kr di hai.
Amit - Voh kaise ?
Sumit :- Abhi-abhi ek aadmi medical ki dukaan se 100 Mg. ki jgh 100 MB ki goli maang raha tha.
Pehla Dost :- Teri bivi ne tujhe ghar se kyon nikala ?
Dusra dost :- Tere kehne pr use chain di thi
Pehla dost :- Chandi ki thi kya ?
Dusra dost :- Nahi , cycle ki.
Ek bar sunaina sunaina bn sanwar kr film dekhne ja rahi thi. Tabhi ek saheli mil gyi..............
Sunaina ke thath dekh kr boli :- Are vah ! kya baat hai, hathon me heere ki choodiyan, ungli me heere ki anguthi, gale me heeron ka haar . Kya Tumhaare pti ne naukri badal li hai ? Sunayna :-- Nahin., maine pti badal liya hai.
Tinu :- Purushon ki yadaasht bahut kamjor hoti hai.
Bilu :- Voh kaise ?
Tilu :- Kisi bhi khubsoorat ldki ko dekh kr bhool jate hain ki voh shadi-shuda hain.
Do aadmi aaps me baat kr rahe the. ................Pehla bola :- Maine apni ptni ko 12th.pass kevaai, phir BA,phir MA aur phir sarkaari naukri lgvaa di, Ab kya karun ?
Doosra aadmi bola :- Tu to baap se bd kr hai. Ab achha sa ladka dekh kr us ki shaadi kr de.
Happy -: Kyon bhai lucky, 6 mahine pehle tumhari name plate pr BA likha tha. Abhi MA likha hai. Aisa kyon ?
Lucky :- 6 mahine pehle meri ptni mr gyi thi,to maine bachelor again likh diya. Ab meri dubara shaadi ho gyi hai ,is liye maine married again likh diya hai.
Rakesh :-Mere sath dhokha hua hai .
Gagan :- Kya ho gya ?
Rakesh :- Kisi ne mujh se kaha ki ped se hame sheetal chhaya milti hai.
Gagan :- Ha yeh sahi to hai na.
Rakesh :- 3 din se ped ke neeche baitha hun, na sheetal aai na chaaya.
Rakesh :- Lgta hai tumhe yeh kitaab bahut pasand aai hai , tabhi library se ise baar-baar le jaate ho ?
Anil :- Nahi yaar, asal me jb mai ise pehli baar le kr aaya tha to is me 500/- ka note mila tha. Sochta hun shayad phir mil jaaye.
Kl maine ek dost se poochha...........Tum kitne baje sote ho?
Is ka jwaab tha :- Jb mobile ki battery 5 % reh jaati hai.
Raman :- Bhai , aaj hm bahut dini baad mila.
Ravi :- Yaar , kaisa hai tu?
Raman :- Mje me hun.
Ravi :- Aur suna, pdaai kaisi chal rahi hai ?
Raman :- Saale, dost hai, dost ki trh reh. Yeh rishtedaaron wali hrktein mt kiya kr.
Sumit :- Raat ko yamraj mere spne me aaye the.
Rohit :- To kya kaha unhone ?
Sumit :- Unhon ne kaha ," Tere paap ka ghada bhar chuka hai.
Rohit :- Phit toone kya kaha?
Sumit :-Kehna kya tha, keh diya ki motor band kr do.
Kunwara dost :- Shadi kya hai ?
Shadi-shuda dost :- Shadi ek aisa gathbandhan hai jis me 2 vayakti mil kr un samsyaon ko suljhane ka jiwan bhr prayaas krte hai jo pehle kabhi thi hi nhin.
Vipin :- Saalontk samajh nhin aayaa ki aaft ki pudiiya kya hoti hai ?
Jagat :-Phir ?
Vipin :- Phir ek din meri shadi ho gyi.
Sanju :- Yaar girl friend ko kaise hush rakhun ?
Sonu :- Us ke saamne us ki tareef se jaadah us ki saheki ki burai kiya kr.
Vimla :- Lgta hai tumhari saas ne ladna ek dm chhod diya hai.
Kamla :- Theek keh rahi ho behen. Ab unhone padosiyon ko ldaanaa shuru kr diya hai.
Pappu :- Mere pass rocket hai , anaar hai, chakri hai. Tumhaare pass kya hai ?
Ramu :- Mere pass machis hai. Aag lga dunga to kuchh nhin bachega.
Honey :- tumhaari class me sb se hoshiyar chaatra kaun hai ?
Money :- Niraj ,Veh hr baar nakal krta hai , lekin kabhi pkda nhin jata.
Subhash apne dost se :- Aap ki ghadi me kitne baje hain ?
Dost :- 12 baje hain.
Subhash :- Kya aap ki ghadi radio se mili hai ?
Dost :- Nahin, sasuraal se mili hai.
Neta ji
Ek din neta ji ki ptni apne pti se boli :-Mere joote chappal sab bilkul khraab ho gye hain. Aaj sham ko jaroor lete aanaa.
Neta ji bole :- Aaj sham ko mujhe ek jagah bhashn dene jana hai. Tum bhi saath chalnaa. Ek jodi kya kai jodi joote-chappal mil jayeige.
Ek baar k neta ji bimar pd gye . Doctor nr un ka check-up kia. Neta ji ne check-up ki report mangi aur doctor se kaha ," Doctor sahib jra meri bhsha me samjhaie ki mujhe kya tkleef hai."
Doctor ne kaha :- Aap ke fefde (Lungs) jhutha aashwasn de rahe hain, aur dil sheeghr/ jaldi tyagpatr dene wala hai.
Padosan
Rishteydaar :- Beta, pdaai kaisi chal rahi hai tumhaari ?
Pappu :- Uncle, veh chlte-chalte mujh se dur nikal gayi hai.
2 aurtein baaten kr rahi thi............
Pehli :- Pta hai mere gaanv ke sarpanch koma me chale gye hain.
Doosari :- Han behen,ain. paise wale kahin bhi ja skte h
Padosan :-Aap ke bartan bade chamak rahe hain. Dhone ke liye kis ka istemal krti ho ?
Doosri padosan :- Pti ka.
Boss
Ek seth ne apne bahut bde godaam me ek nya clerk rakha. Seth ji ne use godaam me le ja kr btaayaa," Is godaam me jitna bhi saamaan hai us ki list bnaani hai. Yeh list aaz sham tk mil jaani chahiye."
Sham ko seth ji godaam me gye to clerk se bole ," List tyaar ho gyi ?"
Clerk bola :- Seth ji , itni jaldi ? Abhi to pehli bori ke baadam hi gin paya hun. Is me 60,460 baadaam hain.
Interviewer :- Jindagi me koi mushkil aai to kya kroge ?
Ladka :- Sir, kisan ke paas jaunga . Interviewer :- Kyon ?
Ladka :- Kyonki us ke paas hl hai.
Interviewer beshosh.
Malik gusse me naukar se :- Mai ek ghante se ghanti bajaa raha hun aur tum sun hi nahin rahe ho.
Naukar :- Aap malikhain, ek ghanta to kya aap sara din ghanti Bajaa skte hain.
Manager :- Hmaare bank me hm aap ko bina interest loan denge.
Neeraj :- Are agar dena ho to thoda hanste-hanste do na. Agar dene me interest nhin hai to mt do. Bina interest kya dena.
Manager :- Milne ka samay aap meri secretary ke saath fix kr le.
Mohan :- Sir mai pehle 2 baar koshish kr chuka hun,veh mna kr deti hai,
Clerk :- Sahib, Kya aap meharbani kr ke mujhe 1 se 10 din tk chhutti denge ?
Maneger :- Lekin itni lambi chhutti ki kya jaroorat hai ?
Clerk :- Baat yeh hai sahib ki meri abhi-abhi shaadi hai. Meri ptni hanimoon ke liye Kashmir ja rahi hai .Meri ichha hai ki mai bhi us ke saath chla jaaun.
Boss :- Aaz phir aap dafter der se aaye ho ?
Sohan :- Han, aaz meri motorsysle puncture ho gyi thi.
Boss :- To aap bus me kyon nhin aate ?
Sohan :- Bus khareedna mere liye mumkin nahin hai.
Joote - chappal chori
Mandir me chppal chori hone ki samasya se chhutkara pane ka sb se aasaan treeka
Ek chappal ek jagah aur doosri 10 feet dur rakhein.
Shraabi
Ek shrabi ki jyaadah daaru peene ki vajah se maut ho gyi. Lekin us ki daaru ke prati shdha to dekho, veh mrte-mrte yeh keh gya :- shraab to thee hai, sala gurda hi kmjor nikla.
Pappu daaru pi kr taalaa kholne lagaa. Haath kaampne ki vjaah se taalaa nhin khula..'
Champoo :- Main khol dun ?
Pappu :- Mai khol loonga, tu ghar ko pakad, Saalaa bahut hil raha hai.
Doctor-Nurse
Nurse doctor se :-. Aap mujh se itna prem krte hain to phir shaadi se inkaar kyon kr rhe ho ?
Doctor :- Chahta to main bhi yahi hun. Pr sochta hun ki shaadi ke baad tumhe sister bolunga to log kya kaheinge ?
Nurse doctor se :-. Aap mujh se itna prem krte hain to phir shaadi se inkaar kyon kr rhe ho ?
Doctor :- Chahta to main bhi yahi hun. Pr sochta hun ki shaadi ke baad tumhe sister bolunga to log kya kaheinge ?
Court
Vakeel ne peshi ke duaraan apraadhi se poochha :- Tum ne ek hi dukaan pr 2 baar chori kyon ki.
Apraadhi :- Sahib, us dukaan ke board pr likha tha ki dubara jaroor aaye.
Police-- chor
Kuchh ladke bike pe ja rahe the . Raste me police wala use rok kr bola :- 3 log bike pr nhin ja skte.
Police wale ki baat sun kr ladke ghbra gye. Bike chlane wala peechhe walon pr jor se chillaya Saalon chautha kahan gir gya.
Ek mahila ki car green signal hone pr start nhin hui. Log horn bjaane lge. Signal green se yellow,yellow se red ho gya . Lekin car start nhin hui. Log shor mchaane lge. Traffic police wala vhaan aaya. Us nebadi vinmrtase poochha :- Madam, kya baat hui. Koi sa bhi color pasand na aaya ke.
Chor :- Aao hisaab lgaaye ki aaj ki choi me Kya-kya mila hai ?
Saathi :- Are yaar, mai bahut thak gya hun. Abhi tang mt kr. Subah ke akhbaar me detail pad lenge.
Shahar me aaye ajnabi ne police wale se poochha ," Jnaab, yhan jagah-jagah yeh kyon likha hai ki gadi ahista chlayein."
Sipahi :- Isliye ki yahan dur-dur tk koi hospital nhin hai.
Traffic police wala ek budiya se :- Mai kitni der se ceetee maar kr rokne ki koshish kr raha hun. Aap rukti kyon nhin ?
Budiya ne shrmaate hue utter diya :- Beta, ab meri ceetee sun kr rukne ki umr nhin rhi.
Jokes
Lift
Champu Highway se kahin bahar ja raha tha.Raste me us ki gaadi khraab ho gyi. Us ne ek truck driver se lift mangi. Veh truck driver ke pass ja kr baith gya. Us ne driver se poochha :- Tum Bhagat singh ko jaante ho ?
Truck drive :- Nahin.
Champu :- Kya tum Subhash Chander Boss ko jante ho ?
Driver :-Nahin.
Champu :- Kya tum Chander Shekhar Azad ko jante ho ?
Driver :- Nahin.
Champu :- To phir truck ke peeche yeh kyon likh rakha hai ...........Shahidon ko naman ?
Truck driver ne itmeenaan se jwaab diya :- Are yeh to un logon ke liye likha hai....jo is truck ke neeche aa kr mre hain .
Train
Yatri :- Aap ne paise ginane me jaraa si bhul ki hai ?
Clerk :- Paise lete samaya hi aap ko gin lene chahiye the.
Yatri :- Achi baat hai. Jaisi aap ki mrji. Rs. 10 /- aap ne jyaadah de diye.
Yatri railway guard se :- Sir, mai chaye peena chahta hun. Koi aisa treeka hai mere aane tk gaadi na chle.
Guard :- Muskra kr-- Sb se aasaan treeka yeh hai ki aap mujhe bhi chaye peene saath le chlein.
Train Ambala se Amritsir ki trf rwaanaa honi thi. lGolu ko baithne ki jagah na mili. Us ne ek trkeeb lgaai. Us ne saanp-saamp -saamp chillanaa shuru kr diya . Log dr krmaare utr kr doosre dibbon me chad gye. Ab Golu jhat se upper ki seat pr bister biccha kr so gya. Swera hua to us ne chaye wale se poochha ," Kaun sa station aayaa hai ?"
Chaye wala :- Ambala hai.
Golu :- Ambala se to kl chle the ?
Chaye wala :- Is dibbe me saamp nikal aayaa tha. Is liye ise yahin kaat diya gya tha/
Bus conductor ne jaise hi bus chlaane ke liye ghanti bjaaito peechhe se badi hi sureeli aavaaz aai ......Jra thehro, main kapde utaar rahi hun.
Bs phir kya tha , bus me baithe sabhi logon ke dil dhadkne lage. Sb ne ek saath peeche mud ke dekha......Dhoban apne kapde ki gathri utaar rahi thi.
Ravi America ghoomne gya, Vahan ek bade hotel me thehra. Veh murga khana chahta tha pr us ko English nahin aati thi . Waiter ne us se poochha,"What do you want sir ? "
Ravi :- Egg father.
Shopkeeper
Raman raar 10 baje petrolpump pr gya ;- Vahan pr lokha tha ." Do not use mobile phone here".
Raman ne fauran apna mobile phone nikala aur ek-ek kr ke apne sabhi doston ko call kr kr hidaayt di kiabhi mujhe call mt krna , yahan mobile use krna mna hai.
Ek bhutewala us wqt phoot-phoot kr rone laga jb ek ladki na aa kr kaha :- Bhaiya, ek handle wala pop corn dena.
Grahak :- Baira, idhar aao. Baira sehmta hua graahk ke paas aa khada hua.
Grahak :- Dekhi, chaye ke pyale me makkhi padi hui hai.
baire ne trjni ungli se makkhi nikali aur bahut gaur se dekhne laga. Phir badi gambhirta se uttar diya :- Hmaare hotel ki nahin hai.
Grahk :- Bhai, tumhare pakode kha kr mujhe current sa kyon lg raha hai ?
Pakode wala :- Maine Electrical Engineering ki thi.
Grahak :- Bhai yeh tarbooj pr thapki se dene se tumhe kaise pta chal lgta hai ki lal hi nikle ga?
Dukandar :- Mujhe kya pta sahib. Lekin bapu ne btayaa tha ki 2 tarbooj pr thpki maaro phir teesra wala grahak ko pkdaa do . Grahak khush.
Mahila dukaan daar se :- Bhaya theek-theek rate lgaao. Hamesha aap hi se samaan khareedti hun.
Dukaan daar :- Madam kuchh to bhagwan se daro. Maine aaj hi dukaan kholi hai. Aaj pehla hi din hai.
Graahak :- Lassi me makhi hai
Dukaan daar :- O, dil badaa rakh, yeh nanhi si jaan teri kitni lssi pi jayegi.
Fruit wala :- Behen ji ise rokiye. Aap ka kutta mera fruit soongh raha hai.
Mahila :-Moti, gandi baat. Fruit dhoye hue nhin hain.
Pappu dukandar se :- Ditol sabun hai.
Dukandar Naak se ungli nikalte hue :- Hanbeta hai na .
Pappu :- To phir haath dho kr cream-roll de do.
Vikki :-Seth ji, aapne apni dukaan me AC kyon lagwaya hai ?
Seth ji :- Taaki cheejon ka rate sun kr grahkon ko paseena na aa jaye.
Vakeel ne peshi ke duaraan apraadhi se poochha :- Tum ne ek hi dukaan pr 2 baar chori kyon ki.
Apraadhi :- Sahib, us dukaan ke board pr likha tha ki dubara jaroor aaye.
Police-- chor
Kuchh ladke bike pe ja rahe the . Raste me police wala use rok kr bola :- 3 log bike pr nhin ja skte.
Police wale ki baat sun kr ladke ghbra gye. Bike chlane wala peechhe walon pr jor se chillaya Saalon chautha kahan gir gya.
Ek mahila ki car green signal hone pr start nhin hui. Log horn bjaane lge. Signal green se yellow,yellow se red ho gya . Lekin car start nhin hui. Log shor mchaane lge. Traffic police wala vhaan aaya. Us nebadi vinmrtase poochha :- Madam, kya baat hui. Koi sa bhi color pasand na aaya ke.
Chor :- Aao hisaab lgaaye ki aaj ki choi me Kya-kya mila hai ?
Saathi :- Are yaar, mai bahut thak gya hun. Abhi tang mt kr. Subah ke akhbaar me detail pad lenge.
Shahar me aaye ajnabi ne police wale se poochha ," Jnaab, yhan jagah-jagah yeh kyon likha hai ki gadi ahista chlayein."
Sipahi :- Isliye ki yahan dur-dur tk koi hospital nhin hai.
Traffic police wala ek budiya se :- Mai kitni der se ceetee maar kr rokne ki koshish kr raha hun. Aap rukti kyon nhin ?
Budiya ne shrmaate hue utter diya :- Beta, ab meri ceetee sun kr rukne ki umr nhin rhi.
Jokes
Lift
Champu Highway se kahin bahar ja raha tha.Raste me us ki gaadi khraab ho gyi. Us ne ek truck driver se lift mangi. Veh truck driver ke pass ja kr baith gya. Us ne driver se poochha :- Tum Bhagat singh ko jaante ho ?
Truck drive :- Nahin.
Champu :- Kya tum Subhash Chander Boss ko jante ho ?
Driver :-Nahin.
Champu :- Kya tum Chander Shekhar Azad ko jante ho ?
Driver :- Nahin.
Champu :- To phir truck ke peeche yeh kyon likh rakha hai ...........Shahidon ko naman ?
Truck driver ne itmeenaan se jwaab diya :- Are yeh to un logon ke liye likha hai....jo is truck ke neeche aa kr mre hain .
Train
Yatri :- Aap ne paise ginane me jaraa si bhul ki hai ?
Clerk :- Paise lete samaya hi aap ko gin lene chahiye the.
Yatri :- Achi baat hai. Jaisi aap ki mrji. Rs. 10 /- aap ne jyaadah de diye.
Yatri railway guard se :- Sir, mai chaye peena chahta hun. Koi aisa treeka hai mere aane tk gaadi na chle.
Guard :- Muskra kr-- Sb se aasaan treeka yeh hai ki aap mujhe bhi chaye peene saath le chlein.
Train Ambala se Amritsir ki trf rwaanaa honi thi. lGolu ko baithne ki jagah na mili. Us ne ek trkeeb lgaai. Us ne saanp-saamp -saamp chillanaa shuru kr diya . Log dr krmaare utr kr doosre dibbon me chad gye. Ab Golu jhat se upper ki seat pr bister biccha kr so gya. Swera hua to us ne chaye wale se poochha ," Kaun sa station aayaa hai ?"
Chaye wala :- Ambala hai.
Golu :- Ambala se to kl chle the ?
Chaye wala :- Is dibbe me saamp nikal aayaa tha. Is liye ise yahin kaat diya gya tha/
Bus conductor ne jaise hi bus chlaane ke liye ghanti bjaaito peechhe se badi hi sureeli aavaaz aai ......Jra thehro, main kapde utaar rahi hun.
Bs phir kya tha , bus me baithe sabhi logon ke dil dhadkne lage. Sb ne ek saath peeche mud ke dekha......Dhoban apne kapde ki gathri utaar rahi thi.
Ravi America ghoomne gya, Vahan ek bade hotel me thehra. Veh murga khana chahta tha pr us ko English nahin aati thi . Waiter ne us se poochha,"What do you want sir ? "
Ravi :- Egg father.
Shopkeeper
Raman raar 10 baje petrolpump pr gya ;- Vahan pr lokha tha ." Do not use mobile phone here".
Raman ne fauran apna mobile phone nikala aur ek-ek kr ke apne sabhi doston ko call kr kr hidaayt di kiabhi mujhe call mt krna , yahan mobile use krna mna hai.
Ek bhutewala us wqt phoot-phoot kr rone laga jb ek ladki na aa kr kaha :- Bhaiya, ek handle wala pop corn dena.
Grahak :- Baira, idhar aao. Baira sehmta hua graahk ke paas aa khada hua.
Grahak :- Dekhi, chaye ke pyale me makkhi padi hui hai.
baire ne trjni ungli se makkhi nikali aur bahut gaur se dekhne laga. Phir badi gambhirta se uttar diya :- Hmaare hotel ki nahin hai.
Grahk :- Bhai, tumhare pakode kha kr mujhe current sa kyon lg raha hai ?
Pakode wala :- Maine Electrical Engineering ki thi.
Grahak :- Bhai yeh tarbooj pr thapki se dene se tumhe kaise pta chal lgta hai ki lal hi nikle ga?
Dukandar :- Mujhe kya pta sahib. Lekin bapu ne btayaa tha ki 2 tarbooj pr thpki maaro phir teesra wala grahak ko pkdaa do . Grahak khush.
Mahila dukaan daar se :- Bhaya theek-theek rate lgaao. Hamesha aap hi se samaan khareedti hun.
Dukaan daar :- Madam kuchh to bhagwan se daro. Maine aaj hi dukaan kholi hai. Aaj pehla hi din hai.
Graahak :- Lassi me makhi hai
Dukaan daar :- O, dil badaa rakh, yeh nanhi si jaan teri kitni lssi pi jayegi.
Fruit wala :- Behen ji ise rokiye. Aap ka kutta mera fruit soongh raha hai.
Mahila :-Moti, gandi baat. Fruit dhoye hue nhin hain.
Pappu dukandar se :- Ditol sabun hai.
Dukandar Naak se ungli nikalte hue :- Hanbeta hai na .
Pappu :- To phir haath dho kr cream-roll de do.
Vikki :-Seth ji, aapne apni dukaan me AC kyon lagwaya hai ?
Seth ji :- Taaki cheejon ka rate sun kr grahkon ko paseena na aa jaye.
Papa-ma-beta
Pita :- Tumhara result phir se khraab aayaa hai.Tum ek dm gadhe ho.
Beta :- Pr dada ji to mujhe kehte hain ki tum gadhe ke bache ho.
Sanjna :- Mai papa ki pari hun.
Sunil :- Mai bhi apne papa ka para hun.
Sanjna :- Yeh para kya hota hai ?
Sunil :- Mujhe dekhte hi un ka para chad jaataa hai.
Ma :- Beta, bahr se kya aavaz aa rahi hai.
Beta :- Ma veh keh raha hai 400 rupaye me jindagi bhar baith kr khaiye.
Ma :- Aisa kya hai ?
Beta :- Are veh kursi bech raha hai.
Chintu :- Pita ji, Kya guru jano ka kehna mananaa chahiye ?
Pita ji :- Jaroor beta.
Chintu :- To phir mere guru ji kehte hai ki mai phir 7th. claas me hi rahun.
Papa :- Beta, aaz tum school khana le kr nhin gye tha. Vahan aaz kya khaya?
Beta :- Teacher ka thapad.
Ek ladka school der se aaya . Master ji ne use 10 Rs. jurmana kiya. Ladke ne pita ji se jurmaane ke 10 rupaye mange.
Pita :- Kis liye 10 rupaye chahiye ?
Beta :- Mai school late gya tha isliye.
Pita aag-baboola ho kr bole :- Mai tujhe school padne bhejta hun ya letneke liye.
Papa :- Pintoo,maine tumhe phool tod kr laane kenliye kaha tha. Tum tehni sahit tod laaye. Aisi galti kyon ki ? Pintoo :- Kyon ki papa , vahan pr likha tha ,"Phool todna manaa hai. Is liye mai tehni sahit tod laya.
School se lautne ke baad Raju ne ma ko btaaya :- Lgta hai hmaari teacher kabhi nhin nhaati.
Ma ne poochha :- Tum ne .kaise smjha ?
Raju :- Veh keh rahi thi ki unhone aaj tk aisa koi bhi kaam nhin kiya jo sb ke saamne nhin kr skti.
Papa:- Aisi koi cheez hao jo Mumbai se chenai tk bina-hile dule pahunch jaaye ?
Beta :- Han hai. Railway line.
Papa :Beta, lassi piyega.
Beta :- Nahin papa......... .Papa :- Beta , doodh piyega........... Beta :- Nahin papa.
Papa :- Beta, juice piyega, ..................Beta :- Nahin papa. nahin piyunga to nahin piyunga.
Papa :- Bilkul apni ma pr gya hai. Lagta hai khoon hi piyega.
Pita :- Tumhara result phir se khraab aayaa hai.Tum ek dm gadhe ho.
Beta :- Pr dada ji to mujhe kehte hain ki tum gadhe ke bache ho.
Sanjna :- Mai papa ki pari hun.
Sunil :- Mai bhi apne papa ka para hun.
Sanjna :- Yeh para kya hota hai ?
Sunil :- Mujhe dekhte hi un ka para chad jaataa hai.
Ma :- Beta, bahr se kya aavaz aa rahi hai.
Beta :- Ma veh keh raha hai 400 rupaye me jindagi bhar baith kr khaiye.
Ma :- Aisa kya hai ?
Beta :- Are veh kursi bech raha hai.
Chintu :- Pita ji, Kya guru jano ka kehna mananaa chahiye ?
Pita ji :- Jaroor beta.
Chintu :- To phir mere guru ji kehte hai ki mai phir 7th. claas me hi rahun.
Papa :- Beta, aaz tum school khana le kr nhin gye tha. Vahan aaz kya khaya?
Beta :- Teacher ka thapad.
Ek ladka school der se aaya . Master ji ne use 10 Rs. jurmana kiya. Ladke ne pita ji se jurmaane ke 10 rupaye mange.
Pita :- Kis liye 10 rupaye chahiye ?
Beta :- Mai school late gya tha isliye.
Pita aag-baboola ho kr bole :- Mai tujhe school padne bhejta hun ya letneke liye.
Papa :- Pintoo,maine tumhe phool tod kr laane kenliye kaha tha. Tum tehni sahit tod laaye. Aisi galti kyon ki ? Pintoo :- Kyon ki papa , vahan pr likha tha ,"Phool todna manaa hai. Is liye mai tehni sahit tod laya.
School se lautne ke baad Raju ne ma ko btaaya :- Lgta hai hmaari teacher kabhi nhin nhaati.
Ma ne poochha :- Tum ne .kaise smjha ?
Raju :- Veh keh rahi thi ki unhone aaj tk aisa koi bhi kaam nhin kiya jo sb ke saamne nhin kr skti.
Papa:- Aisi koi cheez hao jo Mumbai se chenai tk bina-hile dule pahunch jaaye ?
Beta :- Han hai. Railway line.
Papa :Beta, lassi piyega.
Beta :- Nahin papa......... .Papa :- Beta , doodh piyega........... Beta :- Nahin papa.
Papa :- Beta, juice piyega, ..................Beta :- Nahin papa. nahin piyunga to nahin piyunga.
Papa :- Bilkul apni ma pr gya hai. Lagta hai khoon hi piyega.
Billi
Ek ameer admi ki car kr neeche aa kr ek aurat ki billi mr gyi. Us admi ne is ke liye khyma-yachna krna apna farz smjha. Us ne us aurat ke ghar ja kr kaha:- Meri car ke neeche aa kr aap ki billi mr gyi. Is nuksaan ki bhar pai ke liye aap ke pass aaya hun.
Aurat ne us ki aur ghoor kr dekha aur boli :- Achha, Kya aap choohe pakad skte hain ?
Pappu ke judvaa bachhe hue, Us ne un ka naam rakha ---Tara-sitara. .....Use phir se judvaa bache hue----Us ne naam rakha ....peter-repeater. ......Phir us ke judva bache hue ---us ne naam rakhe ........Max-climax......................Use phir judvaa bache hue.......us ne naam rakhe ....Stop-full stop.
Teacher - student
Teacher :- Ha to bacho, mai kl kahan thi ?
Pappu :- Ji, kl aap math wale sir ke sath chhagan chat wale ke thele pr chat kha rahi thi.
Teacher :- Shanti kis ke ghar rehti hai ?
Prince :- Jis ghar me pti-ptni dono mobile chlaate hain.
Teacher :- Bacho, btaao, swar aur vayanjan me kya fark hota hai ?
Bache :- Sirf itna hi, swar muh se baahr niklte hain aur vyanjan muh ke andar jate hain.
Teacher :- Maine chori ki...........is ka anuvaad English me kro.
Student :- Master ji, chori aap ne ki hai to anuvaad bhi aap hi kijiye. Mujhe kyon lafde me daal rahe hai.
professor Medical ke chhatr se :- Us mreej ka aap log kaise ilaaj kreinge jo beemar n ho. Phir bhi bimaari ka naatk krta ho ?
Student :- Yeh kaun si badi baat hai ? Dva de kr ehle use bimaar kr deinge. Phir iaaj kreinge.
upsthit chhatron se master ji ne Ram aur seeta ka sabak padne ko kaha . Dusre din unhon ne swaal kiya :- Dhanush kis ne toda tha ? Sb bache bari-bari bole :- Hm ne nahi toda.
Master ji gusse me principal ke paas gye aur bole :- Mai in bachon se poochh raha hun ki dhanush kis ne toda. Koi btlata hi nhin .
Principal sahib ne kaha :- Bache hi hain, tod diya hoga. Yeh lo 10 Rs. aur le lena.
Pappu school der se pahuncha.
Teacher :-Itna late school aata hai?
Pappu :- Ma kasam , pehli bar late aaya hun.
Teacher :- Kitni badboo aa rahi hai.Kl mummy ko bula kr lana.
Agle din teacher mummy se :- Apne bache ko nehla kr bheja kro.
Pappu ki mummy :- Aap bachon ko pdaaya kro, sumgha mt kro...............................................Teacher behosh
Teacher :- Mana jata hai ki hr safal aadmi ke peeche ek aurat ka haath hota hai........is wakya se tum kya smjhte ho ?
Rinku :- Sir, yhi ki books me time waste krne se behtar hai ki kisi ladki ke peechhe jaya jaye.
Class me naitik shiksha ke paath ke dauraan bachon ko chori krnaa buri baat hai,yeh samjhane ke baad teacher ne poochha :- Achha,a yeh btaao ,yadi mai kisi aadmi ki jeb se use bina btaaye rupaye nikaal leti hun to mai kya kehlaaungi ?
Ek bacha haath utha kr bola :- Us aadmi ki ptni.
Teacher :- Btaao bacho,vaskodigama Bharat kb aaya ?
Sonu :- Voh sardiyon me aayaa tha.
Teacher :- Paagal ho kya ? Kis ne kaha ?
Sonu :- Mene book me photo dekhi thi. Us ne coat pehen rakha tha.
Teacher :- Samay aur sabun ke illava aur kaun si cheez hai jo haath se fisal jati hai ?
Student :- Ji,aam ki guthli.
Teacher pappu se :- Tchnology ke aane se hmaare jeewan ki mushkile badi hain ya k hui hain ?
Pappu ne jwab diya :- Ji, km hui hain.
Teacher :- Veh kaise ? Class ko samjhao .
Pappu :- Pehle cream-powder lga kr photo khinchwate the, aur ab bs photo khinchwa kr brightness bdaa dete hain.
Madam vidhyarthion se:- Tum sb me se sb sebhaadur kaun hai bacho ?
Madam ka swaal sun kr sb bachon ne haath utha diye.......................Yeh dekh madam ne phir poochha ," Achha btaao, agar tumhaare school ke saamne koi bomb rakh de to kya karoge ?
Pappu ne haath uthaya aur bola :- Madam ji, 1-2 minutes dekhenge. Agar koi le jaataahai to theek hai, nahin to staaff-roomme rakh denge.
Madam pappu se -:- Veh kaun sa vibhag hai jis me aurtein kssm nhin kr skti.
Pappu :- Fire brigade.
Madam :- Veh kaise ?
Pappu :- Kyonki aurton ka kaam aag lgaanaa hai aag bujhana nhin.
Teacher class me bandaron ke baare me bta rahi thi , tabhi sushant ka mn bhataktaa dekh boli ," Sushant sirf meri trf dekho , nhin to tum kabhi nhin jaan paoge ki bander kaisa hota hai.
Teacher :- Pappu tere 80 me se 28 number aaye hain...................class ke saae bache hansne lage.....ha ha ha............
Teacher :- Aur class me highest hain..........................Jabardast sannataa.
Teacher bachon se :- Btaao, asmani bijli aur dharti ki bijli me kya antar hai ?
Bache :- Madam, aasman ki bijli ka bill nhin aataa , Dharti ki bijli ka bill aataa hai. -
Teacher :- Bacho, seb todne ka sb se achha samaye kaun sa hai ?
Bache :- Jb baag me mali na ho.
Teacher :-Na rahega baans na bajegi bansuri, is ka koi udaharn do.
Student :- Jb ladke ke baal jhadne shuru ho jayein to use ganja kra do.
Teacher student se :- Agar suraj na hota to ? Student ;- Sir, bijli ka bill double aataa.
Teacher :- Jo bhi ho sach-sach btana.
Eak student :-Thankyou sir , Maine apna home work nhin kiya hai.
Teacher :- Bacho btaao, baad me aane wale daanton ko kya kehte hain ?
Bache :- Nkli daant.
Sience ka teacher :- Jb paani jum kr birf bn jata hai to us me kya privartan aataa shi ?
Student, Khuchh nhin sir, bs jra mulya/ keemat bdl jati hai.
Science ka teacher :- Voh kaise ?
Student :- Sir, brf pani se mehangi bikti hai.
Teacher :- Ramesh se :- Ramesh,btaao , sona sb se adhik kahan hota hai ?
Ramesh :- Ji, Jahan raatein adhik lambi hoti hain vahan sona adhik hota hai.
Pareeksha me teacher ne 4 pages / prishtho ka nibandh likhne ko diya.
Ek vidhyaarthi ne 3 prishathon ko khali chhod diya aur 4th page pr likha..... ..Yahi aalsya hai.
Teacher :- Apne kiye pr paani ferna ko English me kya kehte hain ?
Pappu :- Bahut der sochne ke bad ..........Flush.
Itihaas ki class me teacher nr prathsm swatantra sangram ke baare me pdaate hue bachonse swaal poochha :- Bacho btaao mangal paande kaun the ?
Poori class ne ek saath jwaab diya :- Sir, Amir khan..
Teacher :- Bacho, meri shirt pr ek chhota sa lekh likho.
Sabhi bache teacher ki shirt pr lekh likhne lage. magar thodi der baad....Sir maili-kuchaili me matra choti lgegi ya badi.
Teacher :- Pryavarn santulan kya hota hai ?
Student :- Subaha neta ji ne paudha lgaya. Dopehat ko paudhe ko bkra kha gya. Shama ko neta ji bakra kha gye. Yahi hai pryavarn santulan.
Pti -Ptni
Ptni :- Mai tum se naraj hun .
Pti :- Maine kya kiya ?
Ptni :- Tum ne sorry bol kr sara mood ka satyanaash kr diya.
Simmi apne pti se :-Aji, aap ne mujh me kya dekh kr shadi kr li ?
Pti :- Kuchh nhin , bachpan se hi mujhe pange lene ka shauk tha.
Ptni :- Jante ho jb mere pita ji gaanaa gaate the to udte panchhi neeche gir jayya krte the .
Pti :- Kya tumhaare pita ji muh me kaartoos bhar kr gaanaa gaate the.
Pti :--vrat kr rhi ho ?
Ptni:- Ha ji...............Pti:- Kuchh khaya.
Ptni :-Ha ji.................Pti :- Kya ?
Ptni :- Kela,seb , anaaar, mungphali badam,shigai ka hlwa, kuttu ki poori, chay. Ab juice pi rahi hun.
Pti :- Bahut sakhat vrat rakh rhi ho. Yeh hr kisi ke bs ka nhin hai.Aur kuchhkhane ki ichha hai.Dekh lo kahin kamjori na aa jaye.
Ek baar Ravi apni ptni ke saath photo khinchwane gya. Photographer ne us ki ptni se kaha :-Aap jra apne ptidev ke
Pti :- Tum se shadi kr ke mujhe ek fayda to hua hai .
Ptni khush hote hue:- Veh Kya ?
Pti :- Mujhe mere gunahon ki sjaa isi duniya me mil gyi.
Pti :- Priye, kya tum meri jindagi ka chand bnanaa pasand krogi ?
Ptni ne behad khush ho kr kaha :- Han-han kyon nhin .
Pti bola :- To phir hmesha ke liye meri jindagi se 3,84,400 km dur rehna.
Ptni :- Ek baat btaaun , aap naraaj to nhin honge ?
Pti :- Nhin, btaao .
Ptni drte hue :- Meri veh heere ki anguthi kho gyi hai jo aap ne mujhe di thi.
Pti :- Ek shart pr maaf kr skta hun.
Ptni :- Kaun si shart pr ?
Pti :- Aage se meri jeb me haath nhin dalogi. Tumhari anguthi meri jeb me mili hai.
Pintu :- Aaj sunday hai aur maine film ki 3 tickets khareede hain.
Ptni :- 3 kyon ?
Pintu :- Ek tumhaare liye aur 2 tumhaare mummy-papa ke liye. Aakhir mujhe bhi to aajadi chahuye.
Ptni :- Pichhle 4 ghante se shaadi ka certificate le kr kyon baithe ho, Kya dhoondh rahe ho ?
Pti :- Mai to bs expiry date check kr raha tha.
Ek ganje ne coller wali T -shirt pehen kr apni ptni se poochha :-Kaisa lg raha hun ?
ptni ;- Rehne do, mt poochho...............................Pti :-Btaao to sahi ?
Ptni :- Aise lg rahe ho jaise fati hui juraab se angootha baahr nikl aaya ho.
Ptn pti se :- Phir se utha laaye keede wale baingan . Kitni baar kaha hai ki sabji pr dhyan diya kro. Sabji wali pr nhin.
Ek aurat ki bade sheher me interiew ke baad naukri lg gyi. Us ne socha apne pti ko massage kr dun taki unhe chinta na ho. Pr glti se massage kisi doosre nymber pr chla gya. Jis ko massage mila voh abhi-abhi apni ptni ka antim sanskaar kr ke laut raha tha.
Massage pdte hi veh bhosh ho gya.......Massage kuchh is trh ka tha.....Mai yahan sahi slaamt pahunch gyi hun rehne ki bhi suvidha achhi hai. Aap chinta mt krna. 1-2 din me aap ko bhi bula lungi.
Ptni ne poochha :- Agar mai mr gyi to tum kya kroge ?
Pti :- Aise kaise ho skta hai. Mai tumhe mrne hi nhin dunga.
Ptni ne kaha :- Yeh to theek hai magar maan lo agar mai mr gyi to tum kya kroge ?
Pti :- Kya karunga. Mai to bs paagl ho jauna.....................Ptni :- sach............Pti :- Bilkul sach.
Ptni ne khush ho kr poochha :-To is ka matlab tum doosri shaadi nhin kroge.
Pti muskraaya aur bola :- Ab paagl aadmi ka kya bhrosa.Veh to kuchh bhi kr skta hai.
Pti ne shadi ke doosre din bivi se chayki frmaish ki.
Bivi ne chay bnaai aur cup haath me lpkd kr le aai.
Pti :- Chay tray me laate hain.
Agle din bivi ne chay bnaai aur tray me daal kr le aayi . Aur maasumiyat se poochhne lgi," Chay aise hi chat lainge ya chamach la kr dun."
Ek lekhak ki nai-nai shadi hui. Bivi ki birthday party pr us ne bivi se poochha" Mai tumhe ek book bhaint/gift krna chahta hun".
Bivi :- Wow ! how sweet.
Lekhak :- Btaao tumhari favourte book kaun si hai ?
Bivi :- Aap kichech book. .........................Lekhak behosh.
Pti ptni se :- Agar tumhaare paas koi hunar hai to use kmaai ka jariya bnaao.
Ptni :- Matlab aap se ladne ke bhi paise lun.
Ptni :-Aap shadi ke baad badal gye hain. Mujh me interest hi nhin lete.
Pti :- Maine to pehle hi bta diya tha ki mai shadi-shuda aurtonme bilkul bhi interet nhin leta.
Pti ptni dance parti me :- ........Ptni :- Aaz to stage pr aag lga denge.
Pti :- Oh, pr hm sath machis to laye hi nhin.
Ptni :- Are aisi aag nhin. Matlab mai aaz jordaar dance karungi.
Pti :- Phir to log hi aag lga denge.
Dinesh tumhaari umr kya hai ?
Sheela :- 25 saal.
Dinesh :- Yeh kaise ho skta hai. Pichhle saal bhi tum ne apni umr 25 saal btaai thi
Sheela :- Ek baar jo keh deti hun , us se peechhe nhin htati.
Pti ptni se :- Kya tum mujhe pyar krti ho ?
Ptni :- Han bahut pyar krti hun.
Pti :- To meri pewah yon nhin krti ?
Ptni :- Jaanu, pyar krne wale kisi ki prwah kb krte hain,
Pti :- Self control to koi tum se seekhe.
Ptni ( khush ho kr ) :- Veh to hai lekin kis baat pr.
Pti :- Shaugar shareer me itni sugar hai , lekin majaal hai kabhi jubaan pr aane do.
Ptni :- Tum hamesha meri ko ma-behen ko koste rehte ho. Mujhe kaha karo lakin un ko kuchh nhin.
pti :- Kaisi baat krti ho. Aakhir un ki marji se hi to tum mere palle padi ho.
Pti ka apni ptni se jhagda ho raha tha to pti bole :- Shaadi ke baad pehle tum chander mukhi lagi thi. Doosre saal suraj mukhi aur ab to ek dum jwala mukhi nazar aati ho.
Ptni gusse me :- Aur tum pehle saal mujhe pran-nath nazar aaye the. Doosre saal sirf nath nazar aaye the. Aur ab to ekdm anath lgte ho...................Samajh gye ?
Ek din champu office jane ke liye car start kr raha tha. Magar car start hone ka naam nhin le rahi thi.
Ptni ne bahar aakr kaha :- Is car ko khareede 10 saal ho gye hain. Kyi baar keh chuki hun ki nayi car le lo.
Pti :- Phir to tumhaare sath shadi hue 15 saal ho gye hain
ptni se :- Janam din ki shubh kamnayein.
Ptni :- Yeh nhin, mujhe koi sone ki cheez chahiye.
Pti :- Oh ! yeh lo tkiya , aaraam se so jaao.
Shadi ke 5 saal baad velentine day pr pti ptni ke liye safed gulab laya.
Ptni :- Yeh safed gulab ? Vellentine day pr to lalgulab dete hain na ?
Pti :- Ab jindgi me pyar se jyadah shanti ki jaroorat hai.
Jyotishi
Kiisi preshani ke nivaarn ke liye Nathu ko taveez dete huve ek sant ne kaha,"ise sambhal kr rkhna".
Nathu ne kaha :- Maharaj, mujh se to gum ho jayega, Aap hi rakh leejiye apne paas.
Baba :- Jindagi bahut kathin hai beta, phook-phook kr kadam rkhna chahiye.
Ladkaa :- Koshish to krta hun baba, lakin itni phook maar kr phephde na khraab ho jayen.
Jyotishi ek ladke se :- Tumhaare bhagye me 7 ladkiyan likhi hain
Yuvak khushu se uchhal kr bola -----Are vah ! phir to majaa aayega.
Jyotishi :- Jyaadaa khush mt ho.. Un mese ek tumhaari ptni hai aur 6 tumhaari betiyan hongi.
Ek ameer admi ki car kr neeche aa kr ek aurat ki billi mr gyi. Us admi ne is ke liye khyma-yachna krna apna farz smjha. Us ne us aurat ke ghar ja kr kaha:- Meri car ke neeche aa kr aap ki billi mr gyi. Is nuksaan ki bhar pai ke liye aap ke pass aaya hun.
Aurat ne us ki aur ghoor kr dekha aur boli :- Achha, Kya aap choohe pakad skte hain ?
Pappu ke judvaa bachhe hue, Us ne un ka naam rakha ---Tara-sitara. .....Use phir se judvaa bache hue----Us ne naam rakha ....peter-repeater. ......Phir us ke judva bache hue ---us ne naam rakhe ........Max-climax......................Use phir judvaa bache hue.......us ne naam rakhe ....Stop-full stop.
Teacher - student
Teacher :- Ha to bacho, mai kl kahan thi ?
Pappu :- Ji, kl aap math wale sir ke sath chhagan chat wale ke thele pr chat kha rahi thi.
Teacher :- Shanti kis ke ghar rehti hai ?
Prince :- Jis ghar me pti-ptni dono mobile chlaate hain.
Teacher :- Bacho, btaao, swar aur vayanjan me kya fark hota hai ?
Bache :- Sirf itna hi, swar muh se baahr niklte hain aur vyanjan muh ke andar jate hain.
Teacher :- Maine chori ki...........is ka anuvaad English me kro.
Student :- Master ji, chori aap ne ki hai to anuvaad bhi aap hi kijiye. Mujhe kyon lafde me daal rahe hai.
professor Medical ke chhatr se :- Us mreej ka aap log kaise ilaaj kreinge jo beemar n ho. Phir bhi bimaari ka naatk krta ho ?
Student :- Yeh kaun si badi baat hai ? Dva de kr ehle use bimaar kr deinge. Phir iaaj kreinge.
upsthit chhatron se master ji ne Ram aur seeta ka sabak padne ko kaha . Dusre din unhon ne swaal kiya :- Dhanush kis ne toda tha ? Sb bache bari-bari bole :- Hm ne nahi toda.
Master ji gusse me principal ke paas gye aur bole :- Mai in bachon se poochh raha hun ki dhanush kis ne toda. Koi btlata hi nhin .
Principal sahib ne kaha :- Bache hi hain, tod diya hoga. Yeh lo 10 Rs. aur le lena.
Pappu school der se pahuncha.
Teacher :-Itna late school aata hai?
Pappu :- Ma kasam , pehli bar late aaya hun.
Teacher :- Kitni badboo aa rahi hai.Kl mummy ko bula kr lana.
Agle din teacher mummy se :- Apne bache ko nehla kr bheja kro.
Pappu ki mummy :- Aap bachon ko pdaaya kro, sumgha mt kro...............................................Teacher behosh
Teacher :- Mana jata hai ki hr safal aadmi ke peeche ek aurat ka haath hota hai........is wakya se tum kya smjhte ho ?
Rinku :- Sir, yhi ki books me time waste krne se behtar hai ki kisi ladki ke peechhe jaya jaye.
Class me naitik shiksha ke paath ke dauraan bachon ko chori krnaa buri baat hai,yeh samjhane ke baad teacher ne poochha :- Achha,a yeh btaao ,yadi mai kisi aadmi ki jeb se use bina btaaye rupaye nikaal leti hun to mai kya kehlaaungi ?
Ek bacha haath utha kr bola :- Us aadmi ki ptni.
Teacher :- Btaao bacho,vaskodigama Bharat kb aaya ?
Sonu :- Voh sardiyon me aayaa tha.
Teacher :- Paagal ho kya ? Kis ne kaha ?
Sonu :- Mene book me photo dekhi thi. Us ne coat pehen rakha tha.
Teacher :- Samay aur sabun ke illava aur kaun si cheez hai jo haath se fisal jati hai ?
Student :- Ji,aam ki guthli.
Teacher pappu se :- Tchnology ke aane se hmaare jeewan ki mushkile badi hain ya k hui hain ?
Pappu ne jwab diya :- Ji, km hui hain.
Teacher :- Veh kaise ? Class ko samjhao .
Pappu :- Pehle cream-powder lga kr photo khinchwate the, aur ab bs photo khinchwa kr brightness bdaa dete hain.
Madam vidhyarthion se:- Tum sb me se sb sebhaadur kaun hai bacho ?
Madam ka swaal sun kr sb bachon ne haath utha diye.......................Yeh dekh madam ne phir poochha ," Achha btaao, agar tumhaare school ke saamne koi bomb rakh de to kya karoge ?
Pappu ne haath uthaya aur bola :- Madam ji, 1-2 minutes dekhenge. Agar koi le jaataahai to theek hai, nahin to staaff-roomme rakh denge.
Madam pappu se -:- Veh kaun sa vibhag hai jis me aurtein kssm nhin kr skti.
Pappu :- Fire brigade.
Madam :- Veh kaise ?
Pappu :- Kyonki aurton ka kaam aag lgaanaa hai aag bujhana nhin.
Teacher class me bandaron ke baare me bta rahi thi , tabhi sushant ka mn bhataktaa dekh boli ," Sushant sirf meri trf dekho , nhin to tum kabhi nhin jaan paoge ki bander kaisa hota hai.
Teacher :- Pappu tere 80 me se 28 number aaye hain...................class ke saae bache hansne lage.....ha ha ha............
Teacher :- Aur class me highest hain..........................Jabardast sannataa.
Teacher bachon se :- Btaao, asmani bijli aur dharti ki bijli me kya antar hai ?
Bache :- Madam, aasman ki bijli ka bill nhin aataa , Dharti ki bijli ka bill aataa hai. -
Teacher :- Bacho, seb todne ka sb se achha samaye kaun sa hai ?
Bache :- Jb baag me mali na ho.
Teacher :-Na rahega baans na bajegi bansuri, is ka koi udaharn do.
Student :- Jb ladke ke baal jhadne shuru ho jayein to use ganja kra do.
Teacher student se :- Agar suraj na hota to ? Student ;- Sir, bijli ka bill double aataa.
Teacher :- Jo bhi ho sach-sach btana.
Eak student :-Thankyou sir , Maine apna home work nhin kiya hai.
Teacher :- Bacho btaao, baad me aane wale daanton ko kya kehte hain ?
Bache :- Nkli daant.
Sience ka teacher :- Jb paani jum kr birf bn jata hai to us me kya privartan aataa shi ?
Student, Khuchh nhin sir, bs jra mulya/ keemat bdl jati hai.
Science ka teacher :- Voh kaise ?
Student :- Sir, brf pani se mehangi bikti hai.
Teacher :- Ramesh se :- Ramesh,btaao , sona sb se adhik kahan hota hai ?
Ramesh :- Ji, Jahan raatein adhik lambi hoti hain vahan sona adhik hota hai.
Pareeksha me teacher ne 4 pages / prishtho ka nibandh likhne ko diya.
Ek vidhyaarthi ne 3 prishathon ko khali chhod diya aur 4th page pr likha..... ..Yahi aalsya hai.
Teacher :- Apne kiye pr paani ferna ko English me kya kehte hain ?
Pappu :- Bahut der sochne ke bad ..........Flush.
Itihaas ki class me teacher nr prathsm swatantra sangram ke baare me pdaate hue bachonse swaal poochha :- Bacho btaao mangal paande kaun the ?
Poori class ne ek saath jwaab diya :- Sir, Amir khan..
Teacher :- Bacho, meri shirt pr ek chhota sa lekh likho.
Sabhi bache teacher ki shirt pr lekh likhne lage. magar thodi der baad....Sir maili-kuchaili me matra choti lgegi ya badi.
Teacher :- Pryavarn santulan kya hota hai ?
Student :- Subaha neta ji ne paudha lgaya. Dopehat ko paudhe ko bkra kha gya. Shama ko neta ji bakra kha gye. Yahi hai pryavarn santulan.
Pti -Ptni
Ptni :- Mai tum se naraj hun .
Pti :- Maine kya kiya ?
Ptni :- Tum ne sorry bol kr sara mood ka satyanaash kr diya.
Simmi apne pti se :-Aji, aap ne mujh me kya dekh kr shadi kr li ?
Pti :- Kuchh nhin , bachpan se hi mujhe pange lene ka shauk tha.
Ptni :- Jante ho jb mere pita ji gaanaa gaate the to udte panchhi neeche gir jayya krte the .
Pti :- Kya tumhaare pita ji muh me kaartoos bhar kr gaanaa gaate the.
Pti :--vrat kr rhi ho ?
Ptni:- Ha ji...............Pti:- Kuchh khaya.
Ptni :-Ha ji.................Pti :- Kya ?
Ptni :- Kela,seb , anaaar, mungphali badam,shigai ka hlwa, kuttu ki poori, chay. Ab juice pi rahi hun.
Pti :- Bahut sakhat vrat rakh rhi ho. Yeh hr kisi ke bs ka nhin hai.Aur kuchhkhane ki ichha hai.Dekh lo kahin kamjori na aa jaye.
Ek baar Ravi apni ptni ke saath photo khinchwane gya. Photographer ne us ki ptni se kaha :-Aap jra apne ptidev ke
Pti :- Tum se shadi kr ke mujhe ek fayda to hua hai .
Ptni khush hote hue:- Veh Kya ?
Pti :- Mujhe mere gunahon ki sjaa isi duniya me mil gyi.
Pti :- Priye, kya tum meri jindagi ka chand bnanaa pasand krogi ?
Ptni ne behad khush ho kr kaha :- Han-han kyon nhin .
Pti bola :- To phir hmesha ke liye meri jindagi se 3,84,400 km dur rehna.
Ptni :- Ek baat btaaun , aap naraaj to nhin honge ?
Pti :- Nhin, btaao .
Ptni drte hue :- Meri veh heere ki anguthi kho gyi hai jo aap ne mujhe di thi.
Pti :- Ek shart pr maaf kr skta hun.
Ptni :- Kaun si shart pr ?
Pti :- Aage se meri jeb me haath nhin dalogi. Tumhari anguthi meri jeb me mili hai.
Pintu :- Aaj sunday hai aur maine film ki 3 tickets khareede hain.
Ptni :- 3 kyon ?
Pintu :- Ek tumhaare liye aur 2 tumhaare mummy-papa ke liye. Aakhir mujhe bhi to aajadi chahuye.
Ptni :- Pichhle 4 ghante se shaadi ka certificate le kr kyon baithe ho, Kya dhoondh rahe ho ?
Pti :- Mai to bs expiry date check kr raha tha.
Ek ganje ne coller wali T -shirt pehen kr apni ptni se poochha :-Kaisa lg raha hun ?
ptni ;- Rehne do, mt poochho...............................Pti :-Btaao to sahi ?
Ptni :- Aise lg rahe ho jaise fati hui juraab se angootha baahr nikl aaya ho.
Ptn pti se :- Phir se utha laaye keede wale baingan . Kitni baar kaha hai ki sabji pr dhyan diya kro. Sabji wali pr nhin.
Ek aurat ki bade sheher me interiew ke baad naukri lg gyi. Us ne socha apne pti ko massage kr dun taki unhe chinta na ho. Pr glti se massage kisi doosre nymber pr chla gya. Jis ko massage mila voh abhi-abhi apni ptni ka antim sanskaar kr ke laut raha tha.
Massage pdte hi veh bhosh ho gya.......Massage kuchh is trh ka tha.....Mai yahan sahi slaamt pahunch gyi hun rehne ki bhi suvidha achhi hai. Aap chinta mt krna. 1-2 din me aap ko bhi bula lungi.
Ptni ne poochha :- Agar mai mr gyi to tum kya kroge ?
Pti :- Aise kaise ho skta hai. Mai tumhe mrne hi nhin dunga.
Ptni ne kaha :- Yeh to theek hai magar maan lo agar mai mr gyi to tum kya kroge ?
Pti :- Kya karunga. Mai to bs paagl ho jauna.....................Ptni :- sach............Pti :- Bilkul sach.
Ptni ne khush ho kr poochha :-To is ka matlab tum doosri shaadi nhin kroge.
Pti muskraaya aur bola :- Ab paagl aadmi ka kya bhrosa.Veh to kuchh bhi kr skta hai.
Pti ne shadi ke doosre din bivi se chayki frmaish ki.
Bivi ne chay bnaai aur cup haath me lpkd kr le aai.
Pti :- Chay tray me laate hain.
Agle din bivi ne chay bnaai aur tray me daal kr le aayi . Aur maasumiyat se poochhne lgi," Chay aise hi chat lainge ya chamach la kr dun."
Ek lekhak ki nai-nai shadi hui. Bivi ki birthday party pr us ne bivi se poochha" Mai tumhe ek book bhaint/gift krna chahta hun".
Bivi :- Wow ! how sweet.
Lekhak :- Btaao tumhari favourte book kaun si hai ?
Bivi :- Aap kichech book. .........................Lekhak behosh.
Pti ptni se :- Agar tumhaare paas koi hunar hai to use kmaai ka jariya bnaao.
Ptni :- Matlab aap se ladne ke bhi paise lun.
Ptni :-Aap shadi ke baad badal gye hain. Mujh me interest hi nhin lete.
Pti :- Maine to pehle hi bta diya tha ki mai shadi-shuda aurtonme bilkul bhi interet nhin leta.
Pti ptni dance parti me :- ........Ptni :- Aaz to stage pr aag lga denge.
Pti :- Oh, pr hm sath machis to laye hi nhin.
Ptni :- Are aisi aag nhin. Matlab mai aaz jordaar dance karungi.
Pti :- Phir to log hi aag lga denge.
Dinesh tumhaari umr kya hai ?
Sheela :- 25 saal.
Dinesh :- Yeh kaise ho skta hai. Pichhle saal bhi tum ne apni umr 25 saal btaai thi
Sheela :- Ek baar jo keh deti hun , us se peechhe nhin htati.
Pti ptni se :- Kya tum mujhe pyar krti ho ?
Ptni :- Han bahut pyar krti hun.
Pti :- To meri pewah yon nhin krti ?
Ptni :- Jaanu, pyar krne wale kisi ki prwah kb krte hain,
Pti :- Self control to koi tum se seekhe.
Ptni ( khush ho kr ) :- Veh to hai lekin kis baat pr.
Pti :- Shaugar shareer me itni sugar hai , lekin majaal hai kabhi jubaan pr aane do.
Ptni :- Tum hamesha meri ko ma-behen ko koste rehte ho. Mujhe kaha karo lakin un ko kuchh nhin.
pti :- Kaisi baat krti ho. Aakhir un ki marji se hi to tum mere palle padi ho.
Pti ka apni ptni se jhagda ho raha tha to pti bole :- Shaadi ke baad pehle tum chander mukhi lagi thi. Doosre saal suraj mukhi aur ab to ek dum jwala mukhi nazar aati ho.
Ptni gusse me :- Aur tum pehle saal mujhe pran-nath nazar aaye the. Doosre saal sirf nath nazar aaye the. Aur ab to ekdm anath lgte ho...................Samajh gye ?
Ek din champu office jane ke liye car start kr raha tha. Magar car start hone ka naam nhin le rahi thi.
Ptni ne bahar aakr kaha :- Is car ko khareede 10 saal ho gye hain. Kyi baar keh chuki hun ki nayi car le lo.
Pti :- Phir to tumhaare sath shadi hue 15 saal ho gye hain
ptni se :- Janam din ki shubh kamnayein.
Ptni :- Yeh nhin, mujhe koi sone ki cheez chahiye.
Pti :- Oh ! yeh lo tkiya , aaraam se so jaao.
Shadi ke 5 saal baad velentine day pr pti ptni ke liye safed gulab laya.
Ptni :- Yeh safed gulab ? Vellentine day pr to lalgulab dete hain na ?
Pti :- Ab jindgi me pyar se jyadah shanti ki jaroorat hai.
Jyotishi
Kiisi preshani ke nivaarn ke liye Nathu ko taveez dete huve ek sant ne kaha,"ise sambhal kr rkhna".
Nathu ne kaha :- Maharaj, mujh se to gum ho jayega, Aap hi rakh leejiye apne paas.
Baba :- Jindagi bahut kathin hai beta, phook-phook kr kadam rkhna chahiye.
Ladkaa :- Koshish to krta hun baba, lakin itni phook maar kr phephde na khraab ho jayen.
Jyotishi ek ladke se :- Tumhaare bhagye me 7 ladkiyan likhi hain
Yuvak khushu se uchhal kr bola -----Are vah ! phir to majaa aayega.
Jyotishi :- Jyaadaa khush mt ho.. Un mese ek tumhaari ptni hai aur 6 tumhaari betiyan hongi.
Naukraani :- Bibi ji mujhe 10 din ki chhutti chahiye.
Malkin :- Tu 10 din chhuti jaayegi to tere sahib ka tifin kaun bnayega,, unhe dwaai kaun dega, un ka bister kaun lgaayega , un ke kapde kaun dhoyega ?
Naukraani ne Shrmate huye bade pyaarse kaha :-Aap kahe to sahib ko saath le jaun ?
Thand bd gayi hai, Namaste karna shuru kr do. Kya pata saamne wale ne naak saaf kr ke haath dhoye hain ya nahi.
Dhabewla
Rajan dhabe wale se :- Tumhare dhabe me itni makhiyan kyon hai ?
Dhabe wala :- Kyon ki in makhiyon ko pass wale dhabe ka khana pasand nhin.
Malkin :- Tu 10 din chhuti jaayegi to tere sahib ka tifin kaun bnayega,, unhe dwaai kaun dega, un ka bister kaun lgaayega , un ke kapde kaun dhoyega ?
Naukraani ne Shrmate huye bade pyaarse kaha :-Aap kahe to sahib ko saath le jaun ?
Thand bd gayi hai, Namaste karna shuru kr do. Kya pata saamne wale ne naak saaf kr ke haath dhoye hain ya nahi.
Dhabewla
Rajan dhabe wale se :- Tumhare dhabe me itni makhiyan kyon hai ?
Dhabe wala :- Kyon ki in makhiyon ko pass wale dhabe ka khana pasand nhin.
Do paagl chhat pr so rhe the. Tabhi achank baarish hone lgi. Pehla paaglbola :- Chal ander chlte hai. Lgta hai aasmaan me chhed ho gya hai.
Itne me bijli kadki to doosra paagl bola :- Chal so ja . Lgta hai velding wale bhi aa gye hain.
Friendship
Jagat :- Kabhi-kabhi mujhe lgta hai ki ptniyan puratatva vibhag se hoti hain.
Magan :- Veh kyon ?
Jagat :- Kyoki voh gade murde -ukhad kr jhagde krti hain.
Ek aurat ki saheli :- Are, dekh na veh ladki kb se tere pti ko ghoor rahi hai.
Aurat boli :- Mujhe pata hai,pr mai yeh dekh rahi hun ki mera pti kitni der apni tond ko ander kheenche khada reh skta hai.
Vijay Ajay :- Ptni se jyaadah issat to us ke kapde dete hain .
Vijay :-Kaise ?
Ajay :- Jab bhi almaari kholta hun to 2-3 peron pr hi gir jate hai.
Pappu :- Yaar, jindgi me apsara naam pr ek hi cheez mili hai
Sonu :- Veh kya ?
Pappu :- Pencil.
Pankaj :- Logon se tum yeh kyo kehte firte ho ki mai bevkoof hu ?
Dinesh :- Maaf krna, mujhe nhi pta tha ki yeh baat gupt rkhni thi.
Jai :- Mujhe lgta hai ki mujhe bird flue ho gya hai .
Basant :- Tujhe aisa kyo lgta hai ?
Jai :- Subha se mera mn udne ko kr rha hai.
Ashok :- Pehle tum yeh btao ki tum itni jldi mrna kyon chhahte o ?
Sonu :- Agar duniya ke sabhi murkh jldi hi mr jaye to duniya ka kya hoga.?
Ravi :- Itna preshan kyo hai ?
Krishan :- Bahut preshani hai . Mummy kehti hai 9 bje so jaao. Girl friend kehti hai 10 bje ke baad online aaungi.
Vinod :- Tang mt kro, aaz mera mood off hai .
Gopal :- Kabhi tumhaaraa mood off hota hai kabhi on hota hai. Kahi kabhi fuse hi na ho jaye.
Raju apne dost se :- Ek baar to mai bhi chla gya border pr ladne , Fir yeh soch kr waapis aa gya ki ghar wali hi nahi darti to dushman kya khak drega.
Pappu ka padosi mr gya. Veh un ke ghar gya aur un ke sambandhiyo se bola," Body aa gyi kya ?
Itne me Ambulance body le kr aa gyi.
Pappu khush ho kr jor se bola :- Lo btaao, abhi yaad kiya aur abhi body aa gyi. Kitni lambi umar hai saale ki.
Raman :- Tumhari sab se badi taakt kya hai ?
Daman :- Meri ptni.
Raman :- Aur sab se badi kamjori ?
Daman :- Doosro ki ptni.
Ek bike swaar :- Mujhe lal qila jana hai.
Doosra bike swaar :- To ja na bhai, Is trh har-ek ko btate hue jayega to pahunchega kb ?
Gullu :- Banti, kya tumhaare pita ji ka naam kamaal hai ?
Banti :- Nahi to , Tumhe kis ne kaha ?
Gullu :- Kl hi school me teacher keh rhe the Banti to kamaal ka ladka hai.
Ravi :- Bivi ke paanv dbana khidmat hai ya kismt ?
Sohan :- Agar bivi khud ki hai to khidmat, padosi ki hai to kisma.
Pappu padosi se :- Aaj-kal meri bivi bahut mjaak krti hai ki kya btaau.
Padosi :- Voh kaise ?
Pappu :- Kl mai chupke se ghar gya. Uski aankho pr haath rakha to veh boli --doodh wala.
Dost :-Aur suna, kya haal-chaal hai, kya chal raha ahi jindgi me ?
Doosra dost :- Bs kuchh khaas nhi, bado ka ashirwad, ptni ke taane, dard bhare geet,
baaki bhagwan jaane.
Sonu :- Hm 18bhai-bahan hai.
Monu:-Tumhare ghar pr jangadna wale nahi aaye the kya ?
Sonu :- Aaye to the lakin us samay hm pd rahe the , aur voh coaching center samajh kr chale gye.
Vinod Kishan se :- Tang mt kro, Aaj mera mood bahut off hai.
Kishan :- Kabhi tumhara mood off hota hai aur kabhi on. Kisi din tumhara fuze hi na ud jaye.
Subhash apni girl friend ke saah pehli baar romsntic date pr gya.
Girl friend :- Darling, kya tum sgaai wale din mujhe on ring doge ?
Subhash :- Ha-ha kyon nhin," Tumhara phon no. kya hai.
Sudhir shamsher se :- Welding aur wedding me kya fark hai ?
Shamsher :- Dar-asal welding me pehle chingariya nikalti hai aur hamesha ke liye gathbandhan ho jata hai aur wedding me pehle gathbandhan hota hai aur jindagi bhar chingariyan nikalti rehti hai.
Ashok aur Mohan ek bajurg ki rasam kirya me gye. Vha pr ek ladki aai aur Ashok ke gle lg kr rone lagi . Thodi der tk to Mohan dekhta rha, phir ladki se bola," Idhar mere pass aa jao, Veh bajurg rishte me mere bhi vahi lgte the jo Ashok ke lgte the.
Ramesh :- Vigyapno ki mummy kitni achhi hoti hai.
Suresh :- Kyon kya hua ?
ramesh :- Bacha kpde gande kr ke aaye to hans ke dhoti hai....bachpan me jb hm kpde gande kr ke aate the to pehle hm dhulte the baad me kapde.
Sonu samose ki papdi utar kr msala kha rha tha. monu ne poochha :- Tu papdi kyo nhin kha rha hai ?
Sonu :- Doctor ne bahr ki cheeze khane se mna kiya hua hai,
Sonu :- mai tirth yaatra pr ja rha hu. Sochta hu daaru chhod du.
Ashok :- Yeh to bahut achhi baat hai, Is me dikaat kya hai ?
Sonu :- Pr kis ke paas chhodu. Saare dost kameene hai, saale pi jaayeinge.
Papa
Pita :- Btaao , Ravi aur jhelam ndiyan kahan hai.
Beta :- Aap mummy se poochho. Vahi cheezze idhsr se udhar iakh deti hai.
Papa :- Beta, kaha ja rahe ho ?
Beta :- Tution.
Papa :- Beta, grmi me pyaaz jyada khaya kr. Loo nhi lgti.
Beta :- Papa aap ko kya pta,Pyaaz khaane se girl friend muh nhi lgti.
Beta :- Papa ek night bulb lala hai kmre ke liye.
Papa :- Kya jarurt hai ? Chader ke neeche se mobile jlta to rehta hai poori raat.
Beta :- Papa ab hm malamal ho jayenge.
Papa :- Aisa kaise ho skta hai ?
Beta :- Kl Hmaare teacher paise ko rupye me bdlna sikhayein ge.
KG ke bache ke paper me zero aaya. Gusse se pita :- Yeh kya hai ?
Bacha :- Papa, teacher ke pass star khatam ho gye the, is liyee us ne moon de diya.
Ek bache ke 10th. me 95% marks aye. Teacher ne kaha," Sbhi bacho ko apni saflta ka raj btao. Bacha bola ki jb mai 9th. class me tha to papa 2 smart phone laye. Ek khud rakha aur ek mummy ko diya. Dono whats-up aur face-book me lge rehte the aur ghar mw shanti rehne lgi. Mai achhi trh se pdai kr ska.
Papa :- Shrab, cigarette, , ladkiya,ye sb tumhare dushman hai beta.
Beta :- Papa, jo shakash apne dushmno se dr jaaye veh mard nhin hota.
Bacha school jate ro rha tha . Papa ne kaha, sher ke bache rote nhin hai.
Bachaa :- Sher ke bache school bhi to nahin jaate.
Itne me bijli kadki to doosra paagl bola :- Chal so ja . Lgta hai velding wale bhi aa gye hain.
Friendship
Jagat :- Kabhi-kabhi mujhe lgta hai ki ptniyan puratatva vibhag se hoti hain.
Magan :- Veh kyon ?
Jagat :- Kyoki voh gade murde -ukhad kr jhagde krti hain.
Ek aurat ki saheli :- Are, dekh na veh ladki kb se tere pti ko ghoor rahi hai.
Aurat boli :- Mujhe pata hai,pr mai yeh dekh rahi hun ki mera pti kitni der apni tond ko ander kheenche khada reh skta hai.
Vijay Ajay :- Ptni se jyaadah issat to us ke kapde dete hain .
Vijay :-Kaise ?
Ajay :- Jab bhi almaari kholta hun to 2-3 peron pr hi gir jate hai.
Pappu :- Yaar, jindgi me apsara naam pr ek hi cheez mili hai
Sonu :- Veh kya ?
Pappu :- Pencil.
Pankaj :- Logon se tum yeh kyo kehte firte ho ki mai bevkoof hu ?
Dinesh :- Maaf krna, mujhe nhi pta tha ki yeh baat gupt rkhni thi.
Jai :- Mujhe lgta hai ki mujhe bird flue ho gya hai .
Basant :- Tujhe aisa kyo lgta hai ?
Jai :- Subha se mera mn udne ko kr rha hai.
Ashok :- Pehle tum yeh btao ki tum itni jldi mrna kyon chhahte o ?
Sonu :- Agar duniya ke sabhi murkh jldi hi mr jaye to duniya ka kya hoga.?
Ravi :- Itna preshan kyo hai ?
Krishan :- Bahut preshani hai . Mummy kehti hai 9 bje so jaao. Girl friend kehti hai 10 bje ke baad online aaungi.
Vinod :- Tang mt kro, aaz mera mood off hai .
Gopal :- Kabhi tumhaaraa mood off hota hai kabhi on hota hai. Kahi kabhi fuse hi na ho jaye.
Raju apne dost se :- Ek baar to mai bhi chla gya border pr ladne , Fir yeh soch kr waapis aa gya ki ghar wali hi nahi darti to dushman kya khak drega.
Pappu ka padosi mr gya. Veh un ke ghar gya aur un ke sambandhiyo se bola," Body aa gyi kya ?
Itne me Ambulance body le kr aa gyi.
Pappu khush ho kr jor se bola :- Lo btaao, abhi yaad kiya aur abhi body aa gyi. Kitni lambi umar hai saale ki.
Raman :- Tumhari sab se badi taakt kya hai ?
Daman :- Meri ptni.
Raman :- Aur sab se badi kamjori ?
Daman :- Doosro ki ptni.
Ek bike swaar :- Mujhe lal qila jana hai.
Doosra bike swaar :- To ja na bhai, Is trh har-ek ko btate hue jayega to pahunchega kb ?
Gullu :- Banti, kya tumhaare pita ji ka naam kamaal hai ?
Banti :- Nahi to , Tumhe kis ne kaha ?
Gullu :- Kl hi school me teacher keh rhe the Banti to kamaal ka ladka hai.
Ravi :- Bivi ke paanv dbana khidmat hai ya kismt ?
Sohan :- Agar bivi khud ki hai to khidmat, padosi ki hai to kisma.
Pappu padosi se :- Aaj-kal meri bivi bahut mjaak krti hai ki kya btaau.
Padosi :- Voh kaise ?
Pappu :- Kl mai chupke se ghar gya. Uski aankho pr haath rakha to veh boli --doodh wala.
Dost :-Aur suna, kya haal-chaal hai, kya chal raha ahi jindgi me ?
Doosra dost :- Bs kuchh khaas nhi, bado ka ashirwad, ptni ke taane, dard bhare geet,
baaki bhagwan jaane.
Sonu :- Hm 18bhai-bahan hai.
Monu:-Tumhare ghar pr jangadna wale nahi aaye the kya ?
Sonu :- Aaye to the lakin us samay hm pd rahe the , aur voh coaching center samajh kr chale gye.
Vinod Kishan se :- Tang mt kro, Aaj mera mood bahut off hai.
Kishan :- Kabhi tumhara mood off hota hai aur kabhi on. Kisi din tumhara fuze hi na ud jaye.
Subhash apni girl friend ke saah pehli baar romsntic date pr gya.
Girl friend :- Darling, kya tum sgaai wale din mujhe on ring doge ?
Subhash :- Ha-ha kyon nhin," Tumhara phon no. kya hai.
Sudhir shamsher se :- Welding aur wedding me kya fark hai ?
Shamsher :- Dar-asal welding me pehle chingariya nikalti hai aur hamesha ke liye gathbandhan ho jata hai aur wedding me pehle gathbandhan hota hai aur jindagi bhar chingariyan nikalti rehti hai.
Ashok aur Mohan ek bajurg ki rasam kirya me gye. Vha pr ek ladki aai aur Ashok ke gle lg kr rone lagi . Thodi der tk to Mohan dekhta rha, phir ladki se bola," Idhar mere pass aa jao, Veh bajurg rishte me mere bhi vahi lgte the jo Ashok ke lgte the.
Ramesh :- Vigyapno ki mummy kitni achhi hoti hai.
Suresh :- Kyon kya hua ?
ramesh :- Bacha kpde gande kr ke aaye to hans ke dhoti hai....bachpan me jb hm kpde gande kr ke aate the to pehle hm dhulte the baad me kapde.
Sonu samose ki papdi utar kr msala kha rha tha. monu ne poochha :- Tu papdi kyo nhin kha rha hai ?
Sonu :- Doctor ne bahr ki cheeze khane se mna kiya hua hai,
Sonu :- mai tirth yaatra pr ja rha hu. Sochta hu daaru chhod du.
Ashok :- Yeh to bahut achhi baat hai, Is me dikaat kya hai ?
Sonu :- Pr kis ke paas chhodu. Saare dost kameene hai, saale pi jaayeinge.
Papa
Pita :- Btaao , Ravi aur jhelam ndiyan kahan hai.
Beta :- Aap mummy se poochho. Vahi cheezze idhsr se udhar iakh deti hai.
Papa :- Beta, kaha ja rahe ho ?
Beta :- Tution.
Papa :- Beta, grmi me pyaaz jyada khaya kr. Loo nhi lgti.
Beta :- Papa aap ko kya pta,Pyaaz khaane se girl friend muh nhi lgti.
Beta :- Papa ek night bulb lala hai kmre ke liye.
Papa :- Kya jarurt hai ? Chader ke neeche se mobile jlta to rehta hai poori raat.
Beta :- Papa ab hm malamal ho jayenge.
Papa :- Aisa kaise ho skta hai ?
Beta :- Kl Hmaare teacher paise ko rupye me bdlna sikhayein ge.
KG ke bache ke paper me zero aaya. Gusse se pita :- Yeh kya hai ?
Bacha :- Papa, teacher ke pass star khatam ho gye the, is liyee us ne moon de diya.
Ek bache ke 10th. me 95% marks aye. Teacher ne kaha," Sbhi bacho ko apni saflta ka raj btao. Bacha bola ki jb mai 9th. class me tha to papa 2 smart phone laye. Ek khud rakha aur ek mummy ko diya. Dono whats-up aur face-book me lge rehte the aur ghar mw shanti rehne lgi. Mai achhi trh se pdai kr ska.
Papa :- Shrab, cigarette, , ladkiya,ye sb tumhare dushman hai beta.
Beta :- Papa, jo shakash apne dushmno se dr jaaye veh mard nhin hota.
Bacha school jate ro rha tha . Papa ne kaha, sher ke bache rote nhin hai.
Bachaa :- Sher ke bache school bhi to nahin jaate.
Painter :- Aap ne apni painting to bnvai pr gle me haar bnaane ko kyo kaha.
Aurat :- Agar kabhi mai mr gyi to mere pti doosri shadi kr lenge. Nai wali aayegi to haar dhundhegi. Na milne pr jhgda kregi. Us smay meri aatma ko sacha sukh milega. Jindgi ke saath bhi, jindgi ke baad bhi. li
Ek mehmaan :- Bache, aap ka naam ?
Bacha :- Bunti.
Mehmaan :- Yeh to aap kaghar ka naam hua. School ka naam..............
Bacha :- Kendriya vidhyalya.
Ek murkh ko darpan mil gya. Us ne use ghar aa kr chhupa diya. Pti ne dekh liya aur poochha ki kya chhupa rake ho ?
Veh bola kuchh nhi............... Ek din veh us ki ptni ke haath lg gya. Dekha to boli," Acha to yeh chudel hai jis ko chhupata phirta hai.
Ek aadmi petrol ki badti hui keemto pr vichar kr rha tha . Kuchh der baad us kee dost ne us se poochha na tumhare pass car hai na scooter hai, phir bhi tum petrol ki keemto ke baare me kyo chintit ho rhe ho ?
Kavi
Ek kavi sammelan me munch sunchalk ne shrotaon se kaha ,"Dekhiye saal me 12 mahiine hooti hai aur sanjog se is samay munch pr kavi bhi 12 hi hai. Mai hr mahine ke hisaab se ek-ek kavi ko bulaun ga.......Yeh keh kr unho ne ek kavi ka naam liya to ek nate se kd ka 5 feet 2 inch ke ek kavi mike ke samne aa khade hue...............Unhe dekhte hi shrota ak saath bol pade," Are bhai, yeh February ke mhine ko sb se pehle kaise bula liya.
Padosi
Ek admi nye mkaan me rehne pahuncha aur apne pehle padosi ka drwaja khtkhtaya.
Admi :- Maine aap ki bgl me flat khareeda hai , suna hai yaha bhooton ka waas hai.
Padosi :- Mai is baare me theek se kuchh nhi keh skta. Kyonki mujhe mare hue to 20 saal ho gye hai.
Pappu :- Yeh train chal kyo nhi rahi ?
TT :- Bhari varsha ke kaarn train chal nhi rahi.
Papuu :- varsha itni bhari hai to varsha ko train se utaar kyo nhi dete .
TT behosh.
Riksha wala
Riksha wala sonu se :- Bus stand ke 20 rupaye.
Sonu :- Samaan bhi hai saath me.
Rikshaw wala;- Samaan free hai.
Sonu :- OK , Samaan le chal. Mai paidal aata hun.
.
Yatri rikshaw wale se :- Bhaiya, Lal Kile ke kitne loge ?
Riksha wala :- Maaf krna sahib, mai Lala kila nhi bech sakta. Yeh sarkaari samhpati hai.
Dadaji
90 saal ke ek dada ji mrne ke baad swarg paunche. Swarg me khoobsurat apsrao ka nritye dekh kr dadanji foot-foot kr rote hue bole," Yog ke chakkar me nahi padta to kb ka yaha pahunch gya hota".
Saas-sasur , Bahu- Damaad--samdhi
Shadi ke baad pehli baar bahu rsoi me gayi. Veh resipy dekh kr khana bna rahi thi. Saas baahr se ghar lauti.Fridge khola , ander dekhkr chakrai aur poocha :- Yeh mandir ka ghanta fridge me kyon rakha hai ?
Bahu :- Kitab me likha hai.....Sab cheejon ka mixture bna kr ek ghanta gridge me rakhein.
Saas bahu se:- Maine kitni baar kaha hai ki bindi laga ke baahr jaya kro.
Bahu :- Lekin jeans pr bindi kaun lgata hai ?
Saas :- Maine kb kaha jeans pr lgaao. Maathe pr lga lo.
Do smdhi aaps me baith kr daaru pi rhe the.
Doosra :- Bna de , aaz peg pi kr hi sounga.
Pehla :-Pani kitna daalu ?
Doosra :- Bilkul bhi nhi Pani kit. Hm beti ke ghar ka pani nhi peete.
Sasur damaad se :- Anmol heere jaisi croro ki beti di hai maine tumhe.
Damaad :- Rehne deejiye ,,,,,,,,,,,,,Ab yeh btaao ki kitne me vaaps loge.
Shadi me vidaai ke samay sasur ji aaankho me aanusu liye badi komalta se bole," Dhyan rakhna beta ".
Us samay daamaad bhi bhavuk ho kr rone lga...... Ek maheeine baad damaad ko pta chla ki sasur ji apne damaad ko hi dhyaan rkhne ke liye bol rahe the.
Saasu ma ne phone kr ke damaad se poocha :- Tufaan ka kya haal-chal hai ?
Damaad :- Bs badiya hai, coolar chla ke so raha hai aaraam se .Baar krvaaun kya.
Shadi ke baad doosra din saas :- Bahu yeh kya bahu, haath khaali kyo ?
Bahu :- Ma ji, mobile charging pr lgaaya hua hai.
Aurat :- Agar kabhi mai mr gyi to mere pti doosri shadi kr lenge. Nai wali aayegi to haar dhundhegi. Na milne pr jhgda kregi. Us smay meri aatma ko sacha sukh milega. Jindgi ke saath bhi, jindgi ke baad bhi. li
Ek mehmaan :- Bache, aap ka naam ?
Bacha :- Bunti.
Mehmaan :- Yeh to aap kaghar ka naam hua. School ka naam..............
Bacha :- Kendriya vidhyalya.
Ek murkh ko darpan mil gya. Us ne use ghar aa kr chhupa diya. Pti ne dekh liya aur poochha ki kya chhupa rake ho ?
Veh bola kuchh nhi............... Ek din veh us ki ptni ke haath lg gya. Dekha to boli," Acha to yeh chudel hai jis ko chhupata phirta hai.
Ek aadmi petrol ki badti hui keemto pr vichar kr rha tha . Kuchh der baad us kee dost ne us se poochha na tumhare pass car hai na scooter hai, phir bhi tum petrol ki keemto ke baare me kyo chintit ho rhe ho ?
Kavi
Ek kavi sammelan me munch sunchalk ne shrotaon se kaha ,"Dekhiye saal me 12 mahiine hooti hai aur sanjog se is samay munch pr kavi bhi 12 hi hai. Mai hr mahine ke hisaab se ek-ek kavi ko bulaun ga.......Yeh keh kr unho ne ek kavi ka naam liya to ek nate se kd ka 5 feet 2 inch ke ek kavi mike ke samne aa khade hue...............Unhe dekhte hi shrota ak saath bol pade," Are bhai, yeh February ke mhine ko sb se pehle kaise bula liya.
Padosi
Ek admi nye mkaan me rehne pahuncha aur apne pehle padosi ka drwaja khtkhtaya.
Admi :- Maine aap ki bgl me flat khareeda hai , suna hai yaha bhooton ka waas hai.
Padosi :- Mai is baare me theek se kuchh nhi keh skta. Kyonki mujhe mare hue to 20 saal ho gye hai.
Pappu :- Yeh train chal kyo nhi rahi ?
TT :- Bhari varsha ke kaarn train chal nhi rahi.
Papuu :- varsha itni bhari hai to varsha ko train se utaar kyo nhi dete .
TT behosh.
Riksha wala
Riksha wala sonu se :- Bus stand ke 20 rupaye.
Sonu :- Samaan bhi hai saath me.
Rikshaw wala;- Samaan free hai.
Sonu :- OK , Samaan le chal. Mai paidal aata hun.
.
Yatri rikshaw wale se :- Bhaiya, Lal Kile ke kitne loge ?
Riksha wala :- Maaf krna sahib, mai Lala kila nhi bech sakta. Yeh sarkaari samhpati hai.
Dadaji
90 saal ke ek dada ji mrne ke baad swarg paunche. Swarg me khoobsurat apsrao ka nritye dekh kr dadanji foot-foot kr rote hue bole," Yog ke chakkar me nahi padta to kb ka yaha pahunch gya hota".
Saas-sasur , Bahu- Damaad--samdhi
Shadi ke baad pehli baar bahu rsoi me gayi. Veh resipy dekh kr khana bna rahi thi. Saas baahr se ghar lauti.Fridge khola , ander dekhkr chakrai aur poocha :- Yeh mandir ka ghanta fridge me kyon rakha hai ?
Bahu :- Kitab me likha hai.....Sab cheejon ka mixture bna kr ek ghanta gridge me rakhein.
Saas bahu se:- Maine kitni baar kaha hai ki bindi laga ke baahr jaya kro.
Bahu :- Lekin jeans pr bindi kaun lgata hai ?
Saas :- Maine kb kaha jeans pr lgaao. Maathe pr lga lo.
Do smdhi aaps me baith kr daaru pi rhe the.
Doosra :- Bna de , aaz peg pi kr hi sounga.
Pehla :-Pani kitna daalu ?
Doosra :- Bilkul bhi nhi Pani kit. Hm beti ke ghar ka pani nhi peete.
Sasur damaad se :- Anmol heere jaisi croro ki beti di hai maine tumhe.
Damaad :- Rehne deejiye ,,,,,,,,,,,,,Ab yeh btaao ki kitne me vaaps loge.
Shadi me vidaai ke samay sasur ji aaankho me aanusu liye badi komalta se bole," Dhyan rakhna beta ".
Us samay daamaad bhi bhavuk ho kr rone lga...... Ek maheeine baad damaad ko pta chla ki sasur ji apne damaad ko hi dhyaan rkhne ke liye bol rahe the.
Saasu ma ne phone kr ke damaad se poocha :- Tufaan ka kya haal-chal hai ?
Damaad :- Bs badiya hai, coolar chla ke so raha hai aaraam se .Baar krvaaun kya.
Shadi ke baad doosra din saas :- Bahu yeh kya bahu, haath khaali kyo ?
Bahu :- Ma ji, mobile charging pr lgaaya hua hai.
Voter
Ek aadmi neta ji se :- Neta ji aap ka beta class me fail ho gya hai to kya aap party de rhe hai.
Neta ji :- To kya hua , hmaare bete ki class me 15 ladke the. Un me se 8 fail ho gye. Is liye bahumat to hmaare bete ke paksh me rha na.
Ek matdata EVM ke samne badi der se bina voting kiye khada tha. Poling adhikari ne poochha :- Bhai sahib kya soch rahe ho, vote kyo nhin daalte ?
Voter :- darasal raat ko kis ne pilai thi, yaad nhin aa raha.
Chunav lad rahi ek umidwwar se news reporter ne poochha :- Aap ko chunaav ladne ka khayal kaise aaya ?
Mahila umidwar :- Jab bhi mai apne pti sa ladti hu to jeet meri hi hoti hai.
Restaurant me ek waiter ko bar-bar khujli krte hue dekh custmor ne gusse se use bulaya aur poochha," Khujli hai kya ?"
Waiter :- Saahb, manu me likhi hogi to jaroor hogi.
Ravi ne FM radio station pr call kiya aur kaha ," Mujhe ek batua mila hai , jis me bahut sare paise , credit card aur ID card hai.
Host :- To aap unhe batua vaapas krna chahte hai ?
Ravi :- Ha-ha , nahi ji , mai apni taraf se ek"Udas gana" use bhaint krna chahta hun.
Shadi me photographer ne dulhan ke 250 photo kheench liye tb dulhan ke baap ne use btaaya," Bhai yeh dulhan nhin hai". Yeh to radhe ma hai, dulhan to parlour me hai.
Pandit ji
Swami ji satsang me :- Jo is janam me aadmi hai veh agle janam bhi aadmi hi rshega aur jo aurat hai veh aurat bn kr hi janam legi.
Tabhi ek aurat uth kr jane lagi.
Swami ji :- Kahan ja rahi ho ?
Aurat :- Jab agle janam bhi rotiya hi belni hai to satsang sunne ka kya fayda ?
Reporter :- Swami ji yhaan pahaad ke uper to bahut thand hai. Itni thand me bhi aap ki khushi ka raj kya hai .
Swami ji :- Sadhna aur green tea mujhe garm rkhte hai, Tum kya pasand kroge......sadhna ya green tea ?
Reporter :- Green tea.
Swami ji :- Sadhna , 2 cup green tea lana.
70 saal ki umar poori krne ke baad ek bidha pratyek varsh beetne pr apni hi ptni se shadi krta tha. Poore gaanv me yeh baat kotuhal ka vishye bn gyi. Jb ek vyakti ne na rha gya to us ne poochh hi liya :- Budhau yeh kya baat hui ki tum hr saal byaah krte ho, hr saal phere lete ho.
Budha bola :- Bs ek hi shabad sunane ki khatir. .............Kaun sa shabad.......Vahi, jb pandit ji kehte hai ki ladke ko bulaao. Bs kasam se mja aa jaataa hai,
Baba ke aashram me ek aadmi aa kr bola :- Mera kai dino se pooja- archna me mn nhi lgta. Koi upaaye btaao baba .
Baba :- Bacha,tu pooja- archna ko mere pass bhej de ,shayad mera mn lg jaaye.
Ek bahut hi pahunche hue sant the, Hamesha muskrate rehte the . Hamesha hans kr jawaab dete the. Gussa to kabhi aataa hi nahi tha. Gazab ka dherye tha.
Ek baar ek patrakaar ne un ka interview lete hue poochha," Baba aap ke guru kaun hai ?" Aap ne yeh dhairye,, dhyaan aur sadhna ki shiksha kahan se li ? "
Sant ne us patrakaar ki or bade prem se dekha aur saans chhodte hue kaha," Beta, maine 20 saal tk saadiyon ki dukaan pr kaam kiya hai".
Ladki dekhne gye to ladki pasand aa gyi. Pandit ji bole ---36 ke 36 gun milte hai.. Ladke wale uth kr chlal diye.
Ladki wale :- Kya hua ?
Ladke wale bole :- Ladka to hmara nikamma hai, ab bahu bhi nikammi le lein kya ?
Ladka- ladki
Boy friend girl friend se :- Dil ki tammanaa hai ki tujhe palkon pr bithaaun......Pr tu 72 kg ki hai ,dil ko kaise samjhaaun.
Ladki phone pr :- Hello uncle. armaan hai ?
Uncle :- Nahi beti, jwaani me tha. Ab nhi raha.
Ladka :- Ladkiya love marriage krnaa kyo pasand krti hai.
Ladki :- Anjaan namuna milne se achha hai jana-pehchana mil jaye.
Sanju raat ko apni girl friend se milne gya. jaise hi drwaja khatkhtaaya, us ki girl friend Sapna boli," Kaun hai ?"
Sanju :- Mai hu.
Sapna :- Mai kaun ?
Sanju :- Ari bevkoof, tu sapna aur kaun.
Girl friend ne drte hue apme boy friend se kaha :- Jaanu, maine tum se ek baat chhupai hai , Pichhle mahine meri sgaai ho gyi. Mujhe maaf krna.
Boy friend :- Are itni si baat. Aaz mere ghar chal . Mai tujhe apune bivi bachon se milwata hun.
Ladki :- Mai tumhaare liye aag pr chal sakti hu, nadi me kood sakti hu.
Ladka :- I love you jaanu , Kya tum majhe abhi milne aa skti ho ?
Ladki :- Paagl hokya. Dhoop dekhi hai, kitni tez hai.
Premi ne apni premika sa poocha :- Mai tumhaare pita ji se shadi ki baat kis samay karu ?
Premika :- Jab kabhi mere pita ji ke pair me joota na ho.
Premi :- Kya tum jaanti ho ki sangeet me itni shakti hoti hai ki pani garm hosakta hai.
Premika:- Kyo nhi,Jb tumhaaraa sun kr kr mers khoon khaul uthta hai to paanikyo nhi..
Pappu :- To hm apni dosti ko rishtedaari me badal de.
Ladki :- Jaroor, se tum mere dost hi nahi bhai bhi ho.
Ladka gaun ki ladki se :- Tu whats-up pr hai kya ?
Ladki :- Nahi mai ghar pr hu.
Ladka :- Mera matlab hai tu whats-up use krti hai kya ?
Ladki ::- Nahi, mai gora hone ke liye cream use krti hun.
Ladka :- Are pgli, tu whats-up chlati hai kya ?
Ladki :- Nhin mere pass cycle hai mai vahi chlati hu.
.Ladka :- Whats-up chlana aataa hai kya ?
Ladki :- Tu chla lena, mai peechhe baith jaaungi.
Boy friend girl friend se :- Dil ki tammanaa hai ki tujhe palkon pr bithaaun......Pr tu 72 kg ki hai ,dil ko kaise samjhaaun.
Ladki phone pr :- Hello uncle. armaan hai ?
Uncle :- Nahi beti, jwaani me tha. Ab nhi raha.
Ladka :- Ladkiya love marriage krnaa kyo pasand krti hai.
Ladki :- Anjaan namuna milne se achha hai jana-pehchana mil jaye.
Sanju raat ko apni girl friend se milne gya. jaise hi drwaja khatkhtaaya, us ki girl friend Sapna boli," Kaun hai ?"
Sanju :- Mai hu.
Sapna :- Mai kaun ?
Sanju :- Ari bevkoof, tu sapna aur kaun.
Girl friend ne drte hue apme boy friend se kaha :- Jaanu, maine tum se ek baat chhupai hai , Pichhle mahine meri sgaai ho gyi. Mujhe maaf krna.
Boy friend :- Are itni si baat. Aaz mere ghar chal . Mai tujhe apune bivi bachon se milwata hun.
Ladki :- Mai tumhaare liye aag pr chal sakti hu, nadi me kood sakti hu.
Ladka :- I love you jaanu , Kya tum majhe abhi milne aa skti ho ?
Ladki :- Paagl hokya. Dhoop dekhi hai, kitni tez hai.
Premi ne apni premika sa poocha :- Mai tumhaare pita ji se shadi ki baat kis samay karu ?
Premika :- Jab kabhi mere pita ji ke pair me joota na ho.
Premi :- Kya tum jaanti ho ki sangeet me itni shakti hoti hai ki pani garm hosakta hai.
Premika:- Kyo nhi,Jb tumhaaraa sun kr kr mers khoon khaul uthta hai to paanikyo nhi..
Pappu :- To hm apni dosti ko rishtedaari me badal de.
Ladki :- Jaroor, se tum mere dost hi nahi bhai bhi ho.
Ladka gaun ki ladki se :- Tu whats-up pr hai kya ?
Ladki :- Nahi mai ghar pr hu.
Ladka :- Mera matlab hai tu whats-up use krti hai kya ?
Ladki ::- Nahi, mai gora hone ke liye cream use krti hun.
Ladka :- Are pgli, tu whats-up chlati hai kya ?
Ladki :- Nhin mere pass cycle hai mai vahi chlati hu.
.Ladka :- Whats-up chlana aataa hai kya ?
Ladki :- Tu chla lena, mai peechhe baith jaaungi.
Bhikhari
Lucy ko mandir ke bahr ek bhikhari mila.
hikhari :- Bhagwaan ke naam pr kuchh de do sahib 4 din se kuchh nhin khaya.
Luck 500/- ka note nikalte hue bola :- 400/- khule hain ? .
Bhikhari :- Han sahib hain.
Lucky :- Us se pehle kuchh le kr kha le.
Mandir ke baahar bhikhari :- Bhagwan teri jodi slaamat rakhe.
Banti :- Pr meri to abhi shadi hi nahi hui hai.
Bhikhari :- Mai tere jooton ki baat kr rha tha beta.
Lucy ko mandir ke bahr ek bhikhari mila.
hikhari :- Bhagwaan ke naam pr kuchh de do sahib 4 din se kuchh nhin khaya.
Luck 500/- ka note nikalte hue bola :- 400/- khule hain ? .
Bhikhari :- Han sahib hain.
Lucky :- Us se pehle kuchh le kr kha le.
Mandir ke baahar bhikhari :- Bhagwan teri jodi slaamat rakhe.
Banti :- Pr meri to abhi shadi hi nahi hui hai.
Bhikhari :- Mai tere jooton ki baat kr rha tha beta.
Chor---Police
Ek aurat ne signal toda to police wale ne use rok liya.
Aurat :- Mujhe jaane do, mai ek teacher hu.
Traffic police :- Is din ka intjaar mai kaafi saalon se kr raha tha. Ab chalo 100 baar likho ," Aage se signal nhin todungi".
Daku kanjoos seth pr bandook tante hue :- Jaan deni hai ya maal ?
Seth :- Jaan hi le lo bhai, maal to maine budaape ke liye bcha kr rakha hai.
Police :- Tumhe thodi der me faansi de di jayegi. Aap ki aakhiri khwaish kya hai.
kaidi :- Kripya mera sir neeche aur pair unche kr ke fsansi di jaaye,
Sonu :- Kaun darwaja khatkhta raha hai ?
Police wala :- Baahar police hai. Darwaaja kholo, kuchh baat krni hai.
Sonu :- Tum kitne log ho ?
Police wala :- Hm 3 hai.
Sonu :- To aaps me baat kr lo, mere pass time nahi hai.
Ek raat chor ek pappu ke ghar ghus aaya sur pitol dikha kr bola,"Bta jaldi sona kahan hai"?
Pappu :- Are. itni si baat ke liye pistol kyon dikhane ki kya jaroorat hai. poora Ghar khali pada hai, Jahan mrji so ja.
Thane ka munshi :- Bhai, ek baat bta, Lugai tere padosi ki kho gyi aur report likhwaane tu aaya, Koi chakar hai kya tera us ki lugaai ke saath ?
Aadmi :- Koi chakar nhin jnaab, pr saale ki khushi na dekhi jaaye. Teen din ho gye, roz party kr rha hai sasura.
Boss
Bablu ek microsoft company me interview dene gya .Interview lale wale ne poochha :- Jawa ke 4 version btao ?
Bablu :- Mr jawa, mit jawa. lut jawa aur sadke jawa.
Interview lene wala :- Shaabaash, abseedha ghar jawa.
Adhikari :-Aap ke pita ji ka kya naam hai ?
Ummidwar :- Ji, bijli deen.
Adhikari :- Hairan ho kr . .......Bhla yeh kya naam hua ?
Ummidwar :- Ji, un ka naam to chiragdeen tha. Ab science ka jmana dekh kr unhone apna naam chiragdeen se bilideen rakh liya hai.
Engineering ka form bhrte hue ek chhatr ne pass khade chaukidar se poochha :- kaisa hai Yeh college ?
Chaukidar :- Bahut badiya hai.. Hm ne bhi yahi se engineering ki hai.
Ek lady interview dene gyi. Interviewer :- Kya krti hai aap ?
Lady :- Me pilot hu.
Interviewer :- Kya udaati hai aap ? Lady :- Pti ke paise.
Captain :- Naujawan aage bado.
Sabhi jawanaage bd gye. Amit vahi khada reh gya.
Captain :- Amit, tum aage kyo nhi bade ?
amit :- Sir , aap ne hi to kaha hai ki 9 jawan aage bado. Mai to 10va jawan hu.
Sonu mobile company me naukri lene gya topehle hi swaal ka jwaab dene pr us ko bhga diya gya.
Swaal :- Sb se bada net work kaun sa hai.
Sonu :- cartoon net work.
Ek aurat ka ptimr gya . Veh beema company ke office me ja kr manager sa boli :- mere pti gujar gye hain.n ke beeme ke rupye dilvaiye.
Manager :- Sun kr bada dukh hua.
Aurat :- Jaroor ho rha hoga. Hr jagah mrdo ka yhi haal hai. Jb bhi kisi aurat ko char paise milne ka mauka aata hai
to unhe dukh hotahai.
Boss :- mai aap ko job nhi de sakta. Mere paas aap ko dene ke liye koi kaam nahi hai.
Boy :- Sir, aap job de deejye , Mai aap ko kaam dene ke liye kabhi nahi khunga.
Interviewer :- AAp chay peene ke liye kis hd tk ja skte ho ?
Pappu :- Ji ek baar to mai ladki dekhne chla gya tha.
Ek adhikari ki prni ne apne gorkha naukar se kaha ," Mai rest krne ja rhi hu . Gas per cooker chdaaya hai. Teen seeti sunte hi gas bund kr dena.
Sahaayak :- Yes mem sahib. Madam let gyi aur naukar ne darwaza khatkhtaaya.
Adhikaari ki ptni ne poochha," Kya hai ?
Naukar :- Seeti aap bjaayeigi ya sahib.
Bablu ek microsoft company me interview dene gya .Interview lale wale ne poochha :- Jawa ke 4 version btao ?
Bablu :- Mr jawa, mit jawa. lut jawa aur sadke jawa.
Interview lene wala :- Shaabaash, abseedha ghar jawa.
Adhikari :-Aap ke pita ji ka kya naam hai ?
Ummidwar :- Ji, bijli deen.
Adhikari :- Hairan ho kr . .......Bhla yeh kya naam hua ?
Ummidwar :- Ji, un ka naam to chiragdeen tha. Ab science ka jmana dekh kr unhone apna naam chiragdeen se bilideen rakh liya hai.
Engineering ka form bhrte hue ek chhatr ne pass khade chaukidar se poochha :- kaisa hai Yeh college ?
Chaukidar :- Bahut badiya hai.. Hm ne bhi yahi se engineering ki hai.
Ek lady interview dene gyi. Interviewer :- Kya krti hai aap ?
Lady :- Me pilot hu.
Interviewer :- Kya udaati hai aap ? Lady :- Pti ke paise.
Captain :- Naujawan aage bado.
Sabhi jawanaage bd gye. Amit vahi khada reh gya.
Captain :- Amit, tum aage kyo nhi bade ?
amit :- Sir , aap ne hi to kaha hai ki 9 jawan aage bado. Mai to 10va jawan hu.
Sonu mobile company me naukri lene gya topehle hi swaal ka jwaab dene pr us ko bhga diya gya.
Swaal :- Sb se bada net work kaun sa hai.
Sonu :- cartoon net work.
Ek aurat ka ptimr gya . Veh beema company ke office me ja kr manager sa boli :- mere pti gujar gye hain.n ke beeme ke rupye dilvaiye.
Manager :- Sun kr bada dukh hua.
Aurat :- Jaroor ho rha hoga. Hr jagah mrdo ka yhi haal hai. Jb bhi kisi aurat ko char paise milne ka mauka aata hai
to unhe dukh hotahai.
Boss :- mai aap ko job nhi de sakta. Mere paas aap ko dene ke liye koi kaam nahi hai.
Boy :- Sir, aap job de deejye , Mai aap ko kaam dene ke liye kabhi nahi khunga.
Interviewer :- AAp chay peene ke liye kis hd tk ja skte ho ?
Pappu :- Ji ek baar to mai ladki dekhne chla gya tha.
Ek adhikari ki prni ne apne gorkha naukar se kaha ," Mai rest krne ja rhi hu . Gas per cooker chdaaya hai. Teen seeti sunte hi gas bund kr dena.
Sahaayak :- Yes mem sahib. Madam let gyi aur naukar ne darwaza khatkhtaaya.
Adhikaari ki ptni ne poochha," Kya hai ?
Naukar :- Seeti aap bjaayeigi ya sahib.
Court
Judge:-Kya yeh theek hai ki tum ne 10,000/- Rs.ke saath gehne bhi churaaye?
Chor :- Ha shri maan , meri maa ka kehna hai ki kewal rupyon se hi khushi nhi mil sakti.
Judge :- Tum ne smaaj ke liye kaun sa bhalaa kaam kiya hai ?
mujrim :- Sahib,, hamare kaarn hi police aur addalat ke lakho logo ko naukri mili hui hai.
Judge:-Kya yeh theek hai ki tum ne 10,000/- Rs.ke saath gehne bhi churaaye?
Chor :- Ha shri maan , meri maa ka kehna hai ki kewal rupyon se hi khushi nhi mil sakti.
Judge :- Tum ne smaaj ke liye kaun sa bhalaa kaam kiya hai ?
mujrim :- Sahib,, hamare kaarn hi police aur addalat ke lakho logo ko naukri mili hui hai.
Shopkeeper
Ek ladka jis ladki ko pasand krta tha use kehne laga ki mujhe koi aisa tihfa do jisemai sambhal kr rakh sakun.
Ladki ne apne joote ka talaa (sole) de diya.
Ladka veh talaa le kr sunaar ke pass gayaa, aur kaha ki chandi ka frame bana kr us me jad do. Sunaar ne kaha ki
kal aa kr le janaa.
Agle roz ladka tla lene aaya to sunaar ne poocha :- Yeh joota kis peer sahib ka hai ?
Ladke ne kaha :- Yeh peer sahib ka nhin...........Yeh meri mehbooba hai.
Sunaar ne kaha :- Bhag majnu ki aulaad, Kl se mera saaraa khandaan joota choom-choom kr paagal ho gya hai .
Grahk :- Lassii me makhhi hai.
Dukandar :- O, Bada dil rakh. Yeh nanhi se jaan teri kitni lassi pi jayegi.
Billu :- Billu nshe ki halt me passport size photo khinchvane gya.
Photographer :- Aap kis liye photo khinchvana chahte hai ?
Billu :- Driving licence ke liye ?
Photographer :- Nshe ki halt me ?
Billu :- Ha ji, taki mujhe kabhi police nashe ki halt me gaadi chlate hue roke to use lage ki mera chehra hi aisa hai.
Ladki kurti silvane tailor ke pass gyi. Tailor se boli ," Bhaiya baju net wala hi lgaanaa."
Tailor :- Madam ji , 2G, 3G Ya geo.
Waiter :- Sir, kya laau ?
Pappu :- Chicken.
Waiter :- Spenish chicken french chicken ya afgaani.
Pappu :- Koi bhi le aa yaar, Maine kaun se us se baat krni hai.
Mahila doodh wale se :- Bhaya, doodh me itni milaavat krte ho, kuchh to bhagwaan se daro.
Doodh wala :- Milawat ki baat to aap karo hi mt behen ji. Facebok wali ID dekho aur apni shakal aaine me dekho. shukr mnaao hmcomment nhi kiye hain us pr.
Mahila :- Tu to bura maan gya , Chal doodh daal.
Pappu Baarish me pappu pizza lene nikla.
Dukaandar :- Beta, aap shadishuda ho ?.
Pappu :- Aise toofan me kaun si ma apne bete ko pizza lene bheje gi.
Ladki:- Bhaiya moovei ki ticket dena .
Aadmi :- Madam.saari tickets bik chuki hai.
Ladki :Lekin mene to film dekhni hai.
Admi :- Black me mil jaayegi.
Ladki :- Nahi ,black me nahi, pink meho to dikha do...................Admi behosh.
Dukandaar :- Shraab bandi ke karan hm shraabnhi de sakte.
Shrabi :- Lekin shraab to almaari me rakhi hai.
Dukandaar :- Yeh un logon keliye hai jinhe saanp ya bichhu kaat leta hai.
Shraabi :- To yahan saanp ya bichhu kahan milega ?
Seth nauker se :- jaraa dekhna to kitna time ho gya ahi ?
Nauker :- Mujhe time dekhna nhin aataa .
Seth :- Acha, yeh dekh kr btaao, ki badi sui kahan hai aur chhoti sui kahai hai ?
Nauker :- Dono suiyan ghadi me hai.
Grahak bhains wale se :- Teri bhains ki ek aankh to khraab hai , phir bhi tu is ke 25,000/- maang raha hai .
Bhains wala :- Tujhe bhains doodh khatir chahiye ya nain-matakaa khatir.
Shadi ke do din baad dulha us beauty-parlour me gya, jahan se us ki bivi ne shadi se pehle make-up karwaya tha. Us ne parlour wali madam ko ek I-phone 7 gift kiya. Thank you bola aur chla aayaa.
Madam ne khusi-khusi I-phone 7 ka dibba khola to us me Noliya-1100 padaa tha. Sath me parchi thi jis pr likha tha,"make-up utrne ke baad mujhe bhi aise hi jhatka lga tha.
Ramu sabji khridne dukan pr gya aur dukaandar se bola."Bhaya aaj-kl sabjiyon me swaad nahi rha , aap sabji kharab late ho,
Dukandar :- Kya karu sahib, jb se Modi ji ne kheton mei shoch pr shoch jane pr rok lgai jai, tb sre sabjiyo me taste nahi aa raha.
Babloo ne ek hotel me ek scheme dekhi aur dinner krne pahunch gya.
Waiter :- Aap ka bill.
Babloo :- Lo card rakh lo.
Waiter :- Lekin sir, yeh to shadi ka card hai.
Babloo :- To phir baahr kya mzaak me likha hai ki All cards are excepted."
Ek ladka jis ladki ko pasand krta tha use kehne laga ki mujhe koi aisa tihfa do jisemai sambhal kr rakh sakun.
Ladki ne apne joote ka talaa (sole) de diya.
Ladka veh talaa le kr sunaar ke pass gayaa, aur kaha ki chandi ka frame bana kr us me jad do. Sunaar ne kaha ki
kal aa kr le janaa.
Agle roz ladka tla lene aaya to sunaar ne poocha :- Yeh joota kis peer sahib ka hai ?
Ladke ne kaha :- Yeh peer sahib ka nhin...........Yeh meri mehbooba hai.
Sunaar ne kaha :- Bhag majnu ki aulaad, Kl se mera saaraa khandaan joota choom-choom kr paagal ho gya hai .
Grahk :- Lassii me makhhi hai.
Dukandar :- O, Bada dil rakh. Yeh nanhi se jaan teri kitni lassi pi jayegi.
Billu :- Billu nshe ki halt me passport size photo khinchvane gya.
Photographer :- Aap kis liye photo khinchvana chahte hai ?
Billu :- Driving licence ke liye ?
Photographer :- Nshe ki halt me ?
Billu :- Ha ji, taki mujhe kabhi police nashe ki halt me gaadi chlate hue roke to use lage ki mera chehra hi aisa hai.
Ladki kurti silvane tailor ke pass gyi. Tailor se boli ," Bhaiya baju net wala hi lgaanaa."
Tailor :- Madam ji , 2G, 3G Ya geo.
Waiter :- Sir, kya laau ?
Pappu :- Chicken.
Waiter :- Spenish chicken french chicken ya afgaani.
Pappu :- Koi bhi le aa yaar, Maine kaun se us se baat krni hai.
Mahila doodh wale se :- Bhaya, doodh me itni milaavat krte ho, kuchh to bhagwaan se daro.
Doodh wala :- Milawat ki baat to aap karo hi mt behen ji. Facebok wali ID dekho aur apni shakal aaine me dekho. shukr mnaao hmcomment nhi kiye hain us pr.
Mahila :- Tu to bura maan gya , Chal doodh daal.
Pappu Baarish me pappu pizza lene nikla.
Dukaandar :- Beta, aap shadishuda ho ?.
Pappu :- Aise toofan me kaun si ma apne bete ko pizza lene bheje gi.
Ladki:- Bhaiya moovei ki ticket dena .
Aadmi :- Madam.saari tickets bik chuki hai.
Ladki :Lekin mene to film dekhni hai.
Admi :- Black me mil jaayegi.
Ladki :- Nahi ,black me nahi, pink meho to dikha do...................Admi behosh.
Dukandaar :- Shraab bandi ke karan hm shraabnhi de sakte.
Shrabi :- Lekin shraab to almaari me rakhi hai.
Dukandaar :- Yeh un logon keliye hai jinhe saanp ya bichhu kaat leta hai.
Shraabi :- To yahan saanp ya bichhu kahan milega ?
Seth nauker se :- jaraa dekhna to kitna time ho gya ahi ?
Nauker :- Mujhe time dekhna nhin aataa .
Seth :- Acha, yeh dekh kr btaao, ki badi sui kahan hai aur chhoti sui kahai hai ?
Nauker :- Dono suiyan ghadi me hai.
Grahak bhains wale se :- Teri bhains ki ek aankh to khraab hai , phir bhi tu is ke 25,000/- maang raha hai .
Bhains wala :- Tujhe bhains doodh khatir chahiye ya nain-matakaa khatir.
Shadi ke do din baad dulha us beauty-parlour me gya, jahan se us ki bivi ne shadi se pehle make-up karwaya tha. Us ne parlour wali madam ko ek I-phone 7 gift kiya. Thank you bola aur chla aayaa.
Madam ne khusi-khusi I-phone 7 ka dibba khola to us me Noliya-1100 padaa tha. Sath me parchi thi jis pr likha tha,"make-up utrne ke baad mujhe bhi aise hi jhatka lga tha.
Ramu sabji khridne dukan pr gya aur dukaandar se bola."Bhaya aaj-kl sabjiyon me swaad nahi rha , aap sabji kharab late ho,
Dukandar :- Kya karu sahib, jb se Modi ji ne kheton mei shoch pr shoch jane pr rok lgai jai, tb sre sabjiyo me taste nahi aa raha.
Babloo ne ek hotel me ek scheme dekhi aur dinner krne pahunch gya.
Waiter :- Aap ka bill.
Babloo :- Lo card rakh lo.
Waiter :- Lekin sir, yeh to shadi ka card hai.
Babloo :- To phir baahr kya mzaak me likha hai ki All cards are excepted."
Papa
Pita :- Btaao , Ravi aur jhelam ndiyan kahan hai.
Beta :- Aap mummy se poochho. Vahi cheezze idhsr se udhar iakh deti hai.
Papa :- Beta, kaha ja rahe ho ?
Beta :- Tution.
Papa :- Beta, grmi me pyaaz jyada khaya kr. Loo nhi lgti.
Beta :- Papa aap ko kya pta,Pyaaz khaane se girl friend muh nhi lgti.
Beta :- Papa ek night bulb lala hai kmre ke liye.
Papa :- Kya jarurt hai ? Chader ke neeche se mobile jlta to rehta hai poori raat.
Beta :- Papa ab hm malamal ho jayenge.
Papa :- Aisa kaise ho skta hai ?
Beta :- Kl Hmaare teacher paise ko rupye me bdlna sikhayein ge.
KG ke bache ke paper me zero aaya. Gusse se pita :- Yeh kya hai ?
Bacha :- Papa, teacher ke pass star khatam ho gye the, is liyee us ne moon de diya.
Ek bache ke 10th. me 95% marks aye. Teacher ne kaha," Sbhi bacho ko apni saflta ka raj btao. Bacha bola ki jb mai 9th. class me tha to papa 2 smart phone laye. Ek khud rakha aur ek mummy ko diya. Dono whats-up aur face-book me lge rehte the aur ghar mw shanti rehne lgi. Mai achhi trh se pdai kr ska.
Papa :- Shrab, cigarette, , ladkiya,ye sb tumhare dushman hai beta.
Beta :- Papa, jo shakash apne dushmno se dr jaaye veh mard nhin hota.
Bacha school jate ro rha tha . Papa ne kaha, sher ke bache rote nhin hai.
Bachaa :- Sher ke bache school bhi to nahin jaate.
Ma-beta
Ma :- Beta, tum hamesha TV kyon dekhte rehte ho ?
Beta :- To phir kya fridge dekhun ?
2 bachin ki ma teesri shadi kr rahi thi. Phero ke time ek bacha rone laga. Ma ka jawab sun kr dulhs behosh ho gya.
Ma boli :- Chup ho ja , nhin to agli baar nhin laaungo.
Mahesh :- Ma-ma chacha kya chuha hai ?
Ma :- Kyo beta, tum aisa kyon keh rahe ho
Mahesh :- Ma mai jb bhi un ko khelne ko kehta hu to chacha kehte hai ki mai bill bna rha hu.
.Ma :- Beta, tum to padaai me itne hoshiyar ho , phir tution wale ko rkhne ki kya jaroorat hai ?
Papu :- Ma tum bhi to ghar ka kaam krne me itni hoshiyar ho, phir kaam wali bai rkhne ki kya jaroorat hai ?
Pita :- Btaao , Ravi aur jhelam ndiyan kahan hai.
Beta :- Aap mummy se poochho. Vahi cheezze idhsr se udhar iakh deti hai.
Papa :- Beta, kaha ja rahe ho ?
Beta :- Tution.
Papa :- Beta, grmi me pyaaz jyada khaya kr. Loo nhi lgti.
Beta :- Papa aap ko kya pta,Pyaaz khaane se girl friend muh nhi lgti.
Beta :- Papa ek night bulb lala hai kmre ke liye.
Papa :- Kya jarurt hai ? Chader ke neeche se mobile jlta to rehta hai poori raat.
Beta :- Papa ab hm malamal ho jayenge.
Papa :- Aisa kaise ho skta hai ?
Beta :- Kl Hmaare teacher paise ko rupye me bdlna sikhayein ge.
KG ke bache ke paper me zero aaya. Gusse se pita :- Yeh kya hai ?
Bacha :- Papa, teacher ke pass star khatam ho gye the, is liyee us ne moon de diya.
Ek bache ke 10th. me 95% marks aye. Teacher ne kaha," Sbhi bacho ko apni saflta ka raj btao. Bacha bola ki jb mai 9th. class me tha to papa 2 smart phone laye. Ek khud rakha aur ek mummy ko diya. Dono whats-up aur face-book me lge rehte the aur ghar mw shanti rehne lgi. Mai achhi trh se pdai kr ska.
Papa :- Shrab, cigarette, , ladkiya,ye sb tumhare dushman hai beta.
Beta :- Papa, jo shakash apne dushmno se dr jaaye veh mard nhin hota.
Bacha school jate ro rha tha . Papa ne kaha, sher ke bache rote nhin hai.
Bachaa :- Sher ke bache school bhi to nahin jaate.
Ma-beta
Ma :- Beta, tum hamesha TV kyon dekhte rehte ho ?
Beta :- To phir kya fridge dekhun ?
2 bachin ki ma teesri shadi kr rahi thi. Phero ke time ek bacha rone laga. Ma ka jawab sun kr dulhs behosh ho gya.
Ma boli :- Chup ho ja , nhin to agli baar nhin laaungo.
Mahesh :- Ma-ma chacha kya chuha hai ?
Ma :- Kyo beta, tum aisa kyon keh rahe ho
Mahesh :- Ma mai jb bhi un ko khelne ko kehta hu to chacha kehte hai ki mai bill bna rha hu.
.Ma :- Beta, tum to padaai me itne hoshiyar ho , phir tution wale ko rkhne ki kya jaroorat hai ?
Papu :- Ma tum bhi to ghar ka kaam krne me itni hoshiyar ho, phir kaam wali bai rkhne ki kya jaroorat hai ?
Doctor ---nurse --patient
Doctor :- Maaf krna hm use bchaa nhi sake .
Engineer :- Ek baar restart kr ke dekh lete.
Pehla doctor :- Aakhir koi to kaarn hoga jo tum ne skin diseases me hi visheshta haasil ki ?
Doosra doctor :- Kaarn ek nhi 3-3 hai. Pehla yeh ki mere mareej mujhe vaqt-bewaqt jgaate nhin. Doosra - ve mrte nhi. Teesra kaarn ki veh kabhi theek nhi hote.
Bittu :- Doctor sahib, aaj swere se hi mere sir aur pet me dard ho raha hai.
Doctor :- Koi baat nhi, yeh lo ek goli pet dard ke liye aur ek sir dard ke liye.
Bittu :- Lekin doctor sahib, khane ke baad goliyo ko kaise pta chlega ki kis ko kis trf jaanaa hai.
Doctor mareej se :- Kl dvai pi li thi ki nahi ?
Mareez :- Ji nahi , lal thi.
Doctor :- Mera matlab hai ki tum ne dvai pi thi ki nhi ?
Mareez ;- Ji Nhi, kyoki shishi pr likha tha ki dhakkan band rakhna.
Raj :- Doctor sahib , kl se pet me dard hai .
Doctor :- Khana kaha khate ho ?
Raj :- Rojana hotel mro.e hi khata hun .
Doctor :- Are! rojaana hotel me khana mt khaya kro?
Raj :- Oh theek hai , ab pack krva kr ghar le aaya krunga..........Doctor behosh.
Pappu :- Doctor sahib meri tabiyat kyi dino se khraab hai, jra check-up kr deegiye.
Doctor ne check-up kr ke kaha , Tumhaari ek kidney fail ho gyi hai.
Pappu bahut roya , rote hue bola ," Yeh to bta deejiye ki kitne number se fail hui hai.
Doctor hariyanvi mahila marij se :- Aap ki HB km hai. aap me iron ki kami hai, Aap me calcium ki kami hai aur vitamin D ki bhi kami hai . Aap me,,,,,,,,
Hariyanvi Mahila marij ;- Bs doctor , rehne de i, tni Kmi too mere me meri saasu ne bhi na kaadi, jitni tu kaadhn laag rahi se.
Ek aadmi ki ek taang toot gyi. Voh hospital gya to dekha ki ek aadmi ki dono taange tooti hui hai. Us ko dekh kr veh bola ki aapki do ptniya hai kya ?
Doctor sahib, operation poori savdhani se katiyega.
Doctor -Aisa kyon kaha ?
Mareej:- Kyonki surgan aur visarjan me jaraa sa hi antar hai . Operation sahi huato aap surgan aur agar haath hil gya to mera visarjan.
Doctor :- Jab tum tnaav me hote ho to kya krte ho ?
Mareej :- Ji, mandir chla jaataa hu.
Doctor :- Bahut badiya. Dhyaan lgaate ho vaha ?
Mareej :- Ji nahi, logo ke joote chappal mix kr deta hu .Phir un logo ko dekhta rehta hu. Un logo ko tnaav me dekh kr mera tnaav door ho jaataa hai.
Jaanwron ke doctor ke alag chakkar hain, yhan ragister me naam malik ka likha jata hai aur bimaari janwer ki.
Naam :- vinod kumar.
Bimaari :- Poochh me soojan, khuro me mvaad.
Ramesh :- Doctor sahib , aap ki fees kitni hai ?
Doctor :- Pehli baa r ke 100 Rs , doosri baar free.
Ramesh :- Chaakaki se :- Mujhe lgta hai mai doosri baar aayaa hu.
Doctor :- Doctor bhi kuchh km nhin tha, bola :- To fir tum voh dwa jari rakho, jo maine pichhli baar likh kr di thi.
Doctor :- Maaf krna hm use bchaa nhi sake .
Engineer :- Ek baar restart kr ke dekh lete.
Pehla doctor :- Aakhir koi to kaarn hoga jo tum ne skin diseases me hi visheshta haasil ki ?
Doosra doctor :- Kaarn ek nhi 3-3 hai. Pehla yeh ki mere mareej mujhe vaqt-bewaqt jgaate nhin. Doosra - ve mrte nhi. Teesra kaarn ki veh kabhi theek nhi hote.
Bittu :- Doctor sahib, aaj swere se hi mere sir aur pet me dard ho raha hai.
Doctor :- Koi baat nhi, yeh lo ek goli pet dard ke liye aur ek sir dard ke liye.
Bittu :- Lekin doctor sahib, khane ke baad goliyo ko kaise pta chlega ki kis ko kis trf jaanaa hai.
Doctor mareej se :- Kl dvai pi li thi ki nahi ?
Mareez :- Ji nahi , lal thi.
Doctor :- Mera matlab hai ki tum ne dvai pi thi ki nhi ?
Mareez ;- Ji Nhi, kyoki shishi pr likha tha ki dhakkan band rakhna.
Raj :- Doctor sahib , kl se pet me dard hai .
Doctor :- Khana kaha khate ho ?
Raj :- Rojana hotel mro.e hi khata hun .
Doctor :- Are! rojaana hotel me khana mt khaya kro?
Raj :- Oh theek hai , ab pack krva kr ghar le aaya krunga..........Doctor behosh.
Pappu :- Doctor sahib meri tabiyat kyi dino se khraab hai, jra check-up kr deegiye.
Doctor ne check-up kr ke kaha , Tumhaari ek kidney fail ho gyi hai.
Pappu bahut roya , rote hue bola ," Yeh to bta deejiye ki kitne number se fail hui hai.
Doctor hariyanvi mahila marij se :- Aap ki HB km hai. aap me iron ki kami hai, Aap me calcium ki kami hai aur vitamin D ki bhi kami hai . Aap me,,,,,,,,
Hariyanvi Mahila marij ;- Bs doctor , rehne de i, tni Kmi too mere me meri saasu ne bhi na kaadi, jitni tu kaadhn laag rahi se.
Ek aadmi ki ek taang toot gyi. Voh hospital gya to dekha ki ek aadmi ki dono taange tooti hui hai. Us ko dekh kr veh bola ki aapki do ptniya hai kya ?
Doctor sahib, operation poori savdhani se katiyega.
Doctor -Aisa kyon kaha ?
Mareej:- Kyonki surgan aur visarjan me jaraa sa hi antar hai . Operation sahi huato aap surgan aur agar haath hil gya to mera visarjan.
Doctor :- Jab tum tnaav me hote ho to kya krte ho ?
Mareej :- Ji, mandir chla jaataa hu.
Doctor :- Bahut badiya. Dhyaan lgaate ho vaha ?
Mareej :- Ji nahi, logo ke joote chappal mix kr deta hu .Phir un logo ko dekhta rehta hu. Un logo ko tnaav me dekh kr mera tnaav door ho jaataa hai.
Jaanwron ke doctor ke alag chakkar hain, yhan ragister me naam malik ka likha jata hai aur bimaari janwer ki.
Naam :- vinod kumar.
Bimaari :- Poochh me soojan, khuro me mvaad.
Ramesh :- Doctor sahib , aap ki fees kitni hai ?
Doctor :- Pehli baa r ke 100 Rs , doosri baar free.
Ramesh :- Chaakaki se :- Mujhe lgta hai mai doosri baar aayaa hu.
Doctor :- Doctor bhi kuchh km nhin tha, bola :- To fir tum voh dwa jari rakho, jo maine pichhli baar likh kr di thi.
Pti-ptni jokes
Aaj khane me mlaai kofta bnaayaa hai.
Pti :- Yeh to krela hai.
Ptni :- Aaj kl naam bdlne ka fasion chal raha hai to maine krele ka naam bdl kr mlaai kofta rakh diya hai. Ab chup chap kha lo.
Ptni ne ptni ko mayke se phone kiya :- Kahan pr ho tum
Pti :- Ghar pr .
Ptni :- Ghar pr ho to mixture chla kr dikhao.
Pti :- Yeh lo ................mixture ki aavaz.
Ek din achank ptni ghar aa pahunch. Ptni ko ghar na pa kr bacho se poochha :- Papa kahan gye hai ?
Bache :- Pta nhi.....Roz subah mixture le kr nikal jate hai aur der raat tk ghar aate hai.
Ptni :- Shaadi se pehle to pti-ptni pr bahut chutkle sunate the . Ab kya hua ?
Pti :- Shaadi ke baad mujhe epta chla ki ve chutlke sirf chutkle nhi hakeekat the.
Ek baar pti-ptni me jhgda ho rha tha. Jb jhgda bahut hi bd gya to pti ne krodh ko kabu me rkhte hue kaha :- Ab tum ek bhi shabad mt bolna ,,verna mere ander ka pshu jaag jayega.
Ptni boli :- Jagne doapne ander ke pshu ko. Bhla chuhe se bhi koi drta hai ?
Mrte samay pti ne apni ptni se kaha :- Mere mrne ke baad tum Ram Lal se shadi kr lena .
Ptni ne ashcharye se poochha :- Ram Lal se, lekin veh to aap ka sb se bda dushman hai .
Pti ne kaha :- Ha, mai us se bdla lena chahta hu.
Pti :- Chlo aaj baahr khana khayege ?
Ptni :- Are vaah, mai do minute me taiyar ho kr aati hun.
Pti :- Theek hai, mai bhi baahr chtaai bichha deta hu.
Ab to shak ki intha ho gyi. .........Bivi :- Tumhari shirt pr ek bhi baal nhi hai.
Sonu :- Ha to kya.
Bivi :- Sach-sach btaao , kaun thi voh gunji ?
Pti :- Apni 10vi saal girh pr tumhe Andeman Nikobaar le jaaunga.
Ptni :- Are vaah ! aur 25vi. pr ?
Pti :- Tumhe vaaps lene aaunga.
Pti :-Mai tumhare kiye jaan bhi de skta hu.
Ptni :- Veh to koi bhi de skta hai. Tum mere saath ji kr dikhao.
Pti ptni se :- Agar tum ne jyada preshan kiya to mai saadu bn jaaunga.
Ptni :- Normal saadhu ya naga sadhu.
Pti :- Kyon ?
Ptni :- Agar normal sadhu bnanaa hai to mai aap ki packing karu aur yadi Naga sadhu bnanaa hai to ftaaft nikal lo.
Pti :- Mera andaza hai ki is packet me kuchh khane ki cheez hogi .
Ptni :- Ji, aap ne bilkul sahi andaza lgaya hai. Is me mere naye sendal hai.
Ptni :- Shadi ke baad tum mujh se pyar nhi .
Pti :- Exam clear hone kebaad kaun padta.hai yaar.
Ek ptni ne ek din apne pti ka mobile chech kiya . Us me naam save the. Aankho ka ilaaz, hotho ka ilaaz, dil ka ilaaz, aur jb gusse me apna number dial kiya to naam aayaa -----Lailaaz.
Pti :- Yeh kaise khana bnaaya hai tum ne , bilkul gobar jaisa .....
Ptni:- He Bhagwan ! Is aadmi ne to hr cheez chakh rakhi hai.
Ptni :- Chandni raat me apne pti ke saath baithi hui thi . Pti se poochha-- Jaanu aap ko mujh me kya acha lagta hai ?
Pti :- Mujhe tum se judi hr cheez achi lagti hai darling.
Ptni :- Jaise ki btaao na ?
Pti :- Jaise tumhari behen priya, tumhari mausi ki ladki shallu, tumhari mami ki ladki sheetal, Tumhari bua ki ladki Neha, Tuhare padosi ki beti mamta, tumhari saheli pinki.
Ab pti ilaaz krva rha hai.
Pti:- Aaj to grmi si lg rahi hai.
Ptni :- Ha, grmi to hone lagi hai.
Pti :-Chlo chhat pr hava kha kr aate hai.
Ptni :- Aap chalo ,mai plate aur chamach le kr aati hun.
Pti :- veh kis liye ?
Ptni :- Aap ne hi to bola hawa kha kr aate hain............................Pti behosh.
Pti ptni se :- Mai tumhe bahut pyar krta hun.
Ptni :- To kya mai tumhe pyar nhin krti ? Mai to tumhaare liye saari duniya se lad sakti hun.
Pti :- Lekin tum to saara din mujh se ladti rehti ho ?
Ptni :- Jaanu, tumhi to meri duniya ho.
Ptni :-Itne saal ho gye shaadi ko , aaj tk kuch nhi diya .
Pti :- Dil to diya hai aur kya chahiye ..
Ptni :- Nhi, jaanu , koi sone ki cheez dilaao na .
Pti :- Chalo, sham ko nya takiya la doonga. Khoob maje se sona.
pti :-Aaj vrat hai ? Ptni :- Ji ha .
Pti :- Kuch khaya. Ptni :- Ha khaya.
Pti :-Kya-kya khaya ? Ptni :- Anaar, shakarkand, Aalu ki tikki, Cheeku, sabudane ki kheer, Kheera, , subaha ki chaye aur ab juice pi rahi hun.
Pti :- Bahut sakhat vrat kr rhi ho. Yeh hr kisi ke bs ki baat kahan hai ? Kuch aur khane ki icha ho to btaao. Dekh lo kahi kamjori na aa jaye.
Ptni vakil pti se :- Tum itne saalo se vkaalat kr rhe ho to mujhe btao ki umr kaid se bdi sja kya hoti hai.
Vakeel pti :- vahi to kaat rha hun,
Pti :- Dekha jaye to ladkiyon ko degree lene ki koi jaroorat nhi hoti. Shadi doctor se hui to doctrine, nai se hui to nayin, pandit se hui to pandtain, master se hui to masdtrain
Ptni ne bade pyaar bhare andaaz me apne pti se kaha :- Dear, hr janam me ek doosre se milte rheinge .Yun hi ek dooje ko pyaar krte rheinge.
Pti ne lambi saas chhodte hue kaha :- veh to theek hai , lekin tum is janam me peechha chhodogi , tb hi agle janam me mil paaogi.
Ptni ;- Tum mujh se kitna pyaar krte ho ?
Pti Shahjahan se bhi jyaada . Ptni :- Mere mrne ke baad Taj-mehel banvaao ge .
Pti :- Mai to plot le bhi chuka hu pagli, der to tum kr rahi ho.
Ptni :- Mai kaisi lg rahi hun ?
Pti :- Achhi lg rahi ho,
Ptni :- Mere liye ek sher kaho na.
Pti :- Yeh jo lg rahi ho na tum itni pyaari,
Is pr lg jaati hai meri tankhah saari.
Pti :- Holi pr mai tumhari saari saheliyo ko rang lgaaunga.
Ptni :- Mujhe kyo nhin, meri saheliyo ko kyon ?
Pti:- Tumhari skin khraab ho jayegi na.
Ptni :- Oh ! How sweet.
Ptni :- Ap yeh jo pant baar-baar uncha kheenchte ho, veh bahut bura lagta hai.
Pti :-Mera khyaal hai agar mai pant uppar na kheenchu to aur bhi bura lgega.
Ek shubh chintak ne mujhe yeh sujhav diya ki ptni se behes nhin jeeto, balki apni muskaan sa hraao.
Maine pryaas kiya,.............Ptni boli , jyaada hansi aa rhi hai ? lgta hai tumhaara bhoot utaarna padega.
Talaak ke baad judge ne muslim jode se kaha," Ab aap dono aajaad ho, koi ridhta na rha.".
Pti :- Hm aajaad hai, saare rishte khatam.
Ptni :- Ya allah, aisa na boliye, mai aap ki chacheri behen to rahungi hi !!!!!! Khoon ka rishta koi nahi tod sakta,Bhai jaan !!!!!!!! Aaj se munna aap ko Mamu jaan kahega.
Chunav ke mausam me bivi pti se :- Tum theek rhe to BJP ke chunav chinh se swagat karungi. Jyaadah samajhdari dikhai to congress ke chunav chinh se. Us ke baad bhi akde to phir aap ka chunav chinh darwaaje ke peeche rakha hai .
Babloo taau se :- Apni istri de do.
Taau :- Apni janaani ki taraf isharaa krte hue bola , ja le ja veh baithi hai.
Babloo ki ptni ka 48 va birthday tha. Veh kaam se kahi baahar gya hua tha . Us ne apni ptni ko bhejne ke liye 30 phool order kiye. Phoolo ke sath us ne likhwaya , Dear, mai tumhaare liye utne hi phool bhej rahaa hu jitne saal ki tum lagti ho".
Udhar phool wale ke yahan scheme thi ," Ek ke sath ek free."
Babloo aaj tk smajh nhin paya ki us ka taalaak kyon hua ?
Ptni :- Jra kitchen se aaloo lete aana.
Pti :- Yahan to kahi aaloo nahi dikh rhe hai.
Ptni :- Tum to ho hi kaam-chor. Koi kaam theek dhang se nhin kr skte. Mujhe pta tha tumhe nhin milenge , is liye mai pehle hi le aayi thi.
Ab is me pti ki kya glti.
Ptni :- Aaz bus me conductor ne meri beizti ki .
Pti :- Kyo, kya hua ?
Ptni Mere bus se utrte hi us ne kaha ----Ab 3 swaariyan is seat pr baith jayen.
pti ki hatya ke mamle me katghre me khadi mahila se judge ne kaha ," Aap ko apni sfai me kya kehna hai ?
Mahila :- Mai kya keh sakti hu. Mere yahan sfaai to naukrani krti hai. Is vishya me is se jyaada jankari to vahi de skti hai.
C.A pti ptni se :- Thand aa rhi hai, GST nikal lo !
Ptni :-Voh kya ?
Pti :- Gadda, sweater aur topi.
Ptni :- Mujh se kitna pyar krte ho.
pti :- bahut jyada.
Ptni :- Kya mere liye Tare tod kr la skte ho ?
Pti :- Kl ek board pr likha dekha , Taron se door rho, vena urrunt lg skta hai.
Ek master ji ke ghar 7-8 mehmaan aa gye. Master ji ki bivi boli :- Chaye kaise bnaaun, Ghar me chini nhin hai?
Master ji ne kaha, tum sif chaye bna kr le aao, baki mai sambhal lunga. Bivi chaye bna kr le aai. aur phir master ji bole :- Jis ke hisse me fiki chaye aayegi, kl hm us ke ghar mehmaan bn kr khane ke liye aayein ge.
Sabhi mehmano ne khushi-khushi chaye pi li .. Ek ne to yeh bhi keh diya ki meri chaye me to itni jyada chini thi ki dr hai ki kahin diabetes na ho jaaye.
Sonu ki wish poori krne raat ko santa aayaa to sonu ne girl friend maang li.
Yeh sun kr santa ne sonu ko bahut mara. Baad me pataa chalaa ki sonu ki bivi hi santaa bn kr aayi thi.
Ptni :- 3 din se net nhi aa raha. Btaao mai kya kru?
Pti :- Madam, avasar achha hai, ghar ki sfaayi hi kr lo.
Aaj khane me mlaai kofta bnaayaa hai.
Pti :- Yeh to krela hai.
Ptni :- Aaj kl naam bdlne ka fasion chal raha hai to maine krele ka naam bdl kr mlaai kofta rakh diya hai. Ab chup chap kha lo.
Ptni ne ptni ko mayke se phone kiya :- Kahan pr ho tum
Pti :- Ghar pr .
Ptni :- Ghar pr ho to mixture chla kr dikhao.
Pti :- Yeh lo ................mixture ki aavaz.
Ek din achank ptni ghar aa pahunch. Ptni ko ghar na pa kr bacho se poochha :- Papa kahan gye hai ?
Bache :- Pta nhi.....Roz subah mixture le kr nikal jate hai aur der raat tk ghar aate hai.
Ptni :- Shaadi se pehle to pti-ptni pr bahut chutkle sunate the . Ab kya hua ?
Pti :- Shaadi ke baad mujhe epta chla ki ve chutlke sirf chutkle nhi hakeekat the.
Ek baar pti-ptni me jhgda ho rha tha. Jb jhgda bahut hi bd gya to pti ne krodh ko kabu me rkhte hue kaha :- Ab tum ek bhi shabad mt bolna ,,verna mere ander ka pshu jaag jayega.
Ptni boli :- Jagne doapne ander ke pshu ko. Bhla chuhe se bhi koi drta hai ?
Mrte samay pti ne apni ptni se kaha :- Mere mrne ke baad tum Ram Lal se shadi kr lena .
Ptni ne ashcharye se poochha :- Ram Lal se, lekin veh to aap ka sb se bda dushman hai .
Pti ne kaha :- Ha, mai us se bdla lena chahta hu.
Pti :- Chlo aaj baahr khana khayege ?
Ptni :- Are vaah, mai do minute me taiyar ho kr aati hun.
Pti :- Theek hai, mai bhi baahr chtaai bichha deta hu.
Ab to shak ki intha ho gyi. .........Bivi :- Tumhari shirt pr ek bhi baal nhi hai.
Sonu :- Ha to kya.
Bivi :- Sach-sach btaao , kaun thi voh gunji ?
Pti :- Apni 10vi saal girh pr tumhe Andeman Nikobaar le jaaunga.
Ptni :- Are vaah ! aur 25vi. pr ?
Pti :- Tumhe vaaps lene aaunga.
Pti :-Mai tumhare kiye jaan bhi de skta hu.
Ptni :- Veh to koi bhi de skta hai. Tum mere saath ji kr dikhao.
Pti ptni se :- Agar tum ne jyada preshan kiya to mai saadu bn jaaunga.
Ptni :- Normal saadhu ya naga sadhu.
Pti :- Kyon ?
Ptni :- Agar normal sadhu bnanaa hai to mai aap ki packing karu aur yadi Naga sadhu bnanaa hai to ftaaft nikal lo.
Pti :- Mera andaza hai ki is packet me kuchh khane ki cheez hogi .
Ptni :- Ji, aap ne bilkul sahi andaza lgaya hai. Is me mere naye sendal hai.
Ptni :- Shadi ke baad tum mujh se pyar nhi .
Pti :- Exam clear hone kebaad kaun padta.hai yaar.
Ek ptni ne ek din apne pti ka mobile chech kiya . Us me naam save the. Aankho ka ilaaz, hotho ka ilaaz, dil ka ilaaz, aur jb gusse me apna number dial kiya to naam aayaa -----Lailaaz.
Pti :- Yeh kaise khana bnaaya hai tum ne , bilkul gobar jaisa .....
Ptni:- He Bhagwan ! Is aadmi ne to hr cheez chakh rakhi hai.
Ptni :- Chandni raat me apne pti ke saath baithi hui thi . Pti se poochha-- Jaanu aap ko mujh me kya acha lagta hai ?
Pti :- Mujhe tum se judi hr cheez achi lagti hai darling.
Ptni :- Jaise ki btaao na ?
Pti :- Jaise tumhari behen priya, tumhari mausi ki ladki shallu, tumhari mami ki ladki sheetal, Tumhari bua ki ladki Neha, Tuhare padosi ki beti mamta, tumhari saheli pinki.
Ab pti ilaaz krva rha hai.
Pti:- Aaj to grmi si lg rahi hai.
Ptni :- Ha, grmi to hone lagi hai.
Pti :-Chlo chhat pr hava kha kr aate hai.
Ptni :- Aap chalo ,mai plate aur chamach le kr aati hun.
Pti :- veh kis liye ?
Ptni :- Aap ne hi to bola hawa kha kr aate hain............................Pti behosh.
Pti ptni se :- Mai tumhe bahut pyar krta hun.
Ptni :- To kya mai tumhe pyar nhin krti ? Mai to tumhaare liye saari duniya se lad sakti hun.
Pti :- Lekin tum to saara din mujh se ladti rehti ho ?
Ptni :- Jaanu, tumhi to meri duniya ho.
Ptni :-Itne saal ho gye shaadi ko , aaj tk kuch nhi diya .
Pti :- Dil to diya hai aur kya chahiye ..
Ptni :- Nhi, jaanu , koi sone ki cheez dilaao na .
Pti :- Chalo, sham ko nya takiya la doonga. Khoob maje se sona.
pti :-Aaj vrat hai ? Ptni :- Ji ha .
Pti :- Kuch khaya. Ptni :- Ha khaya.
Pti :-Kya-kya khaya ? Ptni :- Anaar, shakarkand, Aalu ki tikki, Cheeku, sabudane ki kheer, Kheera, , subaha ki chaye aur ab juice pi rahi hun.
Pti :- Bahut sakhat vrat kr rhi ho. Yeh hr kisi ke bs ki baat kahan hai ? Kuch aur khane ki icha ho to btaao. Dekh lo kahi kamjori na aa jaye.
Ptni vakil pti se :- Tum itne saalo se vkaalat kr rhe ho to mujhe btao ki umr kaid se bdi sja kya hoti hai.
Vakeel pti :- vahi to kaat rha hun,
Pti :- Dekha jaye to ladkiyon ko degree lene ki koi jaroorat nhi hoti. Shadi doctor se hui to doctrine, nai se hui to nayin, pandit se hui to pandtain, master se hui to masdtrain
Ptni ne bade pyaar bhare andaaz me apne pti se kaha :- Dear, hr janam me ek doosre se milte rheinge .Yun hi ek dooje ko pyaar krte rheinge.
Pti ne lambi saas chhodte hue kaha :- veh to theek hai , lekin tum is janam me peechha chhodogi , tb hi agle janam me mil paaogi.
Ptni ;- Tum mujh se kitna pyaar krte ho ?
Pti Shahjahan se bhi jyaada . Ptni :- Mere mrne ke baad Taj-mehel banvaao ge .
Pti :- Mai to plot le bhi chuka hu pagli, der to tum kr rahi ho.
Ptni :- Mai kaisi lg rahi hun ?
Pti :- Achhi lg rahi ho,
Ptni :- Mere liye ek sher kaho na.
Pti :- Yeh jo lg rahi ho na tum itni pyaari,
Is pr lg jaati hai meri tankhah saari.
Pti :- Holi pr mai tumhari saari saheliyo ko rang lgaaunga.
Ptni :- Mujhe kyo nhin, meri saheliyo ko kyon ?
Pti:- Tumhari skin khraab ho jayegi na.
Ptni :- Oh ! How sweet.
Ptni :- Ap yeh jo pant baar-baar uncha kheenchte ho, veh bahut bura lagta hai.
Pti :-Mera khyaal hai agar mai pant uppar na kheenchu to aur bhi bura lgega.
Ek shubh chintak ne mujhe yeh sujhav diya ki ptni se behes nhin jeeto, balki apni muskaan sa hraao.
Maine pryaas kiya,.............Ptni boli , jyaada hansi aa rhi hai ? lgta hai tumhaara bhoot utaarna padega.
Talaak ke baad judge ne muslim jode se kaha," Ab aap dono aajaad ho, koi ridhta na rha.".
Pti :- Hm aajaad hai, saare rishte khatam.
Ptni :- Ya allah, aisa na boliye, mai aap ki chacheri behen to rahungi hi !!!!!! Khoon ka rishta koi nahi tod sakta,Bhai jaan !!!!!!!! Aaj se munna aap ko Mamu jaan kahega.
Chunav ke mausam me bivi pti se :- Tum theek rhe to BJP ke chunav chinh se swagat karungi. Jyaadah samajhdari dikhai to congress ke chunav chinh se. Us ke baad bhi akde to phir aap ka chunav chinh darwaaje ke peeche rakha hai .
Babloo taau se :- Apni istri de do.
Taau :- Apni janaani ki taraf isharaa krte hue bola , ja le ja veh baithi hai.
Babloo ki ptni ka 48 va birthday tha. Veh kaam se kahi baahar gya hua tha . Us ne apni ptni ko bhejne ke liye 30 phool order kiye. Phoolo ke sath us ne likhwaya , Dear, mai tumhaare liye utne hi phool bhej rahaa hu jitne saal ki tum lagti ho".
Udhar phool wale ke yahan scheme thi ," Ek ke sath ek free."
Babloo aaj tk smajh nhin paya ki us ka taalaak kyon hua ?
Ptni :- Jra kitchen se aaloo lete aana.
Pti :- Yahan to kahi aaloo nahi dikh rhe hai.
Ptni :- Tum to ho hi kaam-chor. Koi kaam theek dhang se nhin kr skte. Mujhe pta tha tumhe nhin milenge , is liye mai pehle hi le aayi thi.
Ab is me pti ki kya glti.
Ptni :- Aaz bus me conductor ne meri beizti ki .
Pti :- Kyo, kya hua ?
Ptni Mere bus se utrte hi us ne kaha ----Ab 3 swaariyan is seat pr baith jayen.
pti ki hatya ke mamle me katghre me khadi mahila se judge ne kaha ," Aap ko apni sfai me kya kehna hai ?
Mahila :- Mai kya keh sakti hu. Mere yahan sfaai to naukrani krti hai. Is vishya me is se jyaada jankari to vahi de skti hai.
C.A pti ptni se :- Thand aa rhi hai, GST nikal lo !
Ptni :-Voh kya ?
Pti :- Gadda, sweater aur topi.
Ptni :- Mujh se kitna pyar krte ho.
pti :- bahut jyada.
Ptni :- Kya mere liye Tare tod kr la skte ho ?
Pti :- Kl ek board pr likha dekha , Taron se door rho, vena urrunt lg skta hai.
Ek master ji ke ghar 7-8 mehmaan aa gye. Master ji ki bivi boli :- Chaye kaise bnaaun, Ghar me chini nhin hai?
Master ji ne kaha, tum sif chaye bna kr le aao, baki mai sambhal lunga. Bivi chaye bna kr le aai. aur phir master ji bole :- Jis ke hisse me fiki chaye aayegi, kl hm us ke ghar mehmaan bn kr khane ke liye aayein ge.
Sabhi mehmano ne khushi-khushi chaye pi li .. Ek ne to yeh bhi keh diya ki meri chaye me to itni jyada chini thi ki dr hai ki kahin diabetes na ho jaaye.
Sonu ki wish poori krne raat ko santa aayaa to sonu ne girl friend maang li.
Yeh sun kr santa ne sonu ko bahut mara. Baad me pataa chalaa ki sonu ki bivi hi santaa bn kr aayi thi.
Ptni :- 3 din se net nhi aa raha. Btaao mai kya kru?
Pti :- Madam, avasar achha hai, ghar ki sfaayi hi kr lo.
Bank account
Pappu :- Ek joint account khulwana hai.
Bank manager :- Kis ke saath ?
Pappu :- Jis ke bhi account me jyaada paisi ho.
Yamraj
Beti bta kahan jayegi . Sawarg me ya narak me ?
Ladki :- Dharti se mera mobile aur charger mangwa do . Mai to kahin bhi reh lungi.
Teacher- student :-
Teacher :- Nadi me nhaate samay muh kis disha me hona chahiye ?
Chaatra :- Jis disha me kapde rakhe hon.
English grammer ki teacher :- Aaz hm noun padeinge .
Teacher :- Ladki sb se hans kr baat krti hai. Is me ladki kya hai ?
Student :- Madam ji,veh ladki bigdi hui hai . Kisi ladke ke chakkar me padi hai.
Teacher :- Sawar aur vayanjan me fark btaao ?
Student :- Sir, swar muh se baahr nikalte hain aur vayanjan muh ke ander jaate hain.
Teacher :- Tumhe sab se achhi aavaaz kis saaz ki lagti hai ?
Student :- Chhuti ki ghanti ki.
Agar tumhare pass 15 seb hai jin me se 6 tum meena ko de do, 4 soniya ko aur 5 seb rajni ko de do to tumhe kya milega ?
Student :- Sir, mujhe 33 nai girl friends milengi.
Teacher :- Aaz itne late kyo pahunche ?
Student :- Ek aadmi ka 1000/- Rs. ka note gum ho gya tha.
Teacher :- To kya tum note dhundhne me madad kr rhe the .
Student :- Mai to us aadmi ke jane ka intjaar kr rha tha kyonki note mere pair ke neeche tha.
Teacher :- Kaun se 4 cheeze khatm hone pr tkleef deti hai ?
Raju :- Dosti, paisa, pyaar aur Ravivar. Aakhiri wala to rula hi deta hai.
Teacher :- Hm sb mr gye bahu vachan hai to fir ," Mai mr gya." .....Kya hoga ?
Mannu :- sir, school me chhuti hogi.
Teacher :- Sonu, tumhara dshehe pr ravan dehen pr likha gya nibandh hu-b-hu tumhare bhai ke nibandh jaisa hai. Kya tu ne us ki nak
Sonu :- Nhi sir, Darasal hm dono ne ek hi Ravan pr nibandh likha hai.al ki hai ?
Teacher :- Bacho, class me jyaada shor nhi krna chahiye.
Bache :- (Ek saath) Sahi hai, mem, class me jo so rhe hai veh shor se jaag skte hai.
Teacher :- Duniya me 22 sb se bade network kaun se hain
Student :- Ji sb se bade netwwork hai E-mail aur female. Plk jhpkte hi ishar se udhar pahuncha deti hai .Teacher behosh.
Teacher :-Aaz tum school late kyo pahunche ?
Student :- Sigh board ke kaarn .
Teacher :- Kaise sigh board ke kaarn ?
Student :- Sigh board pr likha tha ," Aage school hai .......kripya dheere chao.
Ek nursery ke bache ne exam sheet pr su-su kr diya.
Teacher :- Yeh tum ne kya kr diya ?
Bacha :- Pehle jo aa raha ho vahi krna.
Teacher : - Kamal, agar insaan saans lena chod de to kya hota hai ?
Kamal :- Sir, pet upper neeche hona band ho jata hai.
Teacher :-Chal bta :- Jail koHindi me hawalaat kyo kehte hai ?
Sonu :- Kyonki Vaha sirf hawa aur laat hi khane ko milti hai.
Teacher :- Tum class me so kyo rahe ho:-
Student :- Madam, aapki aawaz bahut pyaari hai .Is liye mujhe neend aane lagti hai.
Teacher :- To baaki bache kyo nhi so rahe ?
Student :- Kyoki voh aap ko dhyan se nhi sun rahe.
Teacher :- Samester system se kya fayda hai , bataao ?
Student :- Sir, fayda to pta nhin , pr be-izati e do baar jarohoor ho jati hai.
Teacher student se :- Kya pdaaun aaj ?
Student :- Sir aaj nikaah pdvaa deejiye roll no. 32 ke saath.
Teacher :- Tum parindon ke baare me sb jaante ho.
Student :-Ha,
Teacher :- Achha, yeh btaao, kaun sa prinda ud nhin sakta ?
Student :- Mra hua parinda.
Teacher :- Tumhe pta hai hmaare poorvaj bander the.
Jaat :- Tumhaare honge, Hmaare to chaudahri the.
Teacher :- Raheem ka koi bhi doha sunao.
Jarnai :- sir, mujhe theej se nahi aataa.
Teacher :- Tumhe jaisa bhi aataa hai vaisa bi suna do.
Jarnail :- Kabhi pyaase ko water pilaayaa nahi, baad quarter pilaane se kya fayda.
Teacher :- Baith ja. Kaam ke waqt mn bhatka rha hai.
Teacher student se :- Tum ne mera dimag khrab kr diya hai .Kl mai tumhare pita ji se milunga.
Student :- Sir, pita ji se nhin, chacha ji se miliye, doctor to voh hai.
Chemistry ki class me ek kanjoos teacher padhaa rhe the. Unhone ek 5 Rs, ka sikka jeb se nikal kr acid ke jar me dala aur poochha ," Btaao bacho, yeh sikka is acid me ghulega ya nhin ?"
Ek bacha bola :- Nhin ghulega sir.
Teacher :- Tum ne yeh kaise jana ?
Bacha :- Agar yeh sikka acid me ghulta to daalne ke liye aap sikka hm se mangte, Apni jeb se nhin nikalte.
Teacher :- Bacho, kisi ko kuchh poochhna hai?
Pappu :- Ha sir.
Teacher :- Poochho.
Pappu :- Sir, Hindi ko English me kya kehte hai ?
Teacher :- Sb apna apna naam aur pasand btao.
Pehla ladka :- Hmara naam Golu hai aur mujhe jalebi pasand hai.
Dusra ladka :- Hmaraa naam golu hai , mujhe bhi jalebi pasand hai.
Teesra ladka :- Mera naam monu hai, mujhe bhi jalebi pasand hai.
Teacher :- Sb ki pasand ek hai , bahut achha, Ladki, tumhaaraa naam kya hai ?
Ladki :- Hmara naam jalebi hai.
Teacher behosh.
Master ji :- Is muhavre ka arth bataao........"saanp ki dum pr pair rakhna".
Student :- Ptni ko mayke jaane se rokna......master ji smajh nhin pa rahe hai ki itni jankaari inhe kaise hui.
Teacher :- School me der se aane ka tum ne aaj kya bahaanaa dhundha hai ?
Minni :- Sir, aaj mai itni tej daud kr aai hu ki bahaanaa sochne ka mauka hi nhi mila.
Animal
Ek koyal ne kove se poochha :- Abhi tk shadi kyo nhi ki ?
Kova :- Bina shadi ke hi jindgi me itni kan-kav hai to shadi ke baad kitni hogi.
Ek machar preshan baitha tha. Doosre ne poocha ," Kya hua "?
Pehla bola :- Yaar, gajab ho gya , chuhe daani me chuha, sabun daani me saabun, magar machar daani me aadmi so raha tha.
Ek pinjre me tote toti ko chhed rahe the , jb ki doosre pinjre me ek tota pooja kr rha tha aur doosra tota nmaaz pd rahaa tha.
Malik ne socha :- Kitne nek tote hai, in ke pinjre me toti surakshit rahe gi. Us ne toti ko nek toto ke pinjre me daal diya. Yeh dekh kr pooja krne wala tota nmaaz pdne wale tote se bola," Utho miyan nmaaz kabool ho gyi".
Ek baar 3 kutte the aur pados me shadi thi . Teeno ne slaah bnaai ki bari-bari Khana khane jayeige. Ek kutta shadi me chla gya aur us ko vahan lath lge. Voh un do kutto ke pass aa gya to unho ne poochha "kha ayaa". pehle kutte ne kaha , ha, mai kha aayaa.
Doosra bola :- Ab meri bari hai. us ko bhi baaraation ne lath maare. ki tu phir aagya.
Us ke vaaps aane pr kuttone poochha ," Khaaayaa".
Kutta bola :- Ha, kha aayaa.
Teesra kutta bola, :- Hat jaao peechhe , ab meri bari hai. Jb veh shadi me gya to baaraation ne bola, phir aa gya tu. Unhon negate band kr liya aur us ko tassali sa jm kr kai lath maare................Kutta badi mushkil se peechha chhuda kr bhaga aur un kutto ke pass pahuncha. Voh kutte bole ;- Ha bhai, kha aayaa ?
Teesraa kutta bola :- Tum khane baat krte ho , voh to aane hi nhin dete the.
Aadmi hawaai jahaaj se utra to darwaaje pr khadi air hostess boli ," Umeed hai aap ko flight me ghar jaisa maahol mila hoga .
Aadmi :- Ji bilkul nahin. Ghar me meri koi nhin sunta pr yahan to battan dabaate ho 4-4 aa jati hai
Anti :- Teri shadi ho gyi.
Ladki :- Ji , ho gyi
Anti :- Ladka kya karta hai ?
Ladki :- Ji afsos.
Ek neta se poochha gya :- " Sahib, aadmi ya janta se pehle "Aam shabad kyo lgaate hain"..Jaise aam janta, aam aadmi ?
Neta ji hans pade aur bole.:- Taaki use choosa ja ske aur kaam nikal jaane ke baad guthli ki trh fenka ja ske.
Ek baar netaaon se bhari bus ja rhi thi.Achanak driver santulan kho baitha aur bus sadak ke kinaare lge ek ped se tkra kr ulat gayi.Accident bahut khatarnaak tha. Aas-paas kheton main kaam kr rhe vahan aaye. Aaps main salah ki aur sabhi netaaon ka antim sanskaar kr diya. Tabhi paas ke gaon ka mukhiya aayaa aur majdooron se poochha :- Antim sanskaar krne se pehle achhi/theek trh se dekhto liya tha na Koi sawaari jinda to nahin thi ?
Majdoor :- Mukhiya sahib , kuchh sawaariya bol to rhi thi ki hm jinda hain, lekin yeh neta log the.Netaaon ki baat pr vishwas nhin kiya ja sakta. Is liye hm ne un pr vishwas nhin kiya....................................Prachi Rastogi.
Buda machhar yuva machhar se :- Tum kya jaano struggle kya hota hai.
Yuva machhar :- Voh kaise ?
Buda machhar :- Hmaare jamaane main aurton ko kaatne ke liye itni khuli jgaah kahan milti thi.
Ek murgi ne ek baaz se shaadi kr li to ek murga bola ;- Hm mr gye the kya?
Murgi :- Main to tum se hi shaadi krna chahti thi. Lekin mom-dad chahte the ki mera pti air-force main ho.
Ek aadmi jo election me kismat aajma rha tha use sirf 3 vote mile......Ab veh sarkaar se Z-plus ki suraksha maangne lga. District ke D.M sahib ne samjhate hue kaha "Aap ko sirf 3 vote mile hai phir aap ko Z-plus suraksh kaise di ja sakti hai". ...............Veh aadmi bola," Jis sheher me log mere itne khilaaf ho to mujhe suraksha milni hi chahiye".
Ek aadmi airport se taxi main baitha aur taxi wala tezi se chal pada.
Aadmi :- Bhai, speed km kr lo. Meri 3 biviyan aur 17 bhache hain.
Taxi wala :- Toone aoni speed dekhi hai .
Ek painting exhibition main ek jaat painting dekhne gyaa. Painter ne apni sabhi paintings dikhai , chahe veh glass ki, water painting oil painting thi.
Jaat bola :- Paise ki prvaah mt kr . Agar koi desi ghee ki ho to veh dikha.
Flight udte hi pilotne suraksha sambandhi elaan kiye aur phir mike off krna bhool gya. Pilot ne apne co-pilot se kaha."Pehle main coffee loonga aur phir air-hostess ko kiss kroonga.
Yeh sun kr air-hostess mike bund krne bhaagiaur fisala kr gir padi.
Ek bajurg yaatri bola," Beti, aaraam se jaao.pehle veh coffee piyega, phir kiss kregaa".
Car se tkraa kr ek kabootar behosh ho gya. Aadmi use doctor ke paas le gya. Us ke baad ghar laayaa aur pinjre main daal diya . Kabootar ko hosh aayaa to bola." Jail ho gye, veh car wala mr gya kya ?
Neta ji bhashan dete hue :- Hmein apne peron pr khade hone ki koshish krni chahiye.
Ek mahila :- Main to bahut der se koshish kr rhi hun pr yeh police wala bar-bar bitha deta hai.
Pappu car dho rha tha , Tabhi ek aunty udhar se gujri aur poochha ,"Car dho rhe ho beta ?
Pappu :- Nahin ji, pani de rha hun , shayad badi ho kr bus bn jaaye.
Raman kadi chaavl kha rha tha ki achaank ek makkhi us pr aakr baith gye.
Raman bola :- Chal ht pagli, yeh veh cheez nhin hai jo tu soch rhi hai,
Aadmi :- Ji bilkul nahin. Ghar me meri koi nhin sunta pr yahan to battan dabaate ho 4-4 aa jati hai
Anti :- Teri shadi ho gyi.
Ladki :- Ji , ho gyi
Anti :- Ladka kya karta hai ?
Ladki :- Ji afsos.
Ek neta se poochha gya :- " Sahib, aadmi ya janta se pehle "Aam shabad kyo lgaate hain"..Jaise aam janta, aam aadmi ?
Neta ji hans pade aur bole.:- Taaki use choosa ja ske aur kaam nikal jaane ke baad guthli ki trh fenka ja ske.
Ek baar netaaon se bhari bus ja rhi thi.Achanak driver santulan kho baitha aur bus sadak ke kinaare lge ek ped se tkra kr ulat gayi.Accident bahut khatarnaak tha. Aas-paas kheton main kaam kr rhe vahan aaye. Aaps main salah ki aur sabhi netaaon ka antim sanskaar kr diya. Tabhi paas ke gaon ka mukhiya aayaa aur majdooron se poochha :- Antim sanskaar krne se pehle achhi/theek trh se dekhto liya tha na Koi sawaari jinda to nahin thi ?
Majdoor :- Mukhiya sahib , kuchh sawaariya bol to rhi thi ki hm jinda hain, lekin yeh neta log the.Netaaon ki baat pr vishwas nhin kiya ja sakta. Is liye hm ne un pr vishwas nhin kiya....................................Prachi Rastogi.
Buda machhar yuva machhar se :- Tum kya jaano struggle kya hota hai.
Yuva machhar :- Voh kaise ?
Buda machhar :- Hmaare jamaane main aurton ko kaatne ke liye itni khuli jgaah kahan milti thi.
Ek murgi ne ek baaz se shaadi kr li to ek murga bola ;- Hm mr gye the kya?
Murgi :- Main to tum se hi shaadi krna chahti thi. Lekin mom-dad chahte the ki mera pti air-force main ho.
Ek aadmi jo election me kismat aajma rha tha use sirf 3 vote mile......Ab veh sarkaar se Z-plus ki suraksha maangne lga. District ke D.M sahib ne samjhate hue kaha "Aap ko sirf 3 vote mile hai phir aap ko Z-plus suraksh kaise di ja sakti hai". ...............Veh aadmi bola," Jis sheher me log mere itne khilaaf ho to mujhe suraksha milni hi chahiye".
Ek aadmi airport se taxi main baitha aur taxi wala tezi se chal pada.
Aadmi :- Bhai, speed km kr lo. Meri 3 biviyan aur 17 bhache hain.
Taxi wala :- Toone aoni speed dekhi hai .
Ek painting exhibition main ek jaat painting dekhne gyaa. Painter ne apni sabhi paintings dikhai , chahe veh glass ki, water painting oil painting thi.
Jaat bola :- Paise ki prvaah mt kr . Agar koi desi ghee ki ho to veh dikha.
Flight udte hi pilotne suraksha sambandhi elaan kiye aur phir mike off krna bhool gya. Pilot ne apne co-pilot se kaha."Pehle main coffee loonga aur phir air-hostess ko kiss kroonga.
Yeh sun kr air-hostess mike bund krne bhaagiaur fisala kr gir padi.
Ek bajurg yaatri bola," Beti, aaraam se jaao.pehle veh coffee piyega, phir kiss kregaa".
Car se tkraa kr ek kabootar behosh ho gya. Aadmi use doctor ke paas le gya. Us ke baad ghar laayaa aur pinjre main daal diya . Kabootar ko hosh aayaa to bola." Jail ho gye, veh car wala mr gya kya ?
Neta ji bhashan dete hue :- Hmein apne peron pr khade hone ki koshish krni chahiye.
Ek mahila :- Main to bahut der se koshish kr rhi hun pr yeh police wala bar-bar bitha deta hai.
Pappu car dho rha tha , Tabhi ek aunty udhar se gujri aur poochha ,"Car dho rhe ho beta ?
Pappu :- Nahin ji, pani de rha hun , shayad badi ho kr bus bn jaaye.
Raman kadi chaavl kha rha tha ki achaank ek makkhi us pr aakr baith gye.
Raman bola :- Chal ht pagli, yeh veh cheez nhin hai jo tu soch rhi hai,
Father - son / papa-beta
Papa :- Sarkari school ke master ko kya kehte hai.
Beta :- G.S.T.
Papa:- Beta, Shi btao.
Beta :- Government school teacher.
Champu ke papa ne report card dekh kr kaha :- Itne km marks. 2 thappad lgaane ko mn kr rha hai .
Champu ne utsaahit ho kr kaha :- Han papa, maine teacher ka ghar dekh rakha hai.
Papa :- Bata, tum bdeho kr kis se shaadi kroge?
Beta :- Dai se .
Papa :- aysa nhin ho skta beta, Voh meri ma hai
Beta :- To kya hua. Aap ne bhi to meri ma se shaadi ki hai.
Papa :- Beta, mere liye ek gilaas pani laanaa.
Chhota beta :- Nhin laaunga.
Bda beta:- Rehne do papa, yeh to hai hi bdtameez. Aap khud le lo aur mere liye bhi lete aanaa.
Beta :- G.S.T.
Papa:- Beta, Shi btao.
Beta :- Government school teacher.
Champu ke papa ne report card dekh kr kaha :- Itne km marks. 2 thappad lgaane ko mn kr rha hai .
Champu ne utsaahit ho kr kaha :- Han papa, maine teacher ka ghar dekh rakha hai.
Papa :- Bata, tum bdeho kr kis se shaadi kroge?
Beta :- Dai se .
Papa :- aysa nhin ho skta beta, Voh meri ma hai
Beta :- To kya hua. Aap ne bhi to meri ma se shaadi ki hai.
Papa :- Beta, mere liye ek gilaas pani laanaa.
Chhota beta :- Nhin laaunga.
Bda beta:- Rehne do papa, yeh to hai hi bdtameez. Aap khud le lo aur mere liye bhi lete aanaa.
bagger / Bhikhaari
Golu mandir gya to ek bhikhari ne kaha 10 Rs, de do. Golu ne 10 Rs. dediye. Bhikhari bahut khush hua. Bola, aap ki hr ichha poori ho . Maango, kya maangte ho.
Golu :- Mere paise vaaps de do.
Bhikhaari :- Bhagwan ke liye kuchh khaane ko milega.
Munni :- Mummy, ise kuchh bhi khane ke liye mt dena. Yeh bhagwan ke liye maangtaa ahi aur khud kha jaataa hai.
Golu :- Mere paise vaaps de do.
Bhikhaari :- Bhagwan ke liye kuchh khaane ko milega.
Munni :- Mummy, ise kuchh bhi khane ke liye mt dena. Yeh bhagwan ke liye maangtaa ahi aur khud kha jaataa hai.
child
Ek bachacha :- Sipahi ji aap bahut darpok hain.
Sipahi :- Kyon? Bachacha :- Kyon ki aap hr samay bandook le kr ghoomte hain.
Nahaane ke liye bathroom ki trf bada hi tha ki ......TV pr sardi se 3 logon ki maut ki khabar sun kr vapas kapde pehen liye.........Bhai, jinda rhe to grmi main nha leige.
Ek chhota bachcha thane ke saamne poti kr rha tha. Police ne use pkd liya . Jb use le jaane lge to bachcha hunste hue bola,"O kanoon ke rakhvaalo, saboot to utha lo ".
Sipahi :- Kyon? Bachacha :- Kyon ki aap hr samay bandook le kr ghoomte hain.
Nahaane ke liye bathroom ki trf bada hi tha ki ......TV pr sardi se 3 logon ki maut ki khabar sun kr vapas kapde pehen liye.........Bhai, jinda rhe to grmi main nha leige.
Ek chhota bachcha thane ke saamne poti kr rha tha. Police ne use pkd liya . Jb use le jaane lge to bachcha hunste hue bola,"O kanoon ke rakhvaalo, saboot to utha lo ".
Naukar - Malik
Malkin :- Maine tumhe kaha nhin tha ki jis waqt doodh uble mujhe bta dena.
Naukraani :- Bta to rhi hun , us vaqt 7 bj kr 45 minutes hue the.
Naukar :-Seth ji, aapmujh pr vishwaas krte main na.
Seth :- Ha-ha, bahut vishwaas krta hu. Prantu tum mujh se kyon poochh rahe ho?
Naukar :- Ji, aisi baat nhin, Aap jo chabiyan mujhe de jaate ho, un me se koi bhi chabi tijori ko nhin lagti.
Sethani karigar se :- Mkaan ka nichla hissa kitne me bnega.
Karigar :- 10 lakh me.
Sethani :- Aur upri manjil ?
Karigar :- 5 lakh me.
Sethani :- To aisa kro, pehle uper wali manjil bna lo.
Naukraani :- Bta to rhi hun , us vaqt 7 bj kr 45 minutes hue the.
Naukar :-Seth ji, aapmujh pr vishwaas krte main na.
Seth :- Ha-ha, bahut vishwaas krta hu. Prantu tum mujh se kyon poochh rahe ho?
Naukar :- Ji, aisi baat nhin, Aap jo chabiyan mujhe de jaate ho, un me se koi bhi chabi tijori ko nhin lagti.
Sethani karigar se :- Mkaan ka nichla hissa kitne me bnega.
Karigar :- 10 lakh me.
Sethani :- Aur upri manjil ?
Karigar :- 5 lakh me.
Sethani :- To aisa kro, pehle uper wali manjil bna lo.
Dada-pota
Dada ji yeh privaar niyojan kya hota hai ?
Dada :- Mujhe hnin pta .
Pota :- Mujhe pta tha aap ko nhin pta hoga. Agar pta hota to aaz hmaari jaydaad ke 6 tukde na hue hote.
Dada :- Mujhe hnin pta .
Pota :- Mujhe pta tha aap ko nhin pta hoga. Agar pta hota to aaz hmaari jaydaad ke 6 tukde na hue hote.
Ma- Beta
Ek neta ka beta apni ma se baat krte hue :- Ma yeh bhrashtachaari kaun hote hain ?
Ma :- Jhadu lgaate hue :- Mujhe ek baat samajh me nhin aati, tu hr baat me apne baap ko kyon kheench ghasit hai.
Ek ladke ki ma ko pta chal gya ki us ka beta dance bar gya tha. Ma ne pehle to khoob daanta phir boli,"achha, yeh btaao tum ne koi aisi cheezto nhin dekhi jo tumhe nahi dekhni chahiye thi".
Beta:- Ha dekhi ,vahaa pita ji baithe hue the.
Ek chhora apne baap ke sahaarebaitha bidi pi rha tha. Us ki man us ko dekh ke boli :- Dekh beta,tujhe baapu ke paas baith ke bidid peete dar nhin lagta ?
Ladka :- Darna kya, baapu hi to hai, koi petrol pump thode hi hai jo aag pakad lega.
Ma :- Beta, dadi ko birthday pr kya gift doge ?
Beta :- main dadi ko football doonga.
Ma ;- Are beta, dadi is umr main football ka kya kregi ?
Beta :- Unhone bhi to mere birthday pr dharmik book di thi.
Beta :- Mummy,kl se main school nhin jaaunga .
Mummy :- Kyon, kl bhir dulaai hui kya teri ?
Beta :- Are nhin, voh teacher khud ko pta nhin kya samajhti hai.
Mummy :- Kyon kya hua ?
Beta :- Unhonne khud black board pr likha " Mahabharat " Aur mujh se poochh rhin thi ki" Mahabharat "kis ne likhi ?
Maine kaha , abhi aap ne hi to likha.....Unhon ne bhut maaraa.
Ek baccha apni ma se bola :-Mummy, koi kahaani sunao na.
Mummy :- Bet, mujhe to koi kahaani yaad nhin. Abhi tumhaare papa ghar aayeinge , tb main poochhungi, itni late kaise aaaye..........phir tum dekhna kitni khaniyan sunate hain.
Ek mahila samosa khol kr ander ka masala kha rhi thi . Us ke bete ne poochha , aap poora samosa kyon nhin kha rhi ?
Veh boli :- Main bimar hun. Doctor ne bahar ki cheej khane se mna kiya hai.
Ma :- Jhadu lgaate hue :- Mujhe ek baat samajh me nhin aati, tu hr baat me apne baap ko kyon kheench ghasit hai.
Ek ladke ki ma ko pta chal gya ki us ka beta dance bar gya tha. Ma ne pehle to khoob daanta phir boli,"achha, yeh btaao tum ne koi aisi cheezto nhin dekhi jo tumhe nahi dekhni chahiye thi".
Beta:- Ha dekhi ,vahaa pita ji baithe hue the.
Ek chhora apne baap ke sahaarebaitha bidi pi rha tha. Us ki man us ko dekh ke boli :- Dekh beta,tujhe baapu ke paas baith ke bidid peete dar nhin lagta ?
Ladka :- Darna kya, baapu hi to hai, koi petrol pump thode hi hai jo aag pakad lega.
Ma :- Beta, dadi ko birthday pr kya gift doge ?
Beta :- main dadi ko football doonga.
Ma ;- Are beta, dadi is umr main football ka kya kregi ?
Beta :- Unhone bhi to mere birthday pr dharmik book di thi.
Beta :- Mummy,kl se main school nhin jaaunga .
Mummy :- Kyon, kl bhir dulaai hui kya teri ?
Beta :- Are nhin, voh teacher khud ko pta nhin kya samajhti hai.
Mummy :- Kyon kya hua ?
Beta :- Unhonne khud black board pr likha " Mahabharat " Aur mujh se poochh rhin thi ki" Mahabharat "kis ne likhi ?
Maine kaha , abhi aap ne hi to likha.....Unhon ne bhut maaraa.
Ek baccha apni ma se bola :-Mummy, koi kahaani sunao na.
Mummy :- Bet, mujhe to koi kahaani yaad nhin. Abhi tumhaare papa ghar aayeinge , tb main poochhungi, itni late kaise aaaye..........phir tum dekhna kitni khaniyan sunate hain.
Ek mahila samosa khol kr ander ka masala kha rhi thi . Us ke bete ne poochha , aap poora samosa kyon nhin kha rhi ?
Veh boli :- Main bimar hun. Doctor ne bahar ki cheej khane se mna kiya hai.
Pandit ji /Guru ji
Kalu apne sasural me apne guruji ka pravachan sunane gya. Guru ji bole ," jo-jo swarg jana chahta hai, veh apna-apna haath uper kare".
Kalu ki bivi aur saas ne haath uper uthaya. guru ji ne kalu se poohha,' Kya tumswarg nhin jana chahte..'
Kalu ;- Guru ji, yeh dono chali jaayeigi to yahi pr swarg ho jayega.
Sanjye :- Pandit ji , kisi sunder ladki ka haath thamne ke liye kya ktun?
Pandit ji :- Kisi dukan ke aage mehandi lgaane ka kaam shuru kr do.
Aadmi :- Guru ji btaaye, main kaise apne ander jhankun ? Kaise apni kamiyaan dhoondhu ?
Guru ji :- Beta, bahut aasaan hai .Shaadi kr lo . Tumhaari ptni na kewal tumhaari, balki tumhaare poore khaandaan ki kmiyaan itni baar givaaye gi ki tumhe yaad ho jaayein gi.
Ek aadmi satsang sun kr ghar aaya. Ghar aa kr us ne apni ptni ko nikal diya aur naukraani se shadi kr li.
Rishtedaaro ne poochha, Aisa kyo lkiya '.
Aadmi ;- Baba ji ne kaha tha ki maya chhod do shanti ke sath raho.
Kalu ki bivi aur saas ne haath uper uthaya. guru ji ne kalu se poohha,' Kya tumswarg nhin jana chahte..'
Kalu ;- Guru ji, yeh dono chali jaayeigi to yahi pr swarg ho jayega.
Sanjye :- Pandit ji , kisi sunder ladki ka haath thamne ke liye kya ktun?
Pandit ji :- Kisi dukan ke aage mehandi lgaane ka kaam shuru kr do.
Aadmi :- Guru ji btaaye, main kaise apne ander jhankun ? Kaise apni kamiyaan dhoondhu ?
Guru ji :- Beta, bahut aasaan hai .Shaadi kr lo . Tumhaari ptni na kewal tumhaari, balki tumhaare poore khaandaan ki kmiyaan itni baar givaaye gi ki tumhe yaad ho jaayein gi.
Ek aadmi satsang sun kr ghar aaya. Ghar aa kr us ne apni ptni ko nikal diya aur naukraani se shadi kr li.
Rishtedaaro ne poochha, Aisa kyo lkiya '.
Aadmi ;- Baba ji ne kaha tha ki maya chhod do shanti ke sath raho.
Court
Ek baar ek baadshah ne khushi main sabhi kaidiyon ko riha kr diya. Un kaidiyon main baadshah ne bahut hi bajurg kaidi ko dekha aur poochha :- Tum kb se kaid Main ho ?
Bajurg :- Aap ke abba ke jamaane se .
Yeh sun kr Baadshah ki aankhon main aansu aa gye aur bala :- Ise dobaaraa kaid main daal do, yeh abba ki nishaani hai.
Vakeel Roshni se :- Hatya ki raat tumhaare pti ke aakhiri shabad kya the ?
Ptni :- Mera chashma kahan hai sangeeta ?
Vakeel :- To isme maarne wali kya baat thi ?
Pti:- Ji, mera naam Roshni hai.
Chor :- Judge sahib , mobile compnoyon ke khilaf karyavaahi kigiye.
Gudge:- Kyon?
Chor :- In ke night pack ne hmein bhookhaa maar diya hai. Jis ghar main chori krne jaate hain, koi na koi aashik phone pr baat kr rha hota hai.
Sharaabi :- Judge sahib , main shraab piye hue nhin tha balki shraab pi rha tha.
Judge :- To aisa krte hain ki tumhaari sajaa 1 maheene se ghata kr 30 din kr dete hia.
Rupali :- Judge sahib, mujhe taalaak chahiye. Mera pti active nhin.
Judge :- Pr tumhaaraa pti to kabaddi champion hai.
Rupali :- Yhi to mushkil hai, judge sahib. Veh khaali touch kr kr bhaag jaataa hai.
Bajurg :- Aap ke abba ke jamaane se .
Yeh sun kr Baadshah ki aankhon main aansu aa gye aur bala :- Ise dobaaraa kaid main daal do, yeh abba ki nishaani hai.
Vakeel Roshni se :- Hatya ki raat tumhaare pti ke aakhiri shabad kya the ?
Ptni :- Mera chashma kahan hai sangeeta ?
Vakeel :- To isme maarne wali kya baat thi ?
Pti:- Ji, mera naam Roshni hai.
Chor :- Judge sahib , mobile compnoyon ke khilaf karyavaahi kigiye.
Gudge:- Kyon?
Chor :- In ke night pack ne hmein bhookhaa maar diya hai. Jis ghar main chori krne jaate hain, koi na koi aashik phone pr baat kr rha hota hai.
Sharaabi :- Judge sahib , main shraab piye hue nhin tha balki shraab pi rha tha.
Judge :- To aisa krte hain ki tumhaari sajaa 1 maheene se ghata kr 30 din kr dete hia.
Rupali :- Judge sahib, mujhe taalaak chahiye. Mera pti active nhin.
Judge :- Pr tumhaaraa pti to kabaddi champion hai.
Rupali :- Yhi to mushkil hai, judge sahib. Veh khaali touch kr kr bhaag jaataa hai.
Teacher - student
Teacher :- Sb se lambaa saanp kahan paya jata hai ?
Honey :- Loodo ke 99 wale khane me . ..................................................Teacher :- De thappad pr thapad.
Teacher :- Maths ki full form btaao ?
Student :- Meri aatma tujhe hamesha staayegi.
Teacher aaj tk soth raha hai ki......ldke ne full form btaai thi ya baddua di thi.
Papa teacher se :- Mera beta padaai me kaisa chal rha hai ?
Teacher :- Bs aap yeh samajh lo ki Aarya Bhat ne shoonya ki khoj isi ke liye ki thi.
Teacher :- "Chader pr chaye kisne giraai".Is ka apni matra-bhasha main anuvaad kro.
Student :- Matra-bhashaa, yani ma ki bhasha.
Teacher :- Ha.baap
Student :- Kamine, kr diya na dhuli chader ka satyanaash. Pd gyee tere kleje main thandak. Ab aane se tere baap ko,voh ho dhoyega chaader.
Teacher student se:- Lofar aur offer main kya anater hai ?
Student :- Agar ladka I love you bole to loffer , ladki bole to offer.
Ek baar ek school main aag lg gyi. School ki chhutti ho gyi. Sb bchache khushi-khushi ghar ja rhe the ki ab shcool nhin jaanaa padega.
Lekin ek bachacha bade dukhi mn se ja raha tha. Teacher ne usko dekha aur poochha, Beta sb bache to itne khush hain, tum kyon dukhi ho...................Ladka bola - aag se to school hi jala hai . Teacher to sb bach gye hain na. Kl park main bitha kr pdane lageinge.
Teacher :- Saali aadhi gharwali , is muhaavre ka arth btaao .
Papu :- Veh scheme jo dulhe ko shadi main bataai jati hai pr di nhin jaati
Pappu ne computer class join ki. Teacher ne doosre din poochha i Tum ne computer main kya-kya kiya ?
Pappu :- Sir, kye-board main ABCD aage-peechhe lagi hui thi, use theek kr diya hai.
English class ka vigyaapn :- Ek maheene main ftaafut angreji bolna seekhein. Mahilaaon ke liye 50% chhoot.
Kisi ne poochha :- Purush aur mahilaaon ki samaantaa wale yug main mahilaaon ko chhoot kyon ?
Teacher :- Kyonki mahilaaon ko fataafut to pehle se hi bolnaa aataa hai. unhein to sirf angreji bolna sikhaana hai.
Teacher :- Naalaayak, pd ke. Kabhi toone apni koi book khol ke dekhi hai ?
Sanju :- Haan, mainroz khlta hun book.
Teacher :-Kaun si ? Sanju :- Facebook.
Teacher student se :- itne didn kahaan the ?
Student :- Bird flu ho gya tha.
Teacher :- Pr yeh to birds ko hota hai,insaano main nhin.
Student :- Insaan samjha hi kahaan hai aap ne, Roz to murga bna deti ho.
Principal :- chhatr ke pita se :- Sir aap school main dress, bag, shoes aur koi saamaan apna nhin laa skte. Sb- kuchh aap ko hm deinge.
Pita :- Sir , bachacha to hm apnaa laa skte hain na, ki veh bhi aap apnaa doge.thi.
Teacher :- Btaao aaz kya pdaaun ?
Pappu :- Sir, mera to voh last seat wal ladki se nikaah padva de.
Bhugol pdaane wali ek madam bahut dubli-patli thi . us ki posting ek gaanv main ho gye. Ek din voh class main prash poochh rhi thi,"Bataao bachcho, dharti ghoomti hui kyon nazar aati hai" ?
Ek ladke ne kaha," Madam ji kuchh kha liya kro, bina khaye aaogi to dharti aise hi ghoomti nazar aayegi".
Teacher :- Btaao, murgiyon ki taangen lumbi kyon nhin hoti ?
Montoo :- Sir, agar murgiyon ki taangein lumbi hoti to ande neeche gir kr toot na jaate.
Teacher :- Ram svaroop beemaar hua, phal savaroop mr gya. sb iska English main anuvaad kro. Pappu :- Ram svaroop bimaar hua to phal svaroop kyon mra.
Teacher :- Murkh , is ka matlab hai Ram svaroop bimaar hua prinaam svaroop mr gya.
Pappu :- Le ab teesra bhi mr gya.
Engineer ka student :- Sir, hm ne ek .aisi cheez bnaai hai jis ki shayta se aap diwar ke aar-paar dekh skte hain.
Teacher :- Vaah ! kya cheez hai veh ?
Student :- Diwar main chhed.
Teacher student se :- Ki home work na kiya to murga bnaunga.
Student :- Sir main murga nhin khata, Matar - paneer bna lena.
Nye teacher ne class main poochha :- Kisi mhan vegyaanik ka naam btaao ?
Student :- Aaliya bhatt.
Teacher :- Yhi seekha hai tumne ?
Doosraa student :- Yeh totla hai sir, Aarya Bhatt bol rha hai.
Teacher shubham se :- Tumhari likhai kharaab hai > Maine 20 page likhne ko kaha tha.
Shubham :- Ji, mera ganit bhi to khraab hai.
Teacher :- Bittu se :- Tum toz school der se kyon aate ho ?
Bittu :- Sir, main ghar se to time se nikltaa hun, pr kya ktun, school se theek pehle board lgaa hai , dheere chlein aage school hai.
Teacher :- Kisi aisi jgh ka naam btao jhan pr bahut saare log hain. Phir bhi tum akela mehsoos kro?
Student :- Priksha bhawan.
Teacher :- Class main ladaai kyon nhin krni chahiye ?
Student :- Kyonki ptaa nhin exam main kb kis ke peechhe baithna pd jaaye.
Teacher :- Ek tokre main 10 aam hain. Un main se do aam sd jayein to baaki kintne bacheinge.
Student :- Sir, 10 Aam .
Teacher :- Voh kaise ?
Student :- Sir, sadne ke baad bhi aam aam hi rheinge kele to nhin bn jaayen ge.
Teacher student se :- Ek trf akal ho aur doosri trf paisa to tum kya chunoge ?
Student :- Paisa. Teacher :- Galat , main akal hi chunti.
Student :- Aap theek keh rhi hain madam, Jis ke paas jis cheez ki kmi hoti hai veh vhi chunta hai.
Teacher student se :-Kya tum pakshiyon ke baare main sb-kuchh jante ho ?
Student :- Yes sir.
Teacher :- To yeh btaao kaun sa pakshi ud nhin sakta ?
Student :- Ji, mra hua pakshi
Lady Teacher peon se :- Oye, idhar aa.
Peon :- Madam ji mera naam oye nhin hai, aap mera naam le kr bulaya kro.
Lady teacher :- Kya naam hai tumhara ?
Peon :- Pran nath.
Lady teacher :-Nhin shi nhin hai, Koi aur naam btao. Ghar wale kis naam se bulate hain.
peon :- Baalm.
Teacher :- Yeh bhi nhin mohalle wale kis naam se bulate hain.
Peon :- sajan.
aateacher :- Sir name kya lgate ho ?
Peon :- Ji, swami. Teacher behosh.
Teacher :- Tumhe pariksha main 5 marks mile hain, phir bhi tum hans rhe ho?
Pappu :- Nhin teacher, main soch rha hun yeh marks aaye kahan se ?
Teacher :- Tum ne home worh kyon nhin kiya ?
Monu :- Mam, kyoki hm to hostel main rehte hain.
Honey :- Loodo ke 99 wale khane me . ..................................................Teacher :- De thappad pr thapad.
Teacher :- Maths ki full form btaao ?
Student :- Meri aatma tujhe hamesha staayegi.
Teacher aaj tk soth raha hai ki......ldke ne full form btaai thi ya baddua di thi.
Papa teacher se :- Mera beta padaai me kaisa chal rha hai ?
Teacher :- Bs aap yeh samajh lo ki Aarya Bhat ne shoonya ki khoj isi ke liye ki thi.
Teacher :- "Chader pr chaye kisne giraai".Is ka apni matra-bhasha main anuvaad kro.
Student :- Matra-bhashaa, yani ma ki bhasha.
Teacher :- Ha.baap
Student :- Kamine, kr diya na dhuli chader ka satyanaash. Pd gyee tere kleje main thandak. Ab aane se tere baap ko,voh ho dhoyega chaader.
Teacher student se:- Lofar aur offer main kya anater hai ?
Student :- Agar ladka I love you bole to loffer , ladki bole to offer.
Ek baar ek school main aag lg gyi. School ki chhutti ho gyi. Sb bchache khushi-khushi ghar ja rhe the ki ab shcool nhin jaanaa padega.
Lekin ek bachacha bade dukhi mn se ja raha tha. Teacher ne usko dekha aur poochha, Beta sb bache to itne khush hain, tum kyon dukhi ho...................Ladka bola - aag se to school hi jala hai . Teacher to sb bach gye hain na. Kl park main bitha kr pdane lageinge.
Teacher :- Saali aadhi gharwali , is muhaavre ka arth btaao .
Papu :- Veh scheme jo dulhe ko shadi main bataai jati hai pr di nhin jaati
Pappu ne computer class join ki. Teacher ne doosre din poochha i Tum ne computer main kya-kya kiya ?
Pappu :- Sir, kye-board main ABCD aage-peechhe lagi hui thi, use theek kr diya hai.
English class ka vigyaapn :- Ek maheene main ftaafut angreji bolna seekhein. Mahilaaon ke liye 50% chhoot.
Kisi ne poochha :- Purush aur mahilaaon ki samaantaa wale yug main mahilaaon ko chhoot kyon ?
Teacher :- Kyonki mahilaaon ko fataafut to pehle se hi bolnaa aataa hai. unhein to sirf angreji bolna sikhaana hai.
Teacher :- Naalaayak, pd ke. Kabhi toone apni koi book khol ke dekhi hai ?
Sanju :- Haan, mainroz khlta hun book.
Teacher :-Kaun si ? Sanju :- Facebook.
Teacher student se :- itne didn kahaan the ?
Student :- Bird flu ho gya tha.
Teacher :- Pr yeh to birds ko hota hai,insaano main nhin.
Student :- Insaan samjha hi kahaan hai aap ne, Roz to murga bna deti ho.
Principal :- chhatr ke pita se :- Sir aap school main dress, bag, shoes aur koi saamaan apna nhin laa skte. Sb- kuchh aap ko hm deinge.
Pita :- Sir , bachacha to hm apnaa laa skte hain na, ki veh bhi aap apnaa doge.thi.
Teacher :- Btaao aaz kya pdaaun ?
Pappu :- Sir, mera to voh last seat wal ladki se nikaah padva de.
Bhugol pdaane wali ek madam bahut dubli-patli thi . us ki posting ek gaanv main ho gye. Ek din voh class main prash poochh rhi thi,"Bataao bachcho, dharti ghoomti hui kyon nazar aati hai" ?
Ek ladke ne kaha," Madam ji kuchh kha liya kro, bina khaye aaogi to dharti aise hi ghoomti nazar aayegi".
Teacher :- Btaao, murgiyon ki taangen lumbi kyon nhin hoti ?
Montoo :- Sir, agar murgiyon ki taangein lumbi hoti to ande neeche gir kr toot na jaate.
Teacher :- Ram svaroop beemaar hua, phal savaroop mr gya. sb iska English main anuvaad kro. Pappu :- Ram svaroop bimaar hua to phal svaroop kyon mra.
Teacher :- Murkh , is ka matlab hai Ram svaroop bimaar hua prinaam svaroop mr gya.
Pappu :- Le ab teesra bhi mr gya.
Engineer ka student :- Sir, hm ne ek .aisi cheez bnaai hai jis ki shayta se aap diwar ke aar-paar dekh skte hain.
Teacher :- Vaah ! kya cheez hai veh ?
Student :- Diwar main chhed.
Teacher student se :- Ki home work na kiya to murga bnaunga.
Student :- Sir main murga nhin khata, Matar - paneer bna lena.
Nye teacher ne class main poochha :- Kisi mhan vegyaanik ka naam btaao ?
Student :- Aaliya bhatt.
Teacher :- Yhi seekha hai tumne ?
Doosraa student :- Yeh totla hai sir, Aarya Bhatt bol rha hai.
Teacher shubham se :- Tumhari likhai kharaab hai > Maine 20 page likhne ko kaha tha.
Shubham :- Ji, mera ganit bhi to khraab hai.
Teacher :- Bittu se :- Tum toz school der se kyon aate ho ?
Bittu :- Sir, main ghar se to time se nikltaa hun, pr kya ktun, school se theek pehle board lgaa hai , dheere chlein aage school hai.
Teacher :- Kisi aisi jgh ka naam btao jhan pr bahut saare log hain. Phir bhi tum akela mehsoos kro?
Student :- Priksha bhawan.
Teacher :- Class main ladaai kyon nhin krni chahiye ?
Student :- Kyonki ptaa nhin exam main kb kis ke peechhe baithna pd jaaye.
Teacher :- Ek tokre main 10 aam hain. Un main se do aam sd jayein to baaki kintne bacheinge.
Student :- Sir, 10 Aam .
Teacher :- Voh kaise ?
Student :- Sir, sadne ke baad bhi aam aam hi rheinge kele to nhin bn jaayen ge.
Teacher student se :- Ek trf akal ho aur doosri trf paisa to tum kya chunoge ?
Student :- Paisa. Teacher :- Galat , main akal hi chunti.
Student :- Aap theek keh rhi hain madam, Jis ke paas jis cheez ki kmi hoti hai veh vhi chunta hai.
Teacher student se :-Kya tum pakshiyon ke baare main sb-kuchh jante ho ?
Student :- Yes sir.
Teacher :- To yeh btaao kaun sa pakshi ud nhin sakta ?
Student :- Ji, mra hua pakshi
Lady Teacher peon se :- Oye, idhar aa.
Peon :- Madam ji mera naam oye nhin hai, aap mera naam le kr bulaya kro.
Lady teacher :- Kya naam hai tumhara ?
Peon :- Pran nath.
Lady teacher :-Nhin shi nhin hai, Koi aur naam btao. Ghar wale kis naam se bulate hain.
peon :- Baalm.
Teacher :- Yeh bhi nhin mohalle wale kis naam se bulate hain.
Peon :- sajan.
aateacher :- Sir name kya lgate ho ?
Peon :- Ji, swami. Teacher behosh.
Teacher :- Tumhe pariksha main 5 marks mile hain, phir bhi tum hans rhe ho?
Pappu :- Nhin teacher, main soch rha hun yeh marks aaye kahan se ?
Teacher :- Tum ne home worh kyon nhin kiya ?
Monu :- Mam, kyoki hm to hostel main rehte hain.
Shraabi
Daaru ki vajah se barbad shraabi ne kasam li aur ghar se khali botle fainkne lga. Pehli botle faikta hue bola," Teri vajah se meri naukri gyi". Doosri botle fainkte hue bola," teri vajah se mera ghar bika". Teesri bottle fainkte hue bola," Teri vajah se meri bivi chali gyi".
Chauthi bottle uthai to bhari hui nikli. Veh bola " Tu side me ho ja , Tu bekasoor hai".
Ek dharamguru shraabi se :- Itni daaru piyoge to narak me jaaoge.
Shraabi :- Veh jo daaru bechta hai, us ka kya hoga.
Dharam guru :- Veh bhi narak me jaayega.
Shraabi :- Jo aadmi shraab ki dukaan ke saame namkeen bechta hai , us ka kya hoga ?
Dharm guru :- Us ko bhi narak me jaanaa
padega . .
Shraabi :- Tb kya problem hai , Narak hi theek hai.
Mangu :-Jab bhi main daaru dekhta hun to muh me paani aa jaataa hai.
Babbu :- Han ,voh to hai.
Mangu :- Aisa kyon nhin hota ki jab bhi paani dekhu, muh main daaru aa jaaye.
Joginder :- Hm panjaabiyon ki angreji badi kharaab hoti hai.
Mahinder :- Oye nhin Yaar ! Mujhe to angreji badi achhi lagti hai. Ek baar chad jaati hai to majaa hi aa jaataa hai.
Ptni :- Jb tum sharaab pi kr ghar aate ho to mere bahut kaam aate ho.
pti :- Veh kaise ?
Ptni :- Kl raat ko tum ne nashe main ghar ke saare bartan dho daale,aur mere paanv bhi dbaaye.
Ptni :- Suno ji , jb aap angreji pi kr aate hain to mujhe pri keh kr bulaate haan. Jb aap desi pi kr aate hain to rani bulaate hai. Aaj kaun sii pi kr aaye ho jo chudail keh kr bulaa rahe ho
Pti :- Aaz main bina piye aayaa hun.
Raat main do shraabiyon ne taalaab main chand ki prchhai dekhi ,
Pehla poochhne laga :- Yeh kya hai ?
Doosra bola :- Yeh chand hai. Pehla :- Chal ghar chal . Hm mzaak-mazaak main chand tk aa gye.
Doctor Rajesh se :- Shraab peete ho to kasrat bhi krni jaruri hai.
Rajesh :- Ha doctor sahib, theke tk to main pedal hi jaataa hun.
Piyakdon ne daaru pi kr ek taxi roki aur kaha :- Chal, Taxi chaalk ne gaadi start ki aur phir bund kr di.
Bola, yeh lo sahib,hm phunch gye. Pehle ne use paise diye, doosre ne dhanyvaad diya.
Teesre ne thappad jd diya aur bola---Aaram se chlaayaa kr.........mrva hi detaa aaz.
Ak shrabi mritu shaya par tha ki achanak bhagwan pragat hue.
Bhagwan bole :- Tumhari koi aakhiri ichha ho to bolo.
Shrabi :- Prabhu, chahe agle janam mein 1 daant dena par liver poore 32
Sipaahi :-Tum shraab pi kr gadi chla rhe ho. Chlo muh kholo'
pappu :- Rehne do sahib aur kitna pilaoge. Pehle se hi full tight hun.
Chauthi bottle uthai to bhari hui nikli. Veh bola " Tu side me ho ja , Tu bekasoor hai".
Ek dharamguru shraabi se :- Itni daaru piyoge to narak me jaaoge.
Shraabi :- Veh jo daaru bechta hai, us ka kya hoga.
Dharam guru :- Veh bhi narak me jaayega.
Shraabi :- Jo aadmi shraab ki dukaan ke saame namkeen bechta hai , us ka kya hoga ?
Dharm guru :- Us ko bhi narak me jaanaa
padega . .
Shraabi :- Tb kya problem hai , Narak hi theek hai.
Mangu :-Jab bhi main daaru dekhta hun to muh me paani aa jaataa hai.
Babbu :- Han ,voh to hai.
Mangu :- Aisa kyon nhin hota ki jab bhi paani dekhu, muh main daaru aa jaaye.
Joginder :- Hm panjaabiyon ki angreji badi kharaab hoti hai.
Mahinder :- Oye nhin Yaar ! Mujhe to angreji badi achhi lagti hai. Ek baar chad jaati hai to majaa hi aa jaataa hai.
Ptni :- Jb tum sharaab pi kr ghar aate ho to mere bahut kaam aate ho.
pti :- Veh kaise ?
Ptni :- Kl raat ko tum ne nashe main ghar ke saare bartan dho daale,aur mere paanv bhi dbaaye.
Ptni :- Suno ji , jb aap angreji pi kr aate hain to mujhe pri keh kr bulaate haan. Jb aap desi pi kr aate hain to rani bulaate hai. Aaj kaun sii pi kr aaye ho jo chudail keh kr bulaa rahe ho
Pti :- Aaz main bina piye aayaa hun.
Raat main do shraabiyon ne taalaab main chand ki prchhai dekhi ,
Pehla poochhne laga :- Yeh kya hai ?
Doosra bola :- Yeh chand hai. Pehla :- Chal ghar chal . Hm mzaak-mazaak main chand tk aa gye.
Doctor Rajesh se :- Shraab peete ho to kasrat bhi krni jaruri hai.
Rajesh :- Ha doctor sahib, theke tk to main pedal hi jaataa hun.
Piyakdon ne daaru pi kr ek taxi roki aur kaha :- Chal, Taxi chaalk ne gaadi start ki aur phir bund kr di.
Bola, yeh lo sahib,hm phunch gye. Pehle ne use paise diye, doosre ne dhanyvaad diya.
Teesre ne thappad jd diya aur bola---Aaram se chlaayaa kr.........mrva hi detaa aaz.
Ak shrabi mritu shaya par tha ki achanak bhagwan pragat hue.
Bhagwan bole :- Tumhari koi aakhiri ichha ho to bolo.
Shrabi :- Prabhu, chahe agle janam mein 1 daant dena par liver poore 32
Sipaahi :-Tum shraab pi kr gadi chla rhe ho. Chlo muh kholo'
pappu :- Rehne do sahib aur kitna pilaoge. Pehle se hi full tight hun.
Friendship
Pankaj :- To fir?Gagan :- ladkiya aksar kehti hai ki saare mard ek jaise hote hai...
pankaj :- T?o fir
Gagan :- kisi ek ko chunanae me itna waqt kyo lgaati hai ?
Pehla dost :- Kyon bhai , aaj-kl kavita nhin likh rahe ho ?
Doosra dost :- Nahi bhai , jis ke liye likhta tha us ki shaadi ho gayi hai.
Pehla dost :- Virha ras me to kavita aur achhi lagegi.
Doosra dost :- Tum samjhte nhin ho yaar, Us ki shaadi mujh se hi hui hai .
Vipin :- Maa aur ptni dono ki izzat krni chahiye.
Jugal :- Veh kyon ?
Vipin :- Kyonki agsr ek ne tumhe duniya main la kr suraj dikhaayaa hai to doosri ne din main taare.
Rajni :- Ptaakhon ke bina diwali ka majaa nhin aayaa.Mujhe is se kya ?
Kusum :- Ptaake jalaana mnaa hai to mna rhe , Mujhe is se kya ? Maine to nai saadi pehen kr padosino ko jlaa diya.
Sheela :- Kya baat hai , aaz-kl preshaan nazar aati ho ?
Veena :- Kya karun .Kaam karun to saans phool jaati hai aur na krun to saas phool jaati jo.
Raju ke haath main nya phone dekh kr uska dost bola,"Yeh nya phone kb khrida?"
Raju :- Nya nhin girl friend ka hai.
Dost :- Girl friend ka phone kyon utha laya ?
Raju :- Are yaar ! voh roj kehti thi, mera phone nhin uthaate. aaj mauka mila to utha liya.
Gopal :- Yaar, tune apni sgaai kyon tod di ?
Naresh :- Us ka koi boy friend nhin tha.
Gopal :- Yehto achachhi baathai.
Naresh :- Kya achachhi baat hai. Jo aaztk kisi ki na ho saki, vehmeri kya hogi.
Sonu :- Maata-pita ke baad aage badne ki sb sa adhik aage badne ki prerna kaun deta hai ?
Babloo :- Bus conductor.
Sonu :- Voh kaise ?
Babloo :- Vohi to kehta hai, chaliye-chaliye, aage badiye. Aage badte rhiye.
Pappu :- Hamaare tomi ne meri saari kitaab kha li.
Pritam :- Use mere paas bhej,. Main use sjaa dunga.
Pappu :- Sjaa to maine use de di. Uski katori wala doodh main pi gyaa.
Jaggu :- Aurton kokhush karna kitnaa mushkil hai?
Pawan :- Han yaar,aadmiyon ka kyaa hai ve to aurtein dekhte hi khush ho jaata hain.
Raman :- Shaadi kya hai?
Sunil :- Shaadi prasad ki trh hai. Tum chahte hue bhi us main nukas nhin nikaal sakte. is liye chup chsp grehen kr lo.
pankaj :- T?o fir
Gagan :- kisi ek ko chunanae me itna waqt kyo lgaati hai ?
Pehla dost :- Kyon bhai , aaj-kl kavita nhin likh rahe ho ?
Doosra dost :- Nahi bhai , jis ke liye likhta tha us ki shaadi ho gayi hai.
Pehla dost :- Virha ras me to kavita aur achhi lagegi.
Doosra dost :- Tum samjhte nhin ho yaar, Us ki shaadi mujh se hi hui hai .
Vipin :- Maa aur ptni dono ki izzat krni chahiye.
Jugal :- Veh kyon ?
Vipin :- Kyonki agsr ek ne tumhe duniya main la kr suraj dikhaayaa hai to doosri ne din main taare.
Rajni :- Ptaakhon ke bina diwali ka majaa nhin aayaa.Mujhe is se kya ?
Kusum :- Ptaake jalaana mnaa hai to mna rhe , Mujhe is se kya ? Maine to nai saadi pehen kr padosino ko jlaa diya.
Sheela :- Kya baat hai , aaz-kl preshaan nazar aati ho ?
Veena :- Kya karun .Kaam karun to saans phool jaati hai aur na krun to saas phool jaati jo.
Raju ke haath main nya phone dekh kr uska dost bola,"Yeh nya phone kb khrida?"
Raju :- Nya nhin girl friend ka hai.
Dost :- Girl friend ka phone kyon utha laya ?
Raju :- Are yaar ! voh roj kehti thi, mera phone nhin uthaate. aaj mauka mila to utha liya.
Gopal :- Yaar, tune apni sgaai kyon tod di ?
Naresh :- Us ka koi boy friend nhin tha.
Gopal :- Yehto achachhi baathai.
Naresh :- Kya achachhi baat hai. Jo aaztk kisi ki na ho saki, vehmeri kya hogi.
Sonu :- Maata-pita ke baad aage badne ki sb sa adhik aage badne ki prerna kaun deta hai ?
Babloo :- Bus conductor.
Sonu :- Voh kaise ?
Babloo :- Vohi to kehta hai, chaliye-chaliye, aage badiye. Aage badte rhiye.
Pappu :- Hamaare tomi ne meri saari kitaab kha li.
Pritam :- Use mere paas bhej,. Main use sjaa dunga.
Pappu :- Sjaa to maine use de di. Uski katori wala doodh main pi gyaa.
Jaggu :- Aurton kokhush karna kitnaa mushkil hai?
Pawan :- Han yaar,aadmiyon ka kyaa hai ve to aurtein dekhte hi khush ho jaata hain.
Raman :- Shaadi kya hai?
Sunil :- Shaadi prasad ki trh hai. Tum chahte hue bhi us main nukas nhin nikaal sakte. is liye chup chsp grehen kr lo.
Kutta :- Aaj mere malik ne chor ko pkda.
Doosra kutta :- Tu kahan tha ?
Pehla kutta :- So rha tha. koi insaan to nhin, raat jaag kr net chlaataa rhun.
Sonu golu se :- Tum ko kbhi kisi se pyaar hua?
Golu :- Han hua. Pr veh maanti nhin hai. Sonu :- Kya kehti hai ?
Golu :- Kehti hai ," I love you too . Ptaa nhin yeh doosra kaun hai.
American Bhartiya se :- Aap log bhi ptni ko honey keh kr bulaate ho.
Bhartiya :- Nhin, hm to bi-bi keh kr buaate haon. Kyonki veh baar-baar dank maarti hai.
Pintoo :- Aapke dil ka kya haal hai ?
doosra :- Aaz-kl veh maayke main hai.
Pehla dost doosre se :- Yaar main to preshani main phans gya hun.
Doosra dost :- Voh kaise ?
Pehla :- Yaar, bivi ke make-up ka kharcha bardaasht nhin hota aur make-up na kre to bivi brdaasht nhin hoti.
Bhushan raman se :- Khushkismat hote hai veh ldke jin ki girl friend un ke liye apne haath ki nus kaat leti hai. Hmaare wali to hmaare liye apne naakhun bhi na kaate.
Golu :- Bhai tune i phone le liya ?
Bholu :- Nhin bhai, jis se baat krni hoti hai us ke ghar ja kr hi baat kr aataa hun. Sasta pdta hai. Chaye pani bhi pi aataa hun.
Santosh :- Haryana roadways ki bus main likha tha ki kisi bhi anjaan vayakti se koi cheez na le.
Vinod :- Phir kya hua,
Santosh :- Maine to phir ticket bhi na li.
Pappu :- Itni besabri se kya dhoondh rhe ho ?
Gappu :- Yaar, yaadaasht tez krne ke liye baadaam bhigoye the aur ab yaad nhin aa rha ki kahan rakhe the.
.
Doosra kutta :- Tu kahan tha ?
Pehla kutta :- So rha tha. koi insaan to nhin, raat jaag kr net chlaataa rhun.
Sonu golu se :- Tum ko kbhi kisi se pyaar hua?
Golu :- Han hua. Pr veh maanti nhin hai. Sonu :- Kya kehti hai ?
Golu :- Kehti hai ," I love you too . Ptaa nhin yeh doosra kaun hai.
American Bhartiya se :- Aap log bhi ptni ko honey keh kr bulaate ho.
Bhartiya :- Nhin, hm to bi-bi keh kr buaate haon. Kyonki veh baar-baar dank maarti hai.
Pintoo :- Aapke dil ka kya haal hai ?
doosra :- Aaz-kl veh maayke main hai.
Pehla dost doosre se :- Yaar main to preshani main phans gya hun.
Doosra dost :- Voh kaise ?
Pehla :- Yaar, bivi ke make-up ka kharcha bardaasht nhin hota aur make-up na kre to bivi brdaasht nhin hoti.
Bhushan raman se :- Khushkismat hote hai veh ldke jin ki girl friend un ke liye apne haath ki nus kaat leti hai. Hmaare wali to hmaare liye apne naakhun bhi na kaate.
Golu :- Bhai tune i phone le liya ?
Bholu :- Nhin bhai, jis se baat krni hoti hai us ke ghar ja kr hi baat kr aataa hun. Sasta pdta hai. Chaye pani bhi pi aataa hun.
Santosh :- Haryana roadways ki bus main likha tha ki kisi bhi anjaan vayakti se koi cheez na le.
Vinod :- Phir kya hua,
Santosh :- Maine to phir ticket bhi na li.
Pappu :- Itni besabri se kya dhoondh rhe ho ?
Gappu :- Yaar, yaadaasht tez krne ke liye baadaam bhigoye the aur ab yaad nhin aa rha ki kahan rakhe the.
.
Police - chor
sipaahi :- Chal bhai, teri faansi ka vawt ho gaya hai.
Kaidi :- Pr mujhe to faansi 20 din baad hone wali thi.
Sipaahi :- Jelar sahib keh kr gye hai ki " Tu un ke gaav ka hai, is liye tera kaam pehle".
Police :- Tum ne apne padosi ke bete dheeraj ko kidnap kyon kiya ?
Aadmi :- Dhandha gadbad chal raha tha to ek baba ko hath dikhaaya, veh bole kuchh din dheeraj rakho, sb theek ho jaayega.
Police wala :- Ghar main malik ke rehte hue bhi tumne chori kaise ki
Chor :- Sahib ji, Aap ki achhachhi naukrihai, badiya tankhah hai. Aap yeh sab seekh kr kya kroge?
Pehle ek admi ne red light jump ki peechhe se 5 aur ne ki. Police ke pehle ko chhod sabhi ka chalan kata.
Baakiyon ne poochha :- Ise kyon chhod diya ?
Inspector :- Yeh hmaaraa hi aadmi hai. Vaapas jayega. Red light jump karegaa aur tum jaise 4-5 ko fansvaayega. Hamein bhi to target poore krne hote hain.
Chor ki ptni ne chilla kr kaha :- Ghar main daal jara bhi nhin hai , La do.
Chor :- Itni bhi kaya jaldi hai? Jara dunaane to band ho jane do.
8-9 log juaa khel rhe the to police aa gyee. Ek juaari police ki gaadi mein baith gyaa.
Police:- Tu apne aaphi kyon baith gyaa ?
Juaari :- Pichhli bar bhi jb main pkda gyaa tha to seat nhin mili thi.Khda ho kr jaanaa pda tha.
Chor ko ek aadmi ne baazar main gher liya.
Aadmi :- Mujhe ghar jaane do. Chor :- Teri jeb main jitna bhi hai nikaal ke de de.
Aadmi :- Bhai sahib jeb to khaali hai. Kaho to paytm kr dun ?
Jailer :- Phansi se pehle :- kis se milnaa chahoge ?
Pappu :- Bivi se.
Jailer :- Mata-pita se nhin milnaa chahoge.
Pappu :- Mata-pita to agla janam lete hi mol jaayeinge pr bivi ke liye 21 saal wait krn.aa padega.
Ek aadmi :- Hwaldaar ji , Yahan jgh-jagh kripya apna vahan dheere dheere chlaayein ka board kyon lga rakha hai ?
Traffic havaldaar :- Kyonki yahan aas-paas koi hospital nhin hai.
Ek aadmi police station gya aur police wale se bola ," Sir, mujhe us chor se milna hai jisne kl raat mere ghar main chori ki thi. aur aap pakad kr yhan le aaye the ."
Police wala :- Kyonkya hua ?
Aadmi :- Bs yeh jaanana chahta hun ki bina meri ptni ko jgaaye veh ghar main ghusa kaise ?Main to saalon se koshish kr rha hun. Malik chor pakadne ke baad :- Sara ka sara saman almari mein vaps rakh do.
Chor :- Sara kaise rakh dun. Malik :- Kyon ?
Chor :- Aadha to aap ke padosi ka hai.
Ek ladki teesri baar driving licence ke liye interview dene phunchi.
Officer :- Agar ek trf ek nau jawan aur ek trf ek budha ho to kis ko maarogi
Ldki :-Budhe ko
Officer :- Are madam, aap brake bhi to maar skti hain.
Ek chor ne ne apni mungeter ko sone ka set gift kiya.
Mungeter ne khush ho kr poochha ,' is set ki keemat kya hai ?
Chor ne jawab diya :- 3 saal kaid.
Ek train pr likha tha ," Railway aap ki sampati hai.....To chor ne ek pankha utaaraa aur likh diya, main apna hissa le ja rha hun.
Chintu :-Jail ko hindi main havalaatkyon kehte hain ?
Mithu :- Saaf hai yaar . Kyon ki vahan hava aur laat khaane ko milti hai.
Kaidi :- Pr mujhe to faansi 20 din baad hone wali thi.
Sipaahi :- Jelar sahib keh kr gye hai ki " Tu un ke gaav ka hai, is liye tera kaam pehle".
Police :- Tum ne apne padosi ke bete dheeraj ko kidnap kyon kiya ?
Aadmi :- Dhandha gadbad chal raha tha to ek baba ko hath dikhaaya, veh bole kuchh din dheeraj rakho, sb theek ho jaayega.
Police wala :- Ghar main malik ke rehte hue bhi tumne chori kaise ki
Chor :- Sahib ji, Aap ki achhachhi naukrihai, badiya tankhah hai. Aap yeh sab seekh kr kya kroge?
Pehle ek admi ne red light jump ki peechhe se 5 aur ne ki. Police ke pehle ko chhod sabhi ka chalan kata.
Baakiyon ne poochha :- Ise kyon chhod diya ?
Inspector :- Yeh hmaaraa hi aadmi hai. Vaapas jayega. Red light jump karegaa aur tum jaise 4-5 ko fansvaayega. Hamein bhi to target poore krne hote hain.
Chor ki ptni ne chilla kr kaha :- Ghar main daal jara bhi nhin hai , La do.
Chor :- Itni bhi kaya jaldi hai? Jara dunaane to band ho jane do.
8-9 log juaa khel rhe the to police aa gyee. Ek juaari police ki gaadi mein baith gyaa.
Police:- Tu apne aaphi kyon baith gyaa ?
Juaari :- Pichhli bar bhi jb main pkda gyaa tha to seat nhin mili thi.Khda ho kr jaanaa pda tha.
Chor ko ek aadmi ne baazar main gher liya.
Aadmi :- Mujhe ghar jaane do. Chor :- Teri jeb main jitna bhi hai nikaal ke de de.
Aadmi :- Bhai sahib jeb to khaali hai. Kaho to paytm kr dun ?
Jailer :- Phansi se pehle :- kis se milnaa chahoge ?
Pappu :- Bivi se.
Jailer :- Mata-pita se nhin milnaa chahoge.
Pappu :- Mata-pita to agla janam lete hi mol jaayeinge pr bivi ke liye 21 saal wait krn.aa padega.
Ek aadmi :- Hwaldaar ji , Yahan jgh-jagh kripya apna vahan dheere dheere chlaayein ka board kyon lga rakha hai ?
Traffic havaldaar :- Kyonki yahan aas-paas koi hospital nhin hai.
Ek aadmi police station gya aur police wale se bola ," Sir, mujhe us chor se milna hai jisne kl raat mere ghar main chori ki thi. aur aap pakad kr yhan le aaye the ."
Police wala :- Kyonkya hua ?
Aadmi :- Bs yeh jaanana chahta hun ki bina meri ptni ko jgaaye veh ghar main ghusa kaise ?Main to saalon se koshish kr rha hun. Malik chor pakadne ke baad :- Sara ka sara saman almari mein vaps rakh do.
Chor :- Sara kaise rakh dun. Malik :- Kyon ?
Chor :- Aadha to aap ke padosi ka hai.
Ek ladki teesri baar driving licence ke liye interview dene phunchi.
Officer :- Agar ek trf ek nau jawan aur ek trf ek budha ho to kis ko maarogi
Ldki :-Budhe ko
Officer :- Are madam, aap brake bhi to maar skti hain.
Ek chor ne ne apni mungeter ko sone ka set gift kiya.
Mungeter ne khush ho kr poochha ,' is set ki keemat kya hai ?
Chor ne jawab diya :- 3 saal kaid.
Ek train pr likha tha ," Railway aap ki sampati hai.....To chor ne ek pankha utaaraa aur likh diya, main apna hissa le ja rha hun.
Chintu :-Jail ko hindi main havalaatkyon kehte hain ?
Mithu :- Saaf hai yaar . Kyon ki vahan hava aur laat khaane ko milti hai.
Doctor
Pti doctor se ;- Meri bivi ko appendix ke karn bhyaank dard ho rha hai.
Doctor :- Bevkoof , maine ek saal pehle hi tumhari bivi ke appendixx ka operation kr ke use nikaal diya tha, Is duniya me aisa koi bhi insaan nhi jis ko do appendix hon.
Pti :- aap ki baat bilkul theek hai. Magar kuchh logon ke pass dusri bivi to ho skti hai.
Marej ;- Doctor sahib, mai cigarette chhodne ki koshish kr rha hun,pr chhood nahi pa rha hu ?
Doctor :- Koi baat nhi, jaldi hi petrol-pump pr koi job le le. cigarette choot jaayegi.
Doctor :- Dekho, maine tumhe bilkul theek kr diya .
Aadmi :- Ha, aap ki dava ne kmaal kr diya.
Doctor :- Mujhe kuchh to inaam do.
Aadmi :- Doctor sahib, main ek gareeb aadmi hu, kabr khodta hu . Kahiye to aap ki free main khod dunga.
Patient or mareej :-Doctor sahib main aap se roz 50 rupaye ki dwaai leta hun, pr faayda nhin ho rha hai.
Doctor :- Tum ki aaz main 40 rupaye ki dwaai deta hun. Tum ko 10 rupaye ka faayda hoga.
Mahila :- Doctor sahib,marne ke baad main apna dimaag daan krna chahti hun.
Doctor :- Theek hai. Hoga to le lenge.
Sukha kim ma ki tabiyat khraab ho gayi. Veh us ko hospital le kr gya.
Doctor ne kaha :- In ke kuchh test honge.
Sukha :- He bhagwan ! Ab kya hoge. Meri ma to anpad hai.
doctor ne marij ko check krne ke baad kaha :- aapko koi puraani bimari hai jo aap ke shreerr ko kha rhi hai.
Marij :- Doctor sahib , deere boliye. Voh baahar hi baithi hai.
Ladki :- Mere chehre pr jalan ho rhi hai
Doctor :- Aap ke chehre ka hamein X-ray krnaa pdega.
Ladki :- X-ray main kya hota hai ?
Doctor :- Chehre ki photo khinchi jaati hai.
Ladki :- 5 minute ruki. main make-up kr lun.
Patient :- Doctor sahib, yeh foolon ki mala kis liye ?
Doctor :- Yeh mera pehla operation hai. Safal hua tomere liye, nhinto tumhaare liye.
Ladni :- Doctor sahib, mera sir bhut dard kr rha hai
Doctor :- Phir to CT scan krna pdega.,
Ladki :- Are, dard to mere sir main hai. Pure city ko scan krne ki kya jrurat hai ? Doctor behosh.
Doctor :- Bed no. 17 wale patient ko hosh aaya kya ?
Assistant :- Kya veh behosh tha ? Maine to uska postmortem krva diya hai.
Ek aadmi doctor ke pass check-up ke liye gya.
Doctor ne kaha, aap ko aaraam ki sakhat jroorat hai. Neend ki goli de rhaa hun, apni bivi ko khila dena.
Doctor :- Mohan, tum ne kis ke liye chashma banwaanaa hai.
Mohan :- Ji, apne teacher ke liye. Doctor :- Veh kyon ?
Mohan :- Kyonki main un ko gadha dikhai deta hun.
Doctor :- Bevkoof , maine ek saal pehle hi tumhari bivi ke appendixx ka operation kr ke use nikaal diya tha, Is duniya me aisa koi bhi insaan nhi jis ko do appendix hon.
Pti :- aap ki baat bilkul theek hai. Magar kuchh logon ke pass dusri bivi to ho skti hai.
Marej ;- Doctor sahib, mai cigarette chhodne ki koshish kr rha hun,pr chhood nahi pa rha hu ?
Doctor :- Koi baat nhi, jaldi hi petrol-pump pr koi job le le. cigarette choot jaayegi.
Doctor :- Dekho, maine tumhe bilkul theek kr diya .
Aadmi :- Ha, aap ki dava ne kmaal kr diya.
Doctor :- Mujhe kuchh to inaam do.
Aadmi :- Doctor sahib, main ek gareeb aadmi hu, kabr khodta hu . Kahiye to aap ki free main khod dunga.
Patient or mareej :-Doctor sahib main aap se roz 50 rupaye ki dwaai leta hun, pr faayda nhin ho rha hai.
Doctor :- Tum ki aaz main 40 rupaye ki dwaai deta hun. Tum ko 10 rupaye ka faayda hoga.
Mahila :- Doctor sahib,marne ke baad main apna dimaag daan krna chahti hun.
Doctor :- Theek hai. Hoga to le lenge.
Sukha kim ma ki tabiyat khraab ho gayi. Veh us ko hospital le kr gya.
Doctor ne kaha :- In ke kuchh test honge.
Sukha :- He bhagwan ! Ab kya hoge. Meri ma to anpad hai.
doctor ne marij ko check krne ke baad kaha :- aapko koi puraani bimari hai jo aap ke shreerr ko kha rhi hai.
Marij :- Doctor sahib , deere boliye. Voh baahar hi baithi hai.
Ladki :- Mere chehre pr jalan ho rhi hai
Doctor :- Aap ke chehre ka hamein X-ray krnaa pdega.
Ladki :- X-ray main kya hota hai ?
Doctor :- Chehre ki photo khinchi jaati hai.
Ladki :- 5 minute ruki. main make-up kr lun.
Patient :- Doctor sahib, yeh foolon ki mala kis liye ?
Doctor :- Yeh mera pehla operation hai. Safal hua tomere liye, nhinto tumhaare liye.
Ladni :- Doctor sahib, mera sir bhut dard kr rha hai
Doctor :- Phir to CT scan krna pdega.,
Ladki :- Are, dard to mere sir main hai. Pure city ko scan krne ki kya jrurat hai ? Doctor behosh.
Doctor :- Bed no. 17 wale patient ko hosh aaya kya ?
Assistant :- Kya veh behosh tha ? Maine to uska postmortem krva diya hai.
Ek aadmi doctor ke pass check-up ke liye gya.
Doctor ne kaha, aap ko aaraam ki sakhat jroorat hai. Neend ki goli de rhaa hun, apni bivi ko khila dena.
Doctor :- Mohan, tum ne kis ke liye chashma banwaanaa hai.
Mohan :- Ji, apne teacher ke liye. Doctor :- Veh kyon ?
Mohan :- Kyonki main un ko gadha dikhai deta hun.
Sasur- Saasu ma -daamaad.
Saalaa apne jija se :-Jija ji meri behen to gaye ha gaye.
Jija :- Phir to use goshala me chhod aate. Mere gle kyo daal di.
Ghar-daamaad :- Aaz se main roti nhin , chawal hi khaunga.
Saas :- Kyon ?
Daamaad :- Mohalle walon ke taane sun-sun kr thak gya hun ki main sasuraal main mufat ki roti todta hun.
Daamaad ne ek din chid kr apni saas ko phone lgaaya. Aap ki ladki main hzaaron kmiyan hain.
Saas :- Han beta ! Yeh sab jaante hain. Is liye to use dhang ka ladka nhin mila.
Daamaad sasur se :- Aap ki beti ne meri naak main dam kr rakha hai.
Sasur :- Beta mere baare main socho. Mere paas to uski bhi ma hai.
Ek budiyaa ka damaad bhut kala tha. Ek baar voh sasuraal aaayaa to saasu ne kha," Damaad ji kum se kum ek mahinaa tum yhan ruko. Doodh-dahi khao mauj kro.".
Daamaad :- KYaa baat hai saasu ji, aaaj bhut pyaar jta rhi ho mujh pr ?
Saasu ma :- Aisi koi baat nhin hai. Dr-asal kl hmaari bhains ka bachhchha mr gyaa.. Aap ko dekh kr km se km doodh to de degi.
Ek aadmi sasuraal gyaa.Uski saas ne 7 din tk lgaataar paalak ka saag khane ko diya.. 8ve din saas boli," Beta kyaa khaoge.
Daamaad Bola :- Kuchh nhin, aap khet dikhaa deejiye, main khud hi char aaunga.
Sasur daamaad se :- Tum daaru piyat ho, kbhi btaaye nhin ?
Daamaad :- Tohaar ldki khoon piyat hai, tum btaaye kya ?
1970 main daulha sochta tha dhej main radio mil jaaye
1880 main ,,, Dahej main cycle mil jaaye.
1990 main ....Dahej main bike mil jaaye.
2000 main .......Dahej main car mil jaaye.
2015 main .....Bs bina boy friend wali dulhan mil jaaye.
Ramu apni saas se :- Aap kibeti main hzaaron kmiyan hain.
Saas :- Han beta, isi vjh se to use achchha ldka nhin mil ska.
Saas- Bahu
Sheher ki ek chulbuli ldki ki shadi gaon mein ho gyee. Ek din saas bhu baith kr batein kr rhi thi tbhi..sasurji vhan aa gye aur apne aane ka khans kr ishara kiya pr bhu na smjhi to sas ne kha, Bhu kmre mein jao, tumhare sasurji aaye hain.
Is pr bhu ne shraart bhre andaz main poochha," Ma ji, sasur ji aaye hain to kmre main main jaaun ya aap jayengi ?
Saas bahu se :- Bahu, tumhe rasoi main kya aataa ha.
Bahu :- Chakkar.
Jija :- Phir to use goshala me chhod aate. Mere gle kyo daal di.
Ghar-daamaad :- Aaz se main roti nhin , chawal hi khaunga.
Saas :- Kyon ?
Daamaad :- Mohalle walon ke taane sun-sun kr thak gya hun ki main sasuraal main mufat ki roti todta hun.
Daamaad ne ek din chid kr apni saas ko phone lgaaya. Aap ki ladki main hzaaron kmiyan hain.
Saas :- Han beta ! Yeh sab jaante hain. Is liye to use dhang ka ladka nhin mila.
Daamaad sasur se :- Aap ki beti ne meri naak main dam kr rakha hai.
Sasur :- Beta mere baare main socho. Mere paas to uski bhi ma hai.
Ek budiyaa ka damaad bhut kala tha. Ek baar voh sasuraal aaayaa to saasu ne kha," Damaad ji kum se kum ek mahinaa tum yhan ruko. Doodh-dahi khao mauj kro.".
Daamaad :- KYaa baat hai saasu ji, aaaj bhut pyaar jta rhi ho mujh pr ?
Saasu ma :- Aisi koi baat nhin hai. Dr-asal kl hmaari bhains ka bachhchha mr gyaa.. Aap ko dekh kr km se km doodh to de degi.
Ek aadmi sasuraal gyaa.Uski saas ne 7 din tk lgaataar paalak ka saag khane ko diya.. 8ve din saas boli," Beta kyaa khaoge.
Daamaad Bola :- Kuchh nhin, aap khet dikhaa deejiye, main khud hi char aaunga.
Sasur daamaad se :- Tum daaru piyat ho, kbhi btaaye nhin ?
Daamaad :- Tohaar ldki khoon piyat hai, tum btaaye kya ?
1970 main daulha sochta tha dhej main radio mil jaaye
1880 main ,,, Dahej main cycle mil jaaye.
1990 main ....Dahej main bike mil jaaye.
2000 main .......Dahej main car mil jaaye.
2015 main .....Bs bina boy friend wali dulhan mil jaaye.
Ramu apni saas se :- Aap kibeti main hzaaron kmiyan hain.
Saas :- Han beta, isi vjh se to use achchha ldka nhin mil ska.
Saas- Bahu
Sheher ki ek chulbuli ldki ki shadi gaon mein ho gyee. Ek din saas bhu baith kr batein kr rhi thi tbhi..sasurji vhan aa gye aur apne aane ka khans kr ishara kiya pr bhu na smjhi to sas ne kha, Bhu kmre mein jao, tumhare sasurji aaye hain.
Is pr bhu ne shraart bhre andaz main poochha," Ma ji, sasur ji aaye hain to kmre main main jaaun ya aap jayengi ?
Saas bahu se :- Bahu, tumhe rasoi main kya aataa ha.
Bahu :- Chakkar.
Shopkeeper
Kanjoos aadmi :- Ek kela kaise diya,
Kele wala :- Ek Rs. ka. Kamjoos :- 60 paise ka deta hai.
Kele wala :- 60 paise main to kewal chhilka milega.
Kanjoos aadmi :- Le 40 paise. Chhilka rakh aur kela de de.
Grahak dukaandaar se :- Samose kuchh theek nhin lg rhe hain. Kya baat hai, prson wale to achhhe the.
Dukaandaar :- Aji sahib, vahi to hain.
Dukaandaar :- Kaisa suit dikhaun
aisa.Mahila :- padosan trp-trp kr dum tod de.
Malik naukar se :- Main bazar ja rha hun. Tum dukaan ka dhyaan rkhnaa. Agar koi order de to use achhachhe se poora krna.
Kuchh der baad malik aaya to usne naukar sa poochha,' koi order aaya,"
Naukar :- Ji han aaya tha. Usne order diya ki dono haath uper kr ke kone main khade ho jaao. Maine order maan liya aur veh paise ki tijori utha kr le gyaa.
Ek mahila ne bijli wale ko door bell theek krne ke liye bulaaya. Jb veh 4 din tk nhin aaya to usne dubaara phone kr ke use bulaaya to usne kha main pichhle 4 din se aap ke ghar aa rha hun . Door bell bjaataa hun lekin koi darwajaa hi nhin kholta.
Sonu ne hjaamt ki dukaan kholi . Ashok sheve kraane aayaa.
Sonu :- Moochh rkhni hai. ?
Ashok :- Haan rkhni hai., Sonu :- Moochh kaat kr. Le rkh le jahan rkhni hai.
Surjeet :- Bhai ek haluve ki plate aur lanaa.
Waiter :- Aap ko pasand aaya hmaaraa haluva.
Surjeet :- Nhin, main is sa apnaa parcel baandhnaa chahta hun.
Manoj :- Bhai sahib, joote kahan milenge.
Deepak :- Hr jgh mil skte hai, bhai sahib, Bs apne main vaise gun hone chahiye.
Gaav ki ek ladki ne pehli baar mobile khareeda aur rechage krvaane dukaandaar ke paas gye aue kehne lgi 50/- Rs. ka recharge kr do bjaiya.
Dukaandaar :- 50/- Rs. main se kewal 40/- Rs. hi mileinge.
Ladki :- Koi baat nhin bhaiya, 10/- Rs. ka namkeen hi de do.
Kripal halwai se :- tum kitne saal se jalebi bnaate ho :
Halwai :- 30 saal se .
Kripal :- Badi sharm ki baat hai. tum se aaz tk jalebi sidhi nhin bni.
Grahak :- Lahasan kakya rate hai ?
Dukaandaar :- 10 ke do hain.
Graahak :- Kuchh to km kro.
Dukaandaar :- Theek hai 5 ka ek le lo.
Ek ladki ne pizza shop pr ja kr order diya. Waiter bola iske 4 piece krun ya 8.
Ladki :- 4 piece kr do 8 khaaungi to moti ho jaaungi.
Kele wala :- Ek Rs. ka. Kamjoos :- 60 paise ka deta hai.
Kele wala :- 60 paise main to kewal chhilka milega.
Kanjoos aadmi :- Le 40 paise. Chhilka rakh aur kela de de.
Grahak dukaandaar se :- Samose kuchh theek nhin lg rhe hain. Kya baat hai, prson wale to achhhe the.
Dukaandaar :- Aji sahib, vahi to hain.
Dukaandaar :- Kaisa suit dikhaun
aisa.Mahila :- padosan trp-trp kr dum tod de.
Malik naukar se :- Main bazar ja rha hun. Tum dukaan ka dhyaan rkhnaa. Agar koi order de to use achhachhe se poora krna.
Kuchh der baad malik aaya to usne naukar sa poochha,' koi order aaya,"
Naukar :- Ji han aaya tha. Usne order diya ki dono haath uper kr ke kone main khade ho jaao. Maine order maan liya aur veh paise ki tijori utha kr le gyaa.
Ek mahila ne bijli wale ko door bell theek krne ke liye bulaaya. Jb veh 4 din tk nhin aaya to usne dubaara phone kr ke use bulaaya to usne kha main pichhle 4 din se aap ke ghar aa rha hun . Door bell bjaataa hun lekin koi darwajaa hi nhin kholta.
Sonu ne hjaamt ki dukaan kholi . Ashok sheve kraane aayaa.
Sonu :- Moochh rkhni hai. ?
Ashok :- Haan rkhni hai., Sonu :- Moochh kaat kr. Le rkh le jahan rkhni hai.
Surjeet :- Bhai ek haluve ki plate aur lanaa.
Waiter :- Aap ko pasand aaya hmaaraa haluva.
Surjeet :- Nhin, main is sa apnaa parcel baandhnaa chahta hun.
Manoj :- Bhai sahib, joote kahan milenge.
Deepak :- Hr jgh mil skte hai, bhai sahib, Bs apne main vaise gun hone chahiye.
Gaav ki ek ladki ne pehli baar mobile khareeda aur rechage krvaane dukaandaar ke paas gye aue kehne lgi 50/- Rs. ka recharge kr do bjaiya.
Dukaandaar :- 50/- Rs. main se kewal 40/- Rs. hi mileinge.
Ladki :- Koi baat nhin bhaiya, 10/- Rs. ka namkeen hi de do.
Kripal halwai se :- tum kitne saal se jalebi bnaate ho :
Halwai :- 30 saal se .
Kripal :- Badi sharm ki baat hai. tum se aaz tk jalebi sidhi nhin bni.
Grahak :- Lahasan kakya rate hai ?
Dukaandaar :- 10 ke do hain.
Graahak :- Kuchh to km kro.
Dukaandaar :- Theek hai 5 ka ek le lo.
Ek ladki ne pizza shop pr ja kr order diya. Waiter bola iske 4 piece krun ya 8.
Ladki :- 4 piece kr do 8 khaaungi to moti ho jaaungi.
Pti - patni jokes
Ptni ki ati sunder saheli ghar aai. Pti bhi vahi baitha use dekhta rha. Kuch der baad pressure cooker ne siti dena shuru kiya . 12 sitiya bj chuki to pti ne ptni se kaha Kitchen me ja kr dekho, daal jl jayegi.
Ptni :- jl jaane do Pr tumhari daal nhi glne dungi.
Santa :- Aaj sbji theek nhi bni hai, nmk-msaale bhi km hai aur aadhi kachi bhi hai.
Ptni :- Naraz hote hue , Kuch bhi bol rhe ho. Isi sbji ko facebook pr 321 logo ne like kiya hai aur 119 logo ke muh me pani bhi aa gya hai.
Ek bajurg dmpti apni shadi ki 50vi varsh-gaanth mna rha tha. Tabhi achank pti ki aankh me aansu aa gye.
Ptni :- Kya hua? Itne bhavuk kyo ho rhe ho ?
Pti :-Mujhe aa veh din yaad aa rha hai , jb shadi se pehle tumhare pita ji ne mujhe dhamki dete huve kaha tha ki ydi meri beti ki aur dekha bhi to 50 saal ke liye jail bhijva doonga.
Yadi unhine asa kr diya hota to kl mai azad ho jata.
pti :- Aaj bahar khana khayeinge.
Ptni :- Are vaah ! main do minute me teyaar ho kr aati hu.
Pri :- Theek hai, me bhi bahar chtaai bichha deta hu.
Ptni :- Shaadike baad ab tum mujh se pyaar nhin krte.
Pti :- Pareeksha pass krne ke baad kaun padta hai.
Pti:- Jb main itna hi khraab hu to agle janake liye kyo maang rhi ho ?
Ptni :- Itnasudharne ke baad kisi aur ko kyon du.
Ptni :- Jb main yaha aai thi to bahut machhar the. Ab bilkul nhin hai. Aisa kyon ?
Pti :- Shadi hone ke baad machhron ne yeh keh kr mera ghar chhod diya kiab permanent khoon peene wali aa gyi hai. Hmaare liye to bachega hi nhin.
Sangita pti se:- Aaj tum madaari lg rahe ho .
Pti :- Theek heh rhi ho. Jis ke saath ek bandriya ho veh madaari to lgega hi ,
Ptni :-Ab had ho gyee.Main apni ma ke ghar ja rhi hun............Pti hans kr gir pada.
Ptni :- Is main hansne ki kya baat hai.
Pti :- Kl tumhaai ma bhi tumhaare pita ji se rooth ho kr maayke chli gyee hai.
Ptni :- Itne paise sharaab pr barbaad krte ho, band kro.
Pti :- Tum jo parlour main 3000/- ka bill deti ho uska kya ?-
Ptni :- Voh to tumhein main sunder dikhu is liye.
Pti :- Main bhi to is liye peeta hun ki tum mujhe sunder dikko.
Bhagtu ek bijli kidukaan main ja kr bolta hai :- Bhaya do pankhe dena ---ek male aur doosra female.
Dukaandar :- Pankhon main male-female nhin hota.
Bhartu :- Kyon nhin hota ji ? Ek bajaj ka aur doosra usha ka.
Ek nye navele pti ne apni dulhan se kaha :- Priye, shadi se pehle meri kayi girl friends thi aur main bahut aawaaraa gardi kiya krta tha. Kya tum bhi...........................
Dulhan muskaayi :- Hmaare ghat walon ne hmaare saare gun mila kr hi to shadi ki hai.
Kl akhbaar main article pda _ Bivi ko kaise control rakhein ?
Poora article ek saans main pd liya----Subah tehlne jaayein, hari sabjiyan khayein. krodh na krin. Khan-paan ka vishesh dhyaan rakhein. Regular chech-up karvaayein---- vagerah-vagerah.
Baad main phir heading dhyan se pda to dimaag kharaab ho gya......Likha tha - BP ko kaise control krein ?
Ab aankhein check krvaani padeingi.
Ptni :- Mujhe khush rakha kro. Saari tension dur ho jaayegi.
Pti :- Jab-jab tumghein khush rakha hai tab-tab meri salary 15 din main hi khatam hui hai.
Ptni :- Tumhe jaraa bhi firk nhin pdta , main bole ja rhi hun aur tom ubaasi liye ja rhe ho.
Pti :- Main ubaasi nhin le rha hun main bolne ki koshish kr rha hun pr tum bolne hi nhin de rhi , Khud hi non stop bole ja rhi ho
Ek pti dwara ki gyee sab se romantik tareef :- Teri bikhri hui julfon ne hangaamaa machaa rakha hai. Kabhi daal, kabhi sabji to kabhi roti main najar aaati hain.
Ptni pti se :- Aaloo ka praantha bana dun aap ko ?
Pti :- Nhin, rehne do , main insaan hi theek hun. Badi aai jaadugarni.
Bivi shohar se :-- Aji, sunte ho, mujhe 500/- Rs. chahiye. Pouler main baal ktwane ja rahi hun.
Pti :- 2-3 din aur dekh le pagli . Kya pta koi khud hi kaat jaye..
Pti - ptni main jhagda ho raha tha. Ptni boli :- Tumhe narak main bhi jagah nhin milegi.
Pti:- Theek hai, Vaise bhi main hr jagah tumhaare saath nhin rehna chahta.
Raat bhar pti-ptni ladte rhe. Subha pti dooth ka glass le kr soti hui ptni ke paas jaataa hai.
Ptni :- To is trh tum raat ki ldaai ki maafi maang rhe ho ?
Pti :- Kis ne kaha maafi maag rha hun ? Aaz naag-panchmi hai. Le naagin doodh pi le.......
Aaj-kal ghar main kaisi bhi behes chal rhi ho, bivi GST bol kr behes ko khatam kr deti hai. Ek din pti ne poochh hi liya ki is ka matlab kya hai
Ptni boli - Galti sirf tumhaari hai.
Pti ke ghar se niklte hi ptni ne toka, kahan ja rhe ho ?
pti ;- jal-bhun kr bola, jaan dene.
ptni ;- saath main thaila le kr jaanaa.
pti ;- kyon
ptni ;- agar iradaa badal jaaye to 2 kilo pyaaz lete aanaa.
Ptni :-Chor mere saare gehne utha kr le gyaa aur tum chup-chaap dekhte rahe.
Pti :- Main thodi se bhi jor-jabardasti krta to veh mujhe goli maar deta.
Ptni :- To kya hua, tumhaaraa beema krvaayaa hua hai. Gehno ka nhin krvaayaa tha.
Pti :- Jb main suit pehen kr sbji lene jaataa hun to dukaandaar mujhe sabji mehngi deta hai, jb mai maila kurta pjaama pehen kr jaataa hun to sabji sasti milti hai.
Ptni :- Tb to tum haath main ktoraa le kr jaaya kro, sabji mufat main mil jaayaa kregi.
Ptni :- Aji sunte ho, agar main vakat hoti to log meri kitni kdr krte, hai na.
Pti :- Log tumhe dekh kr dr jaate.
Ptni :- Dr kyon jaate ?
Pti :- Kehte ki dekho buraa vkt aa rha hai.
Pti :- Self control to koi tum se seekhe .Maananaa pdega .
Bivi khush ho kr :- Voh to hai, magar kis baat pr ?
Pti :- Shareer main itni sugar hai , pr majaal hai kabhi jubaan pr aane hi do.
Ek nav-vivaahita ne suhaag raat pr apne pti se poochha," Jaanu btaao, main tumhe kitni achhi lgti hun?"
Pti:- Bahut hi jyaadaa.
Ptni :- Phir bhi kitni ?
Pti :- Itni ki dil chahta hai ki tumhaari jaisi ek aur le aaun.
Kit-kit ki aavaaz aa rhi thi . ptni jaag kr boli, dekho ji , shayad chuhe kapde kutar rhe hain .
Pti :- Kaampte hue :- Saari rjaai to toone kheench li hai. is liye mere daant kit-kit kr rhe hain.
Ptni :- Meri samajh main yeh nhin aataa ki kitne saal se main karva-chauth ka vrat nhin rakh rhi,phir bhi tum poora svasth kaise ho.
Pti :- Main bahut niyam aur sayam se rehta hun, Isliye.
Pti :- Mujhe bevkoof samajh rakha hai kya ? Sach-sach btaao veh kaun hai jo tumhaare liye karva-chauuth ka vrat rakhti hai.
Ptni :- College ke baare mein tumhaaraa koi bura anubhav hai ?
Pti :- Han , ameri aur tumhaari pehli mulaakaat vahin to hui thi.
Bivi :- Chalo na khin ghoomne chlte hain aur haan, driving main krungi.
Pati :- Vaah, matlab, jaayeinge car main aur aayeinge kl ki akhbaar main.
pti phone pr ;- Kaisi ho jaanu, sochaa tum mujhe miss kr rhi hogi to call kr loon.
Ptni :- Aur subah jo ldaai ki thi tumne, uska kya ? Itnaa hi pyaar krte ho to jhagda kyon kr ke gye ?
Pti shaant. mun-hi-mun," Are, yeh to ghar ka number lg gyaa.
Ek aadmi apni bivi ko dafna kr ghar ja raha tha ki achaank bijli chamki, baadaal garje , jor sa toofaani barish shuru hui, mahol afra-tapri wala ho gya ............dukhi aadami asmaan ki trf dekhte hue bola, lgta hai pahunch gye.
Patni :- Aji sunte ho ! Khush naseeb ko english main kya kehte hain ?
Pti :- Unmarriad .
Ptni :- Haye Raam ! Aapke sir se khoon kyon nikal rha hai.
Pti :- Mere dost ne int baar di.
Ptni :- Aap bhi maar dete . aap,ke haath main kuchh nhin tha kya ?
Pti :- Mere haath main uski bivi ka haath tha. Bs ho gyee dhulaai.
Pti ptni se :- Darling yaad hai 25 saal pehle mere paas 1 kmra, 1 table, fan, black and white TV aur 1 cycle huaa krti thi. Lekin main ek 25 saal ki ldki ke saath rehta tha. Aaj mere paas 1 AC bangla, 4 LED , TV limozin hai.
Lekin main ek 50 saal ki aurat ke saath rehta hun.
Pti :- Priy, koi chinta na kro, Tum apne liye 25 saal ki ldki dhoondh lo . Main tumhein ykeen dilaati hun tum waaps apne aap ko kiraaye waale kmre ,table fan, blach and white TV aur cycle ke saath paaoge.
Ek din pti apni ptni ko mele ghumaane le gyaa. Mele main ek chitrkaar unke paas aayaa aur bola ," Sir, Madam ki tsveer bnva lijiye. Aisi tasveer bnaaunga ki bol uthegi.
Pti :- Nhin bnvaanitasveer. Pehle hi itnaa bolti hain. Tasveer bhi bolne lgegi to kahan jaaunga main.
Pti :- Chlo aaz dinner ke liye baahr chlte hain.
Ptni :- Abhi to lunch time hai.
Pti :- Tumhaare tayaar hone tk dinner ka time ho hi jaayega.
Ptni :- Kayde se dekha jaaye toduniya main koi bhi insaan shaakaahaari nhin hai.
Pti :- Han begam , thoda bhut dimaag tum bhi khati ho.
Ptni badam kha rhi thi. Pti ne kaha :- Mujhe bhi taste krvaao. Ptni ne ek badam de diya.
Pti bola :- Bs ek. Ptni Han, baaki sb ka bhi aisa hi taste hai.
Ptni ne ptni ko gift main shirt di. Pti :- Yeh shirt kitne ki hai ?
Ptni :- 6000/- rupees ki saadi ke saath free.
Ptni :- Main jo bhi kaam krti hun , us mein poori trh doob jaati hun.
Pti :- Tum kuan kyon nhin khodti ?
ptni :- Mere aadhe sir main durd ho rhaa hai.
Pti :- Tumhaare paas jitna hai , uutne main hi to durd hoga. Us ke baad se pti ka poora shareer durd kr rhaa hai.
Pti :- Are suno! munna ro rha hai , chup kraao ise.
Ptni gusse se :- Main kaam krun ya bachche ko smbhaalun. Mian ise dahez main nhin laai thi.. Khud hi chup kraa lo
Pti :- Phir rone do........main kaun sa ise baaraat main laayaa tha.
Ptni ne pti se poochha :- Achhchha btao main moorkh hun ya aap ?
Pti shaant mn se :- Priye , yeh baat to sb log jaante hain ki tum atyant buddhi ki swamini ho, is liye kabhi ho hi nhin skta ki tum kisi murkh se shadi kro.
Pti-patni chay ki chuskiyon ke saath newspaper pd rhe the. Ptni ko ek chatpati khabar mili. to usne kaha ki ek 70 saal ke kuware budhe ne shaadi kr li.
Pati thandi saans bhrte huye," Bechare ne poore jeewan samajhdari dikhai pr budape main akal maar gyee.
mohalle bhar ki aurton ne picnic pr jaane ka programme bnaya. Boli, khoob maje krenge, Raaste main bus khaai main gir gye. Koi bhi nhin bachi. Saari aurton ke pti ro rhe the. Lag-bhag ek hafte tk rote rhe pr gulu do hfte tk rota rota rha.
Ek dost bola :- Dekho, kitna pyaar krta tha apni bivi ko.. .... ,,, Doosra santwana dete hue," Gulu bhai chup ho jaao. Jeewan isi ka naam hai. Yhaan sb musaafir hain. Aaz voh gye kl hum ne jaanaa hai.Jaane wale ka gm nhin krte.Itna kyon ro rhe ho.
Gullu bola :- Chup ho jaao sb, meri bivi ki bus choot gye thi.
Pti :- Mujhe samajh nhin aa rha ki tum kutta kyon kharidna chahti ho ?
Ptni :- Is liye ki aap ke main chle jaane ke baad mere aage - piche ghoomne wala koi to ho.
ptni pti se:- Mere birthday pr mujhe aap ki aur se black berry ya phir apple chahiye.
Pti :- Pgli khin ki , tarbooz kha, Is ka season chal rha hai.
98 saal ke boode aur 18 saal ki ladki ne shaadi rcha li to media ne ladki se poochha ," is main tumhe shaadi jaisa kya lga."
Ladki :- Ek to in ki income , doosra in ke din km.
Ptni ke birth day pr had se kanjoos pti ne poochha," Tumhe kya gift chahiye ?
Ptni :- Ptni ki ichha nai car lene ki thi. Usne ishaaron main kaha ," Mujhe aisi cheez do jis pr mere swaar hote hi 2 second main 0 se 80 pr pahunch jaye.
Sham ko us ke pti ne vajan krne ki mshine la kr de di.
Ptni mayke jaati hai aur maze lene ke liye massage bhejti hai :-
Meri muhabbat ko dil main dhundh lena aur haan aate ko achhi trh se goondh lena ,
Mil jaye pyar agar to khina nhin, pyaaz kaarte vaqat bilkul rona nhin.
Mujh se rooth jaane ka achha bhaana hai, thodi der aur pkaao, aaloo abhi kachchha hai.
Mil kr phir khushiyon ko abhi baantnaa hai, tmaatar thoda bareek hi katna hai.
Log hmaari muhabbat main jl na jaayein, chawal time pr dekh lena kahin gl na jaaayen.
Kaisi lgi hmaari gazal bta dena, namak km lge to phir aur mila lena.
Pti ka super reply :- Tumhaari yhi ada to dil ko bha gyee.+
Tumhaare jaate hi padosan khanaa pkane aa gyee.
Ptni :- Hr sunday jo tum machhli (fish) pkadne jaate ho na....
Pti :- Jhijhkte hue :- Han-han to kya hua ?
Ptni :- Veh fish /machhli aaz ghar aai thi aur poochh rhi thi shikaari kidhar gya.
Hydrabadi pti -ptni aaps main baate kr rhe the . Ptni :- Maulvi sahib keh rhe the ki tum logon ko jannat main hooren milengi to phir hm ptnion ko kya milta hoga?
Pti :- Tum logon ko langoor milte ji .
Ptni thundi saans bhrte hue :- Kya ji, idhar bhi yhi kuchh, vhaan bhi yhi kuchh. Hmein to mr kr bhi chain nhin.
Pti ptni se :- Darling tum mujhe ek jgh se achhachhi lgti ho.
Ptni :- shrmaate hue :-Priye, kahan se ?
Pti :- Door se.
Ptni pti se :- jaanu, is velentine day pr aap mujhe kya gift doge ?
Pti :- White rose .
Ptni :- Lekin hr baar to aap mujhe redrose dete the.
Pti :- Darling, pehle to main tum se pyaar ki asha rkhta tha, ab shanti ki asha rkhta hun.
Ramesh ptni se ldte hue :- Mera dimag mt khraab kro.
Ptni :- Jyada hoshiyaar mt bno , jitna dimaag tumhare pas hai utna to mera hr samay khraab rehta hai.
Ptni pti se :- Hr safal aadmi ke peechhe ek aurat hoti hai. Tumhaare peechhe main hun.
Pti :- Han such main. Jb ek aurat se itni saflta hai to soch rha hun 2-3 shadiyan aur kr lu.
Pti : Dekho, maine 50 lakh ka beema kraaya hai.
Ptni :- Is se kya fayda ? Baat to tb hai , jb paisa haath main aa jaye.
Ptni :- jl jaane do Pr tumhari daal nhi glne dungi.
Santa :- Aaj sbji theek nhi bni hai, nmk-msaale bhi km hai aur aadhi kachi bhi hai.
Ptni :- Naraz hote hue , Kuch bhi bol rhe ho. Isi sbji ko facebook pr 321 logo ne like kiya hai aur 119 logo ke muh me pani bhi aa gya hai.
Ek bajurg dmpti apni shadi ki 50vi varsh-gaanth mna rha tha. Tabhi achank pti ki aankh me aansu aa gye.
Ptni :- Kya hua? Itne bhavuk kyo ho rhe ho ?
Pti :-Mujhe aa veh din yaad aa rha hai , jb shadi se pehle tumhare pita ji ne mujhe dhamki dete huve kaha tha ki ydi meri beti ki aur dekha bhi to 50 saal ke liye jail bhijva doonga.
Yadi unhine asa kr diya hota to kl mai azad ho jata.
pti :- Aaj bahar khana khayeinge.
Ptni :- Are vaah ! main do minute me teyaar ho kr aati hu.
Pri :- Theek hai, me bhi bahar chtaai bichha deta hu.
Ptni :- Shaadike baad ab tum mujh se pyaar nhin krte.
Pti :- Pareeksha pass krne ke baad kaun padta hai.
Pti:- Jb main itna hi khraab hu to agle janake liye kyo maang rhi ho ?
Ptni :- Itnasudharne ke baad kisi aur ko kyon du.
Ptni :- Jb main yaha aai thi to bahut machhar the. Ab bilkul nhin hai. Aisa kyon ?
Pti :- Shadi hone ke baad machhron ne yeh keh kr mera ghar chhod diya kiab permanent khoon peene wali aa gyi hai. Hmaare liye to bachega hi nhin.
Sangita pti se:- Aaj tum madaari lg rahe ho .
Pti :- Theek heh rhi ho. Jis ke saath ek bandriya ho veh madaari to lgega hi ,
Ptni :-Ab had ho gyee.Main apni ma ke ghar ja rhi hun............Pti hans kr gir pada.
Ptni :- Is main hansne ki kya baat hai.
Pti :- Kl tumhaai ma bhi tumhaare pita ji se rooth ho kr maayke chli gyee hai.
Ptni :- Itne paise sharaab pr barbaad krte ho, band kro.
Pti :- Tum jo parlour main 3000/- ka bill deti ho uska kya ?-
Ptni :- Voh to tumhein main sunder dikhu is liye.
Pti :- Main bhi to is liye peeta hun ki tum mujhe sunder dikko.
Bhagtu ek bijli kidukaan main ja kr bolta hai :- Bhaya do pankhe dena ---ek male aur doosra female.
Dukaandar :- Pankhon main male-female nhin hota.
Bhartu :- Kyon nhin hota ji ? Ek bajaj ka aur doosra usha ka.
Ek nye navele pti ne apni dulhan se kaha :- Priye, shadi se pehle meri kayi girl friends thi aur main bahut aawaaraa gardi kiya krta tha. Kya tum bhi...........................
Dulhan muskaayi :- Hmaare ghat walon ne hmaare saare gun mila kr hi to shadi ki hai.
Kl akhbaar main article pda _ Bivi ko kaise control rakhein ?
Poora article ek saans main pd liya----Subah tehlne jaayein, hari sabjiyan khayein. krodh na krin. Khan-paan ka vishesh dhyaan rakhein. Regular chech-up karvaayein---- vagerah-vagerah.
Baad main phir heading dhyan se pda to dimaag kharaab ho gya......Likha tha - BP ko kaise control krein ?
Ab aankhein check krvaani padeingi.
Ptni :- Mujhe khush rakha kro. Saari tension dur ho jaayegi.
Pti :- Jab-jab tumghein khush rakha hai tab-tab meri salary 15 din main hi khatam hui hai.
Ptni :- Tumhe jaraa bhi firk nhin pdta , main bole ja rhi hun aur tom ubaasi liye ja rhe ho.
Pti :- Main ubaasi nhin le rha hun main bolne ki koshish kr rha hun pr tum bolne hi nhin de rhi , Khud hi non stop bole ja rhi ho
Ek pti dwara ki gyee sab se romantik tareef :- Teri bikhri hui julfon ne hangaamaa machaa rakha hai. Kabhi daal, kabhi sabji to kabhi roti main najar aaati hain.
Ptni pti se :- Aaloo ka praantha bana dun aap ko ?
Pti :- Nhin, rehne do , main insaan hi theek hun. Badi aai jaadugarni.
Bivi shohar se :-- Aji, sunte ho, mujhe 500/- Rs. chahiye. Pouler main baal ktwane ja rahi hun.
Pti :- 2-3 din aur dekh le pagli . Kya pta koi khud hi kaat jaye..
Pti - ptni main jhagda ho raha tha. Ptni boli :- Tumhe narak main bhi jagah nhin milegi.
Pti:- Theek hai, Vaise bhi main hr jagah tumhaare saath nhin rehna chahta.
Raat bhar pti-ptni ladte rhe. Subha pti dooth ka glass le kr soti hui ptni ke paas jaataa hai.
Ptni :- To is trh tum raat ki ldaai ki maafi maang rhe ho ?
Pti :- Kis ne kaha maafi maag rha hun ? Aaz naag-panchmi hai. Le naagin doodh pi le.......
Aaj-kal ghar main kaisi bhi behes chal rhi ho, bivi GST bol kr behes ko khatam kr deti hai. Ek din pti ne poochh hi liya ki is ka matlab kya hai
Ptni boli - Galti sirf tumhaari hai.
Pti ke ghar se niklte hi ptni ne toka, kahan ja rhe ho ?
pti ;- jal-bhun kr bola, jaan dene.
ptni ;- saath main thaila le kr jaanaa.
pti ;- kyon
ptni ;- agar iradaa badal jaaye to 2 kilo pyaaz lete aanaa.
Ptni :-Chor mere saare gehne utha kr le gyaa aur tum chup-chaap dekhte rahe.
Pti :- Main thodi se bhi jor-jabardasti krta to veh mujhe goli maar deta.
Ptni :- To kya hua, tumhaaraa beema krvaayaa hua hai. Gehno ka nhin krvaayaa tha.
Pti :- Jb main suit pehen kr sbji lene jaataa hun to dukaandaar mujhe sabji mehngi deta hai, jb mai maila kurta pjaama pehen kr jaataa hun to sabji sasti milti hai.
Ptni :- Tb to tum haath main ktoraa le kr jaaya kro, sabji mufat main mil jaayaa kregi.
Ptni :- Aji sunte ho, agar main vakat hoti to log meri kitni kdr krte, hai na.
Pti :- Log tumhe dekh kr dr jaate.
Ptni :- Dr kyon jaate ?
Pti :- Kehte ki dekho buraa vkt aa rha hai.
Pti :- Self control to koi tum se seekhe .Maananaa pdega .
Bivi khush ho kr :- Voh to hai, magar kis baat pr ?
Pti :- Shareer main itni sugar hai , pr majaal hai kabhi jubaan pr aane hi do.
Ek nav-vivaahita ne suhaag raat pr apne pti se poochha," Jaanu btaao, main tumhe kitni achhi lgti hun?"
Pti:- Bahut hi jyaadaa.
Ptni :- Phir bhi kitni ?
Pti :- Itni ki dil chahta hai ki tumhaari jaisi ek aur le aaun.
Kit-kit ki aavaaz aa rhi thi . ptni jaag kr boli, dekho ji , shayad chuhe kapde kutar rhe hain .
Pti :- Kaampte hue :- Saari rjaai to toone kheench li hai. is liye mere daant kit-kit kr rhe hain.
Ptni :- Meri samajh main yeh nhin aataa ki kitne saal se main karva-chauth ka vrat nhin rakh rhi,phir bhi tum poora svasth kaise ho.
Pti :- Main bahut niyam aur sayam se rehta hun, Isliye.
Pti :- Mujhe bevkoof samajh rakha hai kya ? Sach-sach btaao veh kaun hai jo tumhaare liye karva-chauuth ka vrat rakhti hai.
Ptni :- College ke baare mein tumhaaraa koi bura anubhav hai ?
Pti :- Han , ameri aur tumhaari pehli mulaakaat vahin to hui thi.
Bivi :- Chalo na khin ghoomne chlte hain aur haan, driving main krungi.
Pati :- Vaah, matlab, jaayeinge car main aur aayeinge kl ki akhbaar main.
pti phone pr ;- Kaisi ho jaanu, sochaa tum mujhe miss kr rhi hogi to call kr loon.
Ptni :- Aur subah jo ldaai ki thi tumne, uska kya ? Itnaa hi pyaar krte ho to jhagda kyon kr ke gye ?
Pti shaant. mun-hi-mun," Are, yeh to ghar ka number lg gyaa.
Ek aadmi apni bivi ko dafna kr ghar ja raha tha ki achaank bijli chamki, baadaal garje , jor sa toofaani barish shuru hui, mahol afra-tapri wala ho gya ............dukhi aadami asmaan ki trf dekhte hue bola, lgta hai pahunch gye.
Patni :- Aji sunte ho ! Khush naseeb ko english main kya kehte hain ?
Pti :- Unmarriad .
Ptni :- Haye Raam ! Aapke sir se khoon kyon nikal rha hai.
Pti :- Mere dost ne int baar di.
Ptni :- Aap bhi maar dete . aap,ke haath main kuchh nhin tha kya ?
Pti :- Mere haath main uski bivi ka haath tha. Bs ho gyee dhulaai.
Pti ptni se :- Darling yaad hai 25 saal pehle mere paas 1 kmra, 1 table, fan, black and white TV aur 1 cycle huaa krti thi. Lekin main ek 25 saal ki ldki ke saath rehta tha. Aaj mere paas 1 AC bangla, 4 LED , TV limozin hai.
Lekin main ek 50 saal ki aurat ke saath rehta hun.
Pti :- Priy, koi chinta na kro, Tum apne liye 25 saal ki ldki dhoondh lo . Main tumhein ykeen dilaati hun tum waaps apne aap ko kiraaye waale kmre ,table fan, blach and white TV aur cycle ke saath paaoge.
Ek din pti apni ptni ko mele ghumaane le gyaa. Mele main ek chitrkaar unke paas aayaa aur bola ," Sir, Madam ki tsveer bnva lijiye. Aisi tasveer bnaaunga ki bol uthegi.
Pti :- Nhin bnvaanitasveer. Pehle hi itnaa bolti hain. Tasveer bhi bolne lgegi to kahan jaaunga main.
Pti :- Chlo aaz dinner ke liye baahr chlte hain.
Ptni :- Abhi to lunch time hai.
Pti :- Tumhaare tayaar hone tk dinner ka time ho hi jaayega.
Ptni :- Kayde se dekha jaaye toduniya main koi bhi insaan shaakaahaari nhin hai.
Pti :- Han begam , thoda bhut dimaag tum bhi khati ho.
Ptni badam kha rhi thi. Pti ne kaha :- Mujhe bhi taste krvaao. Ptni ne ek badam de diya.
Pti bola :- Bs ek. Ptni Han, baaki sb ka bhi aisa hi taste hai.
Ptni ne ptni ko gift main shirt di. Pti :- Yeh shirt kitne ki hai ?
Ptni :- 6000/- rupees ki saadi ke saath free.
Ptni :- Main jo bhi kaam krti hun , us mein poori trh doob jaati hun.
Pti :- Tum kuan kyon nhin khodti ?
ptni :- Mere aadhe sir main durd ho rhaa hai.
Pti :- Tumhaare paas jitna hai , uutne main hi to durd hoga. Us ke baad se pti ka poora shareer durd kr rhaa hai.
Pti :- Are suno! munna ro rha hai , chup kraao ise.
Ptni gusse se :- Main kaam krun ya bachche ko smbhaalun. Mian ise dahez main nhin laai thi.. Khud hi chup kraa lo
Pti :- Phir rone do........main kaun sa ise baaraat main laayaa tha.
Ptni ne pti se poochha :- Achhchha btao main moorkh hun ya aap ?
Pti shaant mn se :- Priye , yeh baat to sb log jaante hain ki tum atyant buddhi ki swamini ho, is liye kabhi ho hi nhin skta ki tum kisi murkh se shadi kro.
Pti-patni chay ki chuskiyon ke saath newspaper pd rhe the. Ptni ko ek chatpati khabar mili. to usne kaha ki ek 70 saal ke kuware budhe ne shaadi kr li.
Pati thandi saans bhrte huye," Bechare ne poore jeewan samajhdari dikhai pr budape main akal maar gyee.
mohalle bhar ki aurton ne picnic pr jaane ka programme bnaya. Boli, khoob maje krenge, Raaste main bus khaai main gir gye. Koi bhi nhin bachi. Saari aurton ke pti ro rhe the. Lag-bhag ek hafte tk rote rhe pr gulu do hfte tk rota rota rha.
Ek dost bola :- Dekho, kitna pyaar krta tha apni bivi ko.. .... ,,, Doosra santwana dete hue," Gulu bhai chup ho jaao. Jeewan isi ka naam hai. Yhaan sb musaafir hain. Aaz voh gye kl hum ne jaanaa hai.Jaane wale ka gm nhin krte.Itna kyon ro rhe ho.
Gullu bola :- Chup ho jaao sb, meri bivi ki bus choot gye thi.
Pti :- Mujhe samajh nhin aa rha ki tum kutta kyon kharidna chahti ho ?
Ptni :- Is liye ki aap ke main chle jaane ke baad mere aage - piche ghoomne wala koi to ho.
ptni pti se:- Mere birthday pr mujhe aap ki aur se black berry ya phir apple chahiye.
Pti :- Pgli khin ki , tarbooz kha, Is ka season chal rha hai.
98 saal ke boode aur 18 saal ki ladki ne shaadi rcha li to media ne ladki se poochha ," is main tumhe shaadi jaisa kya lga."
Ladki :- Ek to in ki income , doosra in ke din km.
Ptni ke birth day pr had se kanjoos pti ne poochha," Tumhe kya gift chahiye ?
Ptni :- Ptni ki ichha nai car lene ki thi. Usne ishaaron main kaha ," Mujhe aisi cheez do jis pr mere swaar hote hi 2 second main 0 se 80 pr pahunch jaye.
Sham ko us ke pti ne vajan krne ki mshine la kr de di.
Ptni mayke jaati hai aur maze lene ke liye massage bhejti hai :-
Meri muhabbat ko dil main dhundh lena aur haan aate ko achhi trh se goondh lena ,
Mil jaye pyar agar to khina nhin, pyaaz kaarte vaqat bilkul rona nhin.
Mujh se rooth jaane ka achha bhaana hai, thodi der aur pkaao, aaloo abhi kachchha hai.
Mil kr phir khushiyon ko abhi baantnaa hai, tmaatar thoda bareek hi katna hai.
Log hmaari muhabbat main jl na jaayein, chawal time pr dekh lena kahin gl na jaaayen.
Kaisi lgi hmaari gazal bta dena, namak km lge to phir aur mila lena.
Pti ka super reply :- Tumhaari yhi ada to dil ko bha gyee.+
Tumhaare jaate hi padosan khanaa pkane aa gyee.
Ptni :- Hr sunday jo tum machhli (fish) pkadne jaate ho na....
Pti :- Jhijhkte hue :- Han-han to kya hua ?
Ptni :- Veh fish /machhli aaz ghar aai thi aur poochh rhi thi shikaari kidhar gya.
Hydrabadi pti -ptni aaps main baate kr rhe the . Ptni :- Maulvi sahib keh rhe the ki tum logon ko jannat main hooren milengi to phir hm ptnion ko kya milta hoga?
Pti :- Tum logon ko langoor milte ji .
Ptni thundi saans bhrte hue :- Kya ji, idhar bhi yhi kuchh, vhaan bhi yhi kuchh. Hmein to mr kr bhi chain nhin.
Pti ptni se :- Darling tum mujhe ek jgh se achhachhi lgti ho.
Ptni :- shrmaate hue :-Priye, kahan se ?
Pti :- Door se.
Ptni pti se :- jaanu, is velentine day pr aap mujhe kya gift doge ?
Pti :- White rose .
Ptni :- Lekin hr baar to aap mujhe redrose dete the.
Pti :- Darling, pehle to main tum se pyaar ki asha rkhta tha, ab shanti ki asha rkhta hun.
Ramesh ptni se ldte hue :- Mera dimag mt khraab kro.
Ptni :- Jyada hoshiyaar mt bno , jitna dimaag tumhare pas hai utna to mera hr samay khraab rehta hai.
Ptni pti se :- Hr safal aadmi ke peechhe ek aurat hoti hai. Tumhaare peechhe main hun.
Pti :- Han such main. Jb ek aurat se itni saflta hai to soch rha hun 2-3 shadiyan aur kr lu.
Pti : Dekho, maine 50 lakh ka beema kraaya hai.
Ptni :- Is se kya fayda ? Baat to tb hai , jb paisa haath main aa jaye.
A
Computer engineer ki ladki lo kisi ladke ne chheda.
Uskab ka gussa kuchh aise nikla :-----Are o pen drive ke dhakkan, paidaishi error, virus ke bachche,, exel ki currupt file, Aisa click maarungi ki jameen se delete ho kr kabr main install ho jaayega,
Ek bhikhari ki laatri lg gye to us ne mandir bavaaya.
Doosra bhikhari :- Tum ne mandir kyon banvaya ?
Pehla :- Is ke saamne ab main akele hi bhikh maangunga.
Behra - Aap itni der se baat kr rhe hain pr main samajh nhin paya.
Vikki :- Are bhai ! Main baat nhin kr rh, main to paan chba rha hun.
Bank employee grahk se :- Paise bdlne ke liye ink lgani pdegi .
Grahak :- Bhai tu chahe to garm chimta lga de pr paise badal de.
Kl sham ek aurat ko thithurte dekh mere dost ne apne kambal us prdaal diya.
Us ne kambal fenkte huye kaha," Main gareeb nhin hun, shadimain ja rhi hun.
Manoj ek hotel main gya. Khaane khune ke liye order diya. Khane ke baad bill adaa kiya. Achaanak vaiter ke pass ja kr kehne lgaa .....Kheere ke do tukde roz aankhon main lgaaya kro. Raat ko methi daana bhigo kr , subha chhan kr piyaa kro.
Punjaabi chuhiya chuhe se :- Je tu mainu pyaar krda hai taan ja mrer lyee us pinjre vichon roti kadh ke liya.
Chuha :- Main nhin jaanna.
Chuhiya :-Kyon nhin jana?
Chuha :- Saadi maan nu put nahi lbhne, tainu yaar bathere.
Ek chuhiya ped pr chadi to bander ne poochha," Uper kyon aaye ho."
Chuhiya :- Seb khane.
Bander :- Pr yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Chuhiya :- Tu jyaada chaudhari mt bn. Seb saath laayee hun.
Ek chuha shraab ke glass main gir gya. Vahan se ek billi gujar rhi thi
Chuhe ne billi se kaha :- Mujhe glass se bahar nikaal do, phir chaahe mujhe kha lena.
Billi ne glass lo laat mari aur glass gira diya. Chuha nikal kr bhaaggaa aur bill main ghus gya.
Billi boli :- Jhuthe, dhokhe baaz
. Tum to keh rhw the ki mujhe nikaal do phir chahe mujhe kha lena.
Chuha muskraya aur bola :- Naaraaz mt hona, usvakat main nshe main the.
Ek yuvti :- Tum ne mere bete ko kyon mara ?
Moti yuvti :- Usne mujhe moti bhains kaha
Pehli yuvti :- To behen, Tumhe mere bete ko maarne ki bjaaye apni khuraak main kmi krni chahiye.
Ek aadmi 4 saal baad apna plot dekhne gya, Us sthan pr kothi bni hui thi. Vhan ek taau kursi pr baithe the.
Aadmi :- Yhan to mera plot tha taau.
Taau :- Han to bta? Kothi ke neeche aa gya hoga.
Sabji wala sabji pr paani chhidak rha tha. Kaafi der ho gyee to grahak gussese bola," Agar bhindi ko hosh aa gyaa ho to ek kilo de do."
Pappu dukaaandaar se :- Ek kilo shakkae dena.
Dukaandaar :- Aur kyaa chahiye ?
Pappu :- sarkaari naukri lgvaa do bs.
vijay tapasya krne Himalya pr gya. 20 saal ki tapasya ke baad....
Bhagwan :- Utho beta, hm prasann hue, vr maango vats.
Vijay buri trh se chhati peet kr bola , dhat tere ki , Vadhu maangne ke chakkar main 20 saal se tapsya kr rha hun, aap keh rahe hain ki vr maango vats.
Computer engineer ki ladki lo kisi ladke ne chheda.
Uskab ka gussa kuchh aise nikla :-----Are o pen drive ke dhakkan, paidaishi error, virus ke bachche,, exel ki currupt file, Aisa click maarungi ki jameen se delete ho kr kabr main install ho jaayega,
Ek bhikhari ki laatri lg gye to us ne mandir bavaaya.
Doosra bhikhari :- Tum ne mandir kyon banvaya ?
Pehla :- Is ke saamne ab main akele hi bhikh maangunga.
Behra - Aap itni der se baat kr rhe hain pr main samajh nhin paya.
Vikki :- Are bhai ! Main baat nhin kr rh, main to paan chba rha hun.
Bank employee grahk se :- Paise bdlne ke liye ink lgani pdegi .
Grahak :- Bhai tu chahe to garm chimta lga de pr paise badal de.
Kl sham ek aurat ko thithurte dekh mere dost ne apne kambal us prdaal diya.
Us ne kambal fenkte huye kaha," Main gareeb nhin hun, shadimain ja rhi hun.
Manoj ek hotel main gya. Khaane khune ke liye order diya. Khane ke baad bill adaa kiya. Achaanak vaiter ke pass ja kr kehne lgaa .....Kheere ke do tukde roz aankhon main lgaaya kro. Raat ko methi daana bhigo kr , subha chhan kr piyaa kro.
Punjaabi chuhiya chuhe se :- Je tu mainu pyaar krda hai taan ja mrer lyee us pinjre vichon roti kadh ke liya.
Chuha :- Main nhin jaanna.
Chuhiya :-Kyon nhin jana?
Chuha :- Saadi maan nu put nahi lbhne, tainu yaar bathere.
Ek chuhiya ped pr chadi to bander ne poochha," Uper kyon aaye ho."
Chuhiya :- Seb khane.
Bander :- Pr yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Chuhiya :- Tu jyaada chaudhari mt bn. Seb saath laayee hun.
Ek chuha shraab ke glass main gir gya. Vahan se ek billi gujar rhi thi
Chuhe ne billi se kaha :- Mujhe glass se bahar nikaal do, phir chaahe mujhe kha lena.
Billi ne glass lo laat mari aur glass gira diya. Chuha nikal kr bhaaggaa aur bill main ghus gya.
Billi boli :- Jhuthe, dhokhe baaz
. Tum to keh rhw the ki mujhe nikaal do phir chahe mujhe kha lena.
Chuha muskraya aur bola :- Naaraaz mt hona, usvakat main nshe main the.
Ek yuvti :- Tum ne mere bete ko kyon mara ?
Moti yuvti :- Usne mujhe moti bhains kaha
Pehli yuvti :- To behen, Tumhe mere bete ko maarne ki bjaaye apni khuraak main kmi krni chahiye.
Ek aadmi 4 saal baad apna plot dekhne gya, Us sthan pr kothi bni hui thi. Vhan ek taau kursi pr baithe the.
Aadmi :- Yhan to mera plot tha taau.
Taau :- Han to bta? Kothi ke neeche aa gya hoga.
Sabji wala sabji pr paani chhidak rha tha. Kaafi der ho gyee to grahak gussese bola," Agar bhindi ko hosh aa gyaa ho to ek kilo de do."
Pappu dukaaandaar se :- Ek kilo shakkae dena.
Dukaandaar :- Aur kyaa chahiye ?
Pappu :- sarkaari naukri lgvaa do bs.
vijay tapasya krne Himalya pr gya. 20 saal ki tapasya ke baad....
Bhagwan :- Utho beta, hm prasann hue, vr maango vats.
Vijay buri trh se chhati peet kr bola , dhat tere ki , Vadhu maangne ke chakkar main 20 saal se tapsya kr rha hun, aap keh rahe hain ki vr maango vats.
Ak shadi-shuda aadmi ne apni kavita mein likha :- Mang bhrne ki saza kuch is kadar pa rha hun ki mang puri krte krte mang kar kha rha hun.
Ak sardarji ke ghar ldka paida hua . Nurse ne kha mubark ho sardar ji aapke ghar ldka paida hua hai.
Sardar ji ne dekha to hairan ho gya aur ptni ko dantne lge ke hm to sardar hain aur tune ak mone ko jnmkaise de diya.
Ak aadmi paan khane gya to paan wale ne usse 10 rupye maang liye. Usne kha ki yeh to bhut jyada hain. Tum aisa kro ki choona mt lgao.
Paan wala :- Agr choona nahi lgaunga to kmaunga kaise.
Ak aadmi doosre aadmi se :- Bhayee, Yeh khushiyan kya hoti hain ?
Doosra aadmi :- Pa nhin bhai, meri to chhoti ume mein hi shadi ho gyee thi.
Ak aadmi prarthna kr rha tha. Tbhi bhagwan pragat hue aur bole ,"mannat mangno".
Aadmi bola mujye shad-shuda se kwara mna do.
Prabhu ble :- Beta, mannat mango, jannat nahin.
Ak aadmi bheed ko htate hue bola, mujhe bhi dekhne do, kis ka accident hua hai.
Jb koi hta nhin to veh chillate hue bola,"Jis ka aaccident hua hai main uska pita hun.
Rasta mil gya. dekha to gadha mra pda tha.
Ak chhoti si ldki ne main se poocha :- Mammi tumne kha tha ki priyon ke pankh hote hai aur veh ud sakti hain.
Mummi :- Han beti kha tha.
Ldki :- kl rat dady aaya ko keh rhe the ki veh to pri hai. Veh kb udegi.
Mummi :- Fikr mt kr, subh hotre hi ud jayegi.
After implantation of ear patient come to the doctor and told that you are a stupid man.
Doctor :- Way ? The patient told him that he has implant the ear of some woman. Now I hear all but con't understand anything.
Ak kajoos ko bejli ka currunt lg gya . Uski wife ne puchha, " aap thik to hain".
Kanjoos :- Faltu bat mat kr. meter dekhaur bta meter kitna bda.
Apradhi :- Koshish karna ke mujhe umr kaid ho jaye.
Vakeel :- Judge to riha kar rha tha maine bdi mushkil sa umr kaid krai hai.
Anil :- Shadi ke samay dulke ko ghodi pr kyon bithaya jata hai ?
Ramu :- Kyonki use last warning di jati hai ke bhagna hai to bhag ja.
A child to her mother :- Papa has not kiss me.
Mom.:- You do not heard them your lesson.
child :- To kya naukrani ne sunaya hoga.
Ak shrabi mritu shaya par tha ki achanak bhagwan pragat hue.
Bhagwan bole :- Tumhari koi aakhiri ichha ho tobolo.
Shrabi :- Prabhu, chahe agle janam mein 1 dant dena par liver pure 32 dena.
Aapne suna hoga ki ma- baap ke krmon ka fal bchhon ko bhugtna pdta hai .
Lakin kabhi-kabhi ma- bap ke krmon ka fal damad ko bhugtna pdta hai.
Daamad
Ek baar ek kaam chor damad apne sasuraal gya. Vaahan veh ek hfte tk- rha. Aakhir uski saas ne tung aa kr kha," O damad ji ! ab apne ghar jao."
Damad ne kahaa :- Kyon jaaun ? Saas boli :- Ek hfta ho gya, ab jaao.
Damad bola :- Tumhaari beti bhi jb mere ghar 6 mheene rehti hai to kuchh nhin.
Saas boli :- Veh to vhan byahi gye hai.
Damad bola :- Main kaun sa ayse hi baidha hun, Main bhi to yhaan byaha gya hun.
Ek punjaabi damad apni sasuraal Lucknow gya. Veh Lucknow ki tehjeeb aur tameez ke baare main sun sun kr pak gya tha. Tbhi saas aaye aur poochha , kya baungan shareef pka lun, yaa aap miyan aalu nosh furmayenge ya bhidi mohtarma khana pasand kreinge ?
punjabi damad bola :- Main gunahgaar bunda hun. Inke kaabil khan. Koi begerat sa murga pka le.
Ek din pappu apni sasuraal gya aur vhan ja kr chiken khane ka plan bnata hai.
Are saali sahiba, murge ki taang kahan gyee ?
Saali :- Murga lngda tha.
Pappu :- Aur dil, kleza khan gya.
Saali :- Voh to murgi le gyee na.
Pappu :- Aur dimaag tha hi nhin
Doctor patient
Ak mistri doctor ke pass dressing krvane gya.
compauder ne pucha - chot kaise lgi ?
Mistri :- main do manjila building pr sidi lga kr kam kr rha tha , samne ek ldki nha rhi thi ki achanak sidi gir pdi.
Compaunder bola :- hay sidi ko usi smy girna tha.
Mistri ne kha :- Jnab, agar 50-50 aadmi ak hi sidi pr khre hon to sidi giregi hi. Ak sarkari hospital ke doctor ne ward boy se pucha," Kya aapne mera mez-kursi saf kr diya hai"?
Ward boy :- Yes sir.
Doctor:- Aur mere kmre ke bahar jo marijon ke baithne ke jo bench rkhe hai ?
Ward boy :- "Veh to saaf nahin kiye hain. Vaise unko saaf krne ki jrurt bhi kya hai. unko to mareej khud hi saaf kr denge."
Doctor :- Voh kaise ?
Ward boy :- Baith- baith kr.
Patient :-Doctor sahib, aap ko pakka yakeen hai kimujhe dil ki marij hun. Kuchh din pehle mere ek dost ne bhi dil ka ilaj krwaya tha aur veh cancer se mr gya tha.
Doctor :- Aap bilkul chita na kren. Ab aisa bilkul nahin hota. Hm jis bimari ka ilajkrte hain, mrij usi se mrta hai.
Vagyanik meva lal ne ek aisi dva bnai jisse 60 saal ki mahila bhi 25 saal ki lgnre lgegi.
Chhagan Meva lal se :- Yaar, tumhaari dvai to bhut bik rhi hogi.
Meva lal :- Are khan yaar, bilkul bhi nhin biki. Chhagan :- Pr kyon ?
Meva lal :- Kyonki koi bhi mhila apne ko 60 saal ka manne ko tayaar nhin hai.
Mahila doctor se :- Mere chehre ko aur sunder bnanae ki kya fees lgegee ?
Doctor sahib gambheer ho kr bole :- 5,500 rupye.
Niraash ho kr mahila boli :- Is se sasta koi upaaye nhin hai kya ? Sujhhaeya na.
Doctor :- Isse sasta upaaye bhi hai. Aap ghunghat krne shuru kr deegiye.
Ek clinic ke bahar likha tha.....BAAL ROG VISHESHAGYA
Ek 50 saal ka booda ander gya aur doctor sabib se bola ki mere baal sfed ho gye hain, koi dva deejiye.
Doctor :- Main baalon ke rogon ka nhin, bchhon ke rogon ka visheshagya hun.
Ek Punjabi NRI mahila apne bchhe ki bimari ke liye doctor se is trh baat krti hai," My kaka is ill.ek week da.na eatda, na sleepda, bs weepda. Naale nkk vi weepda."
Ek bhikhari ne durwaze pr aavaz lgai-----Data ke naam pr roti de do.
Bheetar se aawaz aayee," mummi ghar pr nhin hai".
Bhikhari :- Main roti maang rha hun, tumhari mummi nhin.
Ek ldka :- Insaan andha kb hota hsi ?
Doctor :- Vitamin C ki kmi se.
Ldka :- Nhin, paise jyada ho jaane se.
Doctor Lucky se :- Tum kiske liye chashma bnwanan chahte ho ?
Lucky :- Ji, apni teacher ke liye.
Doctor :- Kyon ?
Lucky :- Veh is liye doctor sahib, kyon ki main unhe gdha dikhyee deta hun.
Ek baar ek Haryana ka taau mrne ki condition pr phunch gya. Ghar walon ne kha :- taau , aakhiri time aa liya ab to raam ka naam le le.
Taau bola :- Naam kya lena, 10 minut baad aamna-saamna ho lega.
Manglu ki biivi malaria sa kaamp rhi thi .
Doctor :- Kya hua ise ?
Manglu :- Bimari ka to pta nhin, doctor sahib, magar subha se vibration pr lgi hui hai.
Ek pthan ki taang main gehra cut lg gya.
Nurse :- Ismein 10 taanke lgenege.
Pthan :- Kitna kharch aayega ?
Nurse :- 3000/- Rs.
Pthan :- Tanka lgvaana hai koi kadhai nhin krvaani hai.
Ak pathan ki shadi nahin ho rahi thi, veh apni ammi ke sath mannat mangne gya. Mjar pr uski ammi gum ho gyee. Pthan bola :- Lo bhai, apni to mili nahin, abba ki bhi kho gayee.
Ek pthan ne apni bivi ko isliye goli maar di halanki uski bivi ne sirf itna kha tha ," main shan aur shaukat ke saath rehna chahti hai".
Patient doctor se :- Aap pukke taur pr keh rhe hai ki mujhe jaundice hai?
Doctor ne abhinetri ko kha :- "Aap keliye mahol bdlna jruri hai."
Abhinetri:- Mai pichhle 5 ssalon main 2 pti, 4 nauker, 7 secretaries aur 5 aashik bdl chuki hun.Aapaur kya bdlwana chahte hain?
Kushti dekhne walon main se ek bola, lgaao ek ghunsa muh pr aur saare daant tod do.
Doosre vayakti ne utsukta se poochha," Wah, aap koi achhe pahalwan lgte hain?
Pehla wayakti :- Are nhin bhai! mai daanto ka doctor hun.
Taau check-up ke liye hospital gya.
Lady doctor :- lambi gehri saas lo.
Taau ne lambi saas li.
Lady doctor :- Kya mehsoos hua
Taau :- Kaun sa cent lgaa kr aayee hai vairan, mja sa aa gyaa.
.
Angrez Bhartiya se :- Hamne chand pr pani aur barf ki khoz kr li hai.
Bhartiya :- To hmein vhan sirf daru aur namkeen le kr jana hai.
Ak muslim yuvak ka nikah ho rha tha. Maulvi ne vhan maulood logon se poocha ," is shadi sa kisi ko atraj hai".
Maulvi ne aavaz lgane wale ko dant kr kha, amma yar, tum chup rho. Tum doolhe ho tumhe to gindgi bhar rhega.
Ak dukan ke bahr board pr likha tha ;- Hmare yhan shadi ki he vstoo hr smy teiyar milti hai.
Ise pd kr ak aadmi us dukan nain phuncha. dukandar ne poocha kya dikhau. Suit ka kpda, shoes ya sehra.
Admi :- Yeh sb to baad ki cheejen hai. Pehle dulhan to dikhaiye.
Ak garment shop pr mnoj ko naukri mil gayee. pehle hi din grahk ne mnoj se kha," bhaiya underwear dikhana"?
Mnoj :- Bhai sahib, pehna nhin hai.Raat bhr barish huito geela hi reh gya.
Ak deewar pr likha tha :- Dekho, kutta thook rha hai. Manoj ne vhan pr thooka aur hunsne lga , Bola dekho thooka hmne aur naam kutte ka lgega.
Bachha /child:- Doodh peene se rang gora hota hai kya ?
Doctor :- Han hota hai.
Bachha :- Jhuth, phir bhains ka bachha kala kyon hota hai ?
Bhikharin Mahesh se :-- Babu ji 1 Rs. do, 3 din se bhookbi hun,
Mahesh :- 3 din se bhookhi ho to 1 Rs. se kya hoga ?
Bhikharin :- Babu ji vjn dekhna hsi kitna km hua hai.
Kamal dukandar se :- Shirt ka kapda dikhadaaro ?
Dukandar:- Plain main dikhaun?
Kamal :- Plane main jaane ki kya jaroorat hai. Yahin dikha do.
Boss
Interviewer :- Main tum se sirf ek hi sawaal poochhunga. Btaao jindgi me kya khoya hai aur kya paayaa hai ?
Smart ladka :- Sir, jis se mithai bnti hai veh khoya hai aur jo charpai me lga hota hai veh paya hai.............. Sir behosh
Officer :- Aap nausena main bhartihone aaye hain pr aap ko tairna nhin aataa ?
Shekhar :- To kya hua sir, Jo vaayu sena main bhrti hone jaate hain unhein kaun sa udnaa aataa hai.
Kanjoos boss employee se :- Tum ne is saal bahut mehnat sa kaam kiya hai is liye Rs. 5000/- ka bonus check de rha hun. Agar isi trh kaam kroge to agle saal is pr sign bhi kr dunga.
Bank main join krne aaye naye chashier se poochha :- Packet aur bundle main kya fark hota hai, jante ho?
Naya cashier :- Ji sir, packet cigarette ka hota hai aur bundle bidi ka
Interview lene wala :- Agar do rail gadiyan ek line pr aa jaaye to tum kya kroge ?
Subhash. :- Main red light dikhaunga
Interview lene wala :- Red light na ho to ?
Subhash :- Torch dikhaunga.
Interview lene wala :- Torch na ho to?
Subhash :- Apni lal kameez utha kr dikhaunga.
Inteview lene wala :- Kameez agar lal colorki na hui to ?
Subhash :- Phir main apnu bua ke ladke ko bulaaunga.
Interview Lene wala :- Veh kyon :-
Subhash :- Ji, usne kabhi rail-gaadiyon ki takkar nhin dekhi .
Ek mahila ne custom care pr phone kiya . 3 din se internet nhin chal rha. Aap hi btaao main kya krun ?
Custom care wala :- Madam, ghar ka kuchh kaam hi kr lo.
Interviewer :- Apne baare main kuchh btaao.
Aavedak :- Sir, main logon ko bahut jaldi jodta hun.
Interviewer :- Are vaah ! Yeh to kamaal ka telent hai. pr kaise.
Aavedak :- Sir whats-up pr group bna kr add kr deta hun.
Boss Ramesh se :- Tumhari abhi-abhi shadi hui hai aur tum der tk office main kyun baithe ho.
Ramesh :- Sir, meri ptni naukri krti hai . Hm mein sa jo pehle ghar aata hai khana usi ko bnana pdta hai.
Clerk Boss se :- Sir, aap office main shadi-shooda aadmiyon ko hi kyon rkhte ho ?
Boss :- Kyonki beisti sehen krne ki aadt hoti hai aur ghar jane ki jldi bhi nahin hoti.
Malik naukar se :- Abhi tk tumne machhar kyon nhin maare. Meremkaan mein gumguna rhe hain.
Naukar :- Malik maine sb machhar maar dale hain. Yeh to unki ptniyan hain jo vidhava ho kr ro rhi hain.
Interview lene wale ne poochha :- Tumhara naam kya hai ?
Interview dene wala :- Deena Nath.
Interview lene wala :- Lekin form mein to tumne apna naam jitendra likha hai.
Interview dene wala ;- To tum poochh kyon rhe ho ?
Manager Nresh se ;- Milne ka time aap meri secretary se fiz kr lo.
Naresh :- Sir, main pehle do baar koshish kr chuka hun. Veh mna kr drti hai.
Office main ak officer bhut busy tha. Usne apne chaukidaar se kha," Agar koi mujhse milne aaye to keh dena saahib bhut busy hainaur agar veh khe ki bhut jaruri kaam hai to tum kehna ki sb yhi kehte hain.
Chaukidaar yeh sun kr bahr chla gya aur baith gya. Itne main ek mahila aa gyee aur chaukidaar sa boli ," mujhe ander jane do".
Chaukidaar ne kha," saahib bhut busy hain" Mahila boli, lekin main unki ptni hun. Mujhe to jaane do.
Chaukidaar bola," sb yhi kehte hain".
Grahak bhains wale se :- Teri bhains ki ek aankh to khrab hai phir bhi tu iske 25000/- maang rha hai .
Bhains wala :- Tumhe bhains doodh ke liye chahiye ya nain mattka krne ke liye.
Bank manager Pappu se :- Cash khatam ho gya hai, kl aanaa.
Pappu ;- Lekin mujhe paise abhi chahiye.
Bank manager :- Dekhiye, aap gussa mt kijiye, shanti se baat kijiye.
Pappu :- Theek hai bulaao shanti ko , aaj usi se baatkarunga.
Friendship
Chintu pintoo se :- Yeh arrange marriage main talak km kyon hote hain?
Pintoo :- Yar jo apni mrji se shadi nahin kr ska veh talak kya dega.
Vilas Ravi se :- Are dekh ,teri bivi ko saanp kat rha hai, kuchh to kr.
Ravi :- Are veh kat nahin rha. Uska zeher khatm ho gya hai to veh recharge krne aaya hai.
Ek dost apne shadi-shooda dost se poochha :- Bhukamp aaya kya ?
Doosra dost :- Nahi yaar, abhi to veh mayke gyee hui hai.
Ramu apne 16 bchhon ke saath dost ke ghar lunch pr gya. Dost ne itni ola lajja nhin aayeebdi family ko dekh krgusse mein bola lajja nhin aayee ?
Ramu :- nhin, uska exam hai.
Shalu neelu se :- Shadi se phle mere pti bhag-bhag kr meri frmaishe poori krte the.
Neelu :- Aur ab ?
Shalu :- Frmaishe sun kr bhaag jaate hain.
Manoj rajinder se :- Kyon bhai, tumhare ghar to naukrani thi. Pehle bartan vhi manjti thi. Aaz tum khud kyon bartan maanj the ho ?
Rajinder :- Maine usse shaadio jo kr li hai.
Sonu rakesh se :- Meri rajni se mangni toot gyee hai. Usne mujhse shaadi krne se mna kr diya hai.
Rakesh :[ Tumne use apne lakhpti chacha ke baare main nhin btaya ?
Sonu :- Btaya tha, ab veh meri chachi hai.
Teerath rakesh se :- Ptni paper weight ki trh hoti hai.
Rakesh :- Veh kaise ?
Teerath :- Yeh isliye ki pti ko fdfdane to deti hai pr udne nhin deti.
Sohan monu se :- Ve log jo office main der tk kaam krte hain, kya ve sb se mehnti hain ?
Monu :- Nhin yaar ! ya to ve bivi se tung hamin ya office main kisi aur ke sung hain.
Pappu :- Yaar jb main mru to mere maatm pr saamne wale pdosiyon ko jarur bulana,
Peter :- Veh kyon ?
Pappu :- Us ghar ki aurte laash se lipat-lipat kr roti hain.
Manoj pardeep se :- Aaj maine pani ko ullu bnadiya.
Pardeep :- Maine paani ko garam kiya aur nhaya hi nhin. Basanti apni friend se :- Tumhaaraa beta kya kr rha hai ?
Friend :- Voh engineering kr rha hai.
Basanti :- Achha, main samjhi ki voh pd rha hai.
Santa bata se :- Chuhe maarnekidvai dena.
Banta :- Ghar le kr jaani hai kya ?
Santa :- Aur kya ? Tum kya soch rhe hoahiyeh ki main chuhe apne saath laaya hun.
Raman kamal se :- Jab apni hi bivi se pyar hone lge to kya samajhna chahiye ?
Kmal:- To samjho budapa aa gya.
Vijay sonu se :- Sukhi dampatya jeevan ka kya farmoola hai ?
Sonu :- Jb ptni badbda rhi ho to khamosh rhe aur jb ptni khamosh ho to badbdaye nhin.
Kamal:- Aaj kal sidhi ungli se ghee nhin nikalta .
Ranjan :- To chamach se nikaal liya kro.
Do dost shaadi ke brson baad mile.....aur bhai, kaisi hai teri bivi.
Dost :- Sawag kiapsra. aur teri ?
Doosra dost :- Maayooshote hue, meri to abhi jinda hai.
Ramesh Rakesh se :- Duniya ke do aise prani btaao jinhe thand nhin lgti.
Rakesh :- Ek Paiguin aur doosra shaadi main aai mahilaaye.
Rinkoo:- Tumhaare papa ko kaun sa phal pasand hai ?
Satish :- Rashiphal.
Vinod :- Tum operation karvaye bina ho.
Naresh :- Nurse bar-bar heh rahi thi ki dro mt, himmat rkho, kuchh nhin hoga. Yeh to bs chhota sa operation hai.
Vinod :- To is main drne wali kaun si baat hai. sahi to keh rhi thi nurse.
Narehsh :- Veh mujh se nhin doctor se keh rhi thi.
Harmeet bina chhile kela kha rha tha. Kisi ne usse kaha, kela chheel to lo.
Harmeet :- Chheelne ki kya jrurt hai. Mujhe pta hai is me kela hai.
Doctor
Pti doctor se ;- Meri bivi ko appendix ke karn bhyaank dard ho rha hai.
Doctor :- Bevkoof , maine ek saal pehle hi tumhari bivi ke appendixx ka operation kr ke use nikaal diya tha, Is duniya me aisa koi bhi insaan nhi jis ko do appendix hon.
Pti :- aap ki baat bilkul theek hai. Magar kuchh logon ke pass dusri bivi to ho skti hai.
Do nurses aaps mein ek mrij ke bare main baat kr rhi thi. Pehli :- Lgta hai iski ptni ise theek nahin hone degi.
Dusri :- Kyon kya baat hai ?
Pehli:- Aaj jb iski ptni aai to uski ptni ne swal kiya, nyi silk ki sari kitne main aayegi.
Do doston ki bat-cheet :- Yar mere pait main keede ho gye hain. hi khata Khaya-piya kuch lgta hi nahin hai. Jo bhi khata hun, keede kha jate n pr vehto hn. Kya krun kuch samajh hi nahin aata.
Doosra :- Tu koi davai kyon nahin khata. Pehla :- Khata hun, pr Veh bhi keede kha jate hain.
Doctor old aged mareej se :- Aaj main aapko aisi dvai dunga ke aap phirse jawan ho jayenge.
Old patient / marij :- Aysi dava mat digiyega , verna meri pension band ho jayegi.
Doctor :- Kaho kaise aana hua ?
Patient :- Doctor sahib, tbiyat theek nahin hai. Liver main dard ho rha hai.
Doctor :- Daaru peete ho.
Patient :- Haan, pr aap chhota peg bnana.
Do cheentiya ek dabbe pr reng rhi thi . ek cheenti dabbe ko ek jgh se katne lgi , doosri ne poocha ki veh aisa kyon kr rhi hai ?
Pehli ceeinti boli :- pda nahin tumne dibbe pr kya likha hai " Yhan se katiye.
Doctor :- Agar aap ek ghnta pehle aa jate to aapke dost ko bcha lete.
Patient ka dost :- Abhi 15 minute pehle hi to accident hua hai.
Ek clinic ke bahr board lga tha ............20 din main shrab chhudvayen.
Ravi board pd kr bhaga-bhaga andr gyaaur doctor se bola," Doctor sahib, aap shrab chhudva skte hain".
Doctor :- Ji Bilkul.
Ravi :- Police ne meri 30 peti shrab pkd li hai, pl. chudva do jldi.
Sham doctor se :- Meri yadasht khrab ho rhi hai, mera ilaz kr do.
Doctor :- Phir to pehle fees jma krva do tbhi ilaaz hoga.
Doctor marij se :- Apki bimari ki asli vjh meri smjh mein nhin aa rhi. Ho skta ksi shrab peene ki vjh se aisa ho rha hai.
Marij :- Koi baat nhin doctor sahib, jb aapki utr jaye tb main check-up ke liye aapke paas aa jaunga.
Doctor mareej se :- Ab tum kewal 2 ghante ke mehmaan ho. Kya mrne se pehle kisi ko dekhna chahte ho ?
Marij doctor se :- Ji han. Doctor :- Kise ? Marij :- Ek achhe doctor ko.
Mhila :- Doctor sahib mere sir main aur pait main dard hai.
Doctor :- Yeh lo sir dard ki goli aur yeh pait dard ki goli. Dono abhi kha ki.
Mhila Doctor sahib, khane ke baad goliyon ko kaise pta chlega ki kis goli ko khan jana hai,
Grameen ;- Kya chshma lgane ke baad mai pd skoonga ?
Doctor ;- Han-Han , tum frante se pd skoge.
Grameen :- Achha hua meri pdaai pr ek paisa bhi kharch nhin hua. Pta nhin loog bchchon ko school bhejne ki bjaaye chashma kyo nhin dilva dete.
Dispensary bnam premika :- Tumhari aankho main jeevan ka tonic hai. Jb udas hota hun to tumhari nazdiki aise mehsoos hoti hai jaise aakhiri saas ginte hue kisi mariz ko oxygen mil jaaye. Tumhare kaale ghne keshon main chloroform jaisi madhoshi hai.Tumhaare .......Premi ne bhav-vibhor hote hue kha.
Bkvaas band kro. Mai tumhaari premika hoonn koi dispensary nhin. Premika ne daatate hue kha.
Doctor :- Dekhiye is thermometer ko apni ptni ki juban ke neeche rakh dijiye aur khiye ki half minute tk muh na khole.
Pti :- Doctor sahib, kripa kr ke aadhe ghnte wala thermometer dijiye.
Sona doctor se :- Aapne nurse bdi changi rakhi hai. Uske haath lgte hi main theek ho gya.
Doctor :- Main jaanta hun. Thappd ki aavaz bahar tk aa rhi thi.
Doctor marij se ;- Are tumhara dil jor-jor sa kyon dhadak rha hai ?
Mareej :- Kyonki maine deewar pr likhi aapke fees pd li hai.
Ramesh :- Doctor sahib mujhe door ki cheejen saaf dikhai nhin deti. Main kya krun ?
Doctor :- Kuchh soch kr..........Najdeek ja kr dekh liya kro.
Chaube ji ko dast lg gye. Veh doctor ke paas gye aur docto ne kha neembu istemaal kro..
Do din baad..........Ab dast kaise hain ?
Chaube ji :- Neembu htate hi phir shuru ho jate hain.
Raju doctor se :- Doctor sahib, plastic surgery main kitna kharch aayega ?
Doctoe :- 50,000/-
Raju :- Agar plastic de dein to ?
Doctor :- Gusse se --Sara pighla kr chipka bhi lena.
Ldki :- Meri skin bhut soft aur sensitive hai aur rang bhi bhut gora hai. Main sone se pehle kya lgaun ?
Doctor :- Kundi lga kr soya kro.
Mental hospital main sb paagl dance kr rhe the, bs ek paagl chupchap khda tha.
Doctor ne poochha :- Tum kyon nhin dance kr rhe ?
Paagl :- Bevkoof, main doolha hun.
Do mhilaaye bus main seat ke liye aaps main jhagad rhi thi. Jhagda ruk hi nhin rha tha.
Tb conductor ne dimaag ldaya aur bola, aap main se jo umr main jyada hai veh is seat pr baith jaaye.
Jhagda rok kr dono ne ek doosre ki trf dakha aur phir seat khali ki khali reh gyee.
Ek shrabi rail ki ptri pr so gya. Dusra aadmi usse bola train aayegi to tu mr jayega.
Shrabi :- Abhi hvai jhaj upr se gujar gya kuch nahin hua, to train kya cheez hai.
Ek shrabi netra daan ke liye gya. Hospital main veh doctor se bola, doctor sahib, meri aankhe jise bhi lgayen, use kh dijiyega ki yeh aankhe 2 pag lgane ke baad hi khulti hain.
Ek shrabi shrab pi kr bus mai chada tovhan baithe saadu jo bus main baitha the bole," Tum nrk main ja rhe ho"
Shrabi chillate hue :- oye, bus roko, lgta hai main galat bus main chad gya hun.
Manglu ne shrab ke nshe main gadi chlate hue ek police wale ko takker maaar di . Police wala durghtna sthal pr hi mr gya. Ab Manglu ne sabhya shehri hone ka bhi prichaya diya.
Usne 100 no. pr police control room ko phone kiya aur bola,'Hello, ab aap 99 ho gye hain.
Ek kbr khodne wale ne shraab pi rkakhi thi aur nshe ki haalt main itni gehri kbe khod di ki uske liye bahr niklna mushkil ho gya. Raat ho gyee aur srdi bhut thi. Veh chillaya, koi mere liye kuchh kro ?
Ek booda vhan aaya aur bola, " srdi to lgegi hi, tum pr mitti dalna jo bhool gye hain.
Sonu :- Bharat main sab se zyada barf khan girti hai ?
Monu :- Daaru ke gilass main.
Ek punjabi ladki shadi krne ke liye ldke ke ghar mein entry krne se pahle prarthna karti hai," Lbba ya to sas changi hove ya photo tangi hove.
Ek ldki train sa utr kr ek pthan se poochti hai " Yeh kaun sa station hai".
Pthan ne socha aur bola :- " Behenji yeh railway station hai ".
Ek shrabi sadhu sa tkra gya.
Sadhu :- "Are murkh, min tujhe shrap deta hun".
Shrabi :- " Thehro baba, main gilass le kr aata hun".
Ek nari udhark neta bhashan de rha tha :- Naari ko abla kehna uska srasar apman hai.
Ek sunne wala bola :- To aap ek bar bla keh kr dekh leejiye.
Ek chooja apni man se :- Yeh insan paida hote hi apna nam kyon rkh lata hain, hm loge aisa kyon nahi krte ?
Murgi :- Beta, rkhte hain na . Hmari biradri men nam mrne ke bad hi rkha jata hai, jaise tandoori chicken, chicken tikka, chicken chili and kdai chicken.
Ek aadmi kumbh ke mele mein prarthna kr rha tha ........he prabhu ! nyay kro.....hmesha bhai-bhai hi kyon bichhudte hain. Kbhi-kbhi pti-ptni pr bhi try kr liya kro.
Ek aurat kabr pr baithi thi. Ek baba vhan se gujre to unhone poochha," Tumhen dr nhin lgta" ?
Aurat :- Kyon, isme Drnr ki kya baat hai, ander grmi lg rhi thi to baahr aa gyee.
Bank loan na chukane pr bank vale uski car utha kr le gye. Voh gusse se apni wife se bola -- glti ho gai shadi bhi loan le kr krta.
Vimaan main ek bachhe ne 2-3 sikke nigal liye. Man chillai," Koi mere bchhe ko bchao". Tbhi ek ldka dauda-dauda aaya aue bchhe ko ulta-rirchha kr ke sikke nikaal diye. Tb man boli :- Kya aap doctor ho ?
Ldka :- Nahin ji, bank loan recovery agent hun.
Inder hotel manager se :- Mujhe yhan 1 hfta pehahye aa jana chehiye tha.
Manager :- Yeh to hmari khush-nsibi hotin, shree maan.
Grahak :- Nhin yeh baat nhin hai. Jo khana maine abhi khayaa hai, us smy taza to hota.
Fakeer :- Aapke padosi ne bahar khana khilya hai, ab aapki bari hai.
Paras :- Lo hajmola khao aur pchao.
Feri wala :- chaaku-chhuriyan tez keva lo.
Manoj :- Kyon bhai, akl bhi tez krte ho ?
Feri wala :- Kyon nhin, ho to la aayiye.
Court
Judge :- gvah ne kha hai ke tumme aur tumhari patni mein kha-suni hui thi?
Husband :- Ji hujur, magar kha usne, suna maine.
Judge :- Raman se, Tum pa ilzam hai ke tumne apni wife ko 10 salon se dra dmka rakha hai.
Raman:- Nahin huzur main to......... bich mein hi tokte huve,
Judge:- Nahin sfai ki jrurart nahin.....................Tum bas yeh btao yeh sab kiya kaisse ?
Judge :-- Eske dono kan kat do
Papoo - Nahin, main andha ho jaunga.
Judge :- Andhe kaise ho jaoge ?
Papoo :- Chashma khan lgaunga.
Pti apni ptni se preshan ho kr court main talak lene phunch
Judge :- Tum talaak kyon lena chahte ho ?
Pti :- Main is se khush nahin huin.
Bivi :- Judge sahib, poora mohalla khush hai, bs iske hi itne nkhre hain. Vakeel :- Tumhari ungli rail ke duwaze main db kr kt gyee aur uske liye tum railway pr 50,000/- Rs. ka dava krna chahti ho ?
Aurat ;- Han.
VAKEEL :- Magar yeh kis prakar sabit kiya jayega ki tumhari ungli ki keemat 50,000/- Rs. Thi.
Aurat :- Kyonki us ungli pr hi main apne pti ko nchaya krti thi.
Judge gvah se :- Jb is istri ki apne pti se ldai hui thi tb tum kahan maujood the ?
Gvah :- Hujoor main ldai ke vkt vhan khda tha.
Judge :- Achha, to tum gvah ki haisiyat se kuch kehna chahte ho ?
Gvah :- Hujoor yhi ki main kbhi shadi nhin krunga.
Colonel :- Naujvano aage bdo.
Bholoo aage na bd kr vhin khda rha.
Colonel :- Tum aage kyon nhin bd rhe ho.
Bholu :- Sir, aapne kha hai ki naujwano aage bdo. Main to dusven number pr tha.
Ek bajurg dampati adalat main talak ke liye gya. Judge ne bajurg mhila se poochha," Is umr main talak kyon lena chahti hain aap ?
Mahila :- judge sahib, mere pti mujh pr mansik atyaachar kr rhe hain. Judge :- veh kaise ?
Mahila :- Inki jb marji hoti hai mujhe khri-khoti suna dete hain aur jb main bolna shuru krti hunto apne kaan ki machine nikaal dete hain.
Do vakeel adala main behes ke dauraan vyaktigat ktakshon pr utr aaye.
Ek ne kha :- Tumse bda gdha maine aaz tk nhin dekha.
Doosre ne plt kr kha :- maine bhi aaz tk tumse bda gdha nhin dekha.
Is pr judge ne mez pr hthoda maarte hue kha :- Order-order. aap dono shayad bhol rhe hain ki main bhi yhan pr baitha hua hun.
Geeta Sangeeta se :- Tumhaari beti ki sgai ko 2 saal ho gye hain. shadi main itni der kyon kr rhi ho ?
Sangeeta :- Kya btaaun behen, Ldka valeel hai. Jaise hi shadi ki tareekh paas aati hai koi na koi bhana bna kr aage ki tarikh le leta hai.
Akbar Birbal se :- Aadmi aur aurat ki soch main kya furk hai ?
Birbal ne sunder sa jwab diya :- Aurat ek hi aadmi se sari ummede rkhti hjai aur aadmi bhut sari aurton se ek hi ummid rkhte hain.
Ek baar Mnjeet ki bhais kho gyee. Voh dhundhta hua park main phuncha. Vkan ek premi apni premika ki aankhon main dekh kr keh rha tha..............Jaan tumhaari aankhon main mujhe duniya dikhai de rhi hai.
Manjeet bola :- Jra dekh ke bta to , meri bhains khan hai.
Sipaahi :- Chal bhai, Fansi ka smy ho gya.
Pappu :- Pr mujhe to 29 din baad hone wali thi.
Sipaahi :- Sahib yeh keh ke gye hain ki tu unke gaanv ka hai, is liye tumhara kaam pehle.
Police inspector :- Yeh ajeeb baat hai ki tumne box to churaataa pr paas hi main jo noton ke bundle rkhe the unko haath tk nhin lgaya ?
Chor :- Bhagwaan ke liye is baat ka zikr mt keejiye saahib, is galti ke liye meri ptni hfte bhar tk mujh se ldti rahi.
Judge sahib sanju se :- Tumhara jurm sabit ho chuka hai. Kal tumhe phansi pr chda diya jaayega.
Sanju :- Janab, voh to theek hai pr utara kb jaayega, dukaan bhi to kholni hai.
Judge gavah se :- Tumhara kya khyaal hai, voh aadmi kaise mra ?
Gavah :- Hujoor, voh aadmi bachpan se hi hbut bhulakkad tha, lgta hai voh saans lena hi bhool gya hoga.
Ladki-ladka
Sonu apni girl friend ko kiss krne hi wala tha ki girl friend ne rok diya aur kaha ,"Nahi-nahi , yeh sb shasi se pehle nhin".
Josh me hosh kho kr sonu turant bola "Oye soniye, mai shadi suda hu , tu tenion na le".
Shaadi se pehle ladke ne ladki se wada kiya tha ki mai tujhe chand-taare dunga.
Ladki ne shaadi kr li aur unka bacha ho gya, us ka naam rakha---Tara chand.( Pran jaye pr vachan na jaaye. )
Ladka romantic andaaj me :- Jaan, dekho mein tumhaari julfo ke liye kya laya hu?
Ladki :- Kya laye ho?
Ladka :- Ju nikalne wali kanghi.
Ladka :- Kl se khin aur mila kreige.
Ladki :- Kyo ?
Ladka :- Bade jaalim hain teri gali ke bache .
Ladki :- Kyo kya hua ?
Ladka :- Kutte peechhe lga kr kehte hai," Jb pyaar kiya to darna kya".
Premika premi se :- Apni shadi ke liye tum meri ma se mil kr dekho.
Premi :- Nahi dear. Ab tumhaare siva koi doosri mere mn main nhin bs sakti.
Ladka bike chla rha tha. Ek ladki ne skooti se use over take kiya . Ladka chillaya A Bhains ".
Ladki ne peechhe mud kr dekha aur chllai - gadha, kutta, bander, ullu ka patha. Road paar krte hue veh bhains se tkra gyi.
Shiksha :- Samjho ki koi kya kehna chahta hai.
Ladke ne shayrana andaz main kaha :- Chalte-chalte yun hi ruk jaataa hun main. Baaaithe-baithe yun hi kho jaataa hun main. Kya yahi pyaar hai ?
Ladki :- Ji nahi, yeh kamjori ke lakshan hain. Doctor ke pass jao aur apna ilaaz krvaao.. Roz juice piyo.
Vipin :- Pl.mujhe apne dimaag main rakh lo na.
Mini :- Dil main kyon nhin?
Vipin :- Tumhaare dil main jagah akahan hai. Dimaag to poora khali hai. Aaraam se rahunga.
Ladki :- Meri hr saans pr kai ladke mrte hain.
Ldka :- Tu koi achachha wala tooth paste istemaal kyon nhin krti.
Girl friend :- Apne blind boy friend se :- Kaash ! tum dekh skte ki main kitni sunder hun.
Boy friend :- Rehne dr. Agar to itni sunder hoto to kya aankh wale tujhe mere liye chhod dete ? Andhaa hun paagal nhin.
Ldki apne boy friend se :- Meri shaadi tye ho gyee hai. Kya tum meri shaadi main aaoge ?
Ldka :- Han-han, kyon nhin . aaahm to 20-20 km. tk bhandaare nhin chhodte. Yhan to shaadi ka khaanaa hai.
sonu ko ladki ne joota maaraa.
Sonu :- Tum ne jooa mzaak mein maaraa ya gusse main.
Ladki :- Gusse main.
Sonu :- Tb theek hai. main mzaak pasand nhin krta.
saadi main el ladki ne babbu se poochha :- Kya aap dance krna pasand kroge ?
Babbu ne khush hote hue kaha :- Haan-haan, kyon nhin .
Ladki :- To phir aap ki kursi main le jaaun ?
Bartiya ladki :- Mere 4 bhai aur 3 behne hain aur aap ke .
American ladki :- Meri koi behen nhin hailekin meri pehli mummy se 3 papa aur pehle papa se 4 mummy hain.
Papu ne college ki ek ladki se kaha, I love you. Ab tum mujhe bolo.
Ladki :- Main abhi ja kr sir se bolti hun.
Papu :- Sir se mt bol pagli, un ki to shaadi ho chuki hai.
Ladka ladki se :- Shadi kr le mujh se.
Ladki :- Tujh se kyo krun ?
Ladka :- Mere papa gaanv ke sab se bde aadmi hain.
Shadi ke baad ladki ko pta chla ki ladke ke papa 105 saal ke hain.
Ladka ladki se :- Tum mujhe kitna pyar krti ho ?
Ldki :- Jitna tum mujhse krti ho.
Ladka :- Matlab yeh ki tum mujhe dhokha de rhi ho.
Ladki baba se ;- Mujhe bhavishya dekhna sikhao.
Baba :- Aankhe bund kro.
Ldki :- Nahin, aap mujhe kiss kroge.
Baba ;- Dekha, dikhne lga na bhavishya.
Ldki :- Mummy ko tum bhut pasand aaye ho.
Ldka :- Chal pgli, jo bhi ho shadi main tum se hi krunga. Anti ko kehna, mujhe bhool jaye.
Ldki:- Meri ek-ek saas pr ek ldka mrta hai.
Ldka :- To tum koi achha sa tooth-paste kyon nhin istemal krti.
Ldka apni girl friend se baat krne ki koshish main phone krta hai. lPhone pr :- Aunti, payal hai ?
Mhila :- Han beta, dono peron main hai.
Raman Daman se :- Tumne apni sgai kyon tod di ?
Daman ;- Kyonki ldki kuvari thi. Rama :- to is mein kya ?
Daman :- Jo aaj tk kisi ki na hui,veh meri kya hogi.
Ldki - premi se :- Mimmi-papa ne kha hai ki agr exam. main fail hui to shaadi kra denge.
Ldka :- Tumne taiyari kr li ?
Ldki :- Bs reception ki dress khridni hai.
Chintoo bs main sfr kr rha tha. Brake lgi to veh ek ldki pr ja gira. Ldki ne kha , bdtmeez, kya kr rhe ho?
Chintoo :- Engineering, aur aap ?
Girl friend ;- Mujhe abhi choona mt. Shadi ke badd jitna mrzi chhoo lena.
Boy friend :- Theek hai main abhi chlta hun. Shadi ho jaye to phone kr ke bta dena.
Ek ldki gol-gappe kha rhi thi. 20-25 kha liye honge. Phir usne apne premi se poochha, 10 aur kha loo.
Premi jhhlla kr bola, nagin kha le.
Ldki ne chanta marte hue Premi ko bola, abe nagin kisko bola.
Premi :- Are maarti kyon hai ? Maine bola na gin, kha le.
Premi premika se :- Abhi hm apni shadi ki baat puri trh se gupt rkhenge.
Premika :- Nhin main yeh baat apni sheli urmila ko jrur btaaungi, kyonki veh kehti thi ki tumse koi bevkoof hi shadi kr skta hai.
Premika premi se :- Main tumse tbhi shadi krungi jb tum koi saahsi kaam kr ke dikhaoge.
Premi :- Tumse shadi krne se jyada saahsi kaam aur kya ho skta hai ?
Insaan :- Bhagwaan ldkiyan hmesha pyaari bnata hai, pr beebiyan itni khatarnaak kyon hoti hain ?
Bhagwan :- Kyonki ldkiyan main bnata hun aur beebiyan tum bnate ho
Ladka :-Tum whatsapp pr ho.... Ladki :- Nhin,main ghar pr hun.
Ldka :- Mera matlab hai tum whatsapp use krti ho..............Ldki :- Nhin, main main fair and lovely lgati hun.
Ldka ;- Ary meri ma tumko whatsapp chlana aata hai ? Ldki :- Nhin, tum chlana, main peechhe baith jaaungi.
Premika premi se :- Jaanu meri yaad kb aati hai ?
Premi :- Jb ma bolti hai, aane de teri bivi ko. Ghar ke saare kaam krvaungi.
Ldka Ldki se :- Madam, yeh recharge ki dukaan khan pr hai ?
Ldki :- Pta nhin. main to ldkon se recharge krva leti hun.
Ek ldki ki maut ke baad uski sheli ldki ke premi ke paas gyhee aur boli," Kya main uski jgh le skti hun?"
Premi ne jwab diya :- Mujhe koi atraaz nhi, Kabristaan walon se poochh lo.
Ldki :- Chhi, kaisa jmaanaa aa gya hai veh dekho......ek ldka doosre ldke ko flying kiss de rha hai.
Ldka :- Pgli..veh flying kiss nhin hai, veh ldka apne dost se bidi maang rha hai.
Manoj jb rishte ke liye tasveer khinchva rha thato peechhe khda gdha bhi tasveer main aa gya. Tb manoj ne likh kr tasveer bheji," main dahini trf khda hun.
Ek ldka scooter pr ja rha tha, achanak scooter ka tyre gober ke beech main se gujr gya.
Kreeb khdi kuchh ldkiyan taali bjaate hue ....Happy birhtday,bhai-sahib.
Ldka ruka aur bola-sirf wish krne se kaam nhin chlega, cake to khana hi pdega.
Kisi ne gaalib se poochha :- Pyaar kb krna chahiye ?
Galib ne kha :- Kbhi bhi kro pr bivi ko pta nhin chlna chahiye.
Premi ne premika ko massaga kiya ; meri photo vaaps de do, mujhe nyee girl friend mil gyee hai.
Premika ne 30 photo bhej kr likha : Is main sa dhundh lena, mujhe to teri shakal bhee yaad nhin.
Ladka ldki se :- Apna dupatta udha lo, jameen se ghisa ja rha hai.
Ladki :- Dupatta bhi apna farz nibha rha hai. Koi choom na le mere kadmon ki mitti ko, isliye nishan mita rha hai.
Ladka :- Apsra ki aulaad, aage gobar hai.
Aashik ka jnaaja jb maashuka ki gli se nikla to dekh kr ldki ki maa boli," Jaata jaata kminaaa ek round aur lga gyaa".
Ladka :- Hay ! aapka naam kyaa hai.
Ldki:- Khushi.
Ldkaa :- Aap kahaan se ho.
Ldki :- Nagpur se.
Ldka :- Lekin maine suna hai, khushi ka thikaanaa nhin hota.
Ek ldki ne kuchh jyaadaa hi chhoti skirt pehen rakhi thi.
Ladka :- Yeh skirt dekh kr tumhaari maa ne kuchh nhin kaha ?
Ldki:- Are !mummy to bahut gussa ho hui. Boli ki dubaaraa mari skirt pehni to bahut pitaai karuingi.
Premika premi se :-Tum doctor kaise bne ?
Premi :- Are ! uske liye to bahut dimaag ki jaroorat hoti hai.
Premika:- Isi liyeto poochh rahi hun ki aak kaishir doctor bne kaise ?
Magician :- Ab main is aurat ki 2 aurten bna dunga.
Rajbir :- Ek to sambhali nahi jati yeh do bnane ja rha hai.
Mnoj :- Yar shadi main jana hai. kaisa coat-pant dal kr jaun ki sab bas mujhe hi dekhe.
Sanjeev :- Ek kam kr, peticoat hi hen kr chla ja . Sab tujhe hi dekhenge.
Malkin :- Tu 3 din se kam pr nahin aai.
Kamvali :- Mene to face-book pr update kiya tha ki main ganv ja rhi hun. Aapke pati ne comment bhi kiya tha ki miss you.
Mahila vakeel se :- Main phir se apne pehle pati se shadi karna chahti hun.
Vakeel :- kyon ? Abhi pichhle mahine to talak hua hai.
Mahila :- Talak ke bad veh kafi khush hain aur mujhse yeh bardash nahi ho rha hai.
Musladhar barish ho rhi thi. Bijli chamak rhi thi. Tabhi ek vyakti bhaga bhaga aaya, dukandar se bola," Bhai saheb ek double roti ka peket de digiye".
Dukandar ne pucha ," Kya aap shadi-shuda hain"?
Veh bola," To aap kya smjhte main ki is mausam me meri ma mujhe bahar bhejegi".
Mamta kavita se :- Ab to teri sgai ko bhut din ho gye hain. Doctor sahib ki koi chithi vgehra aai kya ?
Kavita :- Chithi to kai aai hain pr unki likhai pdne mein bhut dikkat aati hai.
Mamta:- Yeh to koi mushkil kam nahin hai. Tum kisi chemist se pdva lo.
Mahesh :- Jb maine kam shuru kiya tha to mere pas paisa tha aur mere partner ke paas experience .
Naresh, achha, tb to kaam khoob chla hoga.
Mahesh:- Han, pr ab mere pass experience hai aur mere partner ke paas paisa.
Malkin nukrani se :- Mujhe lgta hai tere malik ka office main kisi ldki ke saath chakkar hai?
Naukrani :- Nahin malkin, Aisa mt kaho, malik mujhe dhokha nhin de skte.
Nurse :- Mubark ho aapke ghar beta paida hua hai.
Banta singh ;- vah ji kya technology aa gyi hai, Ptni meri hospital main hai aur beta ghar main paida hua hai.
Officer :-apko ko kitne salon ka tjurba hai?
Pawan :- Salon ka to nahin, mujhe 3 salion ka tjurba hai.
Officer :- Hmein aisa chowkidar chahiye jo samajhdar ho, chust ho, chalak ho aur jarurt pdne pr ham use dhant bhi sken
Ummidwar :- sahab. yeh sab gun meri patni main hain, kaho to use bula dun.
One child was helping his dadaji in potato field to out them. When he tired he asked that why they buried the potatoes in the field.
Father and son
Papoo :- Papa ek bat btani thi aapko. Maine facebook pr girls ke nam se 10 fake ID bna rkhi hain.
Papa :- To mujhe kyon bta rha hai. nalayk.
papoo :- Voh jo aap bar-bar friend request bhej rhe hain, veh meri hi fake ID hai.
Papa 10 rupye dena garib ko dene hain.
Papa :- Kkahan hai garib.
son :- Bechara bahr dhoop main ice-cream bech rha hai.
Patient :- I am suffering from some amazing diseases. When my wife speaks, I can't hear.
Doctor :- This is not a disease, this is the blessing of God.
Papa :- Bete, aaz tak tune koi ausa kam kiya hai jis se mera sir uncha ho.
Beta :- Ak bar aapke sir ke neeche takiya lgaya tha , bhul gye kya.
Beta :- Papa yeh girl friend kya hoti hai ?
Papa :- Beta, jab tum tb smjhoge jb bde ho jaoge. Jab tum achhe ldke nikle to ek tumhari bhi hogi.
Beta :- Par agar main khraab ldkanikla tab ?
Papa :- To bahut saari hongi.
Beta :- Papa mujhe sicus dikhane le chlo.
Papa :- Main abhi busy hun.
Beta :- Papa, suna hai vhan ldkiyan km kpdon mein sher ki swari krti hain.
Papa :- Chlo chlte hai, Vaisa bhi kafi din ho gye hain sher ko dekhe hue.
Pappu phad pr baitha kitab pd rha tha, kisi ne pucha ," kya kr rhe ho".
Pappu ;- " Higher study". Papa bata se :- Nanlayak, tumne apni mummy se unchi aavaz main bat ki.
Beta :- Mujhe pta hai dad aapko jln ho rhi hogi, kyonki aap aisa nahin kr skte.
Papa bete se :- Pdos wale khanna sahib ki beti ko dekh, first aayi hai.
Beta :- Aur kitnea dekhun. Use dekh-dekh kr hi to fail hua hun.
Harish ka beta koi application form bhar rha tha, bete ne poocha, papa mother tongue kya likhun?
Harish :- Likh de, very-very long and uncontrollable.
Beta :- Papa itni shrab mt piya kro.
Papa :- Peenr de beta, saath kya le kr jana hai ?
Beta :- Is trh peete rhr to chhod kr bhi kya jana hai.
Ek ldka bijli ke bulb pr apne papa ka naam likh rha tha
Papa apne bete se :- Beta yeh kya kr rhe ho ?
Beta :- Aapka naam raushan kr rha hun.
Papa bete se :- Yeh lo beta 1500/- Rs.
Beta :- Kis liye ?
Papa :- Toone jb se watts-app shuru kiya ka hai, raat ko chaukidaar nhin rkhna pdta
Pintu :- Papa main aap ko kuchh btana chahta hun Papa :- Han beta bol.
Pintu :- Vada kro aap gussa nhin kroge. Papa :- Bol, nhin to pitega abhi.
Pinto :- Mere facebook pr 10 fake account hain. Papa :- Bevkoof, fir mujhe kyon bta rha hai ?
Pintu :- Veh jo aap sarita bhabhi ko aap din main park mein bula rhe ho aur veh nhin aa rhi....veh main hi hun.
Chhota sa bachha mammi se naaraz tha. Bachha :- Papa, aapne maummy mein kya dekha jo unhe pasand kiya.
Papa :- Beta, uske gaal pr chhota sa, pyara sa til.
Beta :- Oh papa ! kmal hai, itni chhoti si cheez ke liye itni bdi museebat mol le li.
Pita bete se gusse se :- Kahan the tum itni der se ?
Beta :- Cycle repairing ki dukaan pr tha.
pita :- Kya kr rha tha vhan ?
Beta :- Aise hi baitha tha. Mood khrab tha.
Pita :- Cycle wala kb se mood theek krne lg gya.
Bablu taau se :- Taau apni istri de do.
Taau :- Apni bivi ki trf ishara krte hue.........Ja le ja, voh baithi hai.
Beta school jaate wqt ro rha tha.
Papa :- Beta, sher ke bachha rote nhin hain.
Beta :- Sher ke bete school bhi nhin jaate.
Ek bachha apni maan se buri trh se pitne ke baad apne papa se bola." Aap kabhi pakistan gye ho ?
Papa :- Nahin.
Beta :- Afganistaan gye ho ?
Papa:-nhin beta.
Beta :- To phir yeh item laaye ho kahaan se .
Papa :- Beta ,America main 15 saal ka bachache bhi apne pairon pr khade ho jate hain.
Bachachaa :- Lekin papa, Bharat main to ek saal ka bachacha bhagne bhi lgta hai.
Baap ne bete ki talashi li. Cigetettee , beer aur ladkiyon ke number nikle. Baap ne bahut maaraa, Poochha, kb se chal rha hai yeh sb,
Beta :- Papa, yeh jacket to aap ki hai.
Sonu ke report card pr pita ji ne anguta lga diya
Sonu :- Papa aap to pde-likhe hain phir sign krne ki jgh angutha kyon lga diya hai ?
Papa :- Tere marks dekh kr teacher ko pta nhin lgna chahiye ki tera baap pda-likha hai.
Mother
Ma :- Beta ro kyon rhe ho ?
Peta :- Papa ne mujhe kiss nhin kiya.
Ma ( mother) :- To tumne papa ko phade nhin sunaye honge.
Beta :- To kya, kaam wali ne kaun se phade sunaye the.
5 saal ka baalk ek raja ki khani sun kr ma se bola," Ma mujhe bhi 7 raniyon se shadi krni hai."
Ma hans kr boli," Beta pher tu merempaas nhin so payega."
Beta pyar se bola ;- Nhin ma mai to aapke paas hi sounga.
Ma boli beta, phir raaniya kiske saath soyengi ?
Beta ve papa ke saath so jayengi.
Beti :- Hmare colledge ke sir bde hi handsome aur intelligent hain. Mujhe veh bde hi achhe lgte hain.
Maa :- Shikshak va guru baap ke braber hote hain bati.
Beti :- Maa, tum hmesha apne hi baare mein sochti ho. Kbhi mere baare main bhi to socho.
Beta main se :- Ma aaz daal khane ka bhut mn kr rha hai, bna do na.
Ma :- Itne paise nhin ki daal bnaaun. Chupchap butter chikan kha le.
Ma se :- Yeh ladkiyan itne vrat kyon rkhti hain ?
Ma :- Taaki tere jaisa koi nikamma na mil jaaye.
Ma bete se :- Beta, tu baal kyon nhin katvata ?
Beta :- It is fashion mom.
Ma :- so to theek hai pr log teri bahan ko dekhne aate hain pr pasand tujhe kr jaate hain..
Pita bete se :- Tumhaare school se shikaayat aayee hai .
Beta :- Shikaayat kaise aa skti hai, main to 15 din se school hi nhin gyaa ?
Papap gusse se :- Bete, mujhe mat samjhao, Maine duniya dekhi hai .
Monu :- Mummy, dekho, papa akele hi world tour kr aaye.
Painter :- Main Begam sahiba ki aisi tasveer bnaunga ki veh bol uthegi.
Grahak :- Agar tasveer bhi bole lgegi to mera jeena muhal ho jayega.
Policeman:- Tumne itni choria ki lakin sab akele hi.
Chor :- Aap to jante hi hain aaz kal imandar log milte hi khan hai.
Police wala Park mein bhaithe ek jode se ;- Park main kyon baithe ho ?
Aadmi :- Ham dono shadi-shuda hain.
Police wala :- To ghar ja kr baitho. Admi :- Iska pti nhin manega.
Pthan :- Agar mere hath main hakoomat ho to main desh ki tkdeer badal dun.
Ptni :- Tum pehle apni salwar to badal lo, subah se meri pehen kr ghoom rhe ho.
Ramesh kdi chawal kha rha tha. Khate-khate ek makhi khane pr baithne lgi to veh bola," chal pgli yeh veh nhi hai jo tu samajh rhi hai.
Friends
Ravi :- What is the difference between mother and wife ?
Ramesh :- Mother teach us to talk and wife teach us to keep mum.
Ravinder :- Ek aadmi se, Hamne mobile se shadi krna shuru kiya hai,reshte ke liye 1 dbayen,mangni ke liye 2 dbayen. shadi ke liye 3 dbayen.
Aadmi :- Dusri shadi ke liye
Pehli ka gla dbaye.
Satish :- Why people blame god for mis-happening ?
Manish :- Because if we blame someone else then problem increases.
Shadi pr shehnai bz rhi thi.Lalu ne kallu se puchha, "yeh kaun si dhun hai".
Kalu :- Vhi jo tufan ke aane se pehje bjai jati hai.
Ramesh Bhagwan se:- Kya main agle jnmmeingdha bnskta hun ?
Bhagwan ne utter diya :- Aap is suvidha ka labh pehle hi le chuke hain.
Pradeep ramesh se :- Aap apni ptni ko party mein kyon nahin late.
Ramesh :- VCeh ganv ki hai isliye.
Pradeep ;- Maf krna, mujhe lga veh aapki hai.
Mahila :- Pandit ji ghar ki shanti ke liyae kaun sa vrat rakhun ?
Pandit :- Maun vrat rakho beti. Sandeep Ramlal se :- Yeh ldki behri lgti hai. Mai kuch kehta hun veh kuch kehti hai.
Ram lal :- veh kaise?
Sandeep :- Maine kha I love you, veh boli maine kl hi nayi sandil khridi hai.
Rashen ki dukan ke bahar bhid lgi thi. Ek aadmi bar-bar aage jane ki koshish krta aur log use pkd kr peeche kheench lete.
5-6 bar peeche kheenche jane ke baad veh chillaya," lge rho laine main, main aaj dukan hi nahin kholunga.
Nitin :- Tum to kehte the ki mere ghar diner krne chlo, vhan khane main bdi choice hogi, pr yhan to sif ek hi sbzi hai,
Sonu :- Khane main choice to fir bhi hai.
Nitin :- Is main kya choice.
Somu :- Khana hai to khao, nhin khana hai to nhin khao.
Sabji wala sabji pr paani chhidkak rha tha. Kafi der ho gyee to rgahak gusse se bola, " Bhai sahib, agar bhidi ko hosh aa gya ho to ek kilo de do".
sonu hostess se :- Aapki shakal meri bivi se bhut milti hai.
ir-hostess ne uske muh pr jor-dar thappad mara.
Sonu bola :- Aapki usse aadat bhi bhut milti hai.
Saali jija se :- Ldkiyan praya dhan hain to ldke kya hain ?
Jija :- Ldke n. 1 ke chor, jinki njr hmesha praye dhan pr hi rehti hai.
Sudhir shamsher se :- Welding aur wedding main kya fark hai ?
Shamsher :- Darasal welding main pehle chingaari nikalti hai aur hamesha ke liye gathbandhan ho jata hsi, jbki shadi mainpehle gathbandhan hota hai aur jindgi bhar chigaariyan nikalti hain.
Ashok singla se:- Thand me badi samasya hoti hai.
Singla :- Kyon ?
Ashok :- Aadhi raat to yeh sochte main nikal jati hai ki kambal lamba kidhar s.e hai aur chada kdhar se.
Ramesh umesh se :- Kal raat main ghar der se paihuncha. Bell bjaai pr bivi ne darwaja nhin khola. Poori raat sadak pr gujaari.
Umesh :- Phir subha bivi ki khabar li ki nhin?
Ramesh :- Nhin Yaar, subaha utri to yaad aaya ki bivi to maayke gyee hui hai aur chaabi meri jeb main hai.
Teacher- Student
Teacher :- What thing has more intoxication ?
Student :- Study mas much and more intoxication, because when we open the book, we sleep at the earliest.
Teacher :- From which cast you belong ?
Student ;- Animal's cast, because papa call me loin's son, mama calls me the son of donkey and dadaji calls me monkey.
Teacher ;- What is the different between love and marriage ?
Student ;- Love became blind and marriage opened the eyes.
Teacher :-Aapka beta cigarette pita hai ,aapne kabhi puchha nahin ?
Father :- Puchhta hun, pr mujhe kabhi deta nahi.
Teacher :- Agar tumhare pas 15 seb/ apple hon. Usmen se 6 seb nirmla ko de do, 4 sunita ko de do, 5 doli ko de do to tumhen kya milega.
Rohan :- 3 girl friends.
Student teacher se:- Sir, Main ek baar sher ki gufa mein ja kr jinda vaps aa gya.
Teacher:- " veh kaise"?
student :- Kyonki sher us smy gufa main tha hi nahin.
Teacher sonu se :- Duniya main kitne desh hain ?
Sonu :- Kr di na paglon wali bat. Duniya main desh to ek hi hai, Bharat. Baki sb to videsh hain.
Teacher :- 3 aisi jgh btao jhan aadmi mrta nhin ?
Chintoo :- Swag, nark aur star +
Teacher :- Raju, tumhe kaun si kla pasand hai ? Chitrakala or hast kala.
Raju :- Sir, mujhe shashikala pasand hai jo pichhli seat pr baithi hai.
Teacher student se :- Usne aatm hatya ke li aur unko aatm hatya krni pdi. In dono main antat btao ?
Student :- Sir, pehle vakya se vyakti ke unmarried hone ka pta chlta hai aur doosre vakya main uske married hone ka pta chlta hai.
Student /shishya :- Guruji, wife, bivi, ptni, shrimati ji,ardhangini,gharwali, aurat, in sb mein kya frk hai?
Guru ji : Vts, itna mt socho. Moosibt ek, nam anek.
Teacher :- Imami aur tsunami main kya frk haia?
Student ;- Imami main face wash hota hai aur Tsunamii main total wash hota hai.
Ek school inspector ne lgbhag 4 ghante school ka nireekshan kiya aur khush ho kr students se kha," Kya koi kdka mujhse kuchh poochna chahta hai "?
Ji, ek ldke ne poocha ," Aap school se kb jaoyenge".
Teacher :- I am going to give lecture on the sun tomorrow.
Student :- But i will not come. Teacher Why ?
Student :- My mother will allow me to go on the sun.
Teacher students se :- Bachho kasam khao, kbhi shrab nahin piyoge, cigarette nahin piyoge, non-veg, nahin khaoge.
Students :- Nahin khayenge, sir.
Teacher :- Kabhi ladkiyon ko nahin chhedoge.
Students :- Nahin chhedenge sir.
Teacher :- Kabhi jooa nahin kheloge. Students :- O.K. Sir.
Teacher :"- Desh ke liye jaan bhi de do ge.
Students :- De denge sir, aisi jaan ka aur krenge bhi kya.
Teacher Monu se ;- Dhjarti aur chand mein kya smbadh hai ?
Monu :- Bhai behen ka. Teacher :- Veh kaisa ?
Monu :- Dharti hmari mata hsi aur chand hmara mama.
Teacher Golu se :- Agar main tumhari maa bn gyee to 2 din main sudhar doongi.
Golu :- Madam main abhi ja kr apne bapoo ko bolta hun ki teri jldi hi latri lgne wali hai. Teacher student se :- agar sachhe dil se prarthna ki jaye to jrur safal hoti hai.
Student :- Rehne do sir, agr aisa hota to aap mere sir nhi sasur hote.
Sonu kai dinon se school nahin ja rha tha. Ek din achool aane pr teacher ne poochha ," Itne din tum khan the"?
Sonu :- Bird flue ho gya tha.
Teacher :- Pr yeh to birds mein hota hai ?
Sonu :- Aapne hmein insan hi kahan rehne diya. Roz to murga bna dete ho.
Teacher student se :- 5 ank le kr bhi tum hans kyon rhe ho ?
Student :- Main yeh soch rhe hun ki yeh 5 ank kaise mile.
Teacher student se :-Jos aadmi ko sunai na de use kya khenge?
Student : - Jo mrji keh do, use kaun sa sunau dena hai.
Teacher sonu se :- Apne papa ka naam english main btaao ?
Sonu :- Beautiful red underwear.
Teacher :- Kya bakvaas main. Hindi main btaao.
Sonu :- Sunder lal Chadda.
Teacher :- Btaao bachcho, aasman ki bijli aur dharti ki bijli main kya fark hai ?
Ek bachcha :- Madam, aasman ki bijli ka bill nhin aata aur dharti ki bijli ka bill aata hai.
Teacher :- Bachcho bhle hi kro pr use dohrao mt.
Manoj :- Lekin madam, aapne mujhe pichhle saal bhi fail kr diya tha aur is saal,bhi.
Teacher student se :- Kya tum asambhav ko sambhav kr skte ho ?
Student ;- ji sir. Teacher :- Voh kkaise ?
Student :- Asambhav main se a hta kr.
Teacher ne bachhon se kha, yadi bhookamp aaye to khule main jana chaiye.
Tabhi ek chhatra bola," Sir, khule main jaane se Vidhyha Balan ne mna kiya hai. Bhoogol ke master ji bahut duble-ptle the. Ek din unhone class main poochha.............Bchho, dhrti ghoome hue kyon nzr aati hai ?
Tono bola :- Master ji kuchh kha liya kro. Bina khaye to dhrti aise hi ghoomegi............
Teacher student se :- Khali sthan bhro.........900 chuhe bha ke billi chli........... pr.
Student :- 900 chuhe kha kr billi chli mtk-mtk kr.
Teacher gusse se :- Khdr ho jaao, mzak krte ho.
Student ;- Sir, yeh bhi maine aap ka dil rkhne ke liye keh diya, vrna 900 chuhe bha kr billi chal to kya hil bhi nhin skti.
Mohan ek buchhe se :- Kaun se school main jaate jo?
Buchha :- Main jata nhin, bheja jata hun.
professor ne class main prashn poochha :- Btao date aur tareekh main kya furk hai ?
Saari class ke student chup.
Professor ne sabse nalayak student se kha :- tu bta, ram prasad.
Ram prasad ne btaya :- Date pr delhi, Mumbai aur Chandigarh ke ldke jaate hain aur tareekh pr Gaziyabad, Meerut aur UP ke ldke jate hain.
Ek teacher ne student se poochha :- School kya hai ?
Student :- School veh jgh mai jhan pr hmaare papa ko loota jata hai aur hmen peeta jata hai.
Teacher :- Btao, roz badam khane se kya hoga ?
Manoj :- Badam khatam ho jayeinge.
Teacher student se :- Agar kl home work nhin kiya to murga bna doonga.
Student :- Sir, main murga nhin khata, matar pneer bna lena.
Teacher :- Btao tum ldki ko kaise propose proge ?
Ldka :- Main usko boat main bitha kr samunder ke beech main le jaaunga.....Han bolegi to theek vrna keh doonga meri boat se utr jaao.
Student mantri se :- Bijli nhin aati, isliye pdai nhin hoti.
Mantri :- Main kuchh intzaam krta hun.
Student :- Bijli ka, Mantri :- Nhin, digri ka
Teacher student se ;- Is vakya ko english main translate kro ," Basant ne mujhe mukka mara".
Vinay :- Basant punch mi,
Teacher :- Chaand pr pehla kadam kis ne rakhha the ?
Student :- Neel armstrong ne.
Teacher :- Aur doosra :-
Student :- Jaahir si baat hai, usi ne rakha hoga. Langdi khelne thode hi hoga.gyaa
Teacher :- Naade ko english main kya kehte hain?
Student :- PHD
Teacher :- Veh kaise ?
Student :- Pajama holding device.
Husband - wife
Pti :-Yeh kaisi daal bnaai hai, na namak hai na mirch. Bilkul fiki hai..Tum sara din mobil main lgi rehto ho. Kuchh pta nhin chltakya daalnaa hai , kya nhi.
Ptni :- Pehle tum mobile side main rakh kr khaanaa khao. Kb se dekh rahi hu paani main dubo-dubo kr roti kha rhe ho.
Ptni :- Aap ne kl bahut adhikshraab pirakhi thi.
Pti :- Nhin, kuchh jyaadaa nhin pi thi.
Ptni :- Phir kyon aap nl ke paas baith kr nl ko bol rhe the........Ro mt sab theek ho jaayega.
Neeraj wife se :- Priye, khana jldi bna do. 2 bje kutton(dogs) ki race hai, mene vhan jana hai.
Ptni :- Rehne dijiye ji,theek dhang se chla jata nahin aur chle hai racelgaane.
Wife :- See, this computer is not moving on my command.
Husband ;- This a computer not your husband.
Husband :- Aaj khana tumhari man ne bnaya hai.
Wife :- Tumhein kaisa pta ?
Husband :- Roz khane mein kala bal niklta tha aaj sfed nikla hai.
Husband :- tumhe voh angrez kiss kar gya aur tumne man bhi nahin kiya.
Wife :- Mna kaise krti, mujhe angrezi nahin aati.
Wife :- If I lost, what will you do ?
Husband ;- I will go to the saint. Wife :- Why ?
Husband :- I will say them that your blessing are coming to me.
Husband :- My wife believe in the vastu shastra
Friend :- How.
Husband :- When we quarrel, , she get the vastu and thrrow like a shastra.
Husband bina btaye bahar chla gya aur 30 din bad aaya.
Wife :-Main bimar pd gaye thi Agar main mar jato to.........
Husband :- Main kaun sa shamshan ghat ki chabi le gya tha.
Who prepare the pair of marriage ?
Friend :- God prepare the pair of marriage.
first friend :- But I have given it to the tailor for it.
Woman :- Who is more satisfied who have 10 children or who have 10 lacs.
Man :- who have 10 children because he don't want more.
Husband :- At the time of death - You should do the marriage with Raman.
Wife :- But he is your big enemy.
Husband :- Yes, I want take revenge from him.
Wife :- Aaj hmari shadi ki saal girh hai, chlo murga bnate hain.
Husband :- Lakin apni galti ki sja bechare murge ko kyon den.
Shadishuda aadmi apne ghar mein do reasons sa khush hota hai,
Ya to bivi nai ho ya phir bivi nahi ho.
Woman- baba se :- Mere husband rat ko ghar se bahar chle jate hain.
Baba :- Kanya , yeh problem hai ya nimantran.
Pti rat ko daru pi kr pahunch aur darwaza khatkhtaya. Patni ne darwaza nahi khola.
Pati :- Main sunder ldki ke liye phool laya hun.
Patni :- Darwaza khol kr boli khan hai phool.
Pati :- Khan hai sunder ldki.
Ek gunja pti bina coler ki T-shirt pehen kr apni ptni se puchta hai," Main kaisa lg rha hun"?
Ptni :- Aise lg rhe ho jaise phti hui jurab se angutha bahar nikal aaya.
Ranjan kamal se :- " sabse jyada aalu khan milte hain "?
Kamal : - Smose main.
Pati Apne dost se :- Meri ptni kl mr gayi, mene bhut koshish ki meri aankhon mein aansu aa jayen pr nahin aaye . Mujhe kya krna chahiye?
Dost :- Koi bat nahin, bs kalpna kr lete ki veh vaps aa gayee hai.
Shayar pati :- Hmen to apnon ne loota, gairon mein khan dm tha. Meri kishti vhan doobi jhan pani km tha.
Shayar ki ptni :- Tum to the hi gdhe.Tumhare bheje main khan dm tha. Vhan kishti le kr hi kyon gye, jhan pani km tha.
Ptni jb bhi gana gati thi to pati bahar chla jata tha. Ek din ptni ne pooch ki veh bahar kyon chla jata hai.
Pti bola taki log veh na smjhen ki main tumhara gla dba rha hun.
Pati :- Sunti ho, doctor ne kya kha hai. Jyada bolne se umr km ho jati bai.
Ptni :- Ab to aapko vishvas ho gya na ki main 45 se 25 ki kaise ho gyee.
Ptni :- Tum roz-roz uper dekh kr ptthr kyon marte ho ?
Pti :- Kyonki kisi ne kha hai ki jodiyan uper se bn kr aati hai.
Ptni pti se :- Aaz office se itni jaldi kaise aa gye ?
Pti :- Mere boss ne mujhse kha---Go to hell.
Pti vkeel se :- Mai apni ptni se talak lena chahta hun. Usne mujhse 4 mhine se baat nahi ki hai.
Vakeel :- Phir se soch lo.............Aisi ptni jldi milti nahin hai.
Ptni ne poocha :- kl aap ka kya program hai ?
Pti :- Mujhe kya maloom, Arun Kejriwal se poocho ?
Ptni ne matha pkd liya............aur gusse me aap ki bjay abe, oye kehna shuru kr diya.
Pati ptni se :- Nari ka kya matlab ?
Ptni :- shakti.
Pti:- To phir, purush ka kya matlab. To usne jwab diya :- Sahan-shakti.
Ptni ke mayke se mehmaan aaye to usne apne pti ko yaad dilaya , "kya aap mehmano ko kuch taja nahin khilaoge".
Pti tpak se :- Kyon nahin, samne ki khidki khol do, usse hmesha tazi hva aati hai.
Ptni pti se :- Jb main aapke paas aati hun to aap nzr ka chshma kyon lgate ho ?
Pati ;- Doctor ne kha hain ki jb sir dard ho to chshma lga liya kro.
Tez-trar ptni ne pti se poocha :- ydi tum sadi pehen kr fhar main rho to kya hoga ?
Pti :- Kuchh bhi nhin.
Pti :- Kyonki main ghar ke kpde-brtn aaj bhi dhota hun aur tb bhi dhounga.
Pti :- Kya tum mere jeewan ka chand bnogi ?
Ptni:- Han, han janoo.
Pti :- To phir mere se 9,955,888,76. Km door rho.
Beemar pti se ptni boli :- " Is bar apna ilaz janwron ke doctor se krvana".
Pti :- Kyon ?
Ptni :- Roz subh murge ki trh uth jate ho.gdhe ki trh uth kr office jate ho aur gdhe ki trhsaradin kam krte ho. Bnder ki trh boss ke isharon pr nachte ho. Ghrar aa kr privar pr kutte ki trh chillate ho. phir bhains ki trh so jate ho,to kya insano ka doctor khak ilaz kr payega.
Ptni ne pti se kha :- Aap bhut bhole hain ji. Aapko koi bhi bdi aasani se bevkoof bna deta hai.
Pti :- Shuruaat to tere baap ne ki thi.
Sanjay ptni se : - Main tumhare saath 100 saal tk rhunga.....aur tumseh hi pyar krunga......ab khush ho.
Ptni :- Lekin 100 saal baad khan mooh marne ka irada hai.
Ptni apne beemar pti ko peet rhi thi. Saas ne peetne ki vjh poochi.
ptni :- Jo ayurvedic dva layee thi, veid ji ne kha tha ki achhi trh se koot kr ke dena.
Shadi ki raat doolha doolhan se poochta hai:- Ijaajat hai.......
Dulhan shrmate hue :- Hmne to kbhi gairon ko bhi mna nhin kiya, aap to phir bhi apne hain.
Ptni pti se :- Subh ghar se niklte smy bhagwan ko haath jod kr nikla kro, sb karya achhe hote hain.
Pti :- Main nhin manta, shadi wale din bhi main bhgwan ko haath jod kr hi nikla tha.
Pti :- Mujhe neend nhin aa rhi.
Ptni :- To jao kitchen main ja kr brtan saaf kr lo.
Pti aur ptni main jordaar jhhagda hua tb pti ne gusse mein ptni se kha," Mujhe teri jaisi 50 mil jayeigi".
Ptni hunste hue :- Abhi bhi meri jaisi hi chahiye.
bivi ne nmaz pd kr haath uthaye aur dua mange bger hi haath neeche kr liye.
Shohar :- yeh kya? Dua nhin mangfgi.
Bivi :- Mangne hi wali thi ki allah aapki tmam mushkilen door kr de, lekin tbhi socha ki khin mein hi n nipt jaaun.
Pti ptni se :- Aaz subah na jane kiska munh dekh kr utha tha ki din ka khana nsib nhin hua..
Ptni :- Meri mani to bedroom mein lge aaine ko hta do, verna roz yhi shikayyt rhegi.
Ptni rsoi se niklte hue :- Suniye, aaj-kl main bhut sunder hoti ja rhi hun.
pti :- Tumne kaise jana ?
Ptni :- Dekho na, aaaj-kl meri sunderta ko dekh kr rotiyan bhi jlne lgi hain.
Kamla inspector se :- Mere pti 7 din pehle aaloo lene gye the,abhi tk nhin laute.
Inspector :- To behen kuchh aur pka lo.
Ak budhe pti ne socha shayd uski ptni ki shayad susne ki shkti khatm ho gyee hai.
Check krne ke liye uske paas gya aur bola--janu kya tum mujhe sun rhi ho ? .......Koi jwab nhin suna. Veh thoda aur aage gya aur bole ----janu kya tum mujhe sun rhi ho ?.....Is baar bhi nhin suna.
Teesri baar phir bola-Janu kya tum mujhe sun rhi ho ?
Budiya chillate hue :- Behre, yeh main teesri baar han bol rhi hun.
Neta ptni se :- Maine apna 50 crore ka beema krva liya hai.
Ptni ;- Yeh aapne achha kam kiya. Ab mujhe bar-bar nhin kehna pdega ki apna khyal rkhna.
Subhash :- Jb mari nyee-nyee shadi hui thi to majhe apni ptni itni pyari lgti thi ki mn krta tha ki uise kha jaaun.
Rakesh ;- Aur ab ?
Subhash :- Tb kha hi jata to achha tha.
Ek mahila jb rasoi main phunchi to dekha ki uska pti jaali haath main liye ghuma rha tha.
ptni ne poocha :- Yeh kya kr rhe ho ?
Pti :- Makhiyan maar rha hun. Ptni :- Achha, ek-aadh maar bhi paaye ?
Pti :- 5, 2 mada aur 3 nr. Male and female
Ptni hairani se :- Yeh kaise maloom pda?
Pti :- 3 shraab ki botle pr baithi thi aur 2 phone pr.
Ptni pti se :- Sone ki chain kb doge ?
pti :- Jb chain se sone dogi.
Ptio :- Ia jeewan se main tung aa gya hun ! He prabhu, mujhe utha le.
Ptni :- Nahi bhgwan, mere pti se pehle mujhe utha le.
Pti :- He prabhu ! mai apni prarthna vaps leta hun, tu iski hi sun le.
Ptni pti se :- Suni ji, maine nye sabun se nya suit dhoya tha aur veh chhota ho gya. Ab kya krun ?
Pti :- Usi sabun se nha lo, fit aa jayega.
Ptni pati se :- Kal tum pdosan ke saath film dekhne gye the ?
Pti :- To aur kya krta ? Aaj-kl family ke sath dekhne layak filmen bnti hi khan hain.
Bivi apne shohar se :- Aap salim ki bivi ke jnaje main nhin gye ?
Shohar :- Kis muh se jaaun. Teesri baar bivi ke jnaje main bula rha hai, aur main use ek baar bhi nhin bula ska.
Roz-roz ptni ki jhik-jhik se tang aa kr chandu apna saaman bandhte hue ptni se bola," Ab main tere saath ek pl bhi nhin rhuga. Ghar chhod kr veh railway station gya.Veh train main chadne lga tabhi aakashvani hui," is main mt chad, yeh ptdi se uter jaayegi".. Chandu airport gya Veh plane main chdne lga tbhi aakashvani hui," is mein mt chad. yeh chrash ho jayega.
Chandu ne bus main jane ki sochi. Bus main chdne lga to aakashvani hui . " Is main mt baith, yeh khai main gir jaayegi". Chandu gusse main bola :- Kaun hai yaar? Aavaz aayi Main Bhagwan hun.
Chandu rote hue bola," Prabhu jb main ghodi pr chad rha tha tb aapka gla baith gya tha kya ?
Pti :- Kyo na aaz ki chay baahr ja kr pi jaye ?
Ptni :- Kyon ? Tmhe kya lgta hai, main chay bnate-bnate thak gyee hun.
Pti :- Are nhin! darasal main cup-plate dhote dhote thak gya hun
Ptni ne achanak pti ke gaal pr chanta jd diya. Pti bechara tilmila utha...........
Pti :- Mara kyon ?
Ptni :- Jaanu, gaal pr machhar tha.......Aur mere jeete ji koi tumhara khoon piye yeh mujh se bilkul burdaasht nhin hota.
Ek baar ek pti-ptni haatho main haath daale ghoom rhe the......Ek bachcha aaya aur bola.................uncle kl wali mst thi.
Pati ptni se :- Hyptonise kya hota hai?
Ptni :- kisi ko apne coshadi kehte hain.ntrol main kr ke apni mrzi ke kaam krwana.
Pti :- Chal jhuthi, use to shadi kehte hain.
Shadi ke mandap main dulhan dulhe se :- Veh saamne jo aadmi shrab pi ke naach rha hai use maine 10 saal pehle reject kr diya tha.
Dulha :- Are baap re ! abhi tk celebrate kr rha hai.
Raman ptni se :- Kahan gyee thi ?
Ptrni :- Rakt daan krne.
Pti :- Mera khoon peete peete over flow ho gya tha jo ab bechne bhi lgee.
Pti :- Aaz sbzi main nmk kuchh jyada lg rha hai
Ptni :- Nmk theek hai, sbzi km pd gyee hai. Bola tha zyada laya kro.
Pti :- Aaloo ke pranthe main to aaloo nzr hi nhin aa rhe hain.
Ptni :- Chup-chaap kha lo. Kashniri pulav mein kya kashmiri nzr aate hain.
Kala aadmi apni bivi se bola :- Bchha pyara hona chahiye.
Ptni :- Dekho ji ! Choice is yours.Pyara chahiye ya hmara chahiye.
Pti :- Shadi ke pehle to tum bhut upvaas rkhti thi, ab kya ho gya ?
Ptni :- Bhut nhin, kewal 16 somwaar ke vrat hi rkhti thi.
Pti :- Phir ab kya hua ?
Ptni ;- Phir tumse shaadi ho gyee aur mera upwaas swe bhrosa uth gya.
Pti :- Aaz ghar bahut saaf lg rha hai, tumhara whats app bund hai ?
Ptni :- Nhin ji, mera charger nhin mil rha tha, dhundhte dhundhte sfai ho gyee.
Ptni pati se :- Dekho ji meri jubaan pr kitne chhale nikal aaye hain.
Pti :- Ab main isme main kya dekhun. Yeh to ek din hona hi tha. Tumhai apni jubaan ko aaram dena chahiye.
Shadi aur sgai ke beech kuchh dino ka furk kyon rkha jata hai ?
Taki koi yeh na keh ske ki use haadsre se bchne ka mauka hi nhin diya gya.
Ptni na pti ka mobile check kiya to paya ki ldkiyon ke numbers kuchh yoon save the ;-
new bird, old bird, hospital bird,market bird, office bird, college bird, super market bird.
Aakhirkaar bivi ko apna naam bhi mil gya ji angry bird ke naam se save tha.
Chitrakaar :- Sir, madam ki aisi tsweer bnaunga jo bol uthegi.
Pti : - Nahin banwaani. Pehle hi uski kit-kit km nhin hoti. Tsveer bhi bolegi to khan jaaunga.
Ptni :- Aaz office jldi kyon ja rhe ho ?
Pti ;- Kl boss kisi se keh rha tha ki yah aadmi agar office jldi aa jaye to mujhe khusi se heart attack aa jayega.
Pati :- Priye main tumhen bhut pyaar krta hun.
Ptni :- To kya main tumhe pyaar nhin krti ? Main tumhaare liye duniya sa ld skti hun.
Pti :- Lekin tum to di raat mujh se hi ldti rehti ho ?
Ptni :- Jaanu, tumhi to meri duniya ho.
Ptni :- Sunte ho ji, yeh mirchi kis mausam main lgti hai ?
pti :- Koi khas mausam nhin hai....jb sach baat boli, tbhi lg jaati hai.
Pati radio pr busy tha.
Ptni :- Kya sun rhe ho ?
Pti :- Mn ki baat
ptni :- Meri to kbhi nhin sunte.
Pti :- Tum jo kehti ho use mn ki baat nhin mn ki bhadas kehte hain.
Agar bivi saadi ka pallu apni kmr pr taang le to sumjho ya to ghar ka kaam niptayegi ya phir aapko.
Ptni pti se Yeh aapki shirt pr lipstick ka nishan khan sa aaya ?
Pti :- Main khud preshaan hun yeh nishaan dekh kr kyonki maine to us vkt shirt pehni nhin thi.
Bivi ko thapad maar kr shohar bola :- Aadmi use hi marta hai jise veh pyar krta hai.
Bivi ne use do tmache, chaar laatein maari aur boli," aap kya sochte hain, pyaar sirf aap hi krte hain, main nhin krti aapse.
Pti-ptni ke beech jhgda ho rha tha. Main poora ghar sumbhalti hun, kitchen sumbhalti hun, bachhcho ko sambhalti hun. Tum saara din kya krte ho.
Pti :- Main khud ko sumbhalta hun, tuhaari nasheeli aankhe dekh kr.
Ptni :- Aap bhi na, chlo btaao, aaz kya bnaaun tumhaari pasand ka.
Ptni :- Tum mere saath krva chauth ka vrat rkhoge na jaanu.
Pti :- Maine kabhi kha, tum mere saath daaru peene chalo.
Ptni pti se :- Aapke birthday pr kya gift dun ?
Pti :- Gift rehne de, bs kabhi-kabhi pyaar se dekh liya kr, izzat kiya kr aur tameez se baat kiya kr........
Ptni :- (1 minute soch kr) nahin main to gift hi doongi.
Patni pti se :- Hello, khan ho ?
Pati :- Motivate kr rha hun.
Patni :- Kise ?
Pati :- Kise kya matlab ! Tera wait kr rha hun 1 ghante se moti.
Ek shadi-shuda aadmi se poochha gya, aap ki ptni aur saas ek saath bagh ke pinjre main gir jaayen to aap kise bchayenge ?
Aadmi jor se hansa. Hanste-hanste lot-pot ho gya aur bola," Yeh bhi koi poochhne ki baat hai ? Mai yakeenan baagh ko bachunga. Aakhir duniya main baagh bche hi kitne hain.
Pti ptni se :-Jindgi ki shuruaat S se hoti hai . S se sooraj, subaha, sham, uske baad sgaai, shaadi, phir saas , sasur, saala, saali aadi.
tabhi ptni gusse se boli :- Aur phir satyanaash.
Ek pti ne ptni ko dil ki baat btai.Tum se shaadi kr ke mujhe ek fayda hua.
Ptni :- Kaun sa fayda.
Pti :- Mujhe mere gunaahon ki sja isi janam main mil gyee.
Ptni maayke gyee hui thi. vhaan se apne pti ko call krti hai:-
Grmi aa gyee hai, apn?
a khaal rkhna, paani jyada peena, khana km khana.
Pti ptni se :- Tum bahut pyaari ho.
Ptni :- Thanks.
Pati :- Tum bilkul rajkumai jaisi ho.
Ptni :- Thanks so much dear, aur btaaoo kya kr rhe ho ?
Pati :- Tumhe bnaa rha hun.
Haryanvi pati :- Tujh main rb dikhta hai, yaaraa main kyaa krun ?
Pati :- Krnaa ke se, maathaa tek ke 1000/- ka note chda de.
Patni :- Azi sunte ho, kl meri mummy aa rhi hai.
Pti :- Kya tumhaare papa bhi saath aa rhe hain ?
Ptni :- nhin, pr aap kyon poochh rhe ho?
Pti :- Main soch rha tha kitchen main meri madad ho jaati.
Police mahila se :- Aap bhut bahaadur hain, Aapne daaku ko bhut maaraa.
Mamila :- Mujhe kya pta tha ki voh bechaaraa daaku hai.. Main to samjhi thi mer Pti hai, der se ghar aayaa hai.
Vinod ek pehelwan se :- Tum ek bar mein kitne logon ko utha skte ho ?
Pehelwan :- 5 logon ko.
Vinod ;- Bs tumse to achha mera murga hai jo subh poore mohlle ko utha skta hai.
Yogi :- Has your husband reform the habit of drink ?
Wife :- Yes, now he drink full bottle in shirsh aasana. ( sir ke bal ). Gaav main mela lga hua tha. Ek mendak se rha nhin gya aur veh jyotishi ke paas ja phuncha.
Mendak ;- mera kya bhavishya hai ?
Jyotishi :- Ek sunder ldki tumhare ang-ang ko gaur se neharti hui tumhara sparsh kregi.
Mendak :- Are vaah ! kab ? kha?
Jyotishi :- Agle hi hfte, college ki biology lab main.
Workshop main ek mhila dheele-dhale kpde pehen kr aayee to operator ne kha," Devi workshop main dheele-dheele kpde pehen kr na aaya kro, machine main funs jaane ka dr rhega.
Mahila boli :- Agr main tight kpde hehen kr aayee to machine main doosre logon ke funs jaane ka dr rhega.
Here-'s some more of it
1. People say no sorry and no thanks In the friendship. But these two words sometimes save the relationship.
2. Expectation is a gift,not a curse."When people expect something from you ,it means you have given them the reason to believe in you.
3. Whenever you share the goodness in your heart, you always end-up in winning heart. Because the life is an echo ! It gives back with you have given.
4. Some relationships are like Tom and Jerry.
The tease each other.
Love each other .
Irritate each other.
Hate each other,
But cannot live without each other.
5.. People says past is the past ,forget it. Move on to see the future . But how can I move on ,if the past is only thing I want in my future,Because my happiness depends upon it.
6. A bird asked a bee '"You work so hard to get honey and people steal Don't you feel sad ?"
Bee - No ,because they can never steal my art of "Making honey.
Joke :- Why monkeys do not seen in the Holi fastival day ?
Ans. :- Because as they see the human being in colorful face they think that here are another cast of monkey and they will kill them.
1. Joke :- Custmer- Is it a lamb mango?
Rehri wala ;- Yes ,it is a lamb mango,If it was not lamb,why i caught in on the rehri.
2. Joke ;- A man asks a trainer in the gym," I want to impress that beautiful girl ,which machine can I use?"
The trainer replied,"Use the ATM machine".
3. Joke :- "If you want brake fast on your bed then you should sleep on the kitchen table."
4. How did a elephant pack his clothes?
He put it in his trunk!
5. What do you call a messy hippo ?
A hippopota-mess!
6. What do you call a humorous knee ?
Fun-ny !
7. Name a bank that has no money ?
River bank.
8. Why was the Math. book was upset ?
Because he had a lot of problems.
9. Why was Cinderella never part of the volleyball Team ?
Because she kept running away from the ball!
10. Try saying this as fast as you can.
Can you can a can as canner can a can ?
11. If you notice this notice you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing !
12. Joke :- Old man :- Doctor sahib I have pain in my leg from some days.
Doctor :- It is due to old age.
Old man :- But doctor sahib, the life of my both legs is the same.
13. Teacher :- Why are you so late.
Student :- I fell down.
Teacher ;- How and why ?
Student :- I fall on the bed and get a sleep.
2. Expectation is a gift,not a curse."When people expect something from you ,it means you have given them the reason to believe in you.
3. Whenever you share the goodness in your heart, you always end-up in winning heart. Because the life is an echo ! It gives back with you have given.
4. Some relationships are like Tom and Jerry.
The tease each other.
Love each other .
Irritate each other.
Hate each other,
But cannot live without each other.
5.. People says past is the past ,forget it. Move on to see the future . But how can I move on ,if the past is only thing I want in my future,Because my happiness depends upon it.
6. A bird asked a bee '"You work so hard to get honey and people steal Don't you feel sad ?"
Bee - No ,because they can never steal my art of "Making honey.
Joke :- Why monkeys do not seen in the Holi fastival day ?
Ans. :- Because as they see the human being in colorful face they think that here are another cast of monkey and they will kill them.
1. Joke :- Custmer- Is it a lamb mango?
Rehri wala ;- Yes ,it is a lamb mango,If it was not lamb,why i caught in on the rehri.
2. Joke ;- A man asks a trainer in the gym," I want to impress that beautiful girl ,which machine can I use?"
The trainer replied,"Use the ATM machine".
3. Joke :- "If you want brake fast on your bed then you should sleep on the kitchen table."
4. How did a elephant pack his clothes?
He put it in his trunk!
5. What do you call a messy hippo ?
A hippopota-mess!
6. What do you call a humorous knee ?
Fun-ny !
7. Name a bank that has no money ?
River bank.
8. Why was the Math. book was upset ?
Because he had a lot of problems.
9. Why was Cinderella never part of the volleyball Team ?
Because she kept running away from the ball!
10. Try saying this as fast as you can.
Can you can a can as canner can a can ?
11. If you notice this notice you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing !
12. Joke :- Old man :- Doctor sahib I have pain in my leg from some days.
Doctor :- It is due to old age.
Old man :- But doctor sahib, the life of my both legs is the same.
13. Teacher :- Why are you so late.
Student :- I fell down.
Teacher ;- How and why ?
Student :- I fall on the bed and get a sleep.